I am so happy that Frugal Village recognized us Single Moms and gave us our own little corner. Sometimes I felt a little awkward posting some of my single mom issues on the other forums. I felt out of place, because a great number of you are fortunate to have loving stable marriages, and I wondered if you felt uncomfortable hearing my special difficulties.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Karen, I am a former single mom, but I remember all of those challenges and I also remember feeling wierd sometimes because my married friends didn't quite get it.

I can't speak for others but I never felt uncomfortable during your special difficulties. Maybe because I've been there, done that for sure.

Take heart! I believe that your strength and levelheadedness will give lots of inspiration to others.

Good wishes to all who use this special thread.

Karen,

I also am glad to find this forum for us. I got great advice and understanding from all the women here, but this is a nice place where we can gather.

Daisygirl, although I am married, I have never minded hearing your problems etc. I know how hard it is keeping it together as a married woman, so I can't imagine the stress of being a single parent. I never judge about this issue because you never know what life is going to throw at you from one day to the next. I may be married today, but who knows about 6 months from now, etc. You know what I mean. Life changes. Hugs being sent to you.

Ahhh, thanks Misti and Buckeye. What sweet wishes! This place is truly the greatest for all involved because of all involved.

And Autumn, I know what you mean, it does feel good to have this place to go.

This is my first time on a forum. I am not sure how to get started so here I go....I really needed to find someone to talk to who might be going through the same thing as me. I am recently divorced and have 9 year old twin boys. The short version of what happen.....last year I had a lot of health issues which needed two surgeries. Then I was diagnosed with lupus. During all of this my then husband was never around. He said he had to work late. Then he would make plans with his so called friend and not tell me until the kids and I are at the table waiting to eat. That went on for some time. I started to wise up. I realized that the man that I loved and trusted was cheating on me. Then one day he told me he didn't love me and he hasn't for sometime. I was up and down for a while. I was starting to feel happy again...until a month ago. Right before we signed the papers, I was at his house ( his moms house) dropping of the kids and he had pictures of him and the woman he has being seeing all over the house.(there is more to the story than just seeing the pictures) He didn't seem to care about the affect it would have on the kids seeing their dad with another woman. I asked him to put the pictures up until the kids could deal with the fact that mom and dad are not getting back together, but it was to late...they already saw them and were upset. I am so lost right now. I love him but I hate what he has done. I don't know what to do with myself. I seem to go through the motions of everyday life. Help...anyone. I'm not looking for answers, I just need someone to talk to.

I couldn't edit my last post....it should read :

27, divorced and raising twin sons, but when you have kids asking 20 questions there tends to be errors!!

I'm really sorry you're going through what you are. Yes, I have been there. Practically the same thing happened to me. I was also having some health issues, being cheated on and left with two kids. I truly know how you feel. Our divorce was final in March and he was remarried in April. That was really a slap in the face.

If you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you.

Although I am very blessed in my marriage, I do not mind one single bit listening to you. I don't totally understand, but I did grow up for many years in a single parent home. I admire the strength of you all! I am always here for hugs and a listening ear. Hugs.

The past few days I have looked through the forum to see what it is all about.
People on this forum are so nice! My so called best friend doesn't give me the kind of support that I have seen on here, and I've known her since I was 12!!

I wasn't very happy with my ex today.....my son was so sick today I had to take him to the ER. ( Poor kid had to have IV fluids. ) I of course called his dad to let him know how sick he was. Do you think he came down to see him?? nope. He has plans to go out with his girlfriend.
I need to vent right now.....so I get a call from him complaining about how much child support he has to pay and that he wants to take me to court and have it decreased. Yeah right!!! He makes 3 times the amount I make. For a while I was paying for everything on my own. ( that was before I had it taken from his check) I had my cable shut off... I had my phone shut off... shut off notices for my water bill....also for my electric bill.This is the reason why: before my husband left I had no idea that he was not paying any of the bills. He would go as far as writing it in the check book as if he did pay them! I assumed that everything was up to date, was I in for a rude awaking. I know now that I should of kept better tabs on where the money was going. (that is a hard lesson learned). He is now living at his moms rent free, the only thing he needs to pay is support. I am now playing catch up with all the bills. My dear parents came to my resue, they paid for my divorce attoney. They told me when I get caught up with bills I can start paying them back. They have already done so much for me already. My point to this whole ranting and raving is that there are men out there like my ex that just don't see the whole picture. What they do affects everyone. I could go on forever, but I won't tonight.
I feel so much better since I was able to write down what was bothering me. I'm glad that I found this forum.

I kicked my ex out(for cheating and I found out he was using drugs), the week after he left I started getting bills. Our electric, phone, water, and gas bills were all 3 months past due and were disconnect notices. The rent was 3 months behind also. There were other bills too - credit card, car loan, overdraft charges at the bank and numerous other places. Once I totalled everything up it was over $10,000. I was on my own making $11/hr with 4 kids.
A month after he left, he broke into the house and took our video macine, stereo, all my cds(over 100), all the kids videos(over 50), and my wedding and engagement rings($2000 set-one of the bills I ended up paying). He took it all to the pawn shop, and when I could I went and got the vcr and the kids movies. The police told me I couldn't do anything because his name was still on the rental agreement.
6 months later he breaks-in in the middle of the night and threatens to kill me and the kids, it took the police 6 hrs to get him out of the house(he had a toy gun, wouldn't turn any lights on, so I couldn't see). A week later we moved to a bigger town with no forwarding address.

Needless to say I get no child support.

My point is that I relate to bad husbands and worse exs and to being a single parent. And I don't have a problem hearing about anyones problems. It's better to share it and maybe get some advice or help than to keep it all bottled up.

I am fairly new to FV and I love the fact that we single moms have a place to go.

I actually learned from a aquantance that my ex was going to leave. I was so beside myself but also relieved at the same time. I knew I wasn't in love with him anymore and I was scared as I just had my 2nd baby. I had 2 babies under the age of 2. I found this out 1 week before Thanksgiving. It has been a roller coaster ride. He has stolen money, credit card info and pretty much just been a loser. It has been a long 4 years but I have come so far. I went from being buried in debt and having more shut off notices to being almost debt free and being able to give my girls extras.
I have a great job that when I started I was working part-time and now I am a full-time and got a promotion.

I can't wait to get to know all of you.

Hugs Zanne. So sorry you have to go through all of this.

Just so you all know....I am not a single mom, nor would I want to be. My parents divorced when I was 17. I have seen the effect of divorce and raising a child on your own with bother of my step daughters. I don't mind hearing about anyone's problems, vents, etc... on this forum. We all have our own unique sets of circumstances and the neatest thing is that we can all come together and support one another.
Karen, You are a strong woman and have come a long way in the short time I have been on this forum. You are always a huge support to all of us.
Zanne, I really hope you will feel better soon. I know divorce doesn't automatically mean you stop loving the person. I hope your ex grows up soon.

Thanks kabin63. I really thought I was doing better, until we signed the divorce papers 3 weeks ago. I started to find out things he was doing while we were still married. All my fears seemed to slap me right in my face. I know I need to let this go but I don't know how. I need to let go for my kids sake. I want to stop hating him....I also want to stop loving him so much. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone, but I just want to move on with my life.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I really wasn't in love with my ex anymore when he left so that made it a little easier. I just woke up one morning to find him packing the car and leaving.

He also left me with the bills, but I paid the bills while we were married. The only thing that was out of control was the phone bill. He left me with a huge phone bill which I paid extra on every month until it was paid off.

When my ex left, he even took my perfume to give to his girlfriend!! I couldn't believe it. He told his family to say they didn't know where he was. If one of my kids had gotten seriously ill or injured, I wouldn't have been able to reach him.

