my husband and our neighbor work at the same place 30 miles away and our neighbor ALWAYS carpools with my husband. and by carpools, i mean they always take my husbands vehicle and my husband always drives. thing is, the neighbor might pay my husband 10-20 dollars for 2 weeks worth of rides. now my husband has to fill up just about every week at 45-50 dollars a fill up. this guy is not having wear and tear on his vehicle or tires and barely pays for any gas. if his family was in desperate need of his entire paycheck, i could over look it, but they work at the same place, make about the same pay and has even been heard bragging about the extra "play" money he has now. my husband is way too nice to tell this guy what he really thinks about the situation, any thoughts on how to nicely tell this guy he needs to start paying up?

wow it sounds like to me that your neighbor guy is getting off super cheap in gas. that just isn't fair. i would tell your dh to say something to him or you will. thats just ridiculous. if he is braging about having "extra" money, then he better be giving some of that extra money to your dh for gas. or tell him, he can just start driving separetly, if he don't want o start giving more money for gas. he knows how much gas prices are now, so i have a feeling hes just trying to get over on you since your dh is such a quiet guy. some people just have to be told, otherwise they will walk all over you. good luck!!

I agree with mommy. But I had another thought, maybe your husband could ask the neighbor to drive for a week. After a few weeks of this the neighbor might get the idea or maybe your DH's car could conviently not run for a week.

Do you have two vehicles or just the one your dh takes to work? You could always ask your dh to tell his "carpooling buddy" that you want to start having the car every other week to run errands etc.

If you already have another vehicle you could always ask your dh to mention to his "carpooling buddy" that the car is starting to show some wear and tear and would it be possible for him to drive them to work every other week. :)

I don't know that he needs to have an excuse, I think he could just say "I'd like to split the driving. Why don't you drive next week and we'll share the work & gas that way.

well my husband tried that approach. the neighbor drives a gas guzzling old club cab doolie (sp?) and thats the reason he started riding with my husband in the first place. my husband thought it would be half and half, as of right now its 99.9% his turn to drive. he even saw my husband put gas in and told him, "i guess im going to have to start giving you more money" he gave him 5 extra bucks. :furious:

and we have 2 seperate vehicles. we've had his truck 2 years now and he's already having to replace the tires. i know he'd be doing the same driving wether this guy rode with him or not, but still!

Two women at my workplace were in a similar situation -- one woman drove the other for no money and the second woman would abuse the situation mercilessly. One day they stopped at the second woman's house and she said to the first, "Oh just a second, I'm going to get you to drive my daughter to work, since it's on your way." Not a question, that's what she told the first woman to do!!!

The first woman finally said that she needed to stop travelling with the second woman because she had other things to do after work and didn't want the responsibility of taking home another person. So if it comes to it, you can always use that excuse.

Wow, the things people will not do to save a buck. I am shaking my head at your neighbor taking advantage of your husband like this. I would approach this in a very business like fashion. Really it is doubtful that you can find a way to get the neighbor to do anything about the wear and tear on the vehicle but you CAN and SHOULD be certain that he is paying his half of the gas. What you do is this. For an entire week, use your husbands vehicle ONLY for driving back and forth to work. That way the gas money spent is realistically only for those trips that the neighbor is on. Explain to the neighbor that you are doing this. Start the week with a full tank of gas, then on Friday afternoon, with him in the vehicle, fill it back up to the top. Presto, you have your number. If you approach him in a business like fashion, really what is his alternative but to play fair. You will not get what you should (i.e., wear and tear on the vehicle) but you should at the least get the appropriate amount of gas money. Have the hubby blame you if it makes it easier to be this assertive, but he must stop allowing this person to take advantage of him.

When done in black and white, with the neighbor present and aware that it is occurring, how can there really be argument?

Certainly everyone understands the gas price problems people are having. I would tell him that given the rising cost of gas, we would have to rethink how we are splitting the gas costs. If the guy wasn't keen on driving every other week, then I would tell them that he would have to pay a bit more than half for the gas. Wear and tear on a car has some value. If he doesn't want to do that, then he can drive his own car. His problems shouldn't become yours.

Some people just don't get it. Your husband should not feel badly becuase obviously this guy doesnt seem to care about anyone but himself. I would tell him to split the driving and if he doesn't like it too bad. Your husband will feel better either way by getting the driving split or driving by himself and not having it bother him every day! Good luck!

Hey. . .whenever this situation gets resolved, I would be really interested in knowing the outcome of it.

well evidentally our neighbor was able to save enough of his "play money" to afford a new truck. a deisel at that. (deisel being alot more expensive then unleaded at the moment) yet wants to continue riding with my husband so he doesn't rack up the miles on his new truck. i told my husband that was THE LAST straw. if he doesn't say something to him then i will, and you know that wont be a good thing. cuz once i start griping, i dont stop! not to mention hes started sending his boy over here to play with my son. the other day this boy brought a friend over to play with cooper, yet all he wanted to do was check out my halloween stuff. when he got bored he told his other buddy "lets go to my house and play now" when coop asked if he could come too he told him "no. you have to stay here" its a good thing i didn't hear it (my husband told me about it later) otherwise the neighbors son would get an ear full too. whats wrong with these people?? im to the point im going stop being a nice neighbor and just start going off on them.

Wow I would really be pissed off if my neighbor was taking advantage of us! I would definitely tell the neighbor that they should each drive a week. I would not be driving him everyday unless he was paying for ALL THE GAS! Not only do you have to watch about this but you also have to think about what could happen if god forbid there was an accident. I personally would not want to worry about someone suing me when I was doing them a favor by driving them to work everyday. This happened to a friend of mine and she was beyond pissed off. Sometimes you try to be the nice neighbor and you end up getting screwed.

My Dh also, shares rides. It is a pretty long distance since we live in the country. However, My Dh and his coworker, just alternate days. Dh drives one day, then he doesn't the next. Your Dh is getting totally ripped off. I would definitely suggest that your Dh just non-chalantly say, hey so-so how about you drive tomorrow.

Well, now that your neighbor have gotten a new truck, why not tell him to switch week? You pay for your own gas, I pay for mine. You drive 1 week, and I drive 1 week. If he refuse, then tell him he'll have to drive himself there everyday. OR start charging him $$ per mile, just like a CAB.

They are taking advantage of you guys. They know how high gas prices are, and they intentionally doing this to you guys.

My BF used to switch week with one of his friend, and it work out great. It saves us money on gas, and milage on his car. And we don't have to worry about exactly how much to pay his friend, and the other way around.

(Because if you live 5 miles from work, and only 1/2 of the tank of gas is use to drive that other person to work, but the other 1/2 is for your personal use, then it's not fair for the other person to pay so much for gas. Then of course, the other way around too)

(Weighing in late here...)

Let me first say that I TOTALLY get where you are coming from. I'd be annoyed, too.

But then I can sorta' see a silver lining anyway. Your husband is having to drive to work 5 days a week every week whether your neighbor goes with him or not. I'm guessing the weight of said neighbor isn't costing much more in gas than what your DH would pay to drive himself there. As long as DH can tolerate him, why not just focus on the fact that at least this way, some of the gas you DH would have to use anyway is being subsidized, so to speak? I know it isn't easy, but it might just make it less annoying to try to change your way of thinking. (I am working on this very intently w/ someone at work who despises me, and I know for a fact it is a great challenge!) :) It isn't right that the neighbor is doing this to you, and he sounds like a realy jerk, but maybe in this light it will be a little easier to tolerate.

And just think of all the good karma you are racking up. Just don't let him push further in any other areas of your life, and if DH doesn't like the guy, I'd ditch him for that reason alone!

And BTW, I'd love to hear his reasoning for not at least driving every other week now that he has a new vehicle.

I think you or your DH should just tell him that he is no longer interested in car pooling and as of the next day he will need to start driving himself to work. You don't owe him an explanation and if he gets bent out of shape by the fact that your DH is not allowing him to take advantage of him any longer than oh well, good riddance.

I refuse to allow anyone to carpool with me because I enjoy my peace and quite on the ride to work and I use the drive home to unwind and destress. I like to listen to my radio loud and don't want to have to make polite conversation all the way home after a bad night at work. I also don't want to have the responsibility of making sure someone else gets to work on time or gets home on time.

I'm with Katybird, you and your DH don't owe him an explanation if you feel you're being taken advantage of (which obviously is what's happening). I would tell him either alternate driving or fill your tank every other week. Either way he needs to chip in. You can't let him continue to benefit from your generosity if he's not willing to be generous in return. I don't mean to say that when I do something for someone I expect something back but if it's an ongoing thing then you have to draw the line.

It sounds like the neighbor is aware of rising gas prices and made a feeble attempt to pay more, but it's up to your husband to set a new fair price. I wouldn't piss the guy off as then your dh will lose what he is presently getting for gas and will have to foot the whole cost himself. This has to be a win, win situation for both.

This post just made me so angry! I'd have a hard time not speaking up myself to the neighbor. Your husband needs to just tell him flat-out that they either need to start trading driving each week, or neighbor can really start racking up the miles on his new truck when he has to drive himself to work in it every single day. Now that he has a newer, better vehicle, he has no excuse to avoid driving.

He's taking advantage of your husband, and he knows it.

If your DH won't handle it, I would. I'd tell the guy that since I'm the one who handles the finances in the family, I'm the one who sees the impact of the cost of gas. Carpooling is supposed to help neighbor AND your hubby, but so far, it's only an advantage for the neighbor, so he needs to start pitching in his fair share, or they can go back to separate cars.

Sounds like you've gotten lots of good advice so far. I wish you lots of luck. I hate that he's been taking advantage of your Dh's good nature!