How low do you go before you do accept charity?
My Dh is at school full time (after loosing his job last Feb) and we are living on student loans. We have $16,950 to last 10 months. We will get more next fall. It has to cover tuition $4,300 and texts etc, plus mortgage, bills etc. We often have very little left for food. I am a homeschool mom with 3 children. But on a positive note we own our home with ($550 mortgage), old cars (no loans), and have no credit bills.
I am tempted to go to a christmas charity to help with gifts for my children and for food for christmas dinner because we have no extra funds.
But part of me says if I am so desparate I should sell the house....
So here is the question do you use charity to save the house or not????
Any advise would be appreciated.

I almost did twice but never actually went through with it. Why? I don't know. I felt that I should be able to feed myself and family without assistance. But twice about 2 years ago we drove to a food bank but never went in. Maube we should have. I don't know. But we made it without.

Melina

I guess I would if there wasn't another way to get my kids enought to eat.
Any chanxce of a pt job for you or Dh?

When I had back surgery about 11 years ago I got a staph infection and was bed ridden for about 3 months. People brought meals to our house for weeks and weeks. Does that count? I think it does. Otherwise I haven't, but I'm not above asking for help to feed my children. Do you have family that you could talk to about it? If not, and if your children are hungry I'd ask for help. Personally, I'd much rather help someone who is working very hard to help themselves.

I haven't but if I had to feed my kids and had no extra cash, I would ask knowing that someday I could return the favor by helping someone else out when I'm in a better situation.

I would not sell my house. Your mortgage payment is probably no higher than rent would be. In fact, where I live rent would be a couple hundred dollars higher.

You might also mention to family members and friends that your struggling right now. Could some of them help out?

Hollyhill, I've never been in the position where I needed to accept charity but if I were, I'd take it and be grateful for it. Ask yourself if accepting help with christmas gifts and food will make things better for yourself and your kids. If the answer is yes, then go for it.

Don't sell your home. That would only mean more upheaval for the family. It's your biggest financial asset, keep it and take care of it.

As CJ says, some time in the future you may be in a position to repay this gift to you. In any case, open yourself to accepting help and work towards being as generous with others when you can afford to be.

Good luck. :angel2:

Accept help if you need it, offer help to others when you can.

I agree with the others. Do not sell your house. At least it is a roof over your heads.

Originally posted by forestdale


Don't sell your home. That would only mean more upheaval for the family. It's your biggest financial asset, keep it and take care of it.

I totally agree here.

That being said, my children are dressed, on a daily basis, in other people's hand-me-downs, as am I. I believe that if I had exhausted all other options, I would accept charity in order to feed my children. When I am doing well, I try to help others who need it as often as possible, amd knowing what it means to them shows me that there is no shame in accepting help, especially when children are involved.

Pay it forward.

If you need help now accept it. When you have extra to give offer it freely.

Originally posted by slowtypinwoman
Pay it forward.

If you need help now accept it. When you have extra to give offer it freely.

I agree wholeheartedly - selling your home shouldn't even cross your mind - this is a temporary stumble - it is not a life upheaval like selling your home would be - paying rent will never be as inexpensive for what you have - by buying your home you are in essence paying yourself - and planning for your future - do what you need to do now but keep that financial carrot in sight - the day you are free from debt and able to 100% doit on your own - and possible help out another!! Good luck to you -  and I hope you and your hubby do consider a part time position as Student loans aren't really intended to be enough to live on and when they do become due they are not the killer deal that they initially proposed to you - so much changes by the time they mature and become due - I know from experience - they will be sold - they will change hands several times - a very modest borrow (the minimum you could get by with would be the best advice...

Yes I have...a couple of times. No shame in it, that is what the organizations are there for...to give people a hand up.

