:dis:Yep its true....I think it may be it. I can not keep doing this with my DH. The alcohol ALWAYS wins and my kids are beginning to lose everyday.Hes agreed to get help but doesn't and ends up back to his old ways and i cann't deal with it. sigh...theres soooooo MUCH more to all of this for tonight but i feel drained. I just needed your shoulders as usual...THANX:shake:

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k100/Suzanne_42/Olderpicsformesuzanne178.gif

Do you go to Al-Anon? It is for families, friends, and loved ones of those with alcohol problems. I STRONGLY recommend it!!

Also---are you in counseling of some kind? Even if your DH won't go with you, you need to get help and you need someone with training in these matters to listen to you and give you options. If you are a church-goer, your pastor can refer you to someone. The United Way in your town can also give recommendations. Many base their fees on a sliding pay scale so you pay what you can afford.

Counseling is VERY important right now.

I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

Hugs to you, I'm so sorry. And know that this is NOT your fault. If he can't see the light and change his ways then he's the loser.

Such sad news though, know we're here for you hun!

Hugs,
kj

I am so sorry for what you are going through. He must be in a lot of pain to choose alcohol over his family but that is NOT YOUR FAULT. The choice is being made by him, not you if he refuses to get help.

You need to see someone for counseling. Leaving a situation like this can have a lot of resulting guilt, which you must work through for you and your children.

Best of luck and my thoughts are with you.

Drugs and alcohol are destroying so many families in our country. I'm so sorry the latter has tainted you and your kids lives. :hug2:

~I wonder if an intervention may be helpful. Does any of his family live nearby? I'm so sorry you're going through this. ((hugs))~

I am so sorry that this is happening to your family. I'm not married to an alcoholic, but there have been more than a few in my family. It is a terrible sickness. I am praying for you, your husband and your children.

Been there, done that hon, so I can relate. I had just left mine when he died driving drunk on a motorcycle. Be prepared for a lot of emotions. Divorce is a lot like having someone die, and the grieving symptoms are the same. You might want to go to some al-anon meetings. It will help you with the transition. If your kids are teens, there is al-ateen too. Great organizations!

I'm here if you want to talk.

Mega hugs!!!

I'm so sorry...these ladies had great advice. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I will pray for strength for you and your family.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this!

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going through. Prayers and hugs to you.

I'm really sorry. I grew up in an alcoholic home and I know how devastating it can be.

I am so sorry that it has come to this. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I am so sorry that you are having to live in this situation. I would also recommend Al-Anon.

:hug2:

Thank you all for your support!! I truly appreciate it. I am going to have a sit down with him when hes sober to see where/what the next step is, the balls in his court. I am looking for a local al-anon meeting.
***See Below as well***

~I wonder if an intervention may be helpful. Does any of his family live nearby? I'm so sorry you're going through this. ((hugs))~
I had to comment strictly on this....His family is on his side. We were at a family get together when all of this started. Of course he didn't act an a** when we were there just as soon as we got in the car. He can not drink hard liquor or he completely loses it....his cousin was passing the Petron(sp) tequila shots around when I stepped in looking like a total freak BTW. I stopped that and his family said "oh just let him do his thing. You just take him home and its his problem if he gets outta control" UMMMMM hello this is the same man that locked me and my kids out on Easter Eve when he lost it. Its not HIS problem when he gets like that its mine and my kids. :shake: Suddenly it became clear they will NEVER be behind me. I was even told "ya know chances are good when he gets crazy like that you are probably instigating the whole thing" wow. Sorry so long.Thanks again

I am so sorry that you and your boys have to go through this.

Please know that I am thinking of you.

I'm so sorry that you and your children are having to go through this situation. Big hugs to you!!!

:hug2:

I am so sorry. Living with an alcoholic is no kind of life for you or your children. Been there, done that. Life gets immensely better when you get away from the emotional drain. Best of luck to you. Be strong.

I wish the best for you and your family. My first boyfriend at the age of 15 (he was 15 yrs old also) was an alcoholic. Imagine being an alcoholic so young! I recognized this at the time as he would always pick alcohol over me. I knew this would lead to a life of pain for both of us, so I chose to walk away. I'm glad I did.

Im so sorry you are going through this
Hugs and prayers your way

I am so sorry

You and your children will be in my thoughts. My mother and husband are both recovering alcoholics, and I know what a difficult situation you are in. I am sorry that his family members aren't strong enough to see the truth.

Hugs and prayers for you and your children.

Sending lots of hugs and prayers! We are here for you.

:grouphug2

My prayers are with you also. I know first hand how alchol can destroy.

My thoughts and prayers and with your and your children. While my DH isn't an achololic, he is addicted to other things, which makes me question our relationship...

From me to you: You have to do what's right for you, if that requires leaving him, save up some money on the side and should the time arise when your ready to go you will be set for a while. :hugz:

Good luck and hugs to you. My ex was an alcoholic and that was hard. We never had children together(thank goodness) so I can only imagine how much harder it is for you. I'm sorry you and your kids have to go through this :(

I'm sorry. Hugs to you. :hug2:

I second Al-anon or if there is a Celebrate Recovery program in your part of the world they are a great program. ((((hugs)))) Life with an addict is hard. Sometimes the quickest way to get them into recovery is for us to change the way we deal with them. Stay strong!

I'm soooo sorry! I know this pain first hand, having lost my husband to drugs and another SO to alcohol. Both are wonderful men WHEN SOBER!!! Unfortunately, addiction is a disease, not a simple choice. Equally unfortunately, you have to decide on a safe and healthy lifestyle for your kids and your self. That may well be one in which he has little interaction and opportunity to do harm. BTW, I'd have told his family "No, he's a mean drunk. I'll just take the kids and head on out of here, and you all can deal with him since you don't think it's such a big deal."

I was even told "ya know chances are good when he gets crazy like that you are probably instigating the whole thing" wow. Sorry so long.Thanks again

You know, my own mother told me once after my husband beat me that if I would just be nice to him, he wouldn't hit me. MY OWN MOTHER! Well, she lived with my alcoholic dad for over 40 years before he died, and I only remember him striking her once. He pushed her backwards and her head went through the wall.

Don't wait for this to happen to you. Please do what's best for you and your kids.

I'm so sorry you and the kids are going through this. We're all here for you. :grouphug:


--Michelle

Hugs and Prayers!!!

I have inlaws who are alcholics or have drug probs. And the worse part is mother inlaw id indenial, her kids dont do anything wrong. yeah one of those kind lol
Im sorry that your going through this, I know how u feel coming form a recovering alcholic father. And belive me their are many scars. But Im all grown up and dealing with it.
Just try to get some help where ever you can. My mother lives with it for 7 years, then he quit. But those years I will and the family may forgive but never forget.
hhugggsss to you dear!!!

Lots of good and kind advice here already, so I just wanted to add to the posts, to put yourself first, and remember, you can't change him, only he can change himself, and you have your power to make changes for the better in your life. Love and prayers being sent your way!!

I'm so sorry. I grew up with an alcoholic father.

Your IL's really take the cake. PLEASE don't pay any attention to them, they sound nuts.

Al-anon does help. but if you think the situation is only going to get worse, maybe it's time to find you and the kids a new beginning, and get out of there.

I am so sorry you and your children are suffering due to this. You have my prayers.:hugz:

I have been where you are now. I moved out this summer. He and I tried to work it out, but it didn't last. Do what you can for you and your children. Get any help that you can and get out. He will never change. The best of luck to your family.

I am sorry. I went thru the same thing. My ex- only got worse. I have to say that the day he left, there was such a difference in my home. It was peaceful and the kids began to do so much better. I am here for you if u need to talk.

My ex in-laws lived in denial,too and were NO help with my drinking (ex) husband. He will never stop drinking until he ultimately destroys himself and everyone around him.

I decided not to subject myself and our child to that kind of life. So glad I got out when I did and I wish it had been sooner. Good luck to you.

I'm in recovery - second time around - I have 10 years. I grew up with all my relatives drinking, there are still two cousins who are still using, along with my brother.

You can't change him, you can only change how you react to him. Living with an addict is insanity. His family are what we call enablers.

You need to put yourself and your children first. His life decisions are his and he can make them by himself.

Run like the wind darlin. Go to Al-Anon.

My mantra, I say this probably 50 times a day "Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference".

Blessings to you and your children.

HOw's it going, Mom2 3 boys? :listen:

I am so sorry you are going through this... I also agree Al-Anon may be a good choice regardless of whether you stay. I will keep you and your children in my prayers.

Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children. I know you mentioned that he locked you and the children out of your house on Easter, but has he ever hit you? I have a BIL who used to lock his wife and kids out of their house when he got plastered. It wasn't long afterwards though, that he started beating her, breaking her arm, and he even stabbed her in the leg one time. Please, get out while you can. He will never change. If you and the children meant anything at all to him, he would have already tried to get help, but he hasn't, so he doesn't care.

Everyone in BIL's family (except dh) was on BIL's side too. They still baby him and feel sorry for him and he doesn't even try to have anything to do with his kids, even though they are all grown with their own families. The family knows he is wrong, but they say "Blood is thicker than water!"

Your responsible for the well being of your children and putting them and yourself at risk by remaining with him is dangerous.

