Hi. I'm Patty and I joined a year or so ago.I am returning once again to the village from an absence.My husband has been on workmans comp for the past six months.I am a sahm and can't work right now due to a mental disability but have been denied SSD or SSI three times.Some months we live on 500 dollars when his checks are late.Other months we get the full thousand.I am getting so desparate.We are so deeply in debt,have been for years but now we can't even make minimum payments for any creditors.I feel guilty when I buy anything, including food if I get something that isn't an Essential.I have a daughter who is 21 months old and I have so much worry that I can hardly enjoy her.I also am finally getting over post partum depression which is a very good thing.My husband can return to work in two months after back surgery.He is a custodian and I pray he dosen't injure himself again.I have to be more disciplined even now with what I use money for.Im so tired of being at this level,but there are no quick answers.I just have to wait til my DH can work again.We want to get out on our own from living with my parents and would also like to have a second child someday.I just want some respite from this difficulty and want to have a good attitude.We owe something in the neighborhood of 20,000 dollars in credit card debt as well as personal loans.These loans we had taken to pay for things we couldn't afford.I have told my husband I just don't want to be part of the finaces anymore I just am too stressed from it.To give me an allowance for food and everything else and I will budget that.I get so obssesive over things I feel like Im terribly self centered.I want something else in my life to focus on other than family bills and the fact that we are so desparate.I had been doing yoga on my own and need to start up again.I also meditate.I haven't been painting for some time or done any scrapbooking.I have plenty of these hobbies but have been so in a rut that I forgot they were there.I will start them up again.My medicine has recently been adjusted but my concentration isn't what it once was.I apologize for the length of this post and the fact that it is all over the place.Life has just been so hard.I need some help figuring out a budget and sticking to it and finding a way out of this hole.So I come here to you Ladies, in hopes Iwill renew and find friendship and find some solution to my troubles.Thanks-

patty

Hugs to you Patty, I know that things can be extremely overwhelming at times and right now it's your in a place it's hard to see the end to. Take a deep breath, take your baby out for a walk and appreciate the day, the weather, the fresh air.

I know the bills can be overwhelming, can you and hubby do them together?

I'm glad you have family to help you at this time, they can be such a blessing.

I know that many others on here will be able to offer you a lot of help, shoulders and ideas with this, we're all here for you.

kj

:hug2:

Kellie

Patty,

I know you can get through this, although it's incredibly difficult. If you haven't read it already (maybe even if you have) I would suggest getting "The Tightwad Gazette" out of your library and reading it. The author does a great job of motivating her readers to save money and enjoy life while doing so.

Being financially strapped is awful, but if you take it one step at a time, the day will come when you are paying your bills in full and saving money. It's hard to see now, but every time you don't buy a non-essential, every time you reuse an item instead of replacing it, etc. you are getting closer to that day.

Have you or DH called your creditors to make new payment plans? If you're not up to it, maybe you can get the numbers together for him and he can make the calls so it's a joint effort. Creditors would rather see something from you than nothing, so may be willing to work with you. If you have lower minimum payments to make each month you may feel less stressed, plus taking charge of the situation may help you feel more hopeful of the future.

Also, if you can manage this, try to set aside some time to work on finances, then try not to think about them elsewise. If you start worrying about the situation tell yourself "I'll deal with that Thursday or at 2:00pm" or whatever time you've set, then try to move on to something more productive like playing peek-a-boo with your little one.

Good luck!

It sounds like you're taking the bull by the hors and trying to be pro-active in your life. I always get annoyed when people just complain and don't do anything about their situation. You, on the other hand, are trying. I think that's great! All things are time-limited (usually). You will get through it and be stronger!

Patty, take the time to look at all of the posts about frugal recipes, etc. this will not only help you but it will give a new inspiration. You are not alone!! This site has helped me tremendously, try to take the time to get away from stress, and enjoy your baby. Babies grow too fast. Maybe if you feel like it, talk to a church clergy or something in that nature, just to unload. Carrying burdens by yourself is tough. We will listen and hopefully help on here too. Call your creditors, etc. there is hope. Stay strong, and God bless.

Hi Patty,
Hugs to you. I hope you are able to gain from the forums. There is inspiration and ideas available daily. My sympathy to you for all the trouble you are experiencing right now. Things will get better. Love the little one and know that she is the most important thing. Hopefully you can take care of her and you and the rest will come.

The outpouring of support makes me feel so much better.There are some wonderful ideas you all have given me.I will read the tightwad gazzette-I have also once read Mary Hunt's book and will get it out again to refresh my mind and so.I am going to browse the forum for a bit-Happy Mothers day to all you Mom's!

thanks again-

Patty:jack:

I've been there too!!! Up to my eyeballs in debt. and little or no money coming in. Years ago, 2 children under the age of 5 and felt like I couldn't hardly breathe sometimes for harrasments from bill collectors. I have always been SAHM. And it's never easy. I now any of us in the forumn have many stories that may help you otr answer your questions.
(((HHHUUUGGGSSS))) to you and your family.


There is only one way to happiness, and that is to cease worrying things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus

many ((Hugs)))

have you ever thought of debt counceling? we joined concumer credit counceling service about 2 years ago and they helped us alot! i just had to get all my bills together faxed them or mail them copies, and they lowered my interest and it stopped all the bill collecters calling! some of my cards were at like 30% and now they are 9.9% this company is oneof the FEW counceling services you can find and are backed bt the BBB. they will work with you about monthly payments and will most likely waive the fee(they did for me)
the way i look at it its better to be in debt counceling then having charge offs.etc... and articles i have read have said being in credit counceling is no longer counted as a negitive on your credit report.
btw....:grouphug2
it will get better... and i know the pain of postpartum(tears for ya) i know it girl!!!! there is ALWAYS light at the end of the tunnel!ALWAYS
keep us posted and never feel unworthy to vent we all need to get this stuff off our chest.http://www.cccsintl.org/

Hugs and prayers.

Is bankrupcy an option for you? I understand it doesn't help though if you don't resolve to do everything possible to never find yourself in that same position again.

Patty, {{{Hugs}}}

I too suffer from mental illness and am on medication that seems to wreck havoc with my concentration and focus. My suggestion is to pick your best time of day to read "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" and make notes on ideas that you could implement. Only pick a few though. And pick the ones that will make the biggest difference monetarily.

If you don't have a 'best time of day', talk to your doctor. You may be having medication problems. I've had to adjust mine quite a bit over the last five years, but I've finally got it so it's manageable.

I used to be a night owl. Now my best time of day is in the morning, before I take my noon pill. I've changed my sleeping schedule so I am in bed early at night and up early (6:30 a.m.) in the morning. I get a full 6 hours of lucidity and activity in before succumbing to a state of befuddlement from the drug in the afternoon.

I plan my day to take advantage of the situation. In the morning I do things that require concentration, focus and decision making. In the afternoon I am hopeless at these. I do mindless, repetitious stuff that doesn't require a lot of thought. Like mending, laundry, etc.

I always lay down for awhile in the afternoon...usually within 20 minutes of taking my pill. It really exhausts me. I'm out for about 45 minutes and then up again for the rest of the day. If I don't take this 'nap', then I definitely need one around 3 p.m. So I absolutely insist on afternoon tea at the very least. Usually I rest or have a nap for up to an hour. Then I'm good to go for the evening. Usually I finish off projects I've started (things that just require follow through...no decision making), pay bills, write letters, sort through flyers, pick up around the house, etc. Then bed early and up again early in the morning for the fun stuff.

HTH I haven't been as desperate as you folks, but I do understand the medication end of things. I know you can work your way out of this with all the good advice these ladies have given you! Go for it! We're here for you! {{{Hugs!}}}

Jean

I thank you ladies for your replies and advice.Bankruptcy is something we have thought of but not sure we want to go that route.We are currently in a debt counseling program and have been for three years.What threw us off track was my husbands injury, it was an event we were not prepared for.All of the creditors dropped us from the program, but we now are getting ourselves back on track and have set up a payment plan with greenpath and they will send out new proposals.I started working at buy buy baby in huntington,and love it.I am payed a decent salary for retail, and from what I can see employees are treated well.I mean to take the tightwad gazette out of the library, as well as Mary Hunt's book debt free marriage, but I didn't get them yet.I am very hopeful for the future.

thanks, Patty:bunny:

Patra dear,

Please don't be offended, but please DO remember that there are many fine charities that are ready and willing to help you. I volunteered for many years with a number of them in the Twin Cities area, and was stunned by the amazing network of resources available. In fact, because of my particular involvement, I had a three-inch thick resource book, and could readily refer people to just about whatever type of agency could help them.

