Hi Gals! I was wondering if there are any other young wives (or not married, maybe getting married or just living together, whatever) that make their home their job instead of working outside the home with no kids?
I'd like to get to know some of you. :-)

MrsB

ME!!

I am 28, married for 8 years now and I have 2 girls Susanne is 5 and Victoria is 3 today! Elizabeth #3 arriving soon!

been home since my oldest was born.

LOVE IT!

but of course I do a few wahm things too....

I'm a stay at home empty nester...does that count???

lol Sure Cathy!!
Christine, congrats on #3!!

We have no children and I am 51, I have only worked off and on through our 33 marriage. I used to get flack for staying home w/no kids but my dsis and my friends benefited from me being home! I always figured if we could afford my not working then I would stay home and let someone else who wanted/needed to work have the job I would be filling!

I consider myself young, hehe, at 35, one child that'll be outta the house in a year, so I feel like a house wife. Stay at home just doesn't sit right when the kid drives, has a job and is rarely home. And my 'job' is taking care of the house, no outside income. Do I count? :D

I work sporadically, and I've been a homemaker more years of the marriage than not. DH and I are both 27, together for 8 years, no kidlets. :D

Well I'm not young, LOL, but I am a SAHM to my many kiddos (cats) :D

Oh how I would LOOOOOOOOOVE to do that. :)

What I wanted to know from you all is how do you handle all the flack you get from being a housewife instead of working outside the home?

I don't believe in rudeness or sarcastic comebacks, I used to but realized as I got older it's not necessary. I guess I don't let it bother me and I also don't complain if we are tight for money except to my close friends. All of us either work very part time right now or not at all so we all except each others ways of doing things. I do work very part time in a preschool, 9-12 hours a week, if I wanted I could start back computer consulting with dh. The only reason I took this job is because it is easy, fun and the women I work with are wonderful especially my teacher. When it stops being fun or I have to get a "real" job as my dh says I will!

I also volunteer at my church and in the past have done hospital volunteering and have always worked with teenage girls. I would like to start working with meals on wheels!

I tell them I am CEO of my home :-)

Just say you are a Home Technician!
I am married without kids, 2 dogs and 1 cat. But I work full time still. I hope to retire at 50...15 years to go!

hey, im a stay at home wife, with no kids, i do a phone job, in the adult industry, i hope thats okay to say here, lol...

Even though I have 5 kids I still get the "Why don't you get a job?". I just tell them that it was a family choice, my dh, my kids, and myself all want me at home, so that's wher I am. I've told my dh that I'll get a job once the kids are older or after they leave home and he says no to both, he wants me at home.

I never got too much flack... my family is really old-fashioned so it was cool with them as long as bills were paid. :D MIL has been SAH since her youngest was 15 or so, no flack there either.

I think it might be how I handle the question to, I say I am working on x project or y project because I usually am. I volunteer quite a bit and now I am a contingent worker since I have my MSW now.

sorry I didnt answer the question, I dont handle the questions very well, I dont say a darn word when people ask me why i dont work outside of the home, and then i get upset when they're not around, lol... i get most of the flack from hubby and MIL, so i can ignore them usually when i need to, lol

I get flack from other women, usually. Typically it's women who's children are in daycare, while driving a big SUV, wearing the latest, sporting a new chic hairdo and fake fingernails. They complain they HAVE to work and wish they could stay at home. Even a few older ladies with grown kids complaining about having to work to pay for their previous spending. In the past I've tried to be nice and explain what i do at home in order to live well on one income. What?? You mean you cook everyday and hang out your laundry to dry? They thought I was insane. So here lately, I just smile. When prodded for more info I smile again and say I'm an excellent manager of dh's income and leave it at that.

Some people aren't very nice about it, even make nasty comments. I've come to just accept that they are unhappy about their own situation and try to make me feel bad to make themselves feel better. *shrugs* The jokes on them. :)

I'm 54 and I stay at home with no kids, but not by choice. I was laid off.

I've been at home now for about 8 years...and my oldest was in school all day. I now have a toddler, but I pretty much was where you are. :)

I just let those comments roll off my back. They don't live your life, so there comments don't matter to a hill of beans. :)

I always said that DH *wants* me home...life is less stressful...and this is the way we want it.

I agree with the comment about not complaining about tight money situations. :) It just gives them ammunition to judge you. :)

What I wanted to know from you all is how do you handle all the flack you get from being a housewife instead of working outside the home?

Sorry MrsB I didn't answer your question. I DID work outside of the home for over 20 years. While trying desperately to have children, hubby and I traveled a great deal and all I got for comments were "Gee, wish I could just pack a bag and go like you do all the time!" said very sarcastically I might add.

My response was you can, give me your children to adopt and you can have my job! Shut them right up! :P

I'm in my mid 40's and have been a homemaker for the past 4 yrs. I have a 25 yr old son who is married and a 16 yr old stepdaughter who is only here occassionally for visitation.