I'm just wondering how everything is going? You haven't posted on this thread in a while and I've been thinking about you.

If you and the children meant anything at all to him, he would have already tried to get help, but he hasn't, so he doesn't care.

I wanted to comment on this as well - while I do believe that you and your children could be in danger and you need to be prepared to deal with that - it doesn't mean that DH just doesn't care because he won't get help. I grew up in an alcholic family - my dad is a severe alcoholic and I know my brother and I mean absolutely everything to him, but he continues to chose the alcohol over us - its a self esteem issue. My dad cannot accept that my brother and I love him for him. He doesn't feel deserving of it because of how he's treated us and my mom (parents are now divorced), so he goes out and drinks more - then he feels even more guilty and less deserving - is a vicious cycle. My dad has tried more than once to get sober, but the alcohol always wins. Most alcoholics have very very low self esteem and they often have depression issues. I am NOT trying to make excuses for him and I do NOT think you should stay with him for any reason if you ever feel you are in danger (and I'm sorry, but it looks like it might be headed that way) - however I just wanted to add another point of view.

It devestates me, but I've learned to accept my dad for who he is, not to depend on him for much and to keep my distance a little. I still love him very much.
(((BIG HUGS)))

I am sorry you are going through this. I don't believe in divorce but in cases like this when the person has been given chance after chance and always returns to the bottle then divorce may be your only option. I don't think he has hit rock bottom yet. He has no desire to change because he knows you will always be there to catch him. And his family is doing nothing but enabling him in his disease.

Been there & put myself through twenty four years of misery not realizing his drinking was not my problem & I wasn't the cause of it. Don't feel guilty about doing what you need to do for yourself. You can only change yourself ....not him. It is a disease & habit & until HE decides to get help & change it's broken promises, & hearts,etc. are what you get....as they say in Alon...don't be afraid to "rock the boat" ! My prayers are with you...!

Oh Hon:grouphug2! Coming in late here(I'm back on the board, and catching up with all the old posts)...do you have an update? I have been where your CHILDREN are...please do what you have to do, to show them that THEY are the priority for you. I'm very thankful to see that you don't have a daughter....some of the most severe damage in these situations happens to the eldest daughter in the family.
While I know you love your kids more than life itself(and your dh probably does too)...they are learning the lessons that 1)conflict is to be avoided at ALL cost 2)it doesn't matter what you need/want...it might upset dad and it's isn't worth it 3)I can't have friends over like the other kids because I never know what I'll find when I get home...if he'll be acting like an @$$ or if he even went to work today 4) Women work like dogs, doing it all...while it's the man's job to lie around, rule the roost, and work if and when he's up to it.
I am sooooo sorry you are going thru this, and I know it's scary. I could smack his family, but that is also classic enabling behavior. They have probably been justifying the behavior of alcoholics through the generations...or, they think it's "What people do" when everyone gets together....overeat, drink, and act like a buffoon.
Only you know if this is a marriage worth saving...so, as others have said....get yourself and your kids in Alanon and Alateen. Both you and your boys need to learn that YOU did not cause this, he does not drink "because you made him mad", that their mom is not a nagging b*tch who won't let a hardworking man wind down at the end of the day, and that this is NOT the way typical families act. Please give an update!:cheerup:

Well I have stopped replying because I guess I am a bit embarassed...I have stayed. Now of course things are better and we basically keep to ourselves here. I do still think about life on my own without the headaches but I love him, the kids love him and I really don't want to be without him. I honestly couldn't afford to be on my own. So I guess when we are in the "honeymoon phases" I am content.For now this is where I am....thank you all for your support.

Don't be embarassed. You must do what you feel is the right thing.

I do encourage you to go to Al-Anon. It would be good for you, even when things are going good.

I'm happy things are a little better for you but I would prepare myself just in case you change your mind like keep a stash of money hidden somewhere in case you need to leave. Also keep a copy of important records like birth certificate and social security numbers. Important stuff like that. Keep a plan in your head of what you need to do in case you ever decide to leave. I hope it never happens. I hope things stay good for you because I know you love him.

Awww don't feel embarrased. Only you know what is right and how to live your life. I hope it all gets better and better for you!

Don't feel embarrased. we all go trough situations that we are unsure of what is best. I would take some time to prepare for the worst and pray for the best. kwim? I hope you can wok everything out.

You are doing what you think is best, that's all you can do. Good luck! :heartsm::heartsm::heartsm:

Don't be embarassed. You did what you felt was best for you and yours. We are all thinking/praying for you.

Only you know what you need to do. We will be here whenever you need us. Best of luck to you and your children. I will keep saying a prayer for all of you.

Monner