Many, many churches have very sophisticated social outreach programs, and even if they are not well-funded themselves (and many are), they usually know where to direct people for assistance. There are also government agencies that can help. Think about it: haven't you been paying taxes through the nose for years on end? Nothing wrong and everything right about taking advantage of the systems you've helped pay for when you really need it - and you and your precious daughter and your fragile health really do.

I'd be more than happy to PM with you if you like. Again, I do not mean to offend, but there is a lot out there that could help you. And, I've stood in a number of food shelf lines and government agencies myself and I can absolutely assure you that there was never a hint of condescension or discomfort of any sort.

Prayers and blessings,
Mary

Sending you a :hugz:

Again thank you everyone for your support.I called Catholic Charities yesterday, but Im not sure if they can help.I am applying for disability with the help of Binder and Binder, and my husband and I have decided that bankruptcy is the only way we have to put an end to this.I am 8 weeks pregnant and have been very emotional.I want to bring this baby into a good life,and raise my daughter to be a happy well adjusted individual.I often look at a half empty glass, but hope to change my outlook.I am thinking of volunteering and maybe even going back to Church.Sometimes when it seems very dark,maybe thats when I need to turn back to God and let Him navigate for awhile.Put myself and my life into His hands.Anyway thank you all for viewing my rambling and supporting me.


Patty

:cheerup: I have been there also. It is overwhelming, and it almost made me have a nervous breakdown. I had to let go and let GOD. Give him your burdens. He always comes through.

:hugz: to you, Patty

You mentioned that you live with your parents.....do you have to pay rent? Utilities? etc...
I am only asking because if your monthly bills right now are minimal then $500-$1000 is doable.
We lived often had only $800 a month for the last 2.5 years and we had a mortgage and 3 children.
We spent NOTHING! And I mean nothing. Our food was pasta and beans and we had no parental assistance.
I homeschool our children and so was unable to work full time (but Dh's family felt I should) but I did work part time. I gardened and turtored ESL students....and these funds helped to extend our student loans. Perhaps you can find some way to earn some money with somekind of part-time work and put all that you earn down on debt.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.....my eldest daughter had nicer clothes these last two years than ever before LOL! Because clothes aren't important to us and all the clothes given to her was the latest fashion (she is 14) LOL. By making your needs know you shouldn't have to pay for any clothes for your 2 year old or any other baby needs....many people will be thrilled to pass on out grown items to a child in need....

Make it into a game and challenge yourself....

I won't pretend that it will always be easy.....because their were times I would be at my wits end.....but with prayer......I always managed to pull things together with Gods help. There certainly were very dark times.....
I would suggest to make a list of ten free things that will cheer you.
The top ones on my list was a cup of tea outside (regurdless of the weather), a hot bath, listening to my favourite CD, a trip to the library......You can get the idea.....
Then do the same for your Dd ( a trip to the playground, a walk.....) and Dh...
These were the things that kept me going even when I thought I would never make it through this period.
It can be done. I know.

I do live with my parents.And I am grateful.My dad lent us money to pay down the majority of our debt when we went to him and told him of our troubles with the debt we had incurred.Now we have left a loan and one small credit card which we intend to go through a credit counselor in order to
clear that up.I realize that I had really been looking at things from a negative perspective,and had gotten depressed.I am really very fortunate.I need to learn self control in order not to spend any money on senseless things, and to find outlets for myself so that I may be more satisfied with the way things are.For myself, I found a class at the library in Tai Chi that is free, and I am going to take it on Thursday evenings.I have always loved the martial arts and this way I can get into it again for free.Jay is very good about not spending money on anything but necessities, he has become that way.I get obsessive about something I want or imagine I need and won't stop til I get it which is very Spoiled bratty of me.So I am going to change that,habits are hard to break but not impossible.Thank you so much for all your advice and thank you for allowing me to continue to lean on you all for support.Things look much brighter, Jay is back to work and I might even sell avon.As long as I dont buy it myself, I might do ok.Things are looking up, my attitude has changed.

Patty

WTG!

I am so happy for you! By the way I am sorry about my lousy spelling...i am usually typing in such a rush....that I don't have time to prrof read....

You have learned one of lifes great lessons....attitude is everything.....we are actually so fortunate to live in N. America..... because there is rarely true deprivation....and there is so much to be thankful for.....

I remember how excited I was when I was given Hot Chocolate..... this winter....the children I had many wintry parties with that gift......in the summer we would go forage for berries.....my children loved it.....or we would go floating down the river on tubes on hot August days.....life doesn't get any better than that and it is all FREE!

Bless you