I fought him tooth and nail on the house. I told him I would contest the divorce if he didn't sign the house over to me. He drug his feet for a long time but when he found out I would not give in, he signed it over.

I know you've heard it before, but time really does help. I have found a lot of support. Make sure your attorney fights for you, and whatever you do, don't feel sorry for him. These jerks have a way of trying to make us feel guility and like it is our fault. On the original papers, he put down gross neglect of him on my part. I hit the ceiling. I told him I was going to file abandonment and contest the divorce. He said that was his attorney's idea and not his. What a complete jerk!! He quickly took that off.

He took all of our family pictures, movies, etc. He even took the movies of my family that my dad had sent me. These were movies of my mom (who died quite a few years ago). Why would he take these movies or even want them. He told me he carries my picture in his brief case!! What's that all about?

I don't mean to rant but I can't help it sometimes. Please keep posting and we will help each other through these tough times.

Zanne, honey, I know where you are coming from. Even though I was thrilled to be read of my ex, the day I signed the papers saying it was really truly over was very rough. I didn't want to be with him but I did not want to be divorced. For me I think it was more the idea of being divorced since I had always hoped to be married forever. I felt like I had failed, even though my ex was an abusive loser piece of poo who was also a serial cheater. (AHHHH I love to say that!) I also found out about some of the cheating after the divorce instead of before. He gives me no money, does not provide for the kids when they are at his place and does not properly supervise them. The exes are ALL scum, some worse than others but scum none the less.

No one can tell you just to move on. It's a lovely concept, it sounds like great advice but there is so much more to it. You have to give yourself time to rage and rant. You have to make positive plans for yourself. You have to write down every miserable crappy nasty thing he ever did to you and read it every time you start to cave and think you wish you were still together. It will build your strength like nothing else, and sometimes it feels like it is going to kill you.

But let me tell ya! It won't kill you and one day a year or so later you will wake up to a beautiful day of doing everything you want to do, watching what you want to watch on tv and eating what you want to eat for dinner. And you will be so happy you won't be able to stop smiling.

Today my ex called me. He felt the need to tell me that he is moving to Texas. That he needs to take care of himself. He is sick and tired of people making him out to be the bad guy. He said that means I will have to do everything myself and if that means I end up homeless with the kids then so be it. It comes to responsibilty.... he runs. Why are so many men like this??

OH.....Then on top of all my drama.....I get a phone call from my ex-husbands best friend. A guy he has known since childhood. Ok where do I begin...he said he has had feelings for me for a very long time. All I can say is "oh,no I don't need this". I told him I can't deal with this and I am not looking for a relationship, yet alone with my ex-husbands best friend. Any advice?? How do I handle this situation???

I know this sounds harsh, and I know this is not "right" in the grand scheme of "rightness" but you need to completely accept the fact that you will never get a dime from this irresponsible, self-centered loser and move on figuring out how you are going to raise your children on your own. By allowing yourself to need his financial and/or emotional support you are giving him the power to control your life, your finances, your emotions, and your stress level. Once you accept any input he may one day give as gravy, and refuse to depend on it, then that control is gone.

Do you really want a self-centered, cheating liar who does not care about his children to have ANY control of your life? Of course you don't. I know this hurts and I know it makes you angry but you only have control over your actions and reactions - not his. No matter what you do or say, you won't "wake him up" and you cannot make him a decent father and human being. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go about the business of forgetting his existence. It is truly the best revenge there is when you no longer need them.

As for the other guy, you are right, you don't need this right now. If he truly cares about you , he will understand if you tell him you need time to sort out your life and feelings. If he is not willing to provide that time, then count yourself lucky that you found out before investing any emoional effort into him whatsoever.

Best of luck. I know that this is a hard time, and it seems like it will never stop hurting. It takes a long long time. Feel free to PM me if you want to rant to someone who has been there.

Big hugs.