Well....I LIKE being home. And that's usually what I tell people. It works for dh and I. We both came from homes with SAHMs and it's always been something we worked towards. I quit work when my girls were in high school so I could be around and know what they were doing and who they were with, etc. I just never went back....and it has worked well for us. We are comfortable with our lifestyle and I really don't care what other people think! My next door neighbor is a SAHD :) That man is always out washing windows, cleaning cars, doing yard work...taking the neighbor kids to school...I love it!
He has spent a good deal of the summer with his 6 year old going fishing and camping. (his wife is a corp. attorney and travels quite a bit). I respect any lifestyle that works for a family....whether it's considered *the norm* or not.

MrsB, I think there are just people out there that are going to criticize any choice other people make.

I don't happen to fit the criteria you were asking about- I have a daughter, and I work outside the home 15 hours a week. That said, I still get flack from people for not having a "real job" (this despite the fact that I am a full time MOTHER, a part time lab assistant, and on on-call lab problem supervisor.)

I find that the people who say these things to me are generally not happy people and I try to ignore their foolish comments. I suppose they are just jealous because I have a more successful life (ie I AM HAPPY) than they do, and it just makes me feel sorry for them. HTH

Thanks everyone!! You guys have given me alot of encouragement. My dh wants me at home and finacially we're much better off now and I like being at home and being able to cook every night. (ok almost every night we eat at my mom's occassionaly. lol)

I am a SAHM, so I only fit part of the criteria. I have a 12 yr.old DD. I make it work on 1 paycheck to be able to do this. We don't have fancy cars, take fancy vacations or anything, but I feel that my DD needs me here. Plus, truthfully, by the time I got done paying for somebody to stay with her and gas, and all the other stuff I would be paying them, it would actually be costing me to work outside the home. I also think my DH secretly wishes the rolls were reversed...LOL

I'm 32, married 8 years, and I've been a SAHW for 7 years. We have no children, just 2 spoiled cats. I used to get some nasty comments from people, but it was always from women who were unhappy with their own lives. It used to really upset me, but now I just feel sorry for them.

My dad occasionally still says stuff to me about getting a job. I think it just bugs him that he spent so much on college, and now I'm not using my degree outside of the home. However, he spent just as much on my sister's education, and he's never once given her flack about not working. But she has kids. *sigh* Oh, and my mom doesn't work. Never has, but that's different, apparently. That is what bugs me more than anyone else's comments.

We've struggled here and there financially. I was very sick about 4 years ago, and that depleted our savings. Our house has foundation problems, termites, carpenter ants (we bought a dud), stuff breaks... But still, our lives are better because I'm at home. I was an English teacher before I quit working, and I always had piles of essays to grade, lesson plans to make, books to read, study guides to write up, etc. I never felt like I had any real free time because there was always something that needed to be done for school. Our laundry piled up, one of us would have to stay home to wait for repairmen (usually DH since it was a bother to have to write up lesson plans for a sub), our weekends were filled with chores and errands. Not a relaxing or very enjoyable life for us.

My being at home works for us. If anyone else has a problem with it, well, they're not living my life. They are free to live theirs however they wish.

Awww, I just tell them I'm a Horse wife, house wife, manager, chief cook and bottle washer, pilot (I pile manure here, and there, and there, lol) keeper of the critters, and by the time I get done telling them about PART of my day they pretty much stop.

The biggest problems have been with my MIL and Brother-in-laws and their wives, they've OFTEN commented how it would be nice to "just stay home", finally at Christmas last year I set it all straight, lol. Told them I'd LOVE to drive a brand new SUV like theirs but don't want the payments :) And it's funny, one family has 4 kids, the other has 1, and they just have to have more, more, more, constantly keeping up with the Jones.

Me? I don't WANT to keep up, would rather stay home in my cut offs, t-shirts and play in the mud in the garden, care for the horses and cattle and house.

kj

What I wanted to know from you all is how do you handle all the flack you get from being a housewife instead of working outside the home?

Hi!

I am 31, DH is 28 and we are child free by choice. I am a stay at home wife and have been for the last three years.

DH and I are both highly amused when people ask what I do for a living and I say "I am a housewife". Jaws literally drop!

Whenever people say something negative about it I just say it's the way we want to do things and we don't need the money so we do without the stress that goes along with both of us working.

People that I've known for yonks just accept it as they know I'm a simple liver and not too materialistic. People I've met more recently seem to be a bit less pleasant about it but no-one can argue with how happy DH and I are so I don't mind.

We have been married 14 years this October and we are 34 years old. Dh works outside the home and I do not now. We have 1 dog and 3 cats.

I have looked for work but in the area of Ohio we are in there is not a lot of jobs in town and for me to drive anywhere it is a bout an hour so for us that would just eat up gas money.

Also by me staying home I cook more and take better care of the house. I keep up on the laundry and I am actually enjoying cooking which I thought I would never admit to.

I goto the library a lot and I have been playing the grocery game (and doing very well at it so far 3 months into it) and we have a nice stockpile of food. I have told everyone that this year for christmas we are not doing a lot and everyone seemed fine with that so I am glad.

We have learned to live with in one income and yes it can be hard but we are doing it now. There are times when we struggle for something that we want but hey that is part of life. Right now we are thinking about taking a home equite loan and putting a bath/laundryroom upstairs and add to that garage and put in our pool and fence. We figure we stay home all the time now so why not do something we will enjoy and we need a bath upstairs we don't have one now and I hate coming downstairs in the middle of the night I already fell down once don't want to do that again.

We have learned a lot thru all this but I don't mind and things around the house look nicer and taking care of.

I do get some flak from people but you know what it is our lives not there so if they don't like it so be it but for us it is fine.

I'm an empty nester...well, my 19 yo is still with us, but she fends for herself and is rarely here.

I've always got the gears for not working outside the home from people outside the family, and sometimes from people inside the family. We chose to homeschool our girls. The criticism just made me work harder at being a better homeschool mom.

My being home allowed me to not only homeschool my girls, but also to be the family caregiver...and I mean extended family. My family is stretched across North America. If anyone needed help, I was flown in for awhile to support and care for them. This worked great for Dad's heart surgery, Mom's various hospitalizations and subsequent recoveries, dsis's surgery, etc.

I also became a bit of the family therapist!!! That role kind of took me by surprise! I've spent a lot of time talking to siblings and their spouses about marriage relationships - mine and theirs. We learn from each other. I am delighted to see some rocky marriages level off.

And because of homeschooling, we've had some rockin' discussions on education in our family. It's opened a lot of eyes and people in the family are taking notice and taking charge of their children's education.

So I think, overall, I've had a pretty busy life as a 'SAHM/W'. I put that in quotes because, as you can tell, I didn't spend it all at home! Mostly on the road helping people. And then there's the community volunteer work...

My response is usually shock when people criticise me for staying at home. I laugh and tell them I'm a stay-at-home-mom who's never home. Some of them actually get the point...for a wonder. In reality, they have no idea how much travelling and running around I do. Dh was complaining I wasn't home when he called anymore. Why stick around when there's nothing to do at home? Though I don't think it's as bad as he says. I still spend the early morning and late afternoon having quiet time with God, reading and doing Bible studies.

Jean

Meeeeeeeeee.

im wanting to be a sahw. -- no kids yet but looking forward to it. ive been working since i was a kid, and stayed at home for a few months last year and loved it. was able to finally get the house the way i wanted it and my dh didnt have to do a thing. home cooked meals and really being able to give him something good for him instead of just "quick and good tasting" really made me feel like i was accomplishing something. -- he could just come home and relax and we'd enjoy one another's company because all of the household duties were out of the way.

Hello,

My name is Sheila and I am 35. I have been married to my hubby Joe(37) for almost 15 yrs well the 19th of this month will be 15 yrs. I am currently a stay at home wife. We don't have any children we were pg a few years ago and lost the baby and now we are in the process of adopting(my life long dream)our first daughter from China. I plan to adopt another child at some point and attempt another pg. It is nice to be a sahw:dishes: soon to be sahm:clap: I am looking forward to getting to know you all. People around me don't really understand the sahw thing they think you sit around and eat all day.

Sheila(35)
Dh Joe(37)
Mom to 3:kitty: :kitty: :kitty: Baby, Friskie and our newest 5 month old Taz
Mom to 2 dogs Tipper a Chow mix and Daisy our sweet little 4.75 Chihuahua
And Mom to a sweet 4 yr old cockatiel named Stamp our vocal little boy

I want to be a SAHM so badly, but right now while I don't have children I guess it's better for me to keep working, at least part time to bring in extra income. I guess it would be different if I was really good at housekeeping, cooking, frugality, etc., but those things don't come naturally to me I guess. LOL I am working on it though, and hope to be an excellent housewife/mommy by the time we do have children.

I am a 28 year old stay at home wife. We have no children. I have been a stay at home wife since I got married almost 2 years ago. We are unsure if we even want children. The reason I stay home is because my husband makes too much money for me to work and not be a tax liability. I can own my own business but receiving a W2 is out of the question. People tend to not like my answer to "Why don't you work?" It makes certian men and women feel uncomfortable...I'm not rich or anything. My husband just makes too much for me to work. Plus I like staying at home. I love creating a place for us to have shelter from the crazy world. I get flack from certain people.. like my dad. I'm sure he just wants me to be taken care of no matter what. As he should. I have my own IRA and savings accounts, we have life insurance and own stock in prominent companies. If you do stay home...be clear with your partner that you need to be taken care of if something happens to him or to the marriage. My husband supports all efforts for me to be more secure with or without him.

Jerrilyn, this is so true even in Canada. If I work our income would shoot us into a higher tax bracket, negating any benefits from working. Especially once you subtract the costs of working. I could start a business, and, as long as it lost money, it would be okay. But if I started to earn much money, we'd be bumped up again into the higher tax bracket.

As a result, I spend my time being frugal, doing crafts and hobbies, and generally creating a home. DH loves the fact that I'm home, and there is an awareness that, with my health, this is really the best choice for us.

The only thing I miss is other women my age are all working, so I have no one to hang out with during the day really. Means I hang around a lot with older women. I love them dearly, but they are a different generation (or two!).

We also talked about protecting me if anything happens to DH. He carries a good insurance policy, plus I have a spousal RRSP, and my own bank account.

Wow...I can't believe how many of you are SAHM's......I truly think the world of you ladies, it's not an easy job.

When my DS13 was younger, my husband received a fantastic job offer which would have allowed me to stay at home. I did for 2 years...and hated every minute. People kept telling me "give it a chance".....I was miserable and after of "giving it a try" for 2 years I went back to work.

Unfortunately, my DH lost his job 2 years ago and it took him almost a year and a half (sigh) to find another one....fortunately, we had my job and medical benefits..he now has a job and has asked me if I wanted to try staying at home again.....

I REALLY had to stop and think about this, and I told him this morning, that I don't think I can do it.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??? I struggle w/my feelings every now and then, and feel like my kids are getting the short end of the stick. They are well adjusted, smart kids. I've asked my DS13 if he wanted me to stay at home instead of being at work. He said (bless his heart) "Whatever makes you happy mom....if your happy, I'm happy."

I guess to make this loooong story short....did you have an adjustment period when you decided to be a SAHM?

Sorry this is so long....but this has been weighing heavily on my mind for the past 2 days.

Thanks for listening.

i am a 28 SAHM with a 3.5 year old son and another on the way, i do work some sort of part time work birthday parties and stuff but thats like 4 hours a month.

I was a housewife (no kids) for about 4 years...worked initially, then home, then back to work the last couple years. I miss the time to make things special at home for my Dh...meals, home made bread, etc... But, we're trying to wipe out our debt...and eventually move. So, it takes cash...a lot... We're living very frugally...and I'm doing scratch cooking on the weekends and making meals ahead for work nights... Hope to be a full time homemaker again someday...it'll be years from now, though...all in good time. :)

Starting Over: There's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes we are trained from birth to view our identity as being our job or career. Other times we just need the intellectual stimulation of other adults. This can be difficult if you don't know where to find it as a SAHM. Mostly it requires becoming involved in the community as a volunteer with other SAHMs.

If you're intellectual at all, you might want to sit on city boards, or on symphony or library boards or support committees, such as a Friends of the Library or Symphony committee.

For what it's worth, a lot of organizations are very worried their pool of available volunteers is shrinking. Most young moms are going back to work, rather than volunteering, and older people tend to lead more active lives with travel, etc., making them less dependable as volunteers. We have one hospital auxiliary that is threatening to close because there aren't enough volunteers to keep it running. And those who are involved are approaching burn-out, if not there already!

So yeah, volunteering becomes your new job to prevent brain mold.

Also you pick up frugal hobbies, like recycling old clothes into quilts, rugs, etc. I guess if you aren't creative, being a SAHM could be boring. Unless you like to read for self-improvement, etc. Or take correspondence courses. I don't know. Seems I never have enough time in the day! Between frugal activities and the Internet, volunteering and friends, I just seem to always be busy!

And yes, there is an adjustment time, but you have to decide to make it work and just do it. You have to be open to learning a new lifestyle and approach it as a new career. I ended up learning the hard way that God came first, then DH's and my relationship, then the kids, then the house, then the volunteer work, and then everything else. Personally, I still mess up by ignoring the house more than I should.

Jean

Thanks Peanut....you really have given me some great information to chew on. I truly appreciate it. I know I've personally run into people who have made me feel guilty for working....and have told me I'm missing the best years of my children's lives.....

And Thank you for telling me there is nothing wrong w/me...cuz believe me, there are days that I feel horrible about my decision to work.

StartingOver: One thing I've learned about parenting is that some people are good with younger children and meeting their needs. Others are better with teenagers. Others with preteens. We all have a phase at which we can identify better with children.

I was fortunate that I was good with the younger years. But when the girls hit the teen years, I basically handed them over to DH and said "They're yours too. You get to parent too."

There is nothing wrong with that approach from my perspective. I could have gone back to work at that point, but I had health issues that derailed that plan. So I looked at volunteering, hobbies and education to fill the gap. Plus, I was still homeschooling - my career.

Also there are some people who are just plain more nurturing than others. My MIL was not a good nurturer. FIL made up for it. In our family, I'm the nurturer. I taught DH how to nurture, but it is not in his nature normally.

Nurturing is important to children. They need to feel loved and appreciated. It doesn't matter whether they are or not! What matters is their perception... As long as your children and husband are feeling nurtured, I think you can feel free to do what is best for you.

{{{Hugs}}} Don't let others bug you. Make your own decision that is right for you and your family.

Jean

I am a stay at home wife and would love to find other stay at home wives to talk to. I don't work outside the home, mainly because it doesn't make sense for us financially. I am college educated and there are plenty of jobs available in the area where I live, but I am more than happy to stay at home and avoid the rat race workplace out there. I wholeheartedly support my girlfriends in the workplace, finding their place in the world. I guess I just don't find myself to be career ambitious. I think it actually makes life better that I'm at home. I cook most of our meals from scratch, I am able to keep up with cleaning the house, paying bills and managing our finances. I also am able to run errands during the weekday and if you stay at home you know what a luxury that is in itself. Although this situation works for us, it doesn't work for everyone. Like many of you, I don't advertise that I am a housewife, for fear of what other people may think...

Yet, I am fulfilled staying at home and am looking for other smart, frugal, witty women out there in the same situation. I think it is such a rarity these days to be a housewife, we need to stick with each other. Would love to chat with other SAHW.

I too am stay at home / work from wife, but only recently.
Up until 6 months ago, my husband was self-employed and work out of our home. I was a graduate student communting to campus everyday. So, my husband was at home and I was at work.
Then my husband decided to take a new job 75 miles away. Now, I stay at home and he goes to work each day. I am still adjusting to it all.
I am still working on my PhD, but only from home. Being home has it own challenges. I find that I am much more distracted at home, I am aways finding other things do such laundry, cleaning, cooking, craft projects, and errands. It can make it hard to get work done. I also find it hard stick to a schedule (which I need). My husband also works odd hours which does not help. He works from 6 am to 11 am and then is home all afternoon. Then he returns to work in the evenings and works until midnight or 1 (he is in the newspaper business). I like to spend time with him when he is home, but I am struggling to adjust to his schedule. It also means that if I were to take a job outside of the home, I would never see him (he also works weekend hours). So I need to learn to adjust.
I also miss the social aspects of the the workplace. Since we moved recently, I have few friends and most work full time or have little ones at home.
I love being at home, but it still as its challenges. It is not the easy lifestyle that most think it is.
What struggles do you have in making the at home life style work?

I think the hardest thing is finding people who can relate to your situation and often times people are critical. Choosing to stay at home is such a counter culture decision, yet many women would prefer to do so. But, I have found it difficult to find others like me. I've found many women who stay at home are very frivolous with their money (unlike me), while others have made the decision because it is what their husband chooses. I don't think that there are many couples out there who break it down, looked at the finances and made the decision to stay at home because of economics. But, then again, if you have a daily coffee shop habit and a weekly bar tab, along with eating out, not to mention keeping up with the latest styles and having new cars, you have to work. I think that many people define themselves through their "career" and since I stay at home, my career doesn't define me.

Julie - I oftentimes get distracted to! I know exactly how you feel!

Rattling on here...just really hoping to find some others who are like me!

I'm perfectly happy being a stay-at-home mom and my children are on the older side; 15 and 9.

However, with their activities and my volunteer work, it would be difficult to rearrange my life - besides, I enjoy being available to support my children, my husband and his career and be the chief of our home. I know for sure it wouldn't run smoothly if I worked full time.

I know that my household would fall apart if I worked fulltime. I would not have the time to clean, cook, craft and manage the house. I also enjoy the freedom to shop during the day and visit with friends (not often, but it is an option). I also would not see my husband if I worked a traditional 9-5 job. Those are his hours off. My marriage is more important then a career and a big pay check. We need to live frugal to support me staying home, but that is ok with me.

I'm not in the situation that you describe...but maybe I can provide a different perspective on people that hassle you about it.

I'm a work-at-home-mom (work full time while simultaneously caring for a 6 month old...don't ask how I do it, I'm still trying to figure it out, lol). Whenever I see stay-at-home-moms or stay-at-home-wives I get so JEALOUS I just want to stomp on their heads! lol I make sure to never make rude comments or anything of the sort. I just silently wish that I had the ability to stay at home without working full time. However...that's probably why those who are rude to you make their comments -- they are blindly jealous. They're jealous that you've figured out how to make your life work on one income, and that your family is happy and relaxed.

I'm not excusing those people from making the rude comments, actually the opposite. I just thought it might make you feel better to know that they only comment because they are very, very jealous. :)

Hi!
I have been a SAHM for about two years. My husband is in the Army and while overseas, I worked in the UK and was self employeed until I gave birth to our DD. We also have a son that is 16 that is still at home. I was also in the Army until we got married 4 1/2 years ago. Because we wanted to see my son and perhaps each other, I got out of the Army. At first it was tough, because we were in Italy and there was not a lot of work on the post. He left and went to Iraq two months after we got married, I knew no one and I didn't speak the language! But it was okay, I adjusted and embraced being a SAHM! I stayed busy sending care packages to my husband and his friends, FRG work, making new friends, and shuttling my son to different events and activities. After moving to the UK - I went back to work to help pay for our pets transportation and quarantine. When I got pregnant I work until I was 7 months along. After the birth of my daughter I stayed busy nursing her, continuing my degree and volunteering. Later we took in a teenage friend of my son's so he could finish high school before moving back to the states with his family. Now back in the US, I stay busy with my 21 month old daughter, my husband, my son, and moving my mother to a nursing home closer to us. We did discuss putting me back into the work force, but forking out $400+ a month in childcare, the clothing expense, food, and just not being at home to put out the various fires that life starts - it was just not worth it! I had to go back to work when my son was 4 months old -it was okay then as I was young and had plenty of energy and new ideas! Now I feel lucky, if not more frugal for staying home. Also after reading a great deal of "The two income trap" I look at my roll as important and the insurance policy that so many families cannot afford to have.
So to the SAHM/SAHW - why feel guility, it is your life after all! To the Mom's that work - women have worked hard for equality in the workplace and getting fair wages - I am glad you have the advantage that so many women of the 70's never had. Don't feel guility for working - you are most likely an awesome multi-tasker!!
Dianne:usa:

:couch:I am now a SAHM......my babies are 20 and 22 yo. :smooch:I still think of them as my babies...
I have been a sahm/sahw for most of my married life. I got married at 18 yo and had my first one at 19 1/2....and I have never regretted a moment I have been blessed to stay home with my dks. I recently quit a fulltime job at a retail card store, to stay home.....I was never seeing my dh, my dks or even my immediate family...it was draining every single of bit of energy that I had..and I don't miss it a bit. :couch:
My dh has a good job, it does take every penny he makes to keep us afloat, we do live frugally. We also have a considerable amount going into retirement/savings.......and I am content with very little. :)

I was raised to believe that moms need to be home with their children, my mom was home with me and my 2 brothers and my dad was never a rich man. But I can not have a single memory of being unhappy or hungry or wanting for anything. I just have always been a content person I guess......:couch:

Both our dks still live with us, ds will be moving out to his own apartment after this year. Dd is still in community college and she is a homebody anyway.....I will miss them terribly when they leave, but they have to sometime......they are both wonderful young adults. :) ( slight MOM brag there!:smooch::couch: ) .

I remember our first married years, amazing how the things we did without so I can stay home with them....and I don't miss a thing. :)

Well, I am a SAHM (as of 3/30/07) to a son who is almost 11...however we are still trying to have another baby... & it's taking awhile! But I do however have a "small job" doing child care at our church for 2 days a week ... it actually averages out to less than 8 hrs/week... but it'll help us rebuild our emergency fund back up!:lip:

but I just let people know that for my family it works b/c I can get all the stuff done for the house and run all the errands that I need to so my hubby doesn't have to do it & that means more time for us as a family!:pony:

I'm not a young SAHM, but my boys are almost gone. (19 & 21)

I know people look at me as being lazy, but I do a lot around the house. I'm the one that keeps this home running.

In fact, today was the first day of college registration for next semester. Ds needs one class in order to continue in his degree. It is only offered on-line and the class fills up fast. It is a pre-requisite course. The on-line registration wasn't working and he was on his way to work. The school is just 1/2 mile up the road, so I jumped in the car and pesonally enrolled him in classes.

If I was working, he probably wouldn't get that class this semester either. It was full last time.

I take care of all the paper work. Dh has enough to do.

My home may not be as neat and clean as others, but when I'm needed to do something, I can easily drop everything and go. It was the same for youngest son during high school. He'd forget lunch money, or his wallet and I was able to take what he needed. I even signed him out one day, and we went for lunch.

There are times that I don't feel as needed at home and think I should get a job outside, but then these little things pop up that confirm to me, that I still need to be home. Sure, we could use the extra $$, but it's comforting for dh and the boys to know I'm here if they need me. Besides, my health is up and down, so working could pose a problem there too.

If anyone asks me why I don't work and they question it with an attitude, I just say, "I'm just curious...why do you care??":animated:

I have no patience for rude, nosey people.

i love this post - i can't believe all the looks i get when people ask me what I do - i especially dread the "ohhh" like they assume i either can't get a job or i'm just lazy.

I have an advertising degree but in rural west virginia there aren't a lot of options out there for me - i worked for a year at a very stressful job (non degree related) and it took years off my life - just not worth it. my husband works very very hard and lots of overtime but that is just part of his position and even if i was working 3 jobs he would still have to put in the same time - i think people assume he works so much because they think I won't. i used to just ignore the comments and looks but recently i have started a new approach. immediately after i say that i don't work, i mention that their are few career opportunities around for my degree and that i am lucky enough to be in a position where i can wait around for a job that i love - then i mention that they'd be surprised the negative reactions i get to that response when not so long ago people would be shocked that a married woman was choosing NOT to stay home.

Wow, I these insights are what I have been searching for. I'm 38, no children, will be married 17 yrs next month and have been self-employed the entire time. My DH mentions often that he would like me to stop working. He is from a SAH family & mine worked at every chance. So I have some poverty thinking going on because of that.

This thread let me see its okay to SAH w/out kids. That has really been my biggest hang up. Thanks for the information!

patti

I've been married for a year and a half. We tried it with both of us working and we we hated it. We were always stressed. We are actually happier with less money coming in and our quality of life is so much better. Because I have the time, I handle our finances and keep a tight budget. I spend our money on things we enjoy, not just on conveniences so that we can both have more time to work.
Of course, I get the question "What do you do all day?" at least three times a week. Even from other women who don't work. I've started telling them that I do whatever the (insert explitive here) that I feel like. It stops the questions, usually.
At first, I thought I wanted to go back to work. Then I realized that I am happier with this arrangement and so is my husband. We don't have any children yet, but hope to soon, and then I will spend my days taking care of them. Until then, I take care of my home and my husband and myself.

When I was growing up in the 60's, it was more unusual that married women worked outside the home. I think there is just so much pressure on women these days to do it all. Maybe in those days, women didn't have as many choices. Now we have choices but somehow the "freedom" we should have to choose is compromised by the pressures to have a career and if someone chooses to stay home, they are looked down on. It's kind of sad.

I just started being a SAHW (no kids) about 3 weeks ago. I'm WAY less stressed, am actually getting enough sleep, have time to bake and cook from scratch...it's so much nicer!! :D I haven't gotten any bad comments (yet), but already feel "bad" about not bringing in a paycheck. I feel awkward not working outside the house even though 50 years ago it would have been perfectly normal. My family has always had such high expectations for me...I feel kinda guilty?? Like I'm not living up to what I "should" be doing... Does anyone know how to work through these feelings?

We're planning for me to stay home permanently...Dh really likes having me home...and I really like it, too. Though, I still feel a bit "lost"???

Luv2BeFrugal: My family have double standards. The girls were supposed to be top notch career women, AND the best moms, wives, etc. ever. It doesn't work that way. Once I realized the double standard existed, I was able to make the best choice for me and my family. Sure, my dad still harps about my "potential" and all the things I could do, but I hear him constantly complaining about the grandkids of the career women in the family, saying they're out of control, and why can't so-and-so do something about them?! Usually it involves corporal punishment.

The thing is, it is a choice. Very few people can do both roles well, unless they have an excellent dependable support system around them. Without that help we have to make a serious choice - work or stay home.

While I felt guilty for awhile when I was pregnant and staying home, I quickly found that keeping my hands and mind busy was the best antidote. I looked at the systems in my home and tried to streamline them. I looked at how we related as a family, and tried different techniques to improve that. I found hobbies. I challenged myself with conferences/workshops/library books/free university lectures. I even took a correspondence course in Landscape Gardening. I contributed to society by volunteering different places when DH was home with the kids. Or places I could take the kids.

Hope that gives you some ideas.

I'm a stay at home wife with no kids... 28. I love it... I just wish people did not think I was lazy. It's easy to keep busy. I volunteer, workout, etc. My days are filled and I'm happy. Also my husband and I plan to start trying for children in the next 6 months and I know I want to stay home once there are born.

What I wanted to know from you all is how do you handle all the flack you get from being a housewife instead of working outside the home?


LOL, if your a housewife and don't have kids you wouldn't believe the amount of stress people will put on you just because you don't work. Well, ahem, at least my husband is fed every night and I can all summer. That's where most of my time goes. This summer I am doing the landscaping for 2 group homes and a business, but it is nowhere near full time by any means.

I was a housewife/stay at home mom for several years until I got divorced a few years ago. Since then I've worked part time and bring the kiddos with me to work as I would never leave them in a daycare w/o me.
I will certainly be a full time sahw/sahm when I get remarried. I'm not sure where yall live that constantly get asked or critisized about your choice to stay home but where I live it's certainly the norm and more common than not.
I've never once considered working full time away from home and leaving the kids in a daycare. My plan has always been to stay at home with my children. When I got divorced and was doing it all on my own( never have gotten a dime of child support) I had to adjust it a little bit.
Staying home is also very important to me because my son Garrett is severly disabled. I couldn't find a daycare to take care of him if I wanted to not to mention all his daily appts.
I also plan on homeschooling so yet another reason why I will always be staying at home.
Call me old fashioned but I honestly believe it's a man's job to provide for the family so when I get remarried, that will be coming into play.

Awww, I just tell them I'm a Horse wife, house wife, manager, chief cook and bottle washer, pilot (I pile manure here, and there, and there, lol) keeper of the critters, and by the time I get done telling them about PART of my day they pretty much stop.

