How many here have adopted? - Page 2
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  1. #16
    Registered User old_lady_in_the_shoe's Avatar
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    We adopted our son...
    We adopted through the state. We were foster parents and our son was our very first placement... he was 8 months old and was coming to us from the hospital. He had been very ill and needed regular breathing treatments.
    We fostered him for a long time, and after about a year or so, they told us that he would "probally" be placed up for adoption, but they "had to do everything according to law to reunify" him with the parents. This took quite a while longer, almost another 2 years...and we finally hired a lawyer and potitioned the state to terminate the parental rights of the bio mom/dad.
    He "officially" became ours right before his 4th birthday.
    His case was a pretty complicated one...one of his bio parents was very low IQ and they really tried everything to help her but "it just didn't work". and the other was locked up...so the process took forever!!! and the thing about the state, well is that they are just not in a hurry.

    I always thought it was sort of "funny" that we adopted our very first placement... it was sort of like, it was suppost to be.

    The state is not alwasy easy to work with, but they do work with you to adopt children. The easiest way is to become a foster home/adoptive home. It can be very hard, but also very rewarding.
    We still have kids that "call home" on the holidays, that were our foster kids (some returned to their parents, some aged out of the system, some moved to other places)...very rewarding.

  2. #17
    Registered User HisDaisy's Avatar
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    Thank you for your stories. My DH and I are thinking of adoption. We are dealing with a some infertility issues. I have also felt called to adopt. Now that we have settled down (at least I think), we are looking into our options. We go the foster-adopt route.
    Sometimes I wonder what God is doing, here we have so much love to give and have no children and others don't want or abuse theirs.
    Children are gift that should be cherished.

  3. #18
    Registered User Patty A's Avatar
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    HisDaisy,
    I so understand your "My DH and I are thinking of adoption. We are dealing with a some infertility issues." Issues can leave you wondering which way to turn and what to do. Hang in there, to become a mom and dad is worth the battle!

    I couldn't agree MORE with you over " Sometimes I wonder what God is doing, here we have so much love to give and have no children and others don't want or abuse theirs.
    Children are gift that should be cherished."

    After YEARS in the foster care system and taking in children from 3 months to 15 years old I often wondered why it happened that way.
    My husband and I wanted children so badly, and the things I saw being a foster mother turn my guts.....I seen and had kids with all kinds of problems, none due to themselves....it was the adults that were to blame. I questioned it over and over how come I set with empty arms, longing to have children when people that did have them won't, and didn't seem to care for the ones they had. I could tell you stories of things these children went though that should have ended their parents up in jail for life, and yet those kids went back to it in the end and my arms were empty again. Foster care isn't easy in any way, but the rewards of knowing while you have those children their lives are better at least for a little time is all that kept me going.

    For anyone wanting to adopt, I wish you all the luck in the world in adoption! The road is long, full of twists, turns, worries and heartache. But when things finally do work out, there is no feeling in the world that is equal to bring home your first child!!! At last no more empty arms, the world looks brighter, your life seems so full of happiness. Hang in there, it takes time, but it is worth all the work and worry!

  4. #19
    Registered User forHISglory's Avatar
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    Just wondering......
    For me, part of the adoption story was that I went through a deep depression for awhile. Did you? When we realized that we would be unable to conceive, I felt like my world had caved in. Although I never lost my faith, I questioned God. I wondered about my own worth. It got to the point that I would not attend baby showers and avoided the baby section of Walmart, walking far around it to get to the other side of the store. I would cry when I saw babies on TV. I asked to not work in the church nursery. It took a lot of prayer and some counseling and a loving husband to get me back on track. I don't think this is too unusual for women who have found out that they can't conceive. But I am usually a very optimistic and happy person, and I was shocked at myself for feeling this way. It especially hurt when people would ask if we had any children, or if we were planning on starting a family. So if you are contemplating adopting, just be aware that roller-coaster emotions can be a part of it, and that it's probably very normal to grieve for the child you can not have.
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  5. #20
    Registered User Patty A's Avatar
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    Things were awful for awhile, and I questioned everything! We lost our first baby at birth, then due to ruptured appendix I could never
    conceive after that. So we had double trouble right in the beginniing. Loss of a baby at birth is the most horrid thing I have ever dealt with, and then to learn you will never have another is the total pits of hell....depression was deep, hard and long. I still have a hard time doing baby showers, and drool when I walk past the baby clothes, toys, and shoes. I avoided everything possible while the fight raged in me, all and anything to do with babies was off limits to me. I couldn't do it. I felt cheat, defeated, hated, alone, and like no one understood the nightmare I called not having children.
    I had nightmares, times when I just didn't think I could pull myself through. If I hadn't of had the support of a very loving husband and a mom worth her weight in gold I would still be living in that deep dark hole of wondering what I had done that was so bad that God had decided to punish me this way.........but understanding family, was my life saver.......they made me see that is wasn't God that was doing this, it was him that was seeing me through it all. And YES YES YES, it is normal to feel the feelings you have about being around children, it lights emotions that hurt us, make us feel pain we don't want to feel. Very normal to avoid things that hurt that way. A few years later is when we started foster care, thinking we would never have a family of our own, so we could help other children that were in need of love, understanding and kindness. Then we put in for adoption.....and finally things started turning around. When we got our son it was if the whole world righted itself within minutes, we knew at long last we would be.....Mom and Dad! It was worth the fight, and even with all the wait and pain to know the joy of being a parent I would do it again in a heart beat. The girls was a truly special blessing, they was a surprise that we never even dared to dream for........yes it is worth the pain, wait and longing when you finally get a child!

