making a hard decision [Archive] - Frugal Village Forums

tammy88

11-02-2007, 10:48 AM

no moving is not an option we are in a lease, we are very comfortable here..just since the drop in paychecks we havent been able to recover. its only been a couple of weeks and i need to be able to restore my bugdet and make it work..and with the paying the bck rent and all the medical its doesnt leave much room, like we had..so i was thinking of only paying the utilities, the back rent, c.c. car insurance, cell phone (have too or they cut it off and cost me more) and couple of the big bills. then tend to the medical bills again starting jan, because i should have the back rent paid by then. i also want to get a head start on saving for a couple of things my husband needs dental work done very badly so i want to start saving for that, i need glasses before i deliver the baby because i dont think they will let me where the contacts throught out everything (c-section) i want to be able to buy my son a few christmas presents and paying everyone i cant all of it. i figured i would pay off a couple of things also so that it would be less bills come Janauary

these medical people just suck they wont help anyone..for two months i sent everyone payments, first payments were bigger, the second payements were around 20.00 no one will keep the bills unless i guarantee them 25+ a month and i have like 8 medical bills i cant give them all $25+ a month especially right this minute. then when the baby comes there will be more medical bills because i have the $300.00 delivey co pay and they charge a in patient co pay everyday from $250-1250.00!! i figured when i receive a bill and if i have $10 i will send that bills $10.00 but if i dont have it...

im also looking into dropping my cell phone minutes again to only 200 minutes but i loose so much from the phone company when i do that, im calling verizon to see if i can downgrade the interent, i have directv and it is way over priced but i got sucked into a contract when i got a dvr for christmas last year..but my family wouldnt make it without tv. husbands drivers license is up for renewal before christmas, im gonna pay that laptop off this month thats an extra $105 a month, my va power bill is over 200.00 a month because the summer was so hot and we had 3 window units running and i had to make a payment plan with them, because the bills were over 300+ a month. i dropped my netflix from 18-13.00 a month..i bought a canvas closet for the kids clothes from a company you make payments too and when i opened it yesterday it was some what damanged (fixable) and so they gave it to me for 1/2 the price!!

3-boys-4-me

11-02-2007, 11:19 AM

Hi Tammy. I have a few questions before offering any suggestions. :)
~How many are in your family? How old are your other children? Congrats on the soon to be new addition to your family. When are you due?
~Have you checked into other medical? WIC? Foodstamps?
~Do you qualify to get assistance with your rent, heating oil, electric bills?

annymoll

11-02-2007, 11:22 AM

Since you asked what others think, I will give you my opinion. This would be the perfect time for your DH to quit smoking, then you can take that money and use it to pay medical bill- if that is the bill you will be defaulting on otherwise.

tammy88

11-02-2007, 11:39 AM

there is me my husband my 3 year old and the new baby

my husband really makes excellent money so i know that we wouldnt get approved for any kind of assistance..but we have the medical bills, the bankruptcy and since i stay home thats an income we lost.

my husband quit smokin? lol..i think it would be easier pull teeth!!..lol

thayts just something thats not going to happen..he tries every so often but doesn succeed with it..im actually hoping he will soon because everyone in the family has quit but him, so he has to smoke outside all the time..and with my mom going through cancer its another BIG hint to quit..but if i try talking to him about it, it just makes him angry. if you live with a smoker you know what i mean

annymoll

11-02-2007, 12:01 PM

I do understand, that with addiction,family and financial needs are often put to the wayside. It is just a suggestion. Good luck to you.

tammy88

11-02-2007, 12:02 PM

anny i didnt mean that in an ugly way at all..

thank you for the advice..i wish he would stop for sooooo many reason

3-boys-4-me

11-02-2007, 12:27 PM

~Try cutting your grocery budget just a bit. I am sure FrugalMomof3 could share some great tips/recipes with you. She manages to feed her family on something like $75 a month!
~Try asking for assistance and see what you qualify for. I am sure your DH makes very good money, but it obviously isn't enough. I don't mean that to sound harsh, but don't be afraid to ask for help. Worse they can say is no.
~Stop spending on everything but rent, gas, heating oil, groceries ect. You said that you purchased something for your kids that doesn't needed to be paid for right away? That's going to have to be paid for eventually, therefor putting your further away from getting ahead.
~Don't worry about Christmas. I promise you a small Christmas won't damage your child for life. Don't purchase anything for your DH and tell him not to purchase anything for you. I am sure all can agree that a roof over your head is worth more than a new sweater on your backs.
Again, I don't mean to sound harsh and these are just my suggestions. I have been where you are now, I know it's rough but you can get through this. It's just going to take some discipline, determination and effort on everyones part.
Take care and good luck to you.

annymoll

11-02-2007, 12:34 PM

anny i didnt mean that in an ugly way at all..

thank you for the advice..i wish he would stop for sooooo many reason Well, kiddo, it's easy to give advice. Cause it's not you! LOL!!If I had to follow my own advice all the time, I would be miserable, no fun , and bored to tears!!!Hang in there, I think you are working hard!

tammy88

11-02-2007, 01:34 PM

i am going to work on the grocery budget this month..we stocked up on some stuff last month..