The biggest problems have been with my MIL and Brother-in-laws and their wives, they've OFTEN commented how it would be nice to "just stay home", finally at Christmas last year I set it all straight, lol. Told them I'd LOVE to drive a brand new SUV like theirs but don't want the payments :) And it's funny, one family has 4 kids, the other has 1, and they just have to have more, more, more, constantly keeping up with the Jones.

Me? I don't WANT to keep up, would rather stay home in my cut offs, t-shirts and play in the mud in the garden, care for the horses and cattle and house.

kj

Right on!!!

DH and are discussing this right now. I'm 33, and we've decided not to have kids. I have a well-paying job, which makes the decision difficult, but it's also a stressful job with a lot of international travel and a lengthy commute.

I love domestic activities and would be so much happier at home taking care of my house and DH. At the moment, it's a struggle just to keep up with cleaning and getting food on the table in the evening.

Im 22 years old and been a homemaker for 3 years now. Home owner for 7 months now. I worked for 2 years before. I love what I do, even though I never get a day off, lol.

I am a 34 year old stay at home wife, who has been married just over a year. I would have to agree with some of the other comments made over the thread, that it has been a bit difficult to adjust. To be with my husband, I moved from one country to another and thus had to give up my job, which I did enjoy and was known for. I do volunteer a great deal.

When I first moved, and was working (as a temp - and miserable) people asked what my husband did, when I told them, I was autmatically asked why I worked... now that I don't work, I am asked why I don't... sometime you just can't win.

I have found the comments very helpful - and now that I am not alone :)

:wave2:Hi everyone! I'm a sahw off and on for 6 years now, I'm 25. No kids yet. I love it at times, but other times I find myself depressed. I don't really have any friends other than my husband and when he finially comes home I don't want to bompard (sp?) when he comes home by talking his ear off lol. My family doesn't understand how or why i am not working. I grew up with the thought that you were soposed to get married young and have kids right away then reap the consquenses later. Thankgoodness I found a wounderful guy so young that wanted to take care of me!! :hugz: I have a question though, how do you keep from getting depressed being home all the time? I love being able to be home but find myself being so dang lonely.... anyone else? Am I crazy?:screwy:

:wave2:Hi everyone! I'm a sahw off and on for 6 years now, I'm 25. No kids yet. I love it at times, but other times I find myself depressed. I don't really have any friends other than my husband and when he finially comes home I don't want to bompard (sp?) when he comes home by talking his ear off lol. My family doesn't understand how or why i am not working. I grew up with the thought that you were soposed to get married young and have kids right away then reap the consquenses later. Thankgoodness I found a wounderful guy so young that wanted to take care of me!! :hugz: I have a question though, how do you keep from getting depressed being home all the time? I love being able to be home but find myself being so dang lonely.... anyone else? Am I crazy?:screwy:

I feel your pain. Hubby works nights and sleeps all day, so I can't make a ton of noise until he gets up :rest:

I just love this post. I was a sahm and now I am a sahw. I stayed home with my two sons and only worked here and there part time. I only worked when they were in school or my husband was home to take care of them. They never had a day that they stepped into daycare. I feel as though I was privileged to be able to raise them. They turned out to be wonderful men and have great jobs and wonderful wives. My husband and I did without a lot of extras but it was worth it in the long run. I took a lot of heat through out the years since it was during the time that women were suppose to be career oriented. I still take some gruff about being home now. My husband is retired and we love being home together and can come and go when we want. I want all of you to know that if you can stay home and take care of your family do it. Don't let anybody tell you what you and your family should do, that is your own private business. I had a sister-in-law that was merciless to me. She had one child and she couldn't stay home because she would be bored. Guess what, she retired 3 years ago and she says she has so much to do everyday. I don't bother with her very much actually only at family functions. She always has her big foot in her big mouth and I am of age enough to just smile and think get that foot washed because you are going to put it in your mouth again. I guess that is enough of a rant. Hang in there girls.

Monner

I'm glad I found this thread! I'm currently working full time and have been since I was 18. I've been married for 4 years now. When we reach our savings goal, hopefully before Christmas 2009 I plan on quitting my job and staying home. We don't have children yet, but will start trying some time after I quit my job. Some people have been telling me how bored I'll be, etc. I've never thought that. There are so many projects around the house that I don't have time to do. I would love to be able to actually cook a nice dinner and have a clean house for my husband! I can't wait to join you all. It's nice to see that there are some SAHW here!

I took a lot of heat through out the years since it was during the time that women were suppose to be career oriented. I still take some gruff about being home now. Don't let anybody tell you what you and your family should do, that is your own private business. Monner

Thanks for posting this. My thoughts exactly. :thumb:

Just turned 30 last week, Mom to Justin (10) Sam (2) and Allison (9 weeks). Stopped working as an xray tech when Sam was born to stay home full time- my hubby works at a local machine shop then runs his own start up shop out of our garage, so he's plenty busy.

We joke- he makes the $ at his job, then my job is to figure out how to best use it!