Got invite to a very good friends bridal shower in few weeks. She is Italian and has HUGE family and friend circle. I know her guest list so far to wedding is at 350+. But on the invite it says bring unwrapped gift to bridal shower for time constraints. I NEVER ever brought an unwrapped gift anywhere.

Would it be wrong if I wrapped it? I dont even know what "it" is but I really want her to have a few gifts to open. Or should I follow the rules and bring unwrapped.

Oh and 3 of my other friends have called to ask me same thing. So its not just me who thinks this is odd. :D

Weird.... But yea, I'd leave it unwrapped like the invite says......weird though!

I find it kind of weird, but extremely rude. If there are that bad of time restraints than maybe they should have invited fewer guests.

I'd just drop the gift in a pretty bag; then all the bride-to-be has to do is lift it out. HTH!

i think that 350 people for a bridal shower is (unusual) (inappropriate) (too big) (rude) (gift grab) pick one.

Its 350 people for wedding, i am not sure how many for the bridal shower. im guessing at least half of that!? I had 25 people at my shower and 50 people at wedding so who knows?!?!

That is kind of odd! If you really feel the need, and since you said you'd more than likely be getting more than one gift...then give her 1 unwrapped gift at the shower and save the rest for another time.

Maybe you and some of the friends who have called, can set up a luncheon with the bride and do some gifts then! Any bride will love to celebrate more than once! :)

I've been to showers with time constraints before, and one shower did gifts after the shower. Those of us close friends & family, all stayed to help the hostess clean up and then we watched her unwrap gifts. I think that was a classier way of handling it...and no one complained about not seeing her open the gifts.

What happened to manners? Gift giving, weddings and other celebrations have gotten out of control and I think it's just getting tackier & tackier.

You're not obligated to bring a gift at all. I think I would feel uncomfortable bringing an unwrapped gift. I'd at least have to put a pretty bow on it. And as for 'time constraints', is this a party with friends, or a gift grab?

On second thought, I'd be tempted to take a great big package of KY. See how they feel about that being unwrapped for all to see. http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/images/smilies/hubba.gif

I was also going to suggest a gift bag.

It kind of sounds like a "drop of the loot" party :scratch:

I think perhaps they wanted everyone to have the chance to enjoy each other's company instead of spending an hour or more watching the bride-to-be open packages. I would probably put the gift in a basket with a bow or just wrap a bow around the unwrapped gift. If you take it wrapped then she may feel the need to take the time to open it in your presence and that may take away from other festivities planned for the party. I have never heard of this approach but I have been to showers where gifts were not opened in the presence of the guests and it was nice, I HATE oohing and ahhing over bath towels and measuring cups and would much rather have some finger foods and punch while visiting with mutual friends. And, yes, some people have large guest list because they want the gifts but others genuinely don't want to leave anyone out or hurt anyone's feelings so I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

You're not obligated to bring a gift at all. I think I would feel uncomfortable bringing an unwrapped gift. I'd at least have to put a pretty bow on it. And as for 'time constraints', is this a party with friends, or a gift grab?

On second thought, I'd be tempted to take a great big package of KY. See how they feel about that being unwrapped for all to see. http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/images/smilies/hubba.gif

I agree that you are not obligated to bring a gift. I love the KY suggestion!!!

I think that this request is rude.

It is a tad rude. How about thinking first and say you're trying to be green or some other reason not to wrap.

When I saw the heading I though what a great green ideal. All of the wrapping is such a waste. I like bags that can be reused. When I saw the reason was time I think that is rude and sounds like a shower that is looking for the gifts.

I say put it in a bag...or a basket...so its kinda open but not really. I cant imagine just handing someone an unopened gift!

It is beyond rude to even mention gifts on the invitations

Every gift deserves individual attention from the one receiving it. Unwrapping the gifts is a way to ensure that happens. Boring, yes, but so many of our rituals are.

I agree with what someone else just said - my first thought and green and frugal, no wasted papers and bows (I'm more practical than sentimental about this sort of thing). But because there won't be time? No way. That makes each "honored" guest just part of the crowd.

Not to criticize your friend, but this doesn't seem the best way to handle it.

ROFL! I second or third the KY and ask that you please take pictures if you do :)
Andrea



You're not obligated to bring a gift at all. I think I would feel uncomfortable bringing an unwrapped gift. I'd at least have to put a pretty bow on it. And as for 'time constraints', is this a party with friends, or a gift grab?

