At my house, the day that we switch access is Mondays. When my children arrive from their Dad's place on Mondays they are positively unbearable. Truly, it is not because they are not disciplined there. In my opinion it is the big switch of rules. "Different houses have different rules" is the big motto around here, and they know this, but it doesn't make the change any easier.

Generally, Chloe, my oldest is argumentative to the max, and she is way past dramatic. Normal for an eleven year old girl to some degree but trust me when I tell you, this is extreme. On Tuesday she has chilled out and is like a different child. She still argues but you can reason with her. Monday, logic goes right out the window.

Rachel, my little one, becomes a walking disease. "Mommy, my tummy hurts. Mommy I hurt my toe. Mommy I have a headache and I need to lay down for a while." And heaven forbid you ask her to pick up her toys on Monday. My normally agreeable child crumples to the floor whining, "I caaaaan'ttt! I don't feeeeeeel good!" Tuesday, again, totally different child.

I understand the psychology behind all this, truly I do, but it does not make it any easier. It has gotten to the point that I cannot make plans for us on Mondays, not even something as simple as going to the park or McDonald's because of their behavior. And these children are generally angelic - people comment all the time how well-mannered and pleasant they are.

Does anyone have any suggestions to make the transition days easier? Any ideas that worked for you?

PS: I tried restraints, they just chew right through them.

My son comes home on Mondays, too. He's usually tired, and wound up, so we get to bed late. I've learned not to criticise his Dad's parenting; I'd rather he not criticise mine. Ds comes home at night, so we just have to do the bath and bed routine.
It might help to have a routine for Mondays, something relaxing that the kids can look forward to and not plan outings. Let them get settled back in. It is inconvenient, but that's parenting.

Oh boy... here we go (inhales)
Before DD started school and now in summers, she spends most weekends with her Dad, coming home on Mondays.
In the beginning it was a nightmare. She would run to hug me, tell me she loves/missed me. After that, it was as if I had Cybil for a daughter, I had to deprogram her from her weekend at Dads.
We have separate rules at our houses and I am by far the more strict between the two of us.. (me: eat your vegetables, brush your teeth, bed by 8... him: whats a vegetable?, bedtimes vary). I tried to tell him from the beginning he needed to have some sort of routine with her, even if it was different than mine.. just SOME sort of routine, and to not let her get away with things he knows I would disapprove of (such as drinking a gallon of soda, skinning the cat... stuff like that)
Her Dad would call me complaining that DD was misbehaving (IE:doing something she wouldn't even dream of doing here) and I reminded him that it was HIS idea to reject my suggestion that the two of us sit down and create a joint household list of rules. Something both of us would stick to for consistency. He's starting to rethink that whole plan and called me asking me if I was willing to write down my house rules and the schedule DD keeps here.
I know he has snuck some of my rules in here and there.. no skinned cats anyways :lol: and it seems to have worked somewhat... he has a LONG way to go to establish his parent-role with her... he was too busy trying to be her pal that he neglected the father parts.
I also noticed that as DD got older and she got use to having the Momma/Daddy house thing.... change over were going a lot smoother... no scenes, no crying, no tantrums, no breakdowns... I am not sure how far along and how much time has passed since the separate household came in to play. Consistency is a given, even if it's 2 sets of rules... but 2 constant set of rules... other than that, my suggestion is to give it time... unless he is willing to sit down and talk to you about everything... which I don't think he is from what I can gather about him from other posts...
Time heals most things... Karma makes up for the rest :)

Lady V, I agree 100% that consistency would make things much easier, but as you correctly deduced, my ex is the most uncooperative man alive. Any time I bring up a problem, he says smugly, "They're perfect angels for me, mabe its your parenting." AAAARRGGHHH! Maybe it is the fact that he scares the snot out of them and is verbally abusive, but that is another thread.

Count yourself lucky that you were able to make him see reason! Chloe now is goig to have dance class on Monday nights, so I am hoping that will give her something to look forward to, and it will give me an hour of 1 on 1 with Rachel. Rachel, on the other hand, has gymnastics on Tuesday, which will give me some time with Chloe. Maybe this will help.