My son (age 9) as been bullied lately on the school bus; physically and emotionally (name calling). He has punched back a few times and also uses his hands to block the hitting. Our schools won't tolerate this behavior and neither will we. We have video cameras on our buses and we asked the principal to pull them so they can be viewed and the bullies can be caught on tape. I should be hearing any day now about the outcome. In the meantime, we're having his seat moved.

Anyway, my question is this. What do you tell your children about fighting back? I'm all for the mentality of keeping peace and treating others with respect. I also teach my children to be kind and loving, which includes keeping their hands to themselves and speaking nicely. If they have nothing nice to say, they should keep their mouths shut.

But, my husband and I are going to talk to him extensively soon and plan to tell him to fight back and protect himself. I get conflicting information from the bible about this subject as I often see Jesus as one to turn the other cheek. However, when it comes to abuse in the home, I get the feeling that even though Christian, a woman should get out of the situation.

I am so angry right now and hurt that my son has to put up with this nonsense. However, if my son fights back, he is treated with the same punishment at school as the bully. Go figure.

What are your thoughts, feelings?

I truely believe in the no violence teaching. The bible does say that if you are slapped on one cheek turn the other. However I do not think this works for school bullies. You have done the right thing going to the school. My question is until this comes thru could you not arrange a different mode of transportation for your son? If not then I would explain that hitting is wrong and he should never initiate a fight but he should defend himself against bodily harm.
Hopefully this will be taken care of by the school quickly.
Good luck.

DD had a problem in her middle school with a bully who just wouldn't let up. She did her best to avoid the girl until the girl attacked my daughter in the gym. DD fought back and put the much older and bigger girl on the ground. Fortunatly the gym teacher saw the whole thing. But our school holds all fighters to the same rule. 3 days out of school and a failing grade in behavior for that grade period. I went and picked up DD with her black eye and we went to lunch. She was more worried about me being mad for her fighting back then about her being attacked. I explained that she had no choice she had done her best to avoid the fight and she couldn't stop the other girl. Turns out the other little girl has been in 8 fights this year and has no father and a drug addicit mom. The childs social worker had to be called to come and get her from school as there was no adult to care for her. Dd and I discussed the young ladies poor home life and we have prayed for her because she lacks the love my daughter gets. But the out come of her defending herelf has lead to her no longer being picked on by anyone in her school. Because she did stand up for herself when push came to shove.

Laurie in Bradenton

Coming from a Conservatice Christian family, I was always taught not to start the fight, but make sure I finished it. I remember being bullied at school and my parents told me next time to "whoop her butt"!

Thing with Bullies is that if they think you are scared of them they will taunt and terrorize you forever. Minute you stand up to them, they then want to become your best friend -as was the case with the my "bully". After I whooped her butt, she kept wanting to be my "best friend" And to think that witch had me terrorized for as long as she did.

I was always taught not to start a fight, but not to stand there and get beat up.

I think another thing for all of us to remember as christians, just like Laurie and her DH did, that we need to pray for the other person. I don't know what possess children to behave the way they do in this day and time, but surely something is not right with them and they need prayer.

Since your daughter is not allowed to defend herself without punishment I would also make it clear to the prinicipal that you are holding the school responsible for the outcome of the situation and the behavior of the bully. Let them know you are documenting and will contact a lawyer if they can not end this problem immediately. I really don't like the idea of treatening lawsuits but unfortunately that seems the only way to get a public school to pull their heads out of the sand and actually do something. You might want to insist they call in the parents of the other child to have a meeting with you.

On a more personal note I suffered pretty horribly at the hands of bullies when I was a child. Unfortunately my experience was that even with parents going to the school, teachers and administrators do not take this problem as seriously as they ought and sometimes even encourage it indirectly. I would get roughed up pretty regularly, go home and tell my mom and when she went to the school every time the teachers would say "We don't know what you are talking about. Everyone likes her. She has lots of friends." And then my "friends" would hit me with rocks for telling. This went on for years and I began to feel a little crazy. I kept insisting something wasy happening and the adults kept denying it. I can't even repeat the foul sexualy harrassing things these children said to me, sometimes in front of teachers, but everytime my mom went to the school the teachers would say "Oh it's not true, it's not that bad."