i liked to find an easy, cheap way to keep things stocked
i am meal planning..i got two weeks done
shopping by the meal planning

i am doing thanksgiving dinner so i made a shopping list and im adding a few items to my weekly list at a time so i dont have to spend a whole lot at one time. im also going to ask my younger sister to chip in an buy a few things

i bought a closet storage thing for the kids because i have no where to put their clothes for them, my sons dresser is broken and this house has no closets..can you believe it?..the closets here are like 3 foot high and there are only 2..so anyways thats not bad its like 2 or 3 payments of $20.00

i just want to take the extra money and divide it for paying off things, saving dental, getting some eye glasses, the back rent and christmas..i dont plan on spending a lot for christmas..we are only buying for the kids..and we already discussed that we arent spending alot at all this year.

as far as assistance i think here there is a limit on what you make and my husband brings home around 75,000 a year and i think the limit is 40,000 a year..terrible we have it tight making that much....ive thought about it and if its possible after the baby gets here im changing the health insurance..getting my own plan and letting my husband carry insurance on himself and the boys i think it would be cheaper..because thats where all the extra moeny went too..and its not even that good of insurance...$600.00 a month because its a small company with several disabled kids on it..one person has twins with down syndrom and another family has a teen with muscular dis really bad...im thankful that i have healthy children

my husband doenst see it as tight because he grew up poor but when i only see $200.00 for a week left over and i need groceries, gas, a drs visit, his cigerates, his running $$, babysitter for a day while i go to the doctors i just feel like i dont have any wiggle room for christmas, oil, eye glasses, and savings...I REALLY WANT TO SAVE SOME MONEY!! and that is soooo hard to do...

justpeachy92

11-02-2007, 01:48 PM

I am a smoker, though not currently smoking because I had my own health scare. Though I will admit even though I haven't had one since mid April, I still want one everyday. I say this only because I know what its like to deal with that addiction.
When I did smoke I can tell you there were times when smokes weren't bought because there was stuff my children needed first. And I can remember counting down till the next pay period so I could get some. Sorry if this offends but once you have children there are times when you go without so you can provide what your children need, to put cigarettes about the needs of the children is selfish of your husband and selfish of you for allowing it.
As for paying the bills I feel they should be paid in this order, housing (so you aren't homeless), transportation (so you can work) electric and water(things you need), groceries (food is needed, but not expensive cuts of meat), medical (to keep you healthy), clothes and then if there is money you pay for the wants,(phone, cable, internet, mail order shopping.)
As for Christmas, your son is only 3. At that age it is more about quantity then quality for the wow factor of the day. That can be easily done for very little money. Through tomorrow target has good games for toddlers on sale for $4.99, I got 4 for my own 3 yr old. Halloween stuff is on clearance, I got my little one a bag of halloween play dough for $2.50, this will just about fill her stocking.

tammy88

11-02-2007, 02:24 PM

money isnt to the point that we cant put food on the table because he smokes..i just want money left over to get christmas presents, pay off a thing or two and bcause being broke after paying everything is depressing..work all week and have nothing left over is just a big downer..i konw the responsible thing is to pay everything then use whats left..but when is something ever left over now?

my husband ALWAYS puts our kids first, then me, and my family and then hisself..my husband needs dental attention so bad right now but refuses to go until after the holidays so that jayson can have a nice christmas, so that we can have nice holidays..he also needs to go to the doctors for a check up really bad and he refuses to go because if something is wrong then he will be out of work and that would hurt us..he also is talking about getting a second job just to give my parents the check so my mom doesnt have to work while she is going though chemotherapy..so by no means is he selfish..now me..im selfish..i want money in the bank, i want him to get his teeth fixed i want him to go to the doctors, i want the bills paid..i want big christmases and holidays...

my problem is i never ever grew up seeing money problems..and not because we didnt have but because i was very shelters so the littlest mix up in money freaks me out..im not excited about christmas this year because i have sooo much going on..

Christmas for my son will be much smaller then last year..the kid already has everything people take him toy shopping almost every week (i wish they would stop) i wont to get him the craftsman tool table and set thats $60.00, some additional pieces, some leapster games, tj beary tale cartridges, (got 2 on clearence already for 2.98 each) no more match box!!! he literally got 200+ last christmas! (closeout sale)

frugal-fannie

11-02-2007, 02:48 PM

justpeachy92

11-02-2007, 03:03 PM

I get what you mean about growing up sheltered. I grew up the same, and to this day if there was ever a time my parents struggled to pay the bills I don't know about it. I also remember when I was first on my own, I called and had the water turned on at the apartment, and when I got the first bill I was shocked. Not because it was high, I literally had no idea I had to pay for the water, I thought it was one of our free natural resources. Our income is slightly higher than yours, and for us too it seems sometimes we have more month then money. The easiest way I have found to save and I don't miss the money is buy rounding up in my check register. If I write out a check for $14.08, I subtract $15. I will round down the deposits. It doesn't take long to get a buffer in the checking out doing that. My older kids are carefully making their wishlists for this christmas, we have told them that this year will be smaller then usual with my tuition being due Dec. 3 and needing next semesters books by Jan. 4.

