Do you ever feel like people judge you as not as good of a mother as SAHM's? I feel like I've been hearing a lot of that lately...that somehow I am not as committed to my family as a woman who does not work outside of the home. Trust me...I know how hard it is to be a stay at home mom. Yet, I think it's just as hard to be a working mom. I have to fit 36 hours in a 24 hour day. I go work 8 hours a day (sometimes more when I'm teaching piano) come home and take care of my home and make sure my kids feel safe and loved and that my husband and I have a strong relationship. And you know what? They do. They are happy, well-adjusted kids who love our lives. Julia loves nursery school, Patrick loves his daycare, I enjoy my job, and we all love each other and relish in the time we spend together. Rob and I have an amazing relationship and are more in love every day. It works for us.

I don't know...maybe I'm just overreacting, but I love my kids so much it actually makes my heart ache sometimes, and I'm tired of feeling like people think I'm not as devoted to my family as they are because I work. Actually, it really pisses me off.

I hope you don't mean my post. I clearly said I admired working moms. I also stated that my particular career wouldn't allow me to be the type of mom I wanted to be because of the hours. I also said tons of moms are able to balance it successfully and I thought it was wonderful. It's just I personally wasn't able to because of the career I chose.

I certainly would never slam a working mom. I think it's a great way to show your children that you are able to do both things well. (which I also mentioned) I've also said to you in the past that I admired you personally for doing both.

Just wanted to clarify since you used the word devotion which is what I happened to mention in my post and it appeared directed toward me. Everyone makes their own personal choices based on their individual lives. Just because my career wasn't something I felt I could do well and balance motherhood, doesn't mean I think other women can't. I used my own husband as an example of how well he balances being a working dad, going to school, working, and being a husband. I think he does a great job at it.

Maybe, I'm overreacting. Maybe not. Just wanted to clear this up if you were bothered by my post specifically.

Sara,
No, I actually appreciated your post. My frustration is more coming from a birthday party I attended with Julia this afternoon. It was a pretty identical experience for me as all of the other parties I've taken her to since she started nursery school. I'm the only working mom in the class and with the exception of one mom, they pretty much treat me like I have the cooties. They don't "know" me because they all pick their kids up from the nursery school class at 11:30, while Julia goes across the hall to the daycare with kids from the other classes who are in daycare for the rest of the day. They go to lunch together, have playdates, and try as I might, when I see them at these parties, I cannot break into their "inner circle." It's wearing on my patience and I worry about the impact it has on Julia's peer relationships as well. Is she somehow missing out because these kids hang out together at playdates in the afternoon while J is still at daycare? Does she not get included in things because her mommy is working and can't bring her? I know of a few occasions like this and it upset me, but it's a fact of our life. I'm digressing.

They don't come out and say, "You suck cuz you work," but it's the definite vibe. Then, I came to the village tonight and read the other thread and that made me a little angrier...okay, a lot angrier, but I'm feeling better now. And, again, I was NOT referring to your post. I appreciated what you had to say.

I also want to clarify that I'm not slamming SAHM's either. I stayed at home with Julia for 6 months and with Patrick and Julia together for 6 months. I realize that 12 months is not years and years, but it was long enough to give me a taste of being a SAHM, and I certainly realize the unique challenges to that job as well. I'm just tired of being made to feel selfish for having a career.

Nope. I work PT and tend to get the attitude that it must be nice to sit on my butt all day. GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR among other things.
I give all Moms full credit working pt , ft or sahm because a Moms work time never ends period.
Try not to let them bother you. If those women are that way they arent worth a nice persons (like you) time!

I worked after having Erick, and man did I feel it. I felt like a leper. LIke that because I would have to arrange child care, I wasn't as valuable as an employee. I felt passed over for the "better" shifts, and so on. Didn't help that MIL repetedly made it clear that i wasn't a good mom because I was working. (but then again, her track record of being a SAHM wasn't a good comparison either) :rolleyes: . Some days I'd love to have a job outside the home, but right now, I think being here with them is the best for us. Someday though...

just my experience :)

I'm glad it wasn't me. :D I just wanted to be sure. Sincerely, if I thought I could handle my career, I would do it. I miss many things about it.

