Has anyone been watching Dr. Phil today? It's about letting yourself go and the shame and feelings of being overwhelmed when trying to lose weight. He is talking with two women who admit to eating for comfort. He said you did what you knew to do...
I am a comfort eater. It started ever since I can remember. My mom had many relationships with different men and I always felt as though I wasn't important to her. When I was a teenager my mother used to tell me to diet and I always felt fat, even when I wasn't.
Food always made me feel safe...
Now that I am dealing with the after effects of the end of a very important relationship, a new job, a new city; I feel this "comfort" eating is getting out of control.
I think I am depressed....(gee ya think?)
I am waiting for my health insurance from my new job to kick in to go see a doctor about it...right now I can barely muster up the energy to be a pleasant person at my new job and I don't know if I can handle a diet and fitness routine on my own.
Anyone else have any thoughts?

Dr. Phil is on at 3 so i still have a while before he comes on. sounds just about right though. Have you worked through all of the feelings you had with your mother, through therapy, *i am guessing not* because until it is all understood and worked through you are not going to be able to change it permently. And get the self esteem that you need. AAJMHO.

Are you kidding? I seriously think my mother has a borderline personality disorder. She has been hospitalized before....she knows she has problems...but absolutely REFUSES to go to counselling or anything. Like I said, I am waiting for my insurance to kick in to get some therapy for ME, as I know I will never get any closure if I don't work through my issues. It is a difficult thing to admit that you need help...but here I am....HELP!! LOL!;)

Good for you!!!!!!!!!! at least you realize you need the help, it is sad when it can't be admitted. sounds like people in my life, they can't see they have problems. I also live with someone with Boarderline personality disorder it isn't easy. If you need to talk just let me know. hang in there. we are here for you.

I don't have any wonderful advice as:
1. I am the most screwed up person I know right now and
2. I DON'T eat when I'm depressed.

But I am thinking about you, because I do know the pain of needing help and having to admit it and ask for it.

Also I was discussing this with my mum the other week, because she comfort eats and we figured we have the SAME problems but in reverse! It is hard for me also because people think I'm 'lucky' because I'm skinny.

Anyway have you thought about 12 step meetings (based on AA) they have loads of different ones now and they are wonderful places. I believe you have more overseas than we do? There are no counsellors but you all have a common problem. (i'm freaking myself out a bit here as I don't want to offend, but I really believe in the power of these groups to heal)

I also know how childhood relationships can affect us (my dear father was an alcoholic - recovering) and how it in turn affects the next generation etc.

There is a wonderful book called Co-dependant no more by Melody Beatty. I thought I had it and I can't find it!!! If I do I would be happy to send it to you, but it might be worth a look in the libray or something?

I don't think anyway the eating is the problem and you shouldn't spend your energy addressing it - It seems like a symptom. If you work at the root cause first then this should become easier to overcome.

I'm sorry I haven't been very helpful but my thoughts are with you.

No, heavensent, you have been very helpful. You are totally correct, the weight is the symptom. Just don't know where to start I guess and the weight is the most obvious place to start. LOL!

Oh dear God please help me to keep my mouth from messing up here!

I too have had a number of relationships with men. My children have seen and suffered them coming and going from the beginning and now 2 of my kids are old enough for me to have observed the damage and pain it caused them.

We are all victims of victims and each one of us are doing the best we can, we the knowledge we have at the time. Working our way through sexual partners is another way of looking for LOVE, which is what we are all looking for in different ways. We all need to be loved, secure, wanted, needed etc etc.

Some of us are better or more equiped to do this in a healthy way than others. But those of us who aren't are in just as much pain as we are causing. Your mum is hurting. She is trying to find acceptance in the only way she knows how. This isn't YOUR fault, or your JOB to fix. She does need help and until she ACCEPTS by HERSELF that she needs it, she will continue to abuse herself and those around her.

You can only work on YOU (I think you know this) You need to move to a place where you can love, accept and FORGIVE her to stop your suffering. I don't say this lightly - My father was an alcoholic and for years I blamed him for everything wrong in my life. He too was a victim of pain and he was doing all he could at each moment of his life. (it is hard to see this when YOU are the one hurting) Thank God - in his last two or three years of life I was given the gift to plainly see this in him and he became my BEST friend and teacher and I loved him more than I can even put into words and I felt his past pain, because we understood each other.

This is not an easy road to travel and I know this and that is why I feel for you. But I honestly believe that you will not concur your weight problem until you can heal what causes it.

I do hope that I haven't upset you - this is NOT my intention.

Go to the mirror RIGHT NOW - look yourself in the eyes and say '(your name) I really love and accept you just the way you are' It sounds silly, you'll probably feel silly, do it anyway and see how hard it is and how you feel.

I really care about you - Please don't be offended, I know your pain, I have lived it. I still do. :hugz: