I am so tired of all the ups and downs in this custody case. I just got word from my attorney that my ex FINALLY filed all his tax stuff and two weeks after his deadline is providing us with his financial statements. He intends to fight me every step of the way for the kids.

Apparently (the only upswing to all this) his income over the past three years was HUGE. He told me the first year we were split up he made only 40K and that is what he paid support on. They don't have the papers yet, but beleive it was nearly 3 times that amount. I received no money at all the past two years and have paid for absolutely everything for the girls. e may owe me a very large chunk of money.

Obviously he has gotten his hands on some money -- I am guessing his parents - if he can afford to pay an attorney and an accountant. I hate to sound so hopeless but I am starting to feel like I am going to get absolutely screwed. I feel sick at the thought of this. I want custody of my girls and I want to move back home to the States and I just feel them both trickling away, along with all the money I don't have.

The worst that will happen in regard to custody itself is that it will remain status quo- meaning they will live with him one week and me the next. I am not unfit and that is the only way he could take them completely. I guess I better resign myself to living the rest of their childhood up here away from my friends and family. Could be worse.

This summer we went through a custody suit to get my husbands 12 year old. At the beginning of the year her mother raised the support to 400. a month eventhough there was not a court order she threatened to keep his daughter from him. We had her every weekend, almost all summer and every holiday. { Her mother said she was too old for santa and the easter bunny.ect.) In june she came here with sores all over her legs caused by the water at her mothers.the dr. said that she will have this for the rest of her life. In the mean time we found out that her mother was into coke and alcohol and worked as a stripper also. If his daughter wasn't there she was at her cousins but never at home. We managed to get an emergency court hearing and eventually won custody. We get no support because she is handicapped. Carpal tunnel and drug addiction. I'm sorry but drug addiction is self inflicted. I guess what I'm trying to say is hang in there.
The kids will remember who was right and who was wrong although that doesn't help now. Now we have to deal with someone who had the run of everything at her mothers and is trying to do that here. My thoughts are with you

I hope things work out for you. Hang in there. :hugz:

it isn't easy working through these trials but it really does all work out for the best. it's unfortunate but true that the children are usually the ones hurt most by seperations and divorces.
i'm sorry to hear that things are not the way you'd like them to be right now, daisygirl, but hang in there. keep your chin high. it all works out...

So sorry to hear this. Sending you huge hugs!! I pray that things will work out for you, and that you get full custody.

Thanks for the good wishes, all. It really keeps me going. It also helps to hear your personal story, Wildflower. Thank you for sharing it.

Hang in there. You and your DDs are in my thoughts and prayers.

One thing to consider is even if he has a super lawyer, the court will not look favorably on the fact he isn't contributing to their medical care or paying child support (he can't say he didn't pay because he didn't have to - the fact he paid then stopped shows he knew he should do something and opted not to). You have the stronger case and the fact he is actively withholding support (both amount from the first year and the last two with nothing) shows he doesn't have the kids best interest at heart. That will hurt him more than anything else. Hugs

Hang in there Daisygirl. Stay strong your girls need you to be!!!Just watch your back. I am sending you lots and lots of hugs.

Well, I had an appointment with my lawyer yesterday. This whole thing is unbelievable. First of all, the secretary that told me my ex had made a ton of money looked at the information incorrectly. It was a very simple mistake to make because of the amounts. She assumed that what she was looking at was monthly income statements. Actually he is claiming he only made between (the weak at heart should sit down) $3600 and $6900 A YEAR!!! Wow. And I thought I was good with money. He should write a book on how to pay rent, eat food, drink beer and have a gym membership on that amount! Many would be impressed.

His attorney is now making our courtdate a case conference because he is the new attorney. Which means any decision will be put off until the next courtdate, which will be heaven knows when. Meanwhile we are filing a motion to have the girls not be left with that 12 year old boy for childcare. At least 4 nights a week my children are cared for by this child from around 4:30 in the afternoon until after bedtime (they have no idea what time the adults get home.) I am beside myself with worry about this situation, and cannot imagine how a judge won't see the inappropriateness and lack of safety in the situation. Meanwhile Rachel is showing some signs of stress so we have a doctor's appointment on Monday.