I would def. do it to save my house

Thank-you for all your wonderful thoughts and advise.
I just needed to ask that question to get everyones perspective on it. It was actually a friend of mine who urged me to go and get help. She is an active volunteer with the organization. However, when I mentioned it to another friend she said absolutely NOT. She said I should have exhausted all other resources (inc. sell my house) before I ever considered charity.
In the past I was an active donor in these types of charities so I am indeed embarased considering the possibility of accepting their help.
I have been managing barely but managing but Christmas throws a financial curveball. Not that our Christmases are extravagent, even when my Dh is employed we only spend about 75$ per child.
My older children are very understanding but it is my youngest who looked at me with big trusting eyes and said"don't worry mommy santa will bring presents for everyone!" That broke my heart. I have been given some used items (books, clothing) that I have set aside for Christmas to give as gifts. So we may make it, we'll see.
As far as extra work goes the program my husband is in is so heavy that he couldn't possibly do part time work until summer. Because I homeschool I can't work but I am hoping to get some exchange students. That would help alot!!!!
We are also hoping for scholarships and some bursaries but all these will happen after Christmas.

You will make it, Holly. Just remember the twins that go with charity - faith and hope. I hope you and your family have a very happy christmas.

I would just like to say that I think you should go ahead and visit your charity. I work for a charity and we are there to help people. Your situation is not permanent and you are not trying to take advantage. I have helped many people who owned their homes. Hey, ya gotta live somewhere! Anyhow, I wouldn't recommend using charity all the time but I do think the holidays are a good time to take advantage. Many will do gifts for the children.
Tammy :)

Well, I went down and signed up. They were so kind. I needn't have worried they help students regularily, in fact I could have signed up at my Dh school (I didn't know that). They will provide Christmas dinner and toys for the children. I am soooooo thank-ful that I will have something for them on Christmas morning.
I also have a friend who does alot of Garage sale and thrift store shopping (I would love to but don't have the time) and she is going to be on the look out for novels my Dd likes to read and also some newish board games. I sure appreciate her help.
With these special helps we will be able to have an enjoyable Christmas.
Now my 1983 Honda needs a new carburator and is out of commision Grrrrrrr. But we will be getting an exchange student soon so I hope I will be able to get the car fixed soon.

Thank-you for all your support and encouragement..... I don't know if I would have taken the step to go and ask for help if it wasn't for reading your caring words. thank-you

Go get the help.....
It sounds like your doing what I've done in the past.... finding great looking used items and $1 store deals.
I have gone to a charity when my son was little. It was wonderful. I think the only reason I've never done it again (when needed) is cuz the group that adopted us also felt the need to buy gifts for me. I had a very hard time taking those gifts when I felt I wasn't doing all I could do to make ends meat. so I didn't desrve their kindness (I my head). But I was so greatful that my son had toys, clothes, and shoes. And I enjoy their excitement. They brought the gifts and food to our house.
I haven't ever been able to spend anywhere near what you have in the past on presents. But I'm a single mom homeschooling and trying to spend more time at home then at an outside job (not working out well right now). But he's older and we're focusing on make memories doing specail trips to the in door waterpark or renting a cheap cabin for a few days at a local campground. Also family members are now stepping in to buy the special gifts that I can't. Better late then never!
I totally feel your spot. The kids beleave Santa will do it. The charity is a piece of Santa anyway. This is just what the Santa story is about!
OK tears are drying up..... a bit.... go put smiles on those little faces. You'll be thankful. And in a few years add a special tradition to help some other family.
~K (spelling is not my strong suit and my fingers wander)

I was about seven years old the first Christmas after my parents divorced. We had it pretty rough that year. We moved to a little trailer park that rented by the week. Mom worked massive hours at a restaurant and I spent a lot of time at home by myself because she couldn't afford childcare. Naturally we were not going to have Christmas that year because there was no way she could afford it.

We had a little field out back where some little twigs of pine trees were growing and after mom told me we wouldn't be able to get a Christmas tree I went out and scavanged the field until I found the perfect one. I sawed it down with one of mom's kitchen knives and proudly drug it back home and set it up on one of our side tables.

My mom had managed to get me a pack of crayons and a Christmas coloring book to keep me busy while she wasn't at home. I colored the Christmas ornaments and glued them back to back with a piece of yarn and viola.. decorations for the tree. Later mom and I strung together some popcorn and used that for garland.