I had major adjustment issues to transitioning to staying at home. It took years for me to accept that I was still ME even if I wasn't working my career. Before marriage, my career was my life 24/7. I LOVED every moment of it. FV wouldn't even exist had I not felt so whacked out after leaving my career.

I think working moms send a great message to their children. I struggle with wanting to show my children a similar message and work with what I've got going. I think it's VERY important not to give up yourself for children or sacrifice too much of yourself for family. To have a career you love and worked hard to achieve, is a definite good thing. I have personally struggled with wanting to be a strong role model for both my kids, but my daughter especially in a unique mother-daughter way. There's nothing selfish for doing a job you enjoy.

The whole playdate/birthday party thing sucks regardless. lol I have yet to fit into any of them and I am a SAHM. The last party I went to, the mom was a SAHM, but also did home parties. I felt like she looked down on me because I didn't do any type of work at home opportunity. When I had Zachary in preschool co-op, the women there were so snooty. omg I thought it was freshman cheerleading tryouts or something.

I put Zachary into a childcare setting a couple of days a week for a couple of hours when he was younger because it was GOOD for him, so I have no doubt that children in childcare are not "suffering" or not well-adjusted and happy kids. Childcare gets a bad rap, but there are plenty of quality childcares around. Obviously. The one I chose for Zachary pt was awesome. I think it was wonderful preparation for a school environment and he liked it there a lot.

I'm at home and miss opportunities at the school because I have Alexandra that I can't take to a lot of functions. We juggle time the same as if I were working sometimes. Next week is Zachary's very important person week. I need to be in his classroom at least one day, so Gabe has to take a day off from work to watch Ally. Same goes for field trips. We're fortunate that Gabe is able to take time without much notice.

I'm a strong believer that women can do anything they want to do. For me, I've had to acknowledge that I may be able to do anything I want to do, but I can't do it all at one time. Very difficult realization for me because I never thought I wouldn't be a working mom.

Well, now I've rambled. lol You'll have to pardon my paranoia. It's been a helluva week. I've been in defense mode for days now. ugh This too shall pass.

I admire all women....working ft/pt or SAHM. I think both jobs require lots of dedication to your family.

I am also a ft working mom of 3 and have learned to balance work, home, and family. All 3 of my children are in public school...the same district I work in and it seems to work for us. I actually get to see them more because I work there. I can go visit them at any time throughout the day....which I have. I also know that my husband appreciates that I help him with the household budget, especially when his hours were cut. When he was home while I was at work, he took care of the house. When we are both working, we share responsibilities. Working is just something that seems to work for my family.

I know it doesn't work for all families. I would never judge you by the choice you make. I think everyone should choose what is best for them and their family. Not everyone will choose the same thing.

I've always worked. When Georgia started school I went part time so that I could take her to school and pick her up, but I always worked. When she started full time school, I started full time work.

I know the kind of person you mean AmyBoz, who won't include you in their "group". I'm sorry to sound harsh, but people like that just aren't worth my time. If they can't be bothered to even be polite to someone just for the sake of it, make small talk, and have nothing better to do than be mean , then they clearly have nothing more constructive to do with their time. I'm not having a go at SAHMs. There are people on both sides of the issue who would say "you don't have a life b/c you stay at home" or "you don't care about your kids b/c you work outside the home." No one has any right to judge anyone else or their life decisions, and IMHO, there is NO EXCUSE for being rude and ignorant to another person.

I say stuff 'em. :hug2:

Amy, I have never looked down on a working mom. I think it's sad but it's true what you say...alot of people judge.

I believe that every women can chose their life, whether it be she stays home, she works pt, she works ft, or she even decides not to have kids.

I think the most important thing to do is to respect ouselves and do what makes us truly happy. :)

And I want to add--Amy, I think you are a wonderful mom! :heartsm:

I've always had to be a working mom and for the first couple of years of dd's life, I was a single mom as well. It was not easy and it will never be. I'm fortunate now that we can exist on my working pt instead of ft as I did for so long. I think there are my great things about being a sahm but I also feel that there is pride in being a working mom and full time mother. I am fortunate to be able to take dd to work with me when school is out for a holiday. I also can work a flex schedule when she's sick and I need to stay at home with her. When I take her to work with me, she gets to see what it is that I do to provide her with all the things she wants. I also put her to work helping me - filing, copying, etc. In our household, there are no woman jobs and no men jobs. We each help with anything we can, no matter who's chore it might have been meant to be. It's a long ways from perfect but I do feel that she understands my roll as administrative assistant, mom and partner with Mel. Sure I miss things that I could be doing and our house is never completely clean, but I'm a mom 24/7 no matter where I am, she knows she comes first. I don't get much grief from sahm's because most people who know me also know that I was a single mom with a sick child for several years. I did what was necessary for us to live.

First, let me say that you moms who work FT and keep it together at home, too, have all my respect. I don't know how some of you do it.

I work PT-- two days a week, usually Tuesday and Thursday, six hours a day. In reality, I bring a lot of work home with me, but that's ok, because it still gives me a creative outlet and it's something I enjoy. (I'm the Activity Director in a nursing home, if anyone doesn't know that by now, lol, I feel like I say it a lot!) I was blessed with a wonderful boss who has helped me out and changed my duties to accomodate the schedule I want to work-- I only work on the days that DH is off, so that DD never goes to a babysitter. Now that she's nearly two, I could see putting her in daycare or a babysitter without much problem, but when she was little, the doctors strongly advised that we keep her away from other kids as much as possible since she was a preemie and at high risk of getting sick. So, I worked out a work schedule that suited us, and, I love it.

Believe it or not, I get those same bad-mom looks and comments from the other SAHM's in my MOMS Club. I can't go to most of their functions because they happen on the days I work. I can't tell you how many times I've answered the "Oh, you WORK?" question and the looks that accompany it.

On the other hand, my co-workers do seem to think that on the days I'm not at work I'm just laying around watching soap operas. :bang:

DH and I have talked many times about what I will do when we have more kids, and, honestly, I'm undecided. I used to say that I'd quit and stay at home full-time, but, it's really good for me to get out of the house those two days a week and have adult conversations. Plus, professionally, this keeps me up to date on regulations, my certification, etc. So, I'm not sure what we'll do when we have another child.

DH and I wouldn't have any time together if I worked FT. He works crazy schedules, and, often gets called in on his days off to testify in court-- that's not optional when you receive a subpeona. So, I have to try and work things (extended family events, church, etc etc) around when he can be with us and when he can't. If I worked FT, too, where would that leave us?

I think the decision to work or not (when it is an option, not a necessity) is very personal and there's no right or wrong answer. You really have to decide what feels right for you, and what works best for your family. Those who want to judge your decision one way or another haven't lived your life, and have no right to tell you what's best for your family.
I'll get off my :soapbox: now. :)

:hugz: Amy,
I've done it all...full time working mom, part time working mom, SAHM, SAH homeschooling mom and now full time homeschooling mom and part time working mom. And you know what, I have been judged by others in a bad light for all of the above. You cannot please everyone...you can just do what works best for your family. And as for those women, don't worry about what they think.
Amy, it is very evident to me that you are a wonderful teacher, wife and mother. Your students, the staff and your family are very lucky and blessed to have you in their lives. I think one of your greatest strengths is that you are so organized. That helps cut down on the stress of trying to juggle all your responsibilties. I only wish I had your organizational abilities also!:hugz: