http://www.frugalfamily.com/Children/Teenagers.aspx

Oh I hope this is true. I have a three year old and I often picture what it will be like when she is a teen.

Shell, I've been there and I TOTALLY 100% agree with Tawra's mum! This is the truth.

We have a stupid culture that treats teens like babies, and dumps tons of money, credit cards, cars, clothes and fancy stuff all unearned and unappreciated on the teens.

Teens do better when they are given respect that comes from doing their work and schooling well, from having self respect and earning their fun, and fancy stuff.

It means a whole lot more, and they are the better for it.

Mine turned out fine, so did Tawra's sibs and herself. I know plenty of other frugal and fine teenagers.

But to be honest, the ones that get a truckload of goodies dumped on them, complete with NO expectations to perform, well they don't turn out so hot.

Those are the ones who get in a boatload of trouble. And yes, they cost their parents big time for designer clothes, cars, and later for detox units, lawyer fees, jail time, rehab units etc.

Interesting article. I don't have kids, but I do work with the teens at my church. Their activities are expensive. I'm always telling my DH that if we had a kid in the youth group, we wouldn't be able to afford to send the kid to everything. I think it's a little unreasonable to expect a middle schooler to earn all their own money for activities and clothes. High schoolers are ready for more responsibility that a job brings.

I would like to comment that just because a kid is given everything doesn't mean that he or she will turn out to be an ungrateful, drugged out, irresponsible person. I was given a brand-new car at 16 (and again at 19,22, 26...), had all insurance and gas paid for until I graduated from college, expensive and fairly large wardrobe, and I never worked until summertime in college. I had a large allowance, but it came attached with budgeting rules. Ten percent had to go church, 10% to savings, gifts for friends' birthday parties had to come out of my allowance, as did any clothes or other things I wanted but didn't need. That taught me the budgeting and money-handling skills I needed to know as an adult. My parents believed that my job was school, and they didn't want me distracted by having to work.

That's not to say that I think it's wrong or bad for kids to work. I think it's a good thing, actually. I just think it is unfair to label kids who are given lots of extras as being unable to take care of themselves later in life or being on drugs or suffering from depression. Life is what you make of it, and those kids who are supposedly messed up from being spoiled are choosing to be that way. You can only blame your parents for so much.

For us, the big expenses are for activities.

FFA jacket $45
New pants for FFA

Every trip (monthly give or take) $20 spending money for food. I can't send lunchmeat & a cooler...they restrict the amount of luggage. The leaders don't understand...they think it's no big deal to drop $20 a weekend.

YMCA Camp
summer camp $657 & spending money for 2 weeks $50
Yearly SK club dues $250
She's on a trip this weekend that cost us $150 plus $30 spending money & a sack lunch

All summer she'll volunteer for a week at a time at camp & will need at least $5 for beverages during the day...trust me you don't want to drink the water. :)

Softball gear (cleats, gloves, etc) $100 a year

Car insurance & gas for an extra vehicle
Yearbooks & t-shirts for clubs

Other clubs have occasional activities that cost an average of $10 to $20 plus spending money.

Not even to mention the SHOES and clothes she wants! :) We save that for birthdays & christmas. :)

2 weeks ago, she went on 2 activities in one weekend & both times they ended up eating at an actual restaurant & not cheaper fast food and both times she didn't have enough money and had to borrow from someone. I had given her $5 for lunch & pop and lunch it's self ended up being more than $8. (sigh)

She earns $50 a month doing the chores we assign her & she babysits for people once in awhile.

She's too young for a "job" but she volunteers alot. When she's 16, she *will* be working.

I want her to be involved in activities. Bored teenagers get into trouble. ;)

IMO...and maybe Ashleigh *is* spoiled.....but for *us* the teenager is *considerably* more expensive.

Kennedy only has 4 or 5 outfits & one pair of shoes. I can't get away with that for Ashleigh. :toothy: :toothy: :toothy:

I think part of the problem is that churches are used to wealthier parents of teens being able to pony up the money for all the pizza parties and events.

You can open up a conversation and express the need for change but if you are the only family there who is being frugal, it will be a bad fit anyway.

Another way to deal with it, is if the church is not prepared to listen-- relax, that is their wish, as for a frugal family, make a change, go to a different church.

Some are very supportive of homeschoolers and those ones are often more supportive of frugal families who homeschool, which makes for a win win situation.

it's a very good point that both the above posters are making.

