I've worked pt off and on since we had our dd almost seven years ago. Now, I haven't worked in quite a while and I'm feeling some serious resentment from my dh. We only have one car. We live in a state where we know nobody. He's working three jobs right himself. He teaches a night class two hours a week, works till just after two at the school and works about ten to fifteen hours at Sherwin Williams. I try to show him how much I appreciate how hard he's working to support the family, but he doesn't seem to appreciate how hard I work here at home to manage things. It's gotten really frustrating to me. I try to maintain a frugal lifestyle and he still wants instant gratification and just says we need to make more money.

We have the single car issue here also. My DH works a full-time job, and is also a full-time college student. I work 12-15 hours a week. We only have dinner together on Sunday nights. Sometimes I think DH resents the fact that I only work part-time, but he also insists that we continue to homeschool. What am I supposed to do? I am working whenever DH is available to watch dd, and I can have the car to get to work.

Yes, my DH is very supportive me being a SAHM. He is also supportive of me when I say I would like to have a part time job just to get out of the house. He's a pretty good guy.
I read your other post and just wanted to say that you shouldn't feel ashamed if you file for bankrupcy. You've tried to avoid it and it's just not working. You can't allow your finances to influence your family and marriage. You've got to what is best for your family and if that means filing brankrupcy then so be it. You won't be judged here. Best of luck to you, I will be thinking of ya. It will all work out, keep us updated.

He is very supportive and has even said after we retire from the military he'd like for me to still be able to SAH if I'd like. I'm thinking of taking on a part time job to help pay off our debt and to pad our budget while he's gone to Korea next year. My ds will be 12 and can help with dd after he goes through the babysitter course here on base.

Sounds like it's a good idea to sit down and really discuss this with him. :vibes:

oh littlemotherhyawood, staying at home with your children during the day is the biggest job in the world. i'm a mother of 4, plus we do foster care. some days, i have up to 6-7 kids. my dh is just starting to realize what a big job i have. its a 24/7 job, nonstop!!!!!! maybe dh should stay home with the kids for a few days & give him a taste of what its like. i guarantee he will change his mind......and if he don't.......i'm out of ideas. good luck!!!!! being a mother isn't a easy job, hang in there honey!!!

I had thought my hubby supported the idea of me staying home, it was what we always said we wanted. He has changed his mind completely. He has decided that next May I need to get a job. I will have a few more college credits under my belt so hopefully I'll be able to do something a bit better than burger flipping. He is a teacher and he got his real estate license this past year. Some weeks he puts in a lot of time with the realtor stuff, other weeks he does almost nothing. So the only dependable income is the teaching. He makes enough for the basics, but he says we need to have more income to put back for retirement and the boys college. He is probably right, but the thought of going back to work scares the snot out of me. I worked nine years in a massively crumby low paying job, my bosses were idiots (I knew more about the job than they did). Plus I just don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I am taking the basic classes but can't decide on a major. I have two boys in school full time and next May the little one will be almost 4, so we may be able to get him into a preschool, or daycare for just one year before K.

i stayed home for two and a half months and after that, quickly felt the wordless resentment of my not getting a job. we have no children, but i did manage the housekeeping and managed to get our expenses down more than fifty percent. i always had dinner ready and waiting when he'd come home and he'd never have to worry about laundry or groc. shopping or anything! -- i still do most all of that now, though im also working. i liked staying at home and keeping the house and things. i felt very underappreciated though. i know that it was alot easier for me because i dont have any children, but i still have my hands full most of the time.

maybe if you talk to him and show him what you actually do in a "play by play" sort of way. write it down or point it out if you have to. the other day my dh and i got real comfy in the living room. before i knew it, it was a disasterous mess. i cleaned it up and made it shine again, but when he returned it was as though he had not even noticed that it was ever dirty or that someone had taken the time to clean it. - he'll leave his shoes under the table or in the kitchen and in the morning will sometimes make a rucus because theyre not in the "shoe basket" where we keep all the shoes and im thinking.. you never put them in there how do you expect to find them there when youre looking for them??? only because I PUT THEM THERE are they ever in there. argggghh... i better stop before i go on about that shoe basket.

honey, know that we're here for you!

-marie.

Thanks ladies:) I guess some men get it and some men don't. Do your dh's procrastinate too? My dh will either tell me he never heard more or wait three days to do something I've asked him to do. I just don't get that.

Do your dh's procrastinate too? My dh will either tell me he never heard more or wait three days to do something I've asked him to do. I just don't get that.

LOL, you only have to wait 3 days? I have been waiting for 4 years to have a patch on the wall sanded and painted and 2 years to have the driveway repaired. :) Yeah, he's a bad procrastinator.

Awww hun, I know things are tough right now but they WILL get better!

I'm in a VERY unique situation, when we met I came in with a LOT more to the relationship but hubby has worked and brought in so much that we're equals in all ways. I don't have children but I do have 82 acres, a huge herd of horses, 8 cattle, a garden, a house and to many dogs/chickens/cats/bunnies/turkeys to count. My place in the relationship is to keep the house livable (lol, notice I don't say clean!) Keep the laundry clean, the critters fed, the bills paid (he doesn't even have a CLUE what the amount of his paycheck is!) and make sure there's enough money to keep it all running, the bills paid and savings put back.

We each have our own relationships and have to work our way through how they work, what our places are in them and what to do day to day, you'll find the way out of this and things will work out.

The biggest thing is to make sure you keep talking!!

kj

My husband loves me being a sahw (no kids), he has said he would prefer I not get an job. He loves the homecooking and having time to spend together.

My first marriage however, I was the poor idiot working 3 jobs while ex worked one job and complained constantly and wanted to quit. His rationality was if I was working 3 jobs why should he work? Do note he is an ex-husband.

Working 3 jobs is misery, sheer, exhausting misery. Maybe a comprise? He could work 2 of his 3 jobs and maybe you could get a part-time job? I know with only one vehicle it's rough (been there done that), That's the only advice I can offer.

Good luck.

FrugalWitch

FrugalWitch, I've had one of those husbands (the ex) lol.

My dh was fine with me being a sahm until we hit money troubles. Then he was really anxious for me to be working. My only issue with finding a job was I had to conform my availability around everyone else's schedule. We have two cars, but we also have four children and three dogs to care for (the cats take care of themselves :lol: ).

I do work, only weekends. BUT I manage to get about 20hrs in over those two days. It's enough to ease the stress on the budget and it gets my husband off my back lol.

I don't work outside the home and I don't have kids. When we moved to this town for dh job there is not much in jobs other then factory and railroad (which he works at and I don't want to work the same place he does) and a factory I just would rather not do and they are always laying off anyways.

I am right now looking for something part time in town a lot of things are out of town and take about an hour to get to either way and for me with the price of gas and my suv it doesn't pay to do that.

We do have 2 cars so that helps a lot and they are paid for so that is even better but I know that I want to find something part time. I am looking for something that will help with the bills and also give us some extra cash in savings which we really need to do.

Dh loves having a clean house, clean laundry and home cooked meals which I do almost every day very seldom anymore do we eat out which is great. I actually have learned I love to cook. Never thought I would say that to be honest.

But maybe you could look for something part part time when he isn't working because to be honest you would be spending most of your paycheck if not all of it on day care and what would the point be really then.

Maybe you guys just need to sit down and talk and show him what it would cost for day care another car and so forth for you to be able to work outside the home I understand were you are coming from I have always worked and this is the 1st time that I haven't and I am bored, I am how many times can Sami on days of our lives screw up really? So talk to each other and see if there is something you can work out.

Good luck! I know this is a hard time for you I read the other thread but you have to do what is best for all involved and if that means trying to find something part part time when he is home then go for it. I also think it would help you to get out of the house and meet people in the area. That is also one of the reasons I want to get a job somewhere.

Some peopel get it and some don't.
My hubby has always been supportive but he grew up with both parents not there, divorced and both working and so fromt he start it was agreed that I would stay home with the kids so one parent is always here.

Now that the triplets are in 3rd grade I have gone to work part time I do a meals on wheels route everyday that is from about 9 am to about 12:30 BUT I am home before and after school gets out.

Staying at home is a hard full time job, Dr. Phil even says it is like 2 full time jobs so it is hard!!!
Eileen

My DH wasn't very supportive in the beginning. About 4 years ago I quit a job where I was bringing home over $2000 a month plus the occasional bonus check. He would come home everyday and ask me if I'd gone on any interviews, had any prospects for a new job, etc. After a couple of months of half-hearted looking and interviews I had a talk with DH and told him I'd really like to try to be a homemaker. He said we'd give it a try, but was really scared. I told him we'd be able to do it.... I'd make sure of it. That's when my major frugality came into play....lol. When I was working, I would think nothing of going out every weekend and buying clothes, shoes, things for the house, etc. I believe he thought I was going to continue to do that.

Now... 4 years later... DH doesn't want me to go back to work. He's spoiled...lol. His house is always clean, his laundry and cooking done, I run almost all of the errands, make sure all of the bills are paid, do the grocery shopping and on and on. When we were both working outside the home we shared the cooking and clean up, he did his own laundry, helped with the house cleaning, he paid the bills, did the grocery shopping with me, etc.

Although money has been a little tight a few times, we are actually doing pretty well. We have been able to buy new living room furniture (complete with tables), a new washer & dryer, taken a few vacations and more.... all without using credit cards.

Hang in there. The beginning is rough until you get things figured out. It will get better if you work at it. :)

Before kids I was a mental health therapist and we knew that if we ever had kids that I would stay home - at least for awhile. I also knew that I would get very bored being a full time SAHM. It is just not in my personality to LOVE playing with a preschooler all day. When our (surprise) daughter was born only 19 mo after our son (my plan was for 2 and 1/2 yrs apart - God had other plans!!:surprise: - she has been such a blessing tho) I realized a couple of months ago that I was going to lose it if I didn't do something that was for me. I am also not one who can find my self worth in a clean home - maybe because I don't enjoy the process of cleaning...:). Anyway, I looked at going back to work full time, but in my field that would mean evening and didn't feel like that is what I should do. So now I have gone back to working my Mary Kay business and I teach for a local college on a part time basis. I like it b/c it brings in extra money - so I feel like I am contributing to the budget - and because I can do it around the times that my husband is home. And more importantly for me is that it helps me feel fulfilled. Like I have a purpose outside of the home. For me - I need that - but I also know that my primary role is in this home. My kids are only 2 and 1/2 and 10 months.

Thank you ladies for sharing your stories with me. It has shed some light on a few things for me. I know I've been really worried about dh getting burned out from working so much. The only thing I can say is that he really seems to love teaching. After he got home yesterday he was offered a second evening class. I told him that it was up to him, but that I felt he was working too much as it is. He decided to take it anyway. The classes pay much better than his pt job at SW, but he would need one more class to make enough to replace his income at SW. Of course, then he'd only be working six hours instead of the fifteen at SW. We've always been the type to jump on the opportunity to make more money, but I think there's a breaking point. Only having one car means it's impossible for me to get out of the house and get a breather. I guess when finances are tight, I shouldn't whine about not having any "me" time, but I think I'm burning out faster than he is. The stress of not having and friends or family, managing our dd's school activities, keeping the house running, etc...I'm just really tired these days.

Only having one car means it's impossible for me to get out of the house and get a breather. I guess when finances are tight, I shouldn't whine about not having any "me" time, but I think I'm burning out faster than he is. The stress of not having and friends or family, managing our dd's school activities, keeping the house running, etc...I'm just really tired these days.

~I have my family nearby but no friends, and that's always bugged me too. That's why online communities are so important to me! They can really help keep you from the edge of despair. It sounds like you have zero free-time but something I've always enjoyed is walking. A half hour walk by yourself is INCREDIBLY refreshing. I'd take a walk almost everyday until I started tap dance lessons last year. When I felt(and still feel) those moments of isolation and emotional exaustion, I have a good 'pity-party' cry, then I write in my journal and look at my dream list. My dream list is the things I want to do, see, learn and be in my lifetime. START one of them! Big HUGS to you in the meantime! :hug2:

My hubby is very supportive. He really has no other alternative, he works so much and such long hours that if I wasn't here I don't know what would happen. He works every single day without any days off and leaves between 4:30 and 5 am. The pay and benefits are great but it is hard on him and the kids. I leave a list out every night that has tomorrows to do list on it. More often than not he'll walk by it at some point and say "holy crap! You're sure busy tomorrow!" You do that enough days in a row and they EVENTUALLY get the picture. I'm so sorry your not feeling very appreciated, that can be very rough. When your man works really big hours they can be really grouchy, this I definitely know about first hand. I just try to do the best I can and take care of what I can. Grab a cup of coffee and hope to hear from you again soon!

I am not a sahm, but I wanted to give you big hugs! I think you have gotten some wonderful advice from the other ladies. I hope things start looking up soon. :hugz:

Although I was not fortunate enough to experience motherhood, I work in an office where there are a lot of young mothers. Many are the times I hear in elevator conversations that they feel forced to come back to work due to their husband's attitude, but they would really prefer to stay home. Don't know if it's a generational thing or if it's a "some men don't get it" thing, but there appears to be a general expectation among young dads that their wives will go right back to work after maternity leave. I hope they've at least had a thoughtful conversation around finances before jumping right back into work.

Although I was not fortunate enough to experience motherhood, I work in an office where there are a lot of young mothers. Many are the times I hear in elevator conversations that they feel forced to come back to work due to their husband's attitude, but they would really prefer to stay home. Don't know if it's a generational thing or if it's a "some men don't get it" thing, but there appears to be a general expectation among young dads that their wives will go right back to work after maternity leave. I hope they've at least had a thoughtful conversation around finances before jumping right back into work.

I agree. Just because a woman goes back to work and brings in more income doesn't necessarily mean the family finances will be better. Typically, a lot is eated up in childcare and the rest on convenience. Who really wants to spend all of the time planning and preparing healthy meals after working eight hours all day plus commute time and most likely be dealing with tired and cranky kids. I know a lot of people do it and manage, but I know a lot of people who are no better off for their second income. Over the years, I've always worked when my dh could be home with the kids. I've never felt right leaving them in someone else's care outside of family on a regular basis. So we didn't have that expense. I worked evenings after I had already spent all day managing the house and cooking dinner and getting the kids ready for bed. I can't really say that we managed the money I brought in as well as we could have, but it helped a lot for paying unexpected bills, buying gifts, and keeping gas in the car.

Dh is very supportive, but I've only been a SAHM for 6 months and we are still struggling to find a balance. Honestly, 1 little baby is not THAT hard to take care of, as he's pretty easy going and I keep myself really organized. This has led to me feeling guilty about "not doing enough", even though DH normally comes home to a spotless house and dinner well on it's way. Not to mention I'm still doing a lot of work in the evening; dishes, Emmett's bath/bedtime routine, etc. I'm sure if I added it all up I'm doing WAY more than 40 hours a week but I still feel guilty if some laundry isn't folded or dinner isn't started when DH comes home. He doesn't seem to understand that...I tell him that's my job, and I don't like feeling like I'm not doing my job!

On the other hand, with me being so frugal and really tightening our budget to pay off my student loans, I think DH feels bad about not making enough money for us to go blow money (he's the "shopping is fun!" type, but does stick to the budget, bless him!). He's *just* started a new career and won't be making good money for a couple of years, and we've got enough to meet our needs (with some extra for fun!), but he still thinks he should be doing better. Then he comes home and tries to help me but I insist that he relax and let me do it, which makes him feel a bit guilty! I guess we've both got a bit of an inferiority complex going here!

I think when either person in the relationship feels like they're doing too much or too little there are problems.

I guess the only advice I can offer is, as someone suggested, that maybe you could work part time so that DH only has to work 2 jobs...it will give you time away from the house, and DH can have some time in the house!!

After a horrible job experience in 1974, that I left, my husband and I came to the agreement that my job money would NEVER be depended upon for our lives. About 2 years ago when we had to do something about our debt which was mutually run up but made worse by dh's recovery process he made the statement that I needed to go to work fulltime to help get rid of debt. I reminded him of our agreement. It's not very often that we get crosshairs with one another but that is a biggie to me. I have cut our budget greatly and we are paying off our debts, just fine thank you. I don't get a big check from the preschool and fulltime work is not an option for me as dh doesn't think he should help around the house even if I work fulltime. Which I point out to him when he gets this way. I WILL NOT work fulltime and do everything else around here:jug: . I'm worn out from the new preschool schedule and have to take my day's off to recover, frankly I am also feeling very old right now.

I believe that some dh's do what they can get away with. With mine, he is fine with the arrangement of me not working fulltime and not having to do as much like I would expect him to do if I worked fulltime. Now that he's been reminded of why I don't work fulltime anymore he's not saying anything. But I do have a way of bringing in funds so that's what I'm going to do after the house gets put back together. I began in computers and I can still earn 25-50 dollars an hour doing basic consulting, I have given notice at the preschool after 9 years, so that is what I am going to do.

DH doesn't seem to mind me not working away from hame as long as I pull my weight around here. With the remodel going on there are times that I don't feel that I do, but there are things I just don't know how to do either. On the other hand, I do all the laundry, cooking, cleaning and all the yard work. I do help with the things I know how to do, like putting dry wall tape and mudd on the walls and I always end up doing all the sanding as well. I also do all the painting and running around that I can do for remodel. Sometimes I am nothing more than a gopher, but I try to help.
Only when money is tight does he complain that I should work, but I do extra things now and again tohelp fianacially. I fill in at my old job a couple of times a year and I also offer and do animal care for friends when they are out of town. I also help a neighbor, down the road, who insists on paying me, even though I don't want the money. All that being said, I too, have dinner waiting when he comes home and I think he likes that. I don't push him too much to get things done because I know he could get burned out really easy and don't want that for him either. It's a give and take.

Out of the blue last night dh confessed he resented my not working for a long time and that he felt our situation was my fault. Then he preceded to say that that was how he felt, but now he's over it. That stung so badly. I asked him why he would even tell me such a thing if that's not how he feels now. It felt like he was deliberately trying to hurt me and that he never took into account all of the little things I did do to bring in some money here and there like ebaying, pt jobs, and promotional jobs. He said he was upset that I never went back to working at a club or something because the hours are ideal. Ideal as they may have been, I only have one pair of lungs and not being able to breathe for a week after working in a club played a big role in my decision (which I had thought was our decision) not going back. I couldn't take care of the house or parent the children properly when I was laid up in bed hacking my head off. I told him that I will gladly seek ft employment when AJ starts kindergarten as long as we don't have any more children. He said that wasn't acceptable to him as he wants more children and I said it wasn't acceptable to me to not be home with them and raise them. I have severe seperation anxiety when my kids are babies. My first son died at seven months old and I just had the hardest time leaving either of my other two as infants. I'm not going to have a third child so someone else can raise them. It's not like I'm not willing to work. He could quit one or both of his pt jobs and I could work. He's not mad about that though. Apparently, he's mad because he agreed with me six years ago when we decided I would stay home with the kids. I feel so betrayed that he felt this way for so long and would never open up about it. No wonder we've had so many problems. I can't fix a problem I don't know about:(

I am so sorry you lost your child, that must have been awful and I can understand the seperation anxiety.
So, are you and hubby clear on what is expected now? Have you resolved this issue? Or is it still up in the air?

hi-

I am truly sorry you lost your child.It sounds as thought there are many things your DH needs to resolve, with his own thoughts of what is best for the family;although he must feel exhausted by the amount of work he feels he must do, it is unfair to take this out on you or blame you for what troubles you have.It sounds as though you both need to go somewhere neutral, have a sitter and get out of the place where the troulbe lingers for a couple of hours and just talk things through,no blaming no accusing, just hear what each other has to say and what you both are feeling.

I have been home with my daughter for three years, and though my husband supports my SAH,we have had our problems and adjustment to life with a child( the sacrifices we both had to make for the betterment of us all as a unit.)We talk things out thoughroughly, though not always in a neutral place.We try to remain united on the important issues as discipline and finances.We have come through some pretty tough times together and the big thing is that we are together still.I am so certain that anything we have been through cannot come close to the painful things you have come through, but I applaud your bravery and your desire to make things right rather than run away.I wish you the very best, good luck....

Patty

I have worked on and off over our 15 yrs of marriage. I am a licensed hairdresser and did that for some of the beginning years. I really became a sahw after I had an ectopic pregnancy @28. My pregnancy nearly killed me and I ended up with a staff infection after etc etc then my parents became sick. My father had on going heart troubles and ended up dying in '03 and my mom developed heart trouble etc from her diabetes so I just have had other things going on and working would have been too hard to do. My dh wants me to stay home and supports my decision to do so. I did say someday after our daughter is in school I might go back to work part time but we plan on having a second child either through birth or another adoption sooooooo I don't think I will be working for quite sometime if at all.

I have the personality/frame of mind where I would prefer to work outside the home. Don't get me wrong, I love my child dearly, but I need human interaction and I love being able to help people at my job.

My husband is supportive of me working, but he has always let me know that he would be supportive of me staying at home.

I wish I had some sort of advice for you. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your son. It's perfectly understandable why you wouldn't want someone else to take care of your babies.

Is there anyone you could go to for some sort of counseling? Maybe a church could give you a recommendation for someone who can do it free or low-cost. Obviously, y'all have some stuff to work through. He wants more kids, but he doesn't seem to see the cost involved with that, especially if he wants you to work. Three or more kids in daycare/after-school care would be very expensive! Then there's his resentment about your not working...

I'm so sorry you're having to go through such a rough patch right now, especially with your DH saying hurtful things to you. Sometimes I think men don't realize just how much SAHM/W do to keep the house and family running and the expenses down. You know, I'm kind of wondering if he's feeling inadequate since men are typically seen as the providers, so he's taking out his own insecurities on you. Just a thought.

