I don't know if I ever mentioned my dh had an accident back in '98 that has left him with severe chronic pain from back and shoulder injuries. He has had three surgeries so far to no avail. He is on heavy pain killers such as morphine and oxycontin. He is able to function because he has become so used to being on such meds. We are hoping for a fix one day but it is a long, slow, frustrating process. Non-conventional treatment, some of which is promising, is not covered by Medicare or Tricare so we have to pursue conventional surgeries/treatments.
He is at a point where we rarely eat out because he quickly becomes uncomfortable in the seat. He doesn't walk much as it eventually causes the pain to increase. He is unable to much around the house....which by the way is where the positive kicks in. I had to take over everything. I was bitter and resentful at first but realized though I am not perfect at keeping it all together and getting everything done, I have shown myself I can do it! On top of carting the kids around, working 10-12 hours a day and going to college part-time with a 4.0 GPA. I was stronger than I thought and this bad experience was the positive I needed to find!
Anyway, the other day, he got a Jazzy scooter wheelchair thing. I hate it! I don't want to see it nor do I want to see him in it. It's like admitting defeat that he will never get better. I know I will adjust later down the road, but right now, I hate the darned thing!!!!!:mad:
Am I so wrong? Am I selfish? Or am I just human? I keep asking myself these things and I know the right answer and I know the right attitude I should have but it's just so darn difficult to accept right now!

Sheila

Sheila,
My sis has had surgery on her back (Jan) & it seems as though it hasn't helped much. :( She too is on meds and is in pain that is rarely managed. I can understand you feeling upset & like he's giving in. That's the reason my sis won't use a cane and such but does spend quite a bit of time in bed with pillows propped here and there. She is tries to walk as much as poss. & lead as normal a life as she can and it's so hard. She's got a 5 & 10 yr old that have been dealing with this for years too. I so hope this gets better for her & try to put myself in her place from time to time. I couldn't imagine being in pain everyday.
I hope your Dh doesn't give up. You are not wrong or selfish. You have had to pick up so much more than you signed on for. Life stinks sometimes, big time. Hope you can find some time for yourself and can see through the clouds. :hug2:

Oh Darlene, that is so dh, in bed much of the time. I don't think he has given up but I don't think he tries as hard as he could to participate in life more. I don't live in his body so I don't know but he has to realize he has to find it within himself to "bring himself up". He gets me so frustrated sometimes because there are "administrative" things he could be doing for me or little chores but I find much of the time he depends on me to do more than I have time or energy for. He dwells too much on the bad of all this...even a psych could not help. It's a vicious time for us at times, but we will get through this and hopefully one day get to a point where life is more stable than it is now. Sigh.

Sheila

Big hug,
My sis got this way via a car accident (not her fault) and so wants to be "normal". Sometimes it seems like one step forward & 2 back.
I hope for you and yours as I do my sis that this too shall pass and be pain free. Hang in there & I hope it helps some that I understand your frustration and wishes for so much more (better things) for the future.

My dh and I both hated it when he first had to go into his wheelchair- but now. . . . it gives him more independence, and me more freedom. I don't have to push him in a manual chair at the stores. . . . he can hop out to the barn on his own now. . . . we can go to the fair again. . . . .

It does take some getting used to- I'll admit. The people in our tiny town were wonderful. I was worried the first time dh went out in public with his- afraid people would either ignore him, or pity him. He got neither. . . . people treated him the same as they did before his chair.