That year.. there were no presents under the tree. And generally when I tell people that story they appologize that I had to have that experience as a child. Well.. fortunate for me.. that was the best Christmas I ever had as a child. Not having a "commercial" Christmas put my resourceful side to work and that year passed leaving me feeling like I saved Christmas (hey.. I was seven). It was a growing, learning, and overall humbling experience for me and one that I wouldn't give the world to change.

Hi Jeanae

I totally agree with you. I had a similar childhood. Only in my case my father was terminably ill and my mother had to work gruelling hours to make ends meet and to pay the medical bills. My sister and I were almost entirely on our own. My mother was rarely even home for CHristmas because she had to work at the restaurant. We only had a few gifts over the years and they were never wrapped. (so I over compensate now and everything has to be beautifully wrapped LOL). I think it was a real maturing experience and has enabled me to live frugally all my life.

And I totally agree with emphasising the non comercial reasons for Christmas and we always have and $75/ child may see like a lot but many items are useful items (slippers, craft supplies for school, hobbie items like magnifying glass, flashlights etc). Toys have never been emphasized.

Like I mentioned before my oldest children understand about Christmas this year and they have already heard the "we can't afford" to so many times this past year. They do not even ask anymore. If any expense comes up they either do not participate or use their own carefully saved funds from their own earnings (blueberry picking). I know my children will benifit from this financially difficult time and because my husband is in school for 2 years there will be an end in sight.

But it is my littlest that broke my heart when she said"don't worry mommy santa will bring everyone presents". Over the years we have so heavily participated in giving. Every year (this year included) we man the Salvation Army kettles, we used to donate new toys at the Santa Train, we gave food at the Christmas parade (and year round), we stuffed advent sacks for the homeless and serve meals (thru our church). I did all these activities with my children and when they would ask I would say we are helping Santa or we are helping other's in Jesus name.
So it is not surprising that m 7 yr old would be so hopeful and assured that everything was all right.
Sorry for the long ramble. I feel that this thread and your posts and wonderful support has allowed me to share my thoughts and feelings in a way I have not been able to with anyone else. Thank-you for reading.

Rosi

:(

We do Christmas about the same way here. The kids usually get one nice thing from us and the rest of Christmas is about doing for others and enjoying the activities that the season has to offer.

I think it is wonderful for your family to devote your time to the community. It's amazing how what seems such a small thing to us can inspire hope and faith in others. Those moments are worth all of the wrapped presents in the world.

Volunteer work is a thankless job. Don't forget to be kind and do something special for yourself this season.

Ahhh I loved your story Rosi and Jeannae. We too have experience hard times in the past (and now for that matter) I look back and think those were some of the best because we actually were creative and spent quality time together. Not one playing nintendo while the other is locked in her room on the computer etc. My uncle worked for a food bank and when we first moved to Mo it was awful. Thankfully my uncle told me they just had a few truck bust, to come down and he would be glad to help. Because it was an 2 1/2 hr trip to get there he stocked us up for 2 months or better. Most of the food from the bank was from truckers getting busted for also transporting drugs *authories tow the trucks and the food is donated to the bank. Full truckloads at a time, the food bank can't always get rid of it all before it goes bad when it's perishables. We got all kinds of great stuff like tyson chicken, whole slabs of beef steaks etc. Again times are extremely tough and christmas will be slim pick'ns. I will never forget the help and in return we help with food drives, etc every little bit we can.

Not as long as my body is healthy and I am able to make a living.

I am nearly 39.

I was a 17 year old single mother. My boyfriend stuck by me (and he is still my husband). We never even got WIC. No food stamps. No nothing. It just never occurred to us to apply for things like those because those things were for "people who needed them."

I went to college while he worked (and I worked part-time).

I finished college and have made more money than him from day one although he doesn't lag too far behind me now.

Our daughter will be 21 in about two weeks. She is a married, college student. She is the only child we had because frankly, one was all that was in our life plan.

Have never needed charity. I don't begrudge anyone who takes charity as long as they need it. I just never thought we did.

