For me it didn't. I was abused horribly by my father, as was he by his father. I must say I didn't always use gentle discipline with my older children and I truly regret that.

When we adopted our 3 younger children I was determined to do it the right way. I went to a couple of courses given by our social worker and I read Barbara Colorosa's book. I also heard a speaker on the radio and I was sold on the use of gentle discipline, rather than the stronger discipline I had when I was a child.

I have never regretted discipling this way. It makes for a much happier child, a child that doesn't strike at others and children that have learnt how to control themselves in most every situation.

What about you, has it come easy for you, something you had to work on or something you've always believed in?

I ,like you, came from a horribly abusive background and I determined at a very young age that I would be a different mommee to any and every kid I came across - I wanted to bring them all home with me and love them and squeeze them , all of my little CPS kids and At risk kids and then finally my own. I get real upset when I see little girls being abusive to their dolls - I know some of it is development - but I have seen some extreme cases and I just want to take those little girls and love them and show them how much easier it is on everyone to act out of a teaching capacity rather than a ruler/dictator (heavy disciplinarian) capacity.

I had no Idea with you about that CJ, I think I may have read some reference, but it would've never occurred to me - You are so "together" but perhaps that is where your perfection drive came from.

It did come easy for me. I had my babies late - 32 and 33 so I was "ahem" mature, or so I thought. during my pregnancy I read everything I could about raising babies and loving children.

I don't remember my mother ever hitting me and I think that was a big part of the way I mothered my kids. Often, before I had kids, I would see frustrated mums belting their kids in supermarkets or belittling them publicly, I always wondered what they would do at home - if this is the public stuff, what on earth do they do to their kids at home. :(

I could never understand a mum or dad hitting their child because the child had hit someone else. Where is the sense in that? :confused:

Now, before you all think I raised perfect kids with no problems, I didn't, my kids are normal, they did all the naughty things other kids did. But they are now kind, friendly, generous and non-violent, which I put down solely to the way they were raised.

I think that above all, the best way with kids is to lead by example. Kids learn what they see. If you hit them for being aggressive you teach them to be aggressive.

You have to ask yourself: "what am I trying to do here? am I trying to punish my child for being naughty or am I trying to teach him/her not to do this again?" If you are trying to teach values, manners and moral codes then the best way is by example and not allowing the child to have something they really want.

I was never a gentle disipline person. I was am is very controling person. I raised 6 children. The one child I had the most trouble with is the one taking care of me. Al 6 children take responsibility for their actions and the out come. I decide when I had children I would love them all a never love one more then another. My mother could not do it. It was the same with the grandkids. So far it has turned out good considering the neighbors throught I was to mean. They had to go to school, they had to do their hw. they had a bed time.....:toothy:

Gentle discipline did come easy to me. I was lucky to have my aunt as an example of her 4 boys and another aunt, who nursed her baby, when I was a teenager and young woman and seeing the way they cared for their children made me think---Me too, I want to be a mother like that--caring and loving. I know I probably made lots of mistakes and more is to come, but since being a mother is a unique experience with each child, some days I feel I am still learning along the way....:heartsm:

Bethany I think you hit the head on the nail when you said your mother never hit you. I think that makes all the difference in the world. When your raised being hit all the time, your natural tendancies is to hit back, be it an adult or your children when you have them.

First the cycle has to be broken and then your have to learn how to parent right. Its not an easy route to go, but definitely the only way to go.

I came from much of the same CJ. Only mine was from Mother more than Father. But for some reason NOT hitting my kids came very easy for me. I didn't / don't want them to feel the same way I felt about my family. I think I spanked DS twice his entire life he's 14 now and I cried like a baby after I had done it.

I'm with you Ellise - the hits all came from my mother....but the gentle disciplining did not come easy to me - unfortunately, like CJ, I have my regrets with my older two....

I never wanted my kids to feel the way I felt growning up....I was spanked even after I had Katie - my mother told me I would never be too old to spank if I 'deserved' it....

I was never taught a more productive way to discipline - when I was bad I got beat - when my kids misbehaved I was supposed to beat them too - or at least that was my rationale....my mother was horribly abused by her father and at times, I think she was paying him back when I got cut loose on....pulling hair, slapping in the face, bashing my head against whatever was close....and I put Katie through much the same....poor baby - she certainly never 'deserved' any of that.....and I finally realized that neither did I deserve it....

I set out to show Ktie & Will that they were cherished, loved, & protected....Belle & Renee - bless their little hearts - never got what the two older ones did - they were engulfed with loving discipline from jumpstreet....Katie & Will have spoken about some of their earlier punishments & Belle will argue the point with them that Momme's a nice Momme and would never do that to them - how heartbreaking to have to look into her little face & confess that....

Belle had a little friend "Danielle" who has since moved away, but whenever that baby was at our house, she'd hug GW & I nonstop - she was always asking if she could do anything for us - she was always telling us that she loved us --- I ended up going to the Family Advocacy liason because of the abuse that child was suffering at home....our bedroom window was all too near to hers & to hear the punishment her step-father dispensed to her was enough to literally make me vomit on several occasions.....I never want my children to EVER know that type of punishment - gentle discipline is the only answer for us & our children & I praise GOD that nothing ever happened to my kids before I learned of a better way of handling the normal kiddo misbehavior...

dear mercy - I never want my grandchildren to be treated the way my mother, myself, and horribly even my two older kids were treated.....I hpe this change in our household hasn't come too late & that the two oldest ones will not suffer as I have.....