Leahmom

11-02-2007, 03:03 PM

Hi Sweetie,
Life suckin right now, huh? Well let me make it worse for a minute and then I will make it better. (stick with me :) )
1. Someone intimated that you were selfish,, not so...Reading your posts I think you are very overwhelmed, strugglin and a little young. So here are the hard truths.
2. Life IS hard, Things ARE unfair. Innocence of Money won't save you very HARD consequences.
3. Now here is where it gets easier. First please please stop thinking if you are good, blah blah, if only blah blah, When the check comes in blah blah blah and oh yeah MY personal favorite, They, we, he, she really really NEEDS this.
The dress rehearsal is OVER Life is now.
To that end. Pay Food/Shelter first. You gotta eat or you die, You have to have shelter or you lose your kids. That basic
AFter that lets look at transportation costs. A Car? car payment, insurance, gas. How much does it truly cost you to drive that car each week. Do you really need it? Do you have 2, can you sell one and carpool, bus. Can you move closer to work and walk. Do you drive for pleasure, shop, window shop etc. Can you simply park it and save gas and when must run errand plan trip carefully to save gas. Can you lower the insurance?
Can YOUR DH pick up a rider for extra gas money? Could he become the rider for a cheaper exp?
Yeah none of this is fun, but it is survivable.
Book Suggestions
Jerrold Mundis, Get out and Stay out of DEBT
Dave Ramsey: The total money makeover
Amy Dacyzyn : The tightwad Gazette.
Do not buy any of these books, RENT them from the LIbrary if that is impossible look up ABES books on the net and see if you can get them used very cheap.
When you have a need. write it down, Then look around and see if you can come up with something that will handle the problem. If not, see if you have a CRAIGSLIST in town or a free barter system. IF not that, Go to a thrift store. Put that call out at your church, synagogue, etc.
You have to educate yourself on saving every single penny, and coming up with ways you do not feel poor while doing so.
Lots of people have been far worse than you and are doing better today with less money. We (family of 5- 2 of which are special needs) survive on 40,000 a year. Woo hoo are we blessed. This year we afforded after saving for 2 years a nice used car, purchased thru Craiglist. This year we afforded a townhouse after living in 600 sq feet for 4 years. (5 of us!)
This year I have a back yard in which to grow veggies. This year my children boys/girls have separate rooms. This year I can have guests come to my house because there are no house falling down issues. This year my DH returned to night school, This year I got a PT job in a grocery. My DH has a very glamourous job, yeah he is a grocery store butcher and between times he flips burgers. and you know what. LIFE IS GOOD> we are flooded with blessings. Not only is my cup 1/2 full it is splashing over.
Now before you call the men with the white coats..Here is the difference. Something you better learn now. You are a mother, wife and women. The entire family will follow your lead. You learn about finances and start penny pinching and just start going forward they will go with you. You give your DH an allowance. (Ours this week was $4 between the 2 of us) He can buy cigarettes etc, but once it is spent-and you make it a reasonable amount- it is spent for the week. You make sure YOU have an allowance amount even if it is teensey..A little change., even for a coke can keep you from feeling poor for a long time.
Let him smoke if he needs too, why fight?. You have too much to do as far as learning. You need to learn learn learn about money, payments etc. I have had med bills that were unbelievable. I used to send in 1.33 for months until I could snowball that us until 2.37. It was another 3 years before I paid off that bill. Did they scream? oh yeah, talk nasty oh year, Threaten collections oh yeah etc... but they took my money orders. Trust me they will never send your payment back. As long as you are showing good faith by paying something i think you will be ok. What if you can't afford it? Really can't afford it? Well then they could sue you for judgement so I would rethink easy purchases on credit plan, Girl I almost died when I read you bought a canvas Closet for 60.00!! H-Bells You could hammered pegs into the wall and stapled up material for #5.00 (Especially if you live near a walmart- cheap material for 1.00 a yard.
You could;ve folded their closes and reglued cardboard into a low drawer and pushed it under their bed. A pricer option would have been 2 bricks and a 4x4 for a low shelf on the corner of their room a plain shoe box with fabric glued onto it to hold folded, sox, undies, t-shirts etc. Over the door hooks at the local dollar store and you could have hung 3-4 hangers on each hook.
You have to train your mind to see possiblities, options, etc. and you know the best news of this- is that it is Fun.. Thats right fun.
Right now you are concentrating on your sadness and helplessness, but sweetie you are a woman- you got talents you have barely tapped. Start looking at it like a game. Take 5.00 to the grocery store- Be Determined to come home with Dinner and CHANGE! Win the game.
Turn down electricity and pass out sweaters. Roll up towels and place infront of cracks. There is so much you can do, Why you are actually rich! Yup rich, you got yourself, your DH and your family. Plus the fabulous girls and boys here. Learn, read their post and you will see that those of us who struggle with low money usually become pretty savvy at holding on to a buck- there is so much good advice here. Please take it...It will help
You once you focus on the positive will be fabulous, Face it some will always have more or less. It is what you do with your portion that matters and putting a smile on your face and thinking cap on your head will take your much father than railing at the uncaring. world.
I hope this was not to harsh, I really wish I could just have you over for a (Dollar Store) cheap cup of tea and a muffin (Homemade- with oatmeal leftovers)
This will WILL get better. Lets get ready to bootstrap yourself out.
Strength
Leahmom

tammy88

11-02-2007, 03:52 PM

well i refuse to turn the heat on yet =) and fused at the hubby who turned the heat on downstairs when we sleep upstairs..he did cause the heat rises and pipes freeze blah blah..i turned it back down it is set on 59 all the time and it hasnt come back on since

i wear a light jacket when im cold and my fuzzy socks =) jayson where alot of sweats and socks..buy the time jay gets home the house is warm from the day and sometimes he starts a fire..we have electric heat upstairs but we havent turned it on yet..i put the fleeces sheets on the bed and those are amazingly warm!!..the house stays pretty warm anyways

i appreciate all the advice wether is hard cold facts or not..my mom is always good at helping me put things and ideas together but i dont want her to worry about us when she has enough on her plate right now

