One thing that really makes me nervous about my approach to discipline is this topic - Nature vs. Nurture. I am naturally a very gentle non confrontive person. I am definately in the Democratic to lenient side of Parenting - though my kids tend to be well behaved - I have always been told that - perhaps it is that above all we "learn" to respect other people and consider them in our every action. Bob - is the antithesis of me - he is a confident, bold man with a me first attitude and determination and a temper that knows no bounds. He has hit the kids and called them terrible things ( he can't anymore cuz they will tell me and I will put a restraining order back on him). I see that temper in one , possibly two of my kids. I have never had a temper. I don't ever exhibit a temper (not the same as a temperament for those who are confused). Could this still come back to haunt them as they grow older (especially the hormonal teen years) and what can I do to disuade this ??? Is it an inherent thing or a learned behavior? I know when checking for a baby's different temperaments they always incur as to the parents temperaments.

Kimmee, I think that bad tempers are a learnt behaviour. I believe that somewhere along the line a child has gone off at someone in anger, has got the outcome they wanted from the outburst and has then continued using this 'strategy' to get their own way.

When I first met my DH he had a bad temper. I tolerated it a couple of times but then I thought that if I didn't do anything about it I was giving him permission to be like that whenever he pleased. The next time he went off about some minor thing that wasn't what he wanted, I stood up in front of him, looked him fair in the eyes and told him I would not tolerate him being like that. LOL!! He kept ranting so i walked out and I stayed gone until he begged me to return. The only reason I did return was that he promised to forget his temper and to speak to me and everyone else in a civil manner. If he couldn't agree to do that I was out of there completely, and I meant it. He agreed and he did change. He had a couple of slipups over the years but when he does I say: "how dare you speak like that!" and he stops. I must say though that he has told me that he loved that abilibty I had to change negative aspects of his personality. He changed me for the better too, it wasn't a one way street.

I think with your kids, if they go off in a bad temper, tell them it's not acceptable and tell them to go to their room so you and the other kids don't have to see them. Tempers are only effective when someone is watching or being scared by it. Getting them out of your face will put a stop to it. When they calm down, talk to them about it. It really is a sign of extreme frustration or manipulation. Teach them ways of coping with these things and encourage them to talk about their frustrations.

I think its a learned behaviour as well. IF they don't learn it at home then they learn it at school.

Lets face it there are a lot of mean and hateful people in this world that will stop at nothing to get their way, and unfortunatly many of them are in school with our children. I think it is a defence mechinisim

MHO is that these kids act out aggressively because that is what goes on at home, they are hurt and hit so they take it out on whoever at school.