Eating Together as a Family
We’re one of those families that eat together. *gasp* The television is off. In fact, we don’t have a television anywhere near the dining room table. I’m flexible about many things, but I’m fanatical about us sitting and eating together. I understand busy schedules prevent many families from eating meals together every day. It’s important to simply try to eat together whenever it’s possible.
Creative Togetherness
I prefer our meals to be at the dining room table with all family members present, but let’s face it, that’s not realistic every single day. As an example, some evenings my husband has evening classes. To bring order to this change in our routine, I have named those days “Crazy Days”. On Crazy Thursday we all still sit at the table minus dad, but we have less formal dinners. We might have leftovers, sandwiches, or breakfast for dinner on that evening. The point is one less family member is not going to impact the togetherness of those members that are still home.
Another example, when schedules are tight or we’re just plain tired, I’m flexible on making a home cooked meal. We’ll opt for a picnic at the park versus a meal at home in order to be together. Location isn’t as important as the time spent together. Simply make the most of the opportunities that you do have. If you can’t be together at dinner, why not try breakfast? Even an evening snack together is an opportunity to be together. Don’t lose these moments to connect.
Staying Connected
Our meal times together are when we discuss our days. Sometimes our children don’t have much to share, but we try to motivate them to share any tidbit. One way of encouraging them to talk is by playing “High and Low”. We ask them the best part of their day and the worst part of their day. This is never the time for heavy topics or family meetings. As parents, we have so few times to connect with our children in a fun and positive way. This is one way we carve out the time.
Consistent and positive moments together lead to lasting trust and to strengthening the family. It provides a safe haven of comfort for children. They learn that this is a time they can share and have the full attention from their parents. It’s being available to our children and to our spouse. It’s family unity and is sadly becoming a lost ritual.
Our children are young, but we’ve already been able to weave in many important discussions such as bullying, friendships, peer pressure, and manners without it seeming like a lecture. In my opinion, as a parent and wife, it’s one way that I can show how much I care.
Ok. Maybe my kids will be chess champs and not sports stars because I opt to insist on this time together over shuttling them to other activities at the dinner hour, but somehow I think it’ll all work out fine with “Team Noel”. It’s my sacred time and I’m not giving it up. The chicken might be dry, but my family will know I value spending time with them.
Eating together matters. Each person receives the message YOU are important. YOU belong. YOU are valued. YOU are loved. It should be a priority.
Is it for you?
If interested in exploring more on the topic of eating together and communication, I recommend reading “The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier and Happier” by Miriam Weinstein (Steer Forth Press, 2005), “201
Questions to Ask Your Kids” by Pepper Schwartz (Collins, 2000), “Table Topics Conversation Cards-Family Edition” by Table Topics, and “Food for Talk: Bringing Families Together One Conversation at a Time” by Julienne Smith (Running Press, 2006)
As seen in Midland Daily News
Posted by Sara Noel
on May 2 2007. Filed under General, Home & family.Sara Noel owns Frugal Village, LLC and is a nationally syndicated columnist with Universal Uclick. Bio, Follow me on Twitter, Join us on Facebook
Sarah, I value the way you take time to plan creative and fun activities at your table. Your kids will love it and think back to these times with love and fond memories. You are building a wonderful legacy for your family. The TV is a robber in my mind and I’m glad to see you’re finding ways to influence the growth of creativity in your children. My hat is off to you.
1Eating together was a hard and fast rule in my family. I have many fond memories of discussions and lively arguments we had over the dinner table. I think that most families could eat together….but it’s just not a priority for many people. I hope families start to slow down and take time for what really matters – spending time with each other and building memories and values that will last a lifetime. Much more important, in my opinion, than having a zillion activities that fill every last moment of spare time.
2Thanks Robyn, It’s not always smooth sailing at the table. My kids are 7, 4, and 13 mos old.
I do feel table talk is important though and I can see how it has helped keep us all connected.
Aheek, I agree that many parents are able to, but just don’t. It all goes by quickly and when I think back to how many of my good memories were with family at the table, it’s profound really.
3My family eats together, also. We don’t make it every night as every one has different schedules, especially now that my two DDs have jobs. It is one of my most favorite times of the day. When I was growing up, we always ate at the dinner table.
4I always ate meals at the table as a kid… sometimes they were pleasant, sometimes not…. but we were required to be there. My DH rarely at with his family, and even more rarely at a table together– kids and parents always ate seperately. We’ve talked about these differences a lot and what they say about our families.
5The TV should be off when people are eating meals. That makes me cRaZy. (Unless of course you’re eating alone.)
It’s so distracting, when I eat out I try to sit so I can’t see a TV, it just keeps catching my eye, even stuff I can’t stand, it just keeps distracting me.
I don’t think we ever had TV on (while eating) when I was little, but I know at some point when I got older, game shows would be on the TV, but I don’t remember if that was when I was 15, 20 or 25…
6For the first eighteen years of my life, me and my four other family members always had dinner together with no TV. I’m glad my mother instilled that value in us. I am passing it onto my daughter and I cherish that 30 minutes everyday…until she’s eighteen of coarse…
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