i also envy and applaud people who live freerer, happier on less money then us..i wish i was as frugal and savvy as the rest of ya...im trying..im learning i think i just grew in a the world that everything is about money and things and who has the best things. i want to get away from that very badly..i want that warm cozy happy with my family feelin..and i have that on the weekends..lol silly sounding but that when everyone is together and feel that warm fuzzy feelin..i have the sweetest husband in the world he works he tale off to meet our needs and our stupid wants..he will do anything for my parents..most husbands dont like the inlaws..he loves his. i have the lovin'est 3 year old with the smartest mouth you will ever hear..he gets it from his mama..= ) i have another boy on the way who i was sure was a girl but now i cant wait to be the football/soccer mom..i think im almost reaching mini van driving mom status (and i hate mini vans)..lol

gasoline really isnt a problem for us..my husband has a company truck he drives all week..if i drive my truck i can make $20 worth of gas last 2 weeks..his personal truck got filled up on the company the other day and we still have 3 quarters of a tank and that was almost 2 weeks ago..we do have a car we are trying to sell he got it free months ago...for an extra vehicle that does better on gas but for one its a stick and 2 i dont want to pay to registered it so we have been trying to sell it with no luck..we started at 2000.00 im down to asking 1200.00 now...its a good running little car. the truck payment is in the dreadful chapter 13 bankruptcy that cost 2 arms and leg every month so nothing i can do about that vehicle..his truck is paid for...car insurance dropped drastically when i started shopping around we went from 200 a month to 64 a month!! what happened to the money we saved on car insurance? i cant find it in the budget =)

i dont go anywhere but the grocery store once a week and to my parents on the weekend neither one of those are more than 5 minutes from me. im proud to be a homebody at the age of 25 (b-day at the end of the month) hubby is a little older, so i wont give that away..lol i like old men what can i say..lol they are more settled

i miss makeup! = )

i think on the medical bills instead of trying to meet all their demands i will send 5-10 a month to each until i can do better.

i turn all the lights out during the day and only run lights in a room we are in at night to save on electricty..im only doing laundry on Mondys and thursday-maybe fridays. instread of every time i have a pile of clothes..dishes get washed in cool water not warm or hot..my poor hands ..lol

i have learned the ways of my husband if i dont pester him about smokin he tries harder not too...if he has money on the weekend he will be broke on monday..men want a lot of toys and they always get bigger and cost more..my dad is the same way i should have learned earlier you'd think

my cute closet thing sounded like a good idea its has shelves for all the clothes and its clean looking..and hey now im getting for 1/2 off (i already had an account with them with something i was paying on) i havent bought anything for the new baby so that was kinda my gift plus since jayson broke his dresser i did need something for the both of them and i did look on craiglist for a long time before i bought it

i am addicted to craiglist but have a phobia of buying used things, that doesnt kick me out of the frugalvillage does it?..lol

i stopped my impulse on buying living room furniture and a guest bedroom set..that was a big step for me..= )

we rarely eat out anymore thats another biggie for me i love eating out my husband doesnt.

ohh i tried the round up the money everytime i spend money but i kept messing things up..i try not to pay any bills the easy way if it cost money thay saved a few dollars in sept and oct.

hmm..i meal plan now hubby likes knowing what he eating all week
couponing..i have a hard time getting coupons with out buying a paper every week and then not getting any coupons for things i use or not knowing the right way of using the coupons where it saves me the most money

everyone you are being great help thank you..homemade muffins sound good..im learning to make our desserts too instead of buying them..made my first pumpkin pie and it was edible!! im gonna make one for my husbands co worker who is sick and my husband is actually agreeing to it..usually my cooking scares some people..lol

Leahmom

11-02-2007, 04:31 PM

Hey Tammy
Sure sounds like you are trying..I wonder have you thought of the envelope systems??? Dave Ramsey's book goes into detail. It helps the pennies NOT roll thru the cracks..
As for food. a LOOONNGG time ago I wrote a post on taking the $5.00 Challenge. as how to save a lot by simply rethinking the ACTof Grocery Shopping.. Seriously LOL.. I can repost it if that is ok with Sara NOel (Sara???)
You will learn to cook it is so not hard. Just always try cheap and easy or 3-5 ingredient cooking..It is a good way also to save.
BootStrappin On
Leahmom
Leahmom

Nishu

11-02-2007, 06:22 PM

Hi Tammy, imho you need to rethink your priorities here. I know your husband's heart is in the right place, but his dental work should take priority over giving his 3 year old a "nice" Christmas. Putting off dental work is bad juju, and the longer he puts it off, the bigger and more expensive his problem is going to get.

If you're not under contract, I'd consider shutting off either your cell phone or your home phone, any netflix and cable. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to live without it. (We've done it. It was actually quite nice.) When you really break it down, you're basically choosing to keep these unnecessaries at the expense of his dental work and at the expense of the nice Christmas that you and your husband want. You say you can't live without, but you've got two months until January and I bet you could rough it until then. Desperate times, as they say.

And for Christmas? Big lots, walmart, Black Friday specials... and buy big packages! He's three, and he has no idea what a brand name is and he's not going to feel embarrassed or left out over a frugal Christmas. Besides, if he's as spoiled as you say, do you really think he needs that many new toys?

I agree with the poster who said that those canvas things weren't necessary. Think about it, that's a Christmas present that you gave up when you could have found a cheaper solution.

Hang in there!

tammy88

11-02-2007, 06:37 PM

Nishu

11-02-2007, 07:00 PM

Well, it kinda sounds like you've already decided what to do then. /shrug

AnnK

11-02-2007, 07:14 PM

Well, it kinda sounds like you've already decided what to do then. /shrug

I agree it sounds like you have already figured things out. And 13 dollars a month is 156.00 dollars a year. If you really want to watch something you can watch a pay perview on DRTV for 2.99.

AnnK

11-02-2007, 07:29 PM

tammy88- I just wanted to comment on what a good sport you are being. I know some people would be gettin up set at this point but I can see that you understand what some of use are saying.

Sometimes there just isnt a good solution and you just have to do what's best for you.

frugal-fannie

11-02-2007, 09:49 PM

i would have to say my priorities are in proper order..im taking care of the home, we are paying for the health insurance that has dental but his work will be costly and everyone wants the money up front..i do want him to get that done now and im sure he does to but he thinks about the house money first. the only things that are throwing us off the good track we have is the cost of health insurance and the medical bills we aquired when we didnt have converage..as well as the impending christmas and heating oil..i dont plan on spending more than a couple hundred dollars on my son for christmas but i do believe in giving him a nice christmas.. we are not desatute (sp) i would just like to put off paying the debt (medical) until the jan 2008

cell phone is a contract
directv is a contract
need home phone because i dont have unlimited minutes on the cell
plus home phone is a neccessity
plus the intenet which isnt but ithink it too is a contract

netflix canceled really whats $13.00? not much my big bills are things i wish could be changed but they cant, as well as utilities dont give you options anymore under $100.00 a month

You were saying you wanted to pay more toward medical bills the 13.00 netflix would make your payment of twenty only 2 dollars shy of the 25 they were requesting.All the little things add up to big things. Some of us grew up with not much to nothing, so maybe it is easier for us to cut back to the bone. But my point is to cut back on the things you don't need now,before something goes wrong, and it will(Murphy's Law). Your kids are small they will not notice that much and do not require name brands yet .and someone's suggestion about getting small things wrapping them so they have a lot to unwrap is good.I also go way overboard with my wrapping, so when they wake up they say wow. Another thing is to deny yourself something now for a greater pleasure later. Do you really need to watch a movie, you can go to the library and rent them free. Direct tv has tons of programing so it is not like you won't have plenty to watch. Just encouraging you to cut back, I have many friends that if they didn't get their nails done they would think it was next to unbearable.You are the one who has to live with your bills and decisions at the end of the day. Good luck

momto6

11-03-2007, 09:39 PM

Hi Tammy. We are in a similar situation. My dh's income went down right after we bought a new house for a little over a year. I foolishly made up the differences with credit cards and we are now paying for that big time. Finally my dh's paycheck is going back to normal this month but we are going to be strapped for several years because I made the decision to go on a debt management program and payoff our debts and not file bankruptcy. We have always been pretty thrifty but nothing like we are now. We have 6 kids and expecting our 7th in February. We are going to be cutting every corner til February when we get our tax refund check which is usually pretty large because we have so many child tax deductions lol. I feel we have to pay this money back so we are living very frugally now. I am stressed about Christmas but I am pulling money out of the woodwork to pay for presents. I have been shopping all clearance sales and thrift shops with a lot of success so far so I know that God must be watching over me. I was feeling very low for awhile but now I feel that "cheerful frugality" is the best medicine for making your life the best it can be. I agree with the poster that said you make the most with what you have. I am so blessed. My kids are the best in the world, I have a great marriage, a nice house and I paid my bills this month! We are expecting another blessing and we couldn't be happier. We will get thru this time and be smarter for it. Our satellite and cell phone are on contract til next summer then we will probably get rid of those. I am thinking of going to a pay by the minute phone and buy the minutes and that is it next year. You will learn a lot on this site. I don't post much but I read a lot. I wanted to write you because when I was feeling overwhelmed and low I needed encouragement and inspiration. Keep going and think positive. Think about every dime you spend. Think about preparing for emergencies for the future. Think about how lucky you are and how much smarter you will be when you get thru this tough time!! Good luck!!! Amy

i.m.cheap

11-04-2007, 01:51 AM

I just read that you have budgeted $200 for your three year old for Christmas? Our youngest daughter is 11, and we rarely spend more than $50 on her for Christmas. In fact, our entire Christmas budget is $100, and the includes one adult daughter and two grandsons.

Hardy1

11-04-2007, 04:35 AM

REeading the replies to this post has made me get up and switch off the heating!! It's Sunday morning here and only DH and me at home, with the dogs. He is still sleeping and I have my dressing gown on and have a cup of tea SOOOOOO........ off goes the heating. I wasn't even cold!
Keep pushing through this tammy - you are doing really well. It is such a life-style change for you and your attitude to money won't change overnight but I think you should be really proud of what you are striving to do
W

Buckeye5

11-04-2007, 10:48 AM

Tammy if you want some help you could post your budget and maybe we could pick at and give some advice. I have been making changes in our household too. Dh is finally on board which helps tremendously. There are so many great threads on here about money savings. You need to reroute your way of thinking about the $13.00. If you do the $13.00, then maybe cut back on something else, etc. it will add up to big numbers when you look at the longer picture. I have been where you are and still owe lots of $$ but we now have a plan, you can do it too, but sometimes you have to give up things to get better things in return, and in this case it is more $$ to live on and to snowball. Hang in there.

Siebrie

11-04-2007, 11:39 AM

Hi Tammy,

good luck on rethinking your budget.

I was wondering: does your husband smoke in the home? Because it will take at least 6 weeks for all the bad ingredients (eg tar and nicotine that got into the curtains and wall paper) to actually leave the house and until they have gone, will threaten the health of you, your unborn baby and your son.