On second thought, I'd be tempted to take a great big package of KY. See how they feel about that being unwrapped for all to see. http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/images/smilies/hubba.gif

Don't forget a hostess gift - a wrapped book on etiquette perhaps? Sorry if that sounds harsh, I just cannot believe the audacity people have these days "demanding" the manner in which gifts should be given on an invitation.

I have never been to a shower where the gifts were brought unwrapped. I have been where the bride-to-be didn't open the gifts and saved them to open later. I guess things are being done differently these days. A dear friend of my DD19 is getting married and we have been invited to her bridal shower... supposed to bring your favorite potluck dish. So, I guess we are feeding ourselves. To each his own I suppose.

I think that's rude. My first thought was that she's making sure everyone gives her something decent.

I would take a gift wrapped one and tell her to unwrap it after the party.

You said she were Italian - how long has she been living in the US? If not THAT long, she might not realize that others may consider this request rude. Honestly, I wouldn't... I would find it odd, that people find it important enough to mention it on invitations, but not rude. If you are a fairly good friend of her, you might try to mention it to her, pointing out the cultural difference between her and some of her guests "I'm looking very much toward your party. By the way, I heard from some people that they were confused about this no-gift-wrapping thing. I guess it's a bit unusual here around. People love to make their gifts special by a nice wrapping." Something that doesn't say "You are rude", KWIM?

I also thought what a great green idea. I love wrapping gifts but hate the waste. I would put it in a bag or give it to her later.

What happened to manners? Gift giving, weddings and other celebrations have gotten out of control and I think it's just getting tackier & tackier.

and now you are "supposed" to give gifts for the engagement party as well. I blame "the Knot" website for all this bad etiquette.

everyone should receive a copy of miss manners and emily post when they turn 18.

and now there is a recent trend to go and elope, and have a "fake wedding" and huge reception later . I'm sorry but in my book you are not a bride anymore, you are already married. gift grab. No Do-Overs. "i'm already married and I want A HUGE WEDDING, WAAAAAHHHHH!"

i recently read on "yahoo answers" about a woman who threw her 30 year old daughter a wedding only to find out she was already married. she was listening to the preacher do the vows and somthin' was not right. she footed a 40,000 dollar reception bill. she was wanting her money back and was feeling used and betrayed. people suggested that she sue her daughter to get her money back.

To me, the bottom line is this:

It may not be the way that you would do things, were you throwing someone else a shower, but you aren't throwing the shower.

If you are highly offended by this, then choose not to attend. However, if you attend, then you follow the rules they set out for the guests. I think that if you choose to go, then to wrap the gift when they have specifically asked you not to, would be rude. Two wrongs don't make a right.

Tsk, tsk, so tacky!

I would either attend and respect the wishes of the bride or send my regrets for not attending the shower and stay home. You can always bring a wrapped gift to the wedding if you wish.

I hate showers and hate watching the bride/mom open gifts. Whoopie do! I don't care what they get. Maybe the gifts will be on a table to see if you want.
Maybe they have better things planned?

I also thought what a great green idea. I love wrapping gifts but hate the waste. I would put it in a bag or give it to her later.


The bag is also a waste IMHO.

A dear friend of my DD19 is getting married and we have been invited to her bridal shower... supposed to bring your favorite potluck dish. So, I guess we are feeding ourselves. To each his own I suppose.

Very frugal ... good for her .. maybe the parents aren't rich. I myself, love potlucks.

The thing I really hate is getting invites to weddings from people that you haven't heard from in 25 years ... but all of a sudden they want you at the wedding. It's a poorly covered gift ploy.

The last two weddings I have been to ... one didn't open the gifts at all, but I did receive a VERY timely thank you within the week. , the other made "comments" on the usability of the gifts (rude) and never said THANK YOU once including no written thank yous afterward..

I would give her card that reads..."In the interest of time I have made a donation in you name to (favorite chartity). Congratulations and best wishes for the future"
I think that unless you are requesting no gifts, then there should be no mention of what kind of gifts you want in the invitation.

I skipped going to a shower for a baby mama (unmarried teen daughter of the pastor where we used to go to church) because it requested on the invitation that everyone include their receipts with the gift!! Um..no I don't think so. :loop:

I don't think so either! That is the ultimate in tacky and rude ~ asking to include the receipt with the gift?! You gotta be kidding me!

I wanted to say -- don't blame the bride for this... chances are it's a surprise shower...