I have been very blessed with a husband that would rather me stay at home with the kids as to work. If me getting a job is ever brought up it is me that brings it up. There are days when I am ready to get a job, when money is a little tight or the kids are testing me. But overall I wouldn't change being a SAHM. We have 4 kids and if you added up all the cost just to work it would not be worth my time. Even with just 2 kids it still doesn't pay to work. You could put it on paper for your husband to see. If he still wants you to get a job comprmise. Say that you will get a job if you can find some kids to babysit in your home or if you can find employment at a daycare, that way you can probally get a discount on childcare and you will still get to be with your kids. But I would also make it undestood that if you are both working that you should take turns taking the kids to the doctor when they get sick or have check ups. Soon he will realize how much he liked it better when you were a SAHM. My husband and I are kind of old fashioned, my DH doesn't want our children raised by anyone but us, and if you set down and think about it if you work 8hr a day that doesn't leave much awake time with your kids and what awake time you do have with them is spent trying to catch the laundry up or cook supper, not getting to give your kids your full attention.They will end up spending more quality time with your careprovider than you. Maybe you should point that out to your DH. When I start thinking about getting a job I think that back in the 40's 50's etc there were alot more SAHM's and there were also a lot less crime, people were more respectfull, kids did better in school ,etc I am not saying there is anything wrong with being a working mom. Being a SAHM is not for everyone, Sometime I feel like I am going to go crazy not talking to an adult all day but I just remind myself that they only little once and I have the rest of my life to work if I want to. Everything will workout just give it time Does you husband have any friends that are the sole provider in there family? It might help for him to talk to another husband that is in the same situation as him. Good Luck.

littlemotherhaywood, your husband always reminds me of my husband!

You just have to have the same vision. Sit down and discuss where you want your family to go in life and what you want your kids to be like and if having nice things is important or education for the kids or going on vacations as a family. When you can see your future mapped out a little more solidly, then suddenly having you work some piddly part-time job or having him take career jobs or having you out of the home doesn't seem as important or seems more important (depending on what you decide).

My husband waffled too on the sahm bit until we had this discussion and now we stand firm that I will be at home and he will work. If he's resentful, that's too bad, but he said he's not resentful anymore----forgive and talk more. Open the lines of communication. Financial troubles can be an incredible growing experience for a couple (like me and my dh) or a vise that squeezes love and fun out of your marriage until one day it's over (like it almost was in the beginning). A powerful marriage takes two people working in sync together against an obstacle like debt.You can have a powerful marriage out of this whole experience, but you have to talk and cry and forgive one another. You can do this. :fence:

And remember, getting out of debt takes time. It feels like it will take forever, but it's like eating an elephant---one bite at a time.

My husband is now supportive of me staying at home, but he wasn't at first. I truly think that now he "gets it" as I hear him telling people all the time that I have the toughest job in the world. :thumb: :thumb:

It's interesting reading others' posts b/c my husband rarely comes home to a clean house w/dinner on the table!!! To me, that's not important. Yes, obviously, we need to eat, but my focus is on the kids during the day and, again, he understands that.

I recently started working at Home Depot p/t at night. It's not a glamourous job, but I like getting out of the house and the pay is good (especially for retail). I'm college educated and have held many professional positions, but I feel that at this point in our lives, I need to have a job that I can leave at work and one that won't take up my personal time--I used to teach and felt like I was always planning, correcting, etc. Call me shallow, but I like earning money!! I get a rush everytime I open my paycheck b/c that's money that we wouldn't have if I wasn't working part-time.

I hope everything works out for you. I know you're going through tough times right now. I agree with everyone here--you need to sit down and have a good ole heart to heart with dh. My husband and I discuss and write down our goals a lot and just by doing that, it lets me see his point of view on a lot of things. For example, if his goal is to travel--I know why he likes extra money. If one of my goals is to volunteer in the kids' classroom, he can see why I prefer to work at night and not during the day.

Good luck!

Again, I just want to say thank you for all of the great insight everyone here has offered. I know that most importantly, I need to sit down and talk with my dh. I've pleaded with him to take a step back and relax a little, but he's in forward mode only right now. Now he's on the other end of the spectrum and doesn't want me to get a job right now. I wish he would make up his mind:) I love him dearly, but he drives me crazy. I do think we need to see someone as a couple to help us talk through things. It's so hard to remain calm about so many things and I would love an objective party to help us. We have eight free counseling sessions through his EAP, but he's working so hard, we don't have time to go. I may make an appointment for myself though. I've been through counseling before and I can't really say that it helped. I've matured so much since then and I think perspective plays a big role in the way we see things.