My DH lost his job this year too. He took the money that was in his 401K and used it for books and tuition. He is a full-time student too. Then he went and got himself a job as a fry cook at a diner. He works 40 hours a week there. Whenever he is not in class, or working I am at the diner waiting tables (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights.) I am a homeschool mom too. We both do what we have to do, even though it means no time together as a family. My DH would never accept charity. I can not even get him to apply for financial aid (for school) for next year. We do not have the money for him to continue school full-time. He will take one or two classes a semester instead. We have only one car, and it looks like we are going to lose our home, but we just keep on keeping on.

"charity" from family, yes--from a formal organization no. I'd have to be very low to accept it from a formal charity as I always think that there are many others who need it more than me. :)

I have used food stamps when dh was not working and was darn thankful for them. Good for you for going. I like to think that when I give it helps someone get back on their feet. If you sell your house where would you live??rents for an apartment that takes 3 kids would be sky high where I live. Take now and then be sure to help others when you can. cau:angel2:

I do not think there is anything wrong with accepting help or even asking for help when you need it! I've asked and accepted help many times when I've needed it and I've also given alot too!

When my son was born I had nothing! I accepted funiture and beds from friends and family members. When christmas came around one year I needed help with gifts and signed up with a local charity that supported single mothers. I was also in an abusive relationship with my sons father. Well, we weren't together anymore but he was still abusive, and I needed help to get away and get us all help. (we're best of friends now! and I'm thankful for the help I've received and we've received to make that possible!!!!!) I worked my butt off in college, and rasing our child, and working... and when I needed help I always knew I'd give back two fold someday and I do to this day!

I've also gotten help from a food shelf once.

There are times in our lives where we need help. Never be afraid to ask for it, but also never forget to give back when you can.

I have supported a family for christmas, given school products to children who needed them, given food, money etc when ever I can. I know that the help others have given me will never go to waste because I would do the same and have done the same for others.

I also make sure to involve my son in giving to charities to show him how important it is not only to ask for help when needed but to show that giving feels good too!

I do not condemn anyone who accepts charity. If DH or I were sick or disabled and could not work, I am sure we would accept help. I hope my post did not make it sound like anyone who accepts help is a lesser person for it. I have lived through some very hard times. I am thankful that we always had some kind of income, no matter how small.

Do you have any friends that have mechanic ability that you could barter with? I am so thankful I married a mechanic or I would have had to rely on brothers all my life. Yes, do the charity sign-up and keep your house. Your finances will improve and then you can help others.

I did years ago. I was 17 and my loser bf had just gone to jail leaving me broke with no job in a flat that I was going to be evicted from shortly. I don't remember much but I do remember the wonderful honey baked ham I received from a generous church. I'll never forget that!

I say if the help exists and you need it use it. Thats what its there for!!

Wow! I am wondering the same thing myself. I did accept charity at Christmas time from friends wanting to help with my daughters Christmas. I accepted it because I knew it ws coming from the Lord and it was part of his provision.
I can't afford to send my daughter to pre-school. Although I am contemplating being a stay-at home Mom when she is school age anyway.
Our house is in a neighborhood with new consturction and houses for sale all around. My DH lost his job in Oct 2002 and settled for employment with a lower paying job in April 2003. We bought this house with 2 incomes and not sure whether to put it on the market and trust God. We have no savings and have cut everywhere we know how. No emergency fund and lots of debt.
I am open for suggestions from anyone.



:morning:

We have accepted help in the past. Most of the time is was offered without our asking for it. During my first marriage, my husband and I were both out of work for 3 months due to a strike. Dear friends came over unannounced and brought us BAGS of groceries.

Since DH and I have been married (12 years this year), he was out of work for 3 months. The church paid our mortgage one month and the COBRA payment on our health insurance because our oldest daughter was just one then. It was amazing because we would be wondering what we were going to do for diapers or food, and there would be grocery store gift cards in our mail box, or someone would hand us a check.

It is humbling, and it gives your pride a hit. But, I know in my heart that God provided for us, since we never asked! Friends intervened.

Since then, there have been times that we have had a little and someone else has had nothing. We have stepped out and helped out, most of the time anonymously, because, even though we are eyeball deep in debt, we are truly rich.

I hope things work out for you. Don't be afraid to get the help you need to get you through!