My second point: be sure to get your husband's teeth fixed. He will get paid less with bad teeth and may loose the chances of promotion, etc.

My third point: you can still be hospitable (as I think you like to be), but change it from inviting people over for dinner, to inviting them for lunch or tea, or have a cup of coffee at your place with homebaked cake, rather than going out to Starbuck's or similar. Did you ask the guests for your Thanksgiving dinner to chip in? For instance, by asking them to take care of dessert or drinks?

Do you find it hard to say 'no' to anyone? I can say 'no' to pretty much anyone apart from my sister; and she tends to be the one to ask for expensive or time consuming things!

And I think I have said this before: your 3-year old will not miss television. Especially not if you can start him on some good toys like Lego or K'Nex, which is good for developing his motoric skills, 3D insights (sorry, have temporarily forgotten the correct word) and can be expanded on for many birthdays and christmases to come.

tammy88

11-04-2007, 12:23 PM

thanks everyone for the advice

christmas presents:i understand that some families cant do alot for their kids on christmas, and i understand that christmas is not about gifts but for kids it is. its about magic and santa and present and stockings stuffed and i grew up with that and so will my kids. even when my parents had it tight i never knew and christmas was always wonderful and i truly miss christmas and the surprise of waking up and seeing the presents and any child who says they are content or happy without it is probably just trying to make the aults around them feel better because they do udnerstand but they are still kids. i will not let my son go without a happy experience on the first real christmas he can be active in. i dont think 200-400.00 for christmas is extreme at all..last year was extreme for us we spent over 2500.00 for christmas we bought for everyone last year (which we wont this year) but most was on jayson.

Thanksgiving dinner i wasnt asked to do it, my mom is undergoing chemo who usually does thanksgiving, and i said that i would handle it this year, to ake the burden from her and if things happen where i cant cook i will order it from the local store here. i have asked my sister to chip in and my mom is still trying to take over and has bought some of the supplies..moms will be moms no matter what

husband's career yes he needs the dental but it is not holding him back in his work, he is the TOP man, the TOP paid man, next to the owners there..he runs several jobs all over the state..this isnt a brag or anything of the sort im just explaining that that is not effecting him in the work..but he does need it done and we are working on it, we just got the medical coverage for it but we still need $$ because the insurance only covers about 50%

cable tv: i have the extra baby/toddler channel and have noticed an increase in his vocabulary, math, and over all knowledge and plus he is addicted to tv, as well as me and my husband like to watch it in the evenings..yes its costly, but we are in a contract so i cant change it..and i have gone without tv before when i lived on my own for a little over a year and let me tell ya what i missed it! i was so board, i re-watched all the same movies that now i hate because i watched them so much.

smoking..unforunately thats not something i can change..i grew up with a dad who smokes until just recently and i married a man who smokes and he has to be the one to want things to change and im sure he will on his own time but its not an issue i can push because it only causes fricition b/w us.

on my budget which im still working on i have enough for the bills but i just dont have much left over for the christmas or the oil and all the extra im trying to accomplish..i will have more money in december but with the new baby i dont know how much shopping i can do..im going to probably do all the shopping online..

Nishu

11-04-2007, 01:01 PM

Wow. Just, wow.

Susanscraps

11-04-2007, 01:28 PM

This is just a thought...a suggestion...my honest opinion. Your son will not know if you have spent $200 or $400 on his Christmas gifts. If spending that amount is "magical" for you, I'd spend the $200 and buy him savings bonds with the other $200. I speak from experience....4 kids...my oldest is in college. Her physics book for this semester was $200....yep, one book...and honey, it comes WAY FASTER than you can ever imagine!:uhh:
My kids (12, 14, 18 and 20) will have presents under the tree, but it will be around $150 each, and it's not easy to buy gifts for older kids for that amount, but, that's what we can "afford"!
Once again, JUST MY OPINION!

Jenna

11-04-2007, 01:46 PM

Sorry, I agree with Nishu. You can't pay the bills, but you rationalize spending on gifts, cable, a closet organizer, cigarettes, etc.

I went without cable, internet, and extra stuff on my phone when I was in debt paydown mode. I would go to the library to use the internet, and had an antennae on my tv to watch the basic channels.

Now - we store some of our folded clothes and towels in cardboard file boxes on shelves in the closet. Would I like to buy cute storage baskets - heck yeah. But I'd rather put that money into my ROTH.

IMHO, a three year old is not going to remember getting tons of gifts for Christmas. He might remember playing outside, driving to see lights, and putting out cookies for Santa. 200-400 for Christmas isn't extreme, unless you can't pay your bills.

If you read to your child, that would do wonders to increase his vocabulary. Or you can check out your local library for baby oriented videos.

Nishu

11-04-2007, 02:05 PM

I really don't understand what is so wonderful about overspending on a child at the expense of his family's financial security. You know what else is just as magical as $2500 worth of toys on Christmas morning? A college fund. Not having worry about caring for your parents in old age because they didn't plan for retirement. Growing up with both parents in a happy, healthy family that isn't torn apart by financial worry. Not watching your father get sick over a bad habit that he refused to give up...

And oh yeah, there's that little bit about not being raised to value useless material goods over your own and your family's well being. That might come in handy one day.