Please keep us in your thoughts. I feel so badly that I am not able to protect my children.

I am so sorry you're having to go through all of this. I know how hard it must be on you. Do what you must do to care for and protect your children. Document the heck out of EVERYTHING. And then there's that 4 letter word. . .PRAY. .

BTW. . .I do agree with Tigo. . .it is going to reflect poorly on him when the court finds out that he has withheld support for his children. Bad move on his part.

Karen,
Hello. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this, and hope and pray that i will not have to. please do not feel badly that you are not able to protect your children, because you are protecting them. everything that you are doing are in their best interest and they understand that, even if they are not able to articulate it at this age. i am hoping that my husband will not do all this with the custody but i have a feeling that he will. right now, i am researching for the best family attorney that i can find and setting aside extra money to be able to retain him/her when the situation arises. i have a lawyer, but he is not a specialist in family law which is what i need at this point. he is good for the general aspects of the divorce but i am willing to do anything and everything to fight for the well being of my son during and after the divorce. good luck to you and i hope that this all works out. i have a stong feeling that it will. take care. my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Golly Karen, I can't imagine what you must be going through. I cannot believe that your kids are with a 12 year old as the responsible one. Gosh, doesn't your ex see anything wrong with the situation or is he just being a spiteful brat, knowing that this would upset you and you are unable to do anything about it? Can't anyone help you with this??? I hope for your kids sakes that your ex will see the light. Give extra hugs to your kids, they are probably scared and confused. I am sending you a big hug too. Stay strong!!!!!Kepp us updated, you are not alone.

Continuing to send you big hugs!! I pray things improve soon. Do not think you are not protecting your children. You are doing the very best you can, and your children will know that you are a wonderful mother. Hang in there!

Well, here is the latest -- our case conference is being postponed. The office of the children's lawyer just got in touch with us and they have appointed a lawyer for the girls. I hope that the person they appointed can get to the bottom of the situation with the kids - they would feel so bad saying anything negative about either parent.

His attorney sent my attorney a letter asking what it would take to settle this out of court. We responded yesterday asking for full custody with access for their dad every other weekend and one night on the opposite week. We also said that he would have to be there, not just leave them with a sitter for that time. I offered to sign off on all his financial responsibility as the dangling carrot. We shall see, but I honestly don't hold out much hope, he is spiteful and vindictive and not inclined to cooperate. We are no longer able to be civil at all. It is just an unbearable situation.

Thanks for all the prayers and support, keep them coming.

:hugz: I hope he takes you up on the offer. I bet that carrot of no more support will get his attention. You and your DDs are in my thoughts and prayers.

That carrot will be very tempting for him, you would think he would be just as upset over the whole thing...and maybe willing to stop all this craziness.
To me it seems he isn't interested in the wellfare of his children, but simply bent on revenge. Good luck with the deal, I hope he bites. This offer will look good on your part...as the only thing you want is your children. Best wishes/ thoughts and prayers.

His attorney sent my attorney a letter asking what it would take to settle this out of court.

Trust me when I tell you this. DO NOT SETTLE OUT OF COURT!

Should he "down the road" decide to renage on his "promises" you will be up the creek without the proverbial paddle!

They want to settle out of court more than likely because they know you will Cream them! GO THROUGH THE COURTS!!! I can't stress this enough - This way every thing is Court Ordered and he can't renage on Jack! If he does the laws are very specific on what they will do to him.

AND I would not EVER dream of "signing off" on anyone else's Financial Responsibilites! He has 2 children he helped bring into the world - Let him be responsible for them first and foremost.

:hugz: I hope that everything goes well for you. Hang in there!

KJ, we need that Stink Eye!!

Karen, prayers & positive thoughts for you and your girls :hugz:

Fingers crossed for you (and a big hug) that things will go well. I can't believe a 12 yo is watching the kids. I barely consider that safe for staying home alone at that age (sorry - I am an uber worry wart). As for the financial disclosures - sounds fishy to me. Does he have a gf that is supporting him or something?