It may not be an option but you might consider homeschooling. I do not have any children yet but if/when I do they will never set foot in a public school. I ride the bus to work and a major high school is on our route. Unfortunately the kids that ride this bus have confirmed for me that things have not improved to say the least. I would not want any child I was responsible for to have to see these things second hand, let alone suffer them personally if there was any way it could be avoided.

I will pray for you and the children. Be tough and don't let the school officials try and brush you off!

Christine

My son proudly finished HS without ever having been in a fight - and then proceeded to get into one with one of his best college buddies (AAARGH!). I think bullying is a rather different situation than other fighting, and may call for different reactions. Can he sit right behind the bus driver? Does the school have adult supervision on the bus (or can they have)? Can you arrange other transportation?

My children are to defend themselves. I would not wait for the school to view the tape. Be on them everyday until everyone involved, including you, have been able to see it.

Good news, ladies! The bullies have been caught on the bus video cam and justice has been served!!

Coming from a Conservatice Christian family, I was always taught not to start the fight, but make sure I finished it. I remember being bullied at school and my parents told me next time to "whoop her butt"!

Thing with Bullies is that if they think you are scared of them they will taunt and terrorize you forever. Minute you stand up to them, they then want to become your best friend.

Yup...this is how it goes... Even if the school penalizes him for his actions...you will know he was just defending himself. And if he does fight back...it will most likely be the end of the bullying...they'll know not to mess with him. :thumb:

My son (age 9) as been bullied lately on the school bus; physically and emotionally (name calling). He has punched back a few times and also uses his hands to block the hitting. Our schools won't tolerate this behavior and neither will we. We have video cameras on our buses and we asked the principal to pull them so they can be viewed and the bullies can be caught on tape. I should be hearing any day now about the outcome. In the meantime, we're having his seat moved.

Anyway, my question is this. What do you tell your children about fighting back? I'm all for the mentality of keeping peace and treating others with respect. I also teach my children to be kind and loving, which includes keeping their hands to themselves and speaking nicely. If they have nothing nice to say, they should keep their mouths shut.

But, my husband and I are going to talk to him extensively soon and plan to tell him to fight back and protect himself. I get conflicting information from the bible about this subject as I often see Jesus as one to turn the other cheek. However, when it comes to abuse in the home, I get the feeling that even though Christian, a woman should get out of the situation.

I am so angry right now and hurt that my son has to put up with this nonsense. However, if my son fights back, he is treated with the same punishment at school as the bully. Go figure.

What are your thoughts, feelings? I am a big history buff, some of Jesus disciples were Zealots(these were fighting people. A lot of people at the time thought Jesus would come a conquering(fighting) but that was not his plan. He was the love offering to cover our sin. James Vernon Mcgee does a great job explaining it in Leviticus and making it understandable.That is why some did not believe he was the Messiah. he will come at the end in judgement with the sword. I myself sent my kids to martial arts, they teach you not to fight just defend yourself.My now 21 year old was getting bullied at school. The martial arts also helped her gain confidence and that helped her stand up to bullies. I like the fighting form kajakempbo form-I know I spelled it wrong. It was used for fighting street gangs in Hawaii and is an excellent fighting form. I think sports also help. Good luck

We're starting a new program at our school here in Kuwait. We're encouraging kids to hold up their hand in a stop position and say STOP loudly. Bullies like to work in annonymity and that makes it hard to do if the victims are willing to draw attention to themselves and the bully. But, even so, being able to defend yourself is important. You're not encouraging your child to start a fight or to even be un-Christ-like...you're teaching him to defend himself from harm. Someone striking your cheek isn't necessarily going to cause you serious injury...it's designed to shame you in public and make you want to get even. Someone trying to beat you up and use you for a punching bag is something else entirely. And, look at it this way, it'll help the bullies too...get them in trouble and stopped, but maybe they'll learn a lesson as well that will aid them in their lives. And praying for them is an excellent idea.

Martial arts are a good idea...just the confidence that will show will help to prevent bullying situations.

I'm glad that the bully got caught!!!

I teach my dd to always defend herself if anything every happens.