What I find MORE odd than requesting that the gifts be unwrapped is... you said she is Italian... and they requested that the gifts be unwrapped because of time constraints... I don't know if there are any other 'bleed olive oil Italians' here, like me... but the 'usual' gift at showers and weddings is money... rarely (in my circle) did the majority give boxed gifts.

I did get a few tiffany lamps, gold flatware etc... but that was mostly from the younger, non-Italian guests.

We had a big wedding, not as big as this womans, but we had to invite everyone... not all came, but eh gads, if X found out Y & Z were invited... even if X never wanted to go... :lol: you see where this is going.

If you feel odd bringing an unwrapped gift, I agree... gift bag... pick it up, put it down...

Old Tradition was the family of the bride had the gifts on display at their home until the time the bride and groom were back from their honeymoon. That's gone out of fashion decades ago I think...

Whatever you decide... have fun at the shower.

Thanks everyone for your imput. Either A my friend has no idea about the shower because she is not greedy in anyway or B that is what her relaitves told her to put.

I am going with the gift bag idea, and am thinking that most of her family will either give her check or cash. Her fiancee and her do not have their own place yet and need EVERYTHING, so she may end up getting household stuff too. I dont know.

I will be going and it will be great time. There are no games planned, but lots of food. So am thinking we will be eating whole time? Not sure!

I loved the KY idea, but I think with italian families MOST would be offended in her family. JUST WAIT until the bachelorette party, I will be triple wrapping all her sex toys. LOL

I'd leave it unwrapped, but how tacky can they be? Talk about a gift grab! Sheesh!

Whenever I've felt a shower is for a gift grab I graciously decline attending. For example my friend (yes a friend), had invited me by asking one of my other friends to ask me to come (instead of a invitation / calling herself). I was given about 1 weeks notice. I declined and didnt send a gift. I attended the wedding & brought a gift for that. However another girl sent me an invitation, but I had previous plans, so I sent a gift & card, but didnt attend. It's nice to know the guests are respected and thought of when invited to a shower.

I would do what the invitation says. I would remain offended in silence.

You said she were Italian - how long has she been living in the US? If not THAT long, she might not realize that others may consider this request rude. Honestly, I wouldn't... I would find it odd, that people find it important enough to mention it on invitations, but not rude. If you are a fairly good friend of her, you might try to mention it to her, pointing out the cultural difference between her and some of her guests "I'm looking very much toward your party. By the way, I heard from some people that they were confused about this no-gift-wrapping thing. I guess it's a bit unusual here around. People love to make their gifts special by a nice wrapping." Something that doesn't say "You are rude", KWIM?

hehe..trust me, People in Italy don't bring gifts to showers or weddings unwrapped..as a matter of fact, they usually OVER WRAP.if they bring gifts along with an "envelope" stuffed with cash lol....they are decorated .with tulle, silk flowers,fig leaves..anything they can tack on a box, they add.. layers and layers of beautiful fabrics instead of paper (that the bride uses later on as table scarves, etc) TRUST me on this one LOL..as far as large showers go-if it's a large Italian family, then you must realize that snubbing ANYONE will cause so much drama that it's hardly worth NOT inviting them we're talking 1st, second, third cousins, aunts, sisters, sister in laws etc....My sister had over 200 at her bridal shower, I had 250 at mine, (just for the family and close friends) and then I had another from the girls I worked with..and we didnt' open the shower gifts until we got home. we (the brides) passed out almonds, cookies, coffee, punch-basically did all the work to thank our guests for coming and being part of our day..each lady there got some kind of capodimonte figurine, and a small bottle of orange liquore (can't remember the name of it) that my parents had shipped over from Naples..luckily, with family still over there-they took care of arranging the shipment for us. My sister's wedding was HUGE and when I say HUGE I MEAN HUGE-over 500 people..mine was almost non existent because DH's dad had passed away a few months before we had to send the invites out-and he was so depressed he didnt want anything big. It ended up being the guys on his rugby team, the people who stood up for us, my mom and step dad, his mom and two or three friends-thats it..i felt robbed! :( I'm sorry I never had a big wedding-thats why I'm making sure my daughter has a really big one lol..each of my brothers had about 300 people at their weddings, but then again, that was almost 40 years ago for my oldest brother, and 38 years ago, for the second oldest, and 35 for the youngest brother-so, back in the day, it was MUCH CHEAPER to put weddings on. Big weddings are showers are custom in Italian families..that's why they are so much fun..then again-so are funerals now that I think of it LOL it's like a family reunion-with much more food ha!