No, Tigo, the GF is not supoorting him. He is claiming that he was able to live on that amount of money. I think the judge will ahve some questions as well.

My newest update is that the Office of the Children's Lawyer has taken on the kids as clients. They will talk to both parents and then spend extended amounts fo time with the girls. Apparently their recommendations holds a lot of weight with the judge. I have my fingers crossed that they will see it my way, and cnanot imagine how things would be otherwise. I have been busy collecting medical and school records all day for the visit tomorrow.

Thank you all, as always for your support and good wishes.

I'm glad the kids Lawyer has gotten involved. That will help, I'm sure. I don't even think it's legal for a 12 year old to watch kids at night here. I just wouldn't stand for it. Something has to be done. I'm sending you best of wishes and I am sure the judge will see it your way. We need KJ and her stink eye to get back!!

I had my meeting with the children's lawyer today - it went pretty well. She is appalled about the childcare arrangements and many other issues. She ad already met with my ex and understood when I said he was abusive and unreasonable. She told me he got very angry with her when she criticized the chidcare situation and refused to discuss it, started breathing heavy and grinding his teeth - she said he was just livid. He also said he did not abuse me, he merely used to hit te wall by my head, instead of hitting me. She was very unimpressed with him, all in all. He is claiming that I am crazy, but aside from that has absoltely nothing to criticize me about that holds any bearing on the proceedings. I am so happy that she saw him for how he really is.

I hope we can resolve this situation very quickly, and finally I feel that it is looking better. She has 4 meetings scheduled with the kids as well as their teachers and pediatrician.

I am glad that he showed his true colors in front of the lawyer. I hope that you can get this all resolved soon and be able to enjoy a happy life with your sweet girls. :hugz:

Ditto Katybird, Sending you hugs Daisygirl!!

daisygirl....
my first husband was just like your soon to be ex!!!...
he wanted to "settle out of court", too...
i didnt do it...
then he decided to "hide"... for years we couldnt find him...
then when we did finally find him, he "managed" not to pay
child support...
lo and behold, my daughter grows up and is almost 21...
the courts finally track him down and now he has to pay until he is 60
years old!!!... yep! you read right!...
dont back down!!! dont give an inch!!! fight for what is legally yours!!!...
instead of paying child support he could go back to school and make some really great money and living better than you can ever imagine!... i know bc that is exactly what my ex did...
IT'S ALL ABOUT CONTROL... by you standing up for yourself and your children, he will realize that he cant always have his way!... same with my ex... he married 2 other times, had a bunch of kids by other women and severed his parental rights to all of them except for the children he has with his wife now and my daughter (i refused to let him sign anything like that, she was already 18 and my lawyer said he would need my permission to sign this so he wouldnt have to pay the back child support)... i said no! ... he had 20 + years to get where he is now and he makes ALOT more money than i will ever see in my lifetime...

I CANNOT STRESS THIS POINT ENUFF!!!... i have been exactly where you are... it does get better ...
i will pray for you and your family... all will go well, you will see... just have faith... we are all here for you...

Kittyrose and PAValley, I guess a lot of this is my anxiety to just get it over with. I have gotten the same advice you are giving from others, inclluding the children's lawyer. She told me that it is te girls' money I am giving away and that is not fair to them. I think things will go my way with the children's lawyer, and her opinion holds huge weight with the court.

You are right about the control thing. My ex is a very abusive, controlling person, and he is getting worse right now because he knows that he is losing that control. So I don't think he will sign the papers we sent over offering to drop it in exchange for custody because that makes the control mine.

I think the judge will see this my way - how could anyone possibly think his treatment and neglect of the girls is ok? At that time I will just turn the financial stuff over to the Family Responsibilities Office. They withdraw the money directly from the man's pay, and if he quits his job they have all sorts of powers like suspending liscenses, freezing bank accounts, impounding property and jailtime. That way I also have as little contact with him as possible.

Thank you all for the advice. I really appreciate it.