How to cope with setbacks

photo by wheany

We all have bad days. Murphy comes to visit and stays for a while. One bad financial setback happens and you might handle it fine, but then, by the second or third problem, you get upset and stressed by the amount of money that needs to be spent. You start to feel like a victim, and it can be a hard feeling to shake off. While bad things happen to good people, our reaction to them is a choice.

What do you do when you start to feel financially defeated or overwhelmed?
Here are a few suggestions.

SELF TALK: Remind yourself that there are plenty of people in worse situations, and that this too shall pass. You’ve made it through tough times before and you will get through this, too. With each experience, you’ll get better at handling the tough times.

GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION: It’s OK to be upset. You don’t have to hold it in. Blow off some steam, but don’t take it out on others around you and give yourself a deadline. It’s scheduling your stress. Let yourself be upset for a couple of hours or a day and nothing longer. Sit in a big comfy chair and veg out and watch a comedy on television or read to get your mind off your frustrations.

GET SUPPORT: Don’t try to cope alone in silence. Suzanne in Texas shares: “Find something to laugh about. Years ago, my sister and I were both going through horrible times financially. She and I are a lot alike, and we always have great fun together. We’d call each other with the latest in the string of disasters. It almost got to be a hilarious contest of who had the latest worst thing happen to them.” If you don’t have anyone you think you can talk to in real life, and you have computer access, find a community forum to share your thoughts and get support. Don’t turn to destructive coping methods such as drinking or gambling. If you’re feeling truly troubled, seek professional help. Talk to your doctor.

SIMPLIFY: When you’re stressed, pare down your obligations and tasks. Focus on one problem at a time. Delegate tasks so you’re not running yourself ragged. Make sure to eat well and get plenty of rest, and practice gratitude. You have to let go and breathe. Di in Iowa keeps a blessing book. “Jot down the little grace shown to you, the funny occurrence, the hug you got, the smile from a clerk, the beauty you see in a common object, a kindness. Helps to date it, too,” she says. “Amazing how the list grows longer and longer, and I begin to see that I remember these more than the slings and arrows.” On the flip side, Jean in Canada writes down her frustrations. “Then I burn them or shred them,” she says. “Just the act of writing them out helps me process them.”

HELP SOMEONE ELSE: Take the focus away from yourself by helping someone else. You can volunteer to help put things into perspective or simply care for someone or something other than yourself, such as a pet or garden. Misfitz in California takes her dog for a walk. “The exercise always makes me feel better. It feels good to be giving to the dog. It’s the highlight of her day,” she says. “And most of all, it reminds me to enjoy the moment, and just enjoy being outside, watching the sunset, looking at my neighbors’ beautiful yards. The best things in life really are free.”

Posted by Sara Noel on February 18 2010. Filed under Frugal & simple living.
Sara Noel owns Frugal Village, LLC and is a nationally syndicated columnist with United Media. Bio, Follow me on Twitter, Join us on Facebook.