  6. #21
    Moderator IntlMom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by forHISglory View Post
    Just wondering......
    For me, part of the adoption story was that I went through a deep depression for awhile. Did you? When we realized that we would be unable to conceive, I felt like my world had caved in. Although I never lost my faith, I questioned God. I wondered about my own worth. It got to the point that I would not attend baby showers and avoided the baby section of Walmart, walking far around it to get to the other side of the store. I would cry when I saw babies on TV. I asked to not work in the church nursery. It took a lot of prayer and some counseling and a loving husband to get me back on track. I don't think this is too unusual for women who have found out that they can't conceive. But I am usually a very optimistic and happy person, and I was shocked at myself for feeling this way. It especially hurt when people would ask if we had any children, or if we were planning on starting a family. So if you are contemplating adopting, just be aware that roller-coaster emotions can be a part of it, and that it's probably very normal to grieve for the child you can not have.

    If you had asked me as I child what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer would have been "I want to be a Mommy". So, you'd think that I would have been emotionally distraut when I was unable to concieve. I cannot even begin to explain it, but God graciously kept all those thoughts and feelings of anger, frustration, and unfairness far, far away from my mind.

    Yes, I had difficulty going to baby showers, but I remember throwing one for my friend and not having any feelings of bitterness towards her during the process. I had and have a very simple philosophy: God gave me eveything that I have, He graciously looked through eternity past and chose me to be His child, I am and will always be eternaly grateful for His goodness towards me.........who am I (and even, how dare I) to question Him or second guess His plan for my life? Not only that, but every single one of my days were written before one of them came to be. (Ps 139:16) So my struggle with infertility was not a suprise to God!! This simple phlisophy has carried me through so much, and I anticipate that it will continue to support and encourage me in my future.
    :

    Traci

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    ds 14 ~ Russia
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  7. #22
    Registered User fizzie's Avatar
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    Wonderful, moving thread. We adopted our two wonderful, healthy sons at birth through the county. They were relinquished by their birthmother (13 months apart) who couldn't take care of them due to her drug addiction and maybe some mental health issues. They're both still under two so I'm busy as can be these days and happier than ever. I too went through some depression after waiting seven years to be a mommy (infertility treatment & then adoption process). And talk about no notice! We were waiting on pins and needles for a placement for the first, but the second was a total surprise! I got a call from the social worker asking if we wanted the baby (a brother!) who had just been born. We'd just given away every scrap of baby stuff the week before and had absolutely nothing! I sent an email to my mom's group listserv and they brought over everything we needed right away--carseat, clothing, bottles, baby slings, crib, etc. Whew. We grabbed that carseat, called a friend to babysit, and raced to the hospital to meet our new son within the hour!

  8. #23
    Registered User Spirit Deer's Avatar
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    We adopted too. In our case, it hasn't ended well. Our kids are all in their thirties now and are pretty much gone from our lives.

    We considered adopting again last year, but decided against it after attending training that taught us that chances are, it wouldn't turn out any differently than the first eight did.

    Sorry to be a downer in this happy thread. Nobody ever wants to talk about the bad things that can happen in adoption. I do think things have changed since we went through it. Maybe things would have been different if the resources and attitudes then had been more like they are now.

  9. #24
    Registered User Patty A's Avatar
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    I honestly don't think your being a "downer in a happy thread". Your being honest in what has happened to you, and how things turned out.
    Your honesty is helpful, as not every adoption works out well. You never know how things will work out or what happens to children before you get them. Sometimes you have things happen that make it hard, heartbreaking, struggles, and wounds that don't heal. I for one admire your honesty and think all people need to know that it doesn't always work out like a fairy tale......

  10. #25
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    My adapotion tale:

    When my wife and I married (2003) she already had two children (boy / girl) from her previous marrige. After a year went by, I contacted an attorney to investigate my adopting the kids.

    (NOTE; The blood father, had not at that time seen either of the children for 4+ years even though he lived 8 miles away, and at that time he was over $13,000.00 behind in child support)
    Well, the blood father refused to allow me to adopt. The judge said his paternal rights were stronger than mine.