Ewokgirl is right, not all teens of priviledge turn out bad, --generalizations there.

and she and Mom22girls are right when they bring up the point about some churches (and social groups) that a frugal type might be part of that isn't supportive.

I think it comes down to this, if you are being supported and nurtured in a group, even if they are different economically, it's good to continue to be part of that group.

But if a church or social set that you belong to is going counter to your family values and the way your family runs then it may be time to switch groups to one that does support your efforts to go upstream against the tide in a society that is bent on debt fueled spending as a lifestyle.

But things aren't black and white, and there may be lots of good people and good reasons to hang in with a church or social set that simply doesnt' agree on one or two points.

Individual judgement call.

But it does point out how all kinds of areas of life affect the raising of teens and the costs of doing that.

I think what's important is that the teens are learning important life skills that will help them to be able to function as adults. There is a difference between being given alot of stuff to keep you happy and off my back, and being given things that I am happy to give you because we are fortunate enough to afford it, and you are being taught to respect what you have and use it wisely.
I think the teen years will probably cost a bit more than the early years for me with my son, he will surely eat a lot more and his clothes will cost more, plus activities, but he will also be able to help out more with chores and maybe earn some $$ doing jobs for other people. I won't be paying him for chores done at home. He'll have his share of work as an able bodied member of the family, just the same as he'll need to do his share of the housework when he lives elsewhere.

My thinking was in line with what Mom22grls said. It's activities that seem to drive up teen costs. Plus, what they want for Christmas and birthdays tends to be more costly, too. ;-)

My thinking was in line with what Mom22grls said. It's activities that seem to drive up teen costs. Plus, what they want for Christmas and birthdays tends to be more costly, too. ;-)

When I replied earlier, I had a major headache. When I woke up after taking a nap, I worried that y'all would think I was being snitty or something. I'm pretty new here, after all. I'm glad no one took my post the wrong way. :-)

The problem with my church and youth activities is that we live in a big metropolitan area. Most of the big-name youth conferences come here, so the youth minister takes the kids to almost all of them. If we had a child in the youth group, we would definitely have to pick and choose the activities our child participated in. As sponsors, DH and I are only able to go to as much as we do because the church always pays for sponsors. I seriously don't know how some of the families with multiple kids manage it.

I do wonder sometimes why we don't plan more activities at the church with little to no cost. We had a youth minister a few years ago whom we had to tell to do this. ALL of the activities he planned were big, expensive events, and he was scheduling them every 2-3 weeks.

School activities aren't much different. Those can become costly, too. Little kids just don't have the same degree of costs, IMO. Their activities tend to be things that their parents choose for them, not school-related activities. Plus, their activities rarely take them away for more than a few hours, unlike teens who go to camps and overnight things that incur costs for food and lodging.

Granted, I've never raised kids, so I can't say I truly know what it costs. But from what I've seen, it seems unlikely that little ones cost the same as teens.

:D :angel: no harm taken hon, you didn't come across badly at all, you make some excellent points.

That is what threads are, a comfy place to chat with friends and bat stuff back and forth without losing friendships and fellowship over it all.

We all have different experiances and laying them out in the threads is useful because every problem is unique too, and some of what one says, plus a little from someone else, and a topping of wisdom from a third, will maybe solve a problem.

I've raised my 2, and I've seen and been frustrated by exactly what you'd mentioned.

It wouldn't be the only reason I'd leave a church and find a new one, but it would enter into it.

I noticed over the years there is a BIG difference between the homeschool families and the double income families.

I've heard double income families say stuff like "well anybody can budget for THAT!" and mean it, and I've heard homeschoolers go away feeling like dirt because nope, they couldn't, it just wasn't on their level at all.

But on the other side of things I've heard homeschool families judge the double income families for not doing enough WITH their kids.

LOL at times I've been tempted to call it the "rustier than thou" attitude. As in a frugality contest amongst homeschoolers as to who drives the oldest rustiest van, and how long it's been since she actually spent money on stuff other than food or books.

Kind of a great divide there though. I see that great divide between the frugal families who don't homeschool, and who prefer to lavish attention rather than material goods on their kids

and the ones who are spending themselves into the ground trying to help their kids keep up with the latest trends at the local high school.

I've been really blessed that in the last few years we were in a church that although it is in a wealthy area, didn't usually do fun stuff that cost much and usually didn't cost anything at all.

One boy in particular was subsidized by the church for any youth trips etc as his parents were absolutely broke, despite 2 incomes (minimum wage).

Our church has wealthy members, and not so wealthy. It seems to strike a comfortable balance in the youth group but also in the other age groups.