I really don't mean to sound harsh, I just don't understand why you even came here. We give you advice and you don't take it. And THEN you more or less tell us that our children are pretending to be happy on Christmas just to make us feel better about not spending half the GDP of an island nation on them. Ok then.

tammy88

11-04-2007, 02:35 PM

you all are talking in extremes..i have money to pay the bills..its working in the extra stuff i cant fit..geeze..i am not desitute where i cant not provide for the family!

powerfm1

11-04-2007, 03:05 PM

Tammy -

I can see where you're struggling with all of this - but here are some facts.

You are in debt, you're husbands teeth need to fixed which can cause him health problems, yet you are rationalizing non-essentials. Your priorities are taking care of your family. If his teeth problems start affecting his health, he will miss work and will lose pay or place his job in jeopardy.

You owe people money, but rationalize spending money on non-essentials because you can't envision your life without them.

None of us wants to do without, but at some point many of us have re-evaluated the things that really important to us. Remember the old Beatles song "You can't always get what you want, but somehow, child, you get what you need". That only happens if your willing to dig in and do it.

Not trying to make you feel bad, just trying to make you take a good hard look at things and what the women on here are trying to make you see.

What you will be willing to do is up to you. What is truly important to you?

i.m.cheap

11-04-2007, 05:01 PM

My 11 year old daughter has never indicated that she felt "cheated" out of a huge Christmas. In fact, if you ask her what the best thing about Christmas is, she says "Getting to see FAMILY, the lighted decorated TREE (we have had the same fake tree for six years), the FOOD, and last but not least, GIVING presents".

preparedmom

11-04-2007, 10:56 PM

kcsmom76

11-05-2007, 01:48 PM

I have read through this whole thread and agree with what others are telling you.

If you want your dh to get his teeth fixed and your glasses, etc. you are going to have to give up some of your wants to accomplish this goal. Plan and simple. No one is saying that you are destitute. They are just telling you how to go about accomplishing your goals.

You are so young, I think that is why it is so hard for you to understand what we are saying.

My ds wants a PS 3 that costs $500.00 and more with accessories. We could afford to buy him that system, if we wanted too. But we have a goal of saving money for the hard times, so he will not be getting one this year, unless his grandparents pitch in and help. Then that will still be the only thing he will get for Christmas from us.

My dh needs to get his teeth fixed too. We have also filed BK. It was so hard and we have to make payments of almost $600.00 a month. They are taking all the extra money we have coming in to make these payments. We have been doing this for 3 years now. It was supposed to be over next year, but with interest added it will another 2 years before it is paid off. So with that knowledge, dh and I made a plan and are trying our hardest to stick to it. Will we mess up? Yeah. Will we get back on the band wagon? Yeah. Will we be better for it? Yeah.

We are having to find other avenues to save money. That means cutting out some of our wants for a small amount of time to get to where we want to be. I think that is you goal also.

All anyone is doing is helping you. You asked for it. So you got. You are going to have to learn from it and do it. Or not and be right where you are.

I want to give you (((hugs))) because I know it is rough. But sometimes we just have to grow up and get on with it.

i.m.cheap

11-05-2007, 06:39 PM

If it will help, I was able to get new glasses last year (no-line bifocals in fashionable frames) by using a coupon for the optical department at Sears. I saved over $140 on my glasses, and paid only $99, plus of course, I had to pay my eye doctor for an exam ($90), but I saved a lot of money by taking the prescription (and the coupon) to Sears, instead of getting my glasses from my optometrist's office. We also go to the 'low-cost" dental clinic in our city. They charge a sliding fee scale. My DH has had a lot of work done there. We have no insurance.

claimsgirl66

11-05-2007, 09:13 PM

I agree, Tammy, you are a good sport. With a new little one on the way, the last thing you should be doing is worrying about all of this.

I know it is a lot of baby steps and you are doing so well. That being said, I have to agree that having Netflix along with Satelite is not a real "necessity" and that $13 could really add up to help in other areas.

Sounds like your DH is trying to be a trouper and delay the dental work, and it can be costly, but that would appear to be more pressing than spending lots of $ on Xmas gifts that will be forgotten. I have a grandson around your little ones age, and my daughter has INSISTED we downscale the gifts as he has so much stuff already. I am going to be laid off shortly from my job (yikes) so spending less on Xmas is now a necessity. I have already bought him some larger gifts ( big toy cars and motorcycles for under $40 total) and I know he will be thrilled with those. We adults have agreed to keep gifts small and just focus on good food, which we all enjoy! I have reached the point where I realize the gifts are not what is important, but having fun, being together and enjoying a nice meal are. You need to give your self permission that it is OK to shift your priorities....even just for this Xmas and 2008 til you get back on track. I love the phrase "cheerful frugality" that one of the ladies used....what a good way to put it!!

Not having lots of expensive toys at Xmas at age 3 really is not going to impact him as some other folks mentioned. I think for $50 you could get some gifts with WOW factor and then adults can keep it simple.

I think one great thing of this forum is you get lots of opinions....and some great ideas that help us all think outside the box and we can apply this great info to our own needs.

Now that I am done preaching....good luck and remember there are a lot of nice people here rooting for you. :)

frugal-fannie

11-07-2007, 11:21 AM

Tammy, Just another point. I would also say that let your husband know his smoking affects everyone. My dad smoked less than a half a pack a day and died at 49years of esophageal cancer.It also increases birth defects and childhood asthma.Just start referring to them as cancer sticks. He may get upset. but really tell him you wouldn't bother him except you care for him. Most people are not as offended when they know you are looking out for his best interest. Be a Proverbs 31 woman. If your husband sees you are working hard and saving money, he should be impressed and start helping.I started out and my husband was not as into it. But when he saw the savings and sacrifices made he started participating. :clover:

tammy88

11-07-2007, 11:25 AM

3-boys-4-me

11-07-2007, 11:34 AM

i appreciate the concern and the advice
and trust me if i could find away to make him stop smoking i would..i thought with my family stopping and my mom going through cancer would be enough but it hasnt. i have tried saying things to him to hit below the belt before and i cant do that again. i have tried to just encourage him, i have tried yelling and screaming, i have tried talking about just cutting back, i have tried talking calmly, and i have tried explaining it cost so much money..that if he would cut back he would have the extra money he wants so bad..and he just doesnt see it or doesnt want too. he as my dad says is old and set in his ways and only he can change it, but he has to want it bad enough. my dad has stopped for months now but still complains about how bad he wants a cigeratte.

Don't bother him anymore about the matter. He will quit when he's ready to, not a moment before. He may quit next week or he may never quit, who knows. But no matter how badly you want him to quit, he has to want it for himself. If he doesn't already though, I would ask him to smoke outside. Other than asking that of him, leave it alone. Yelling, fighting, joking about his habit isn't going to make him quit. If/when he does quit, encourage him big time. :) Good luck to you, you'll get it all worked out. Take care!

kcsmom76

11-07-2007, 01:26 PM

lucky_mom

11-07-2007, 01:46 PM

Hi tammy88-
My mom is alot like you. She tries to take on too much in order to make evryone happy. She wants to buy so many presents at Christmas. She is always wanting to buy stuff for my son and for me when I visit her. She mails stuff to us all the time. I beg her not to because I know she has alot of debt!

When we were kids (me & my 2 brothers) she would try to give us outrageous Christmases and birthdays. It was heartbreaking for us to see her do that. To spend money that she didn't have. Not to mention STRESSFUL. We went through 2 evictions because of it. She often couldn't pay bills and she worked sa a waitress and she was always at work and she was always tired and stressed. I would have gave anything to have had some normal non stressful time with her.

Now I don't have any of the gifts that she bought when I was a kid. But she still has the debt. It all goes in the garbage. But the debt sticks around because it usually goes on a charge card and the interest rates pile up.

Your kids will have more fun if you give them memories like making ornaments and crafts that you can put away and get out again every year. They will appreciate that so much more. They won't see you stressed out by "not getting enough". And they won't care!

Go on craigslist and get a few things. Target and walmart are good too. And Kaybee toys always has buy one get one 50% off sales.

There are so many good advices on here. I hope you use it!

frugal-fannie

11-07-2007, 02:15 PM

Don't bother him anymore about the matter. He will quit when he's ready to, not a moment before. He may quit next week or he may never quit, who knows. But no matter how badly you want him to quit, he has to want it for himself. If he doesn't already though, I would ask him to smoke outside. Other than asking that of him, leave it alone. Yelling, fighting, joking about his habit isn't going to make him quit. If/when he does quit, encourage him big time. :) Good luck to you, you'll get it all worked out. Take care!
I would not bother him anymore if you have already talked to him.Some people will just do the opposite because you asked him. You have to make it look like it is their idea.LOL Do ask him to smoke outside or not in the car if you and the kids are with him, why should you all suffer bad health because of him. If he is not willing to do that.you have big problems.

tammy88

11-07-2007, 03:22 PM

yeah i dont try anymore with the quit smoking thing
and ordering him to smoke outside his own or vehicles aint happening i get the "i paid for it, its my house" thing..so i gave up on that.

my thing is making everyone happy..my husband wants money every week, i want to save, i want to christmas shop, and plan the holidays and pay off the medical bills we have. but it is very hard to fit everyones wants in one bowl. for my son on christmas i have one big toy in mind, then some smaller things and i haopeto just get a present or two every couple of weeks until i have the marjority of what i wanted to get him..i might not be able to get everything. me and my husband dont do anything for each other on christmas or our b-days anymore (the b-day and christmas are really close) last year we got realy big b-day presents and no xmas presents.
i already told my family not do get me or my husband anything because we cant do for anyone else.

thanksgiving i have had a little surprise help..my dads neighbor gave him a turkey (this guy always pays my dad in meats for car repair..strange.. but it comes in handy) mom has a ham..so i all i need is the side dishes now..so that shouldnt be hard.
i have planned a budget until feb 2008 of what bills are getting paid when..but i have kinda cut my self a little bit on the shorter side..i budgeted $100.00 for my husband everyweek. which to me thats more than enough but i guess by the time he gets his cigerattes its not alot..but my argument on that is if you want spending money stop wasting it on cigerattes. im getting around 100.00 most weeks for groceries, savings, christmas. some weeks a little more some weeks a lot less. i hope i can stick with it and actually put some money away. my main savings goal is the dental work, and then a EF.

all the money i alot for myself is really for the house, groceries, gas, xmas, blah blah. he gets 100.00 that he could spend anyway he wants and because he chooses cigerattes its my fault that i cant budget more for him and that i dont know how to budget. i work almost everyday on our budget the outcome is always the same, it is what it is and i cant get him to understand that.

he hasnt been deprived of anything and neither have i, just last month he got a laptop, wireless internet card, xbox (not new) and games..but this month with the money drop we have been tight and he is unhappy that we dont have more money..i cant get him to see that we just lost that extra money we were spending to health insurance.

its hard running a household..love my family my husband its just frustrating

3-boys-4-me

11-07-2007, 03:56 PM

yeah i dont try anymore with the quit smoking thing
and