    Fast forward August 2007 Baghdad Iraq - I had just got done at work, when my phone cell phone rang, my wife was on the other end performing a combination of laughing, crying, and screaming....after a minute she relayed to me this tale:

    Apperantly the "ex" got himself in another domestic abuse situation and was tossed in the county jail. He calls his father to post his bail.
    Dad arrives as he always does, but this time with a new twist. He tells his son "I will bail you out as soon as you sign over parental rights to Dan. Once his wife contacts me that she has the paperwork, I will bail you out and not before".

    My wife got the letter from the courts 48 hours later! Then, when I was home for my break I got a call from the courts for the adoption, well they scheduled it for the day after I was going back to Iraq, I said can you do anything? The clerk put me on hold, and about 30 seconds later the judge got on the phone, she asked "What was I doing for lunch"? I said huh? She asked "If I could be at the courthouse in 45 minutes"?

    I made it in 15!

    The judge asked the children if they wanted to change their names, and they both asked to take my name.

    Yup it was a great day!

    NOTE; In the state of Indiana all records (birth) are changed. Both my children now have birth certificates that show me as the father, with no note of adoption.

    Cheers,

  11. #26
    Registered User Debbie-cat's Avatar
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    That is an awesome story Gunny! Thanks for sharing, those are two very lucky children!
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  12. #27
    Registered User Cricket1's Avatar
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    In response to the question about depression--thankfully, I never did. I did, however, avoid baby showers like the plague. My husband had an aunt that used to ask me every chance she got when I was going to have a baby. God, that used to grate on my nerves. But true depression? No. My dh and I knew that our chances of having bio children would be slim. He had a tumor on his upper leg as a child and had much radiation in "that" area. I have my own issues, so we kinda knew early on that we would be adopting. Again, best decision we ever made.

    I didn't have only four hours notice with my oldest child (I would have freaked), but I did just have one day. Once we were placed with our child, they told us he wouldn't be home until the end of October. I didn't do the nursery because I didn't want to look at it. Waiting was hard enough and I didn't need to look at that everyday on top of it. Then, one August afternoon we were called and told our son was coming home the next night. My dh put that crib up in record time. The whole day was a blur!

    My youngest was a waiting child. We were told by a doctor here that he could have one of 27 different things "wrong" with him. He was born with one ear and a jaw that is smaller on one side of his face. We waited month after month for a well-baby report. Every month showed that he was growing, still receiving physical therapy and he was making SMALL strides. We prayed a lot and talked to many doctors. Then, at once, we just came to the realization that any child was a leap of faith. Also, in all of his pics that we had seen, he had this twinkle in his eye and his hands were always clenched. He just looked like a fighter to me. We finally decided (after knowing for several months) that he was the one to complete our family. This, however, was at the end of the year (fall) and Korea had met their quota (they only let a certain number of children out of the country per year), so we had to wait until February 2nd (we just celebrated his "gotcha day" at the beginning of the week).
    He has gone through years and years of physical, occupational, and speech therapy and is doing beautifully. I love our little family!

  13. #28
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    We have 2 bio children and adopted a sibling group of 3 (ages 3,4&5) when our youngest was 13yrs. It's been 7 years and I'd do it again in a heartbeat! They are great kids!

  14. #29
    Registered User gottadance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by forHISglory View Post
    Just wondering......
    For me, part of the adoption story was that I went through a deep depression for awhile. Did you? When we realized that we would be unable to conceive, I felt like my world had caved in. Although I never lost my faith, I questioned God. I wondered about my own worth. It got to the point that I would not attend baby showers and avoided the baby section of Walmart, walking far around it to get to the other side of the store. I would cry when I saw babies on TV.
    Yes, the loss of all of the dreams connected to having biological children is great. I grieved and grieved and grieved. I am really into my heritage, have a huge family tree, belong to a heritage group - so I was really devastated. Of course, this was on top of already having to deal with grieving the loss of the idea of the traditional family - I decided to try to have a child on my own at age 42, since my clock was running out and I felt if I wanted biological kids I had to do this on my own. Then to find out I'd waited too long for Mr. Right and the traditional family - that my clock had run out - there are really no words to express how I felt. I was in a pit of despair. My world also felt like it was coming apart.

    There are still some times when the grief sneaks up on me - I went through not being able to attend baby showers, , etc. and at my office everyone was getting pg and having babies - it was so hard. Sometimes it still is - I'm still in the middle of the adoption process. 9 mos on the waiting list for a newborn baby girl via domestic adoption. Every now and then, something will make me upset - why couldn't I have biological children. Especially when others talk about the traits they feel their kids got from them - that is painful for me to hear. But overall, I've come to terms with it. I've always thought adoption was a great thing - my dad adopted me and we have a very good relationship. Now I just want to be a mom...

  15. #30
    Registered User gottadance's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gunny_Frost View Post
    My adapotion tale:


    The judge asked the children if they wanted to change their names, and they both asked to take my name.

    Yup it was a great day!
    That is a GREAT story - karma...his dad clearly knew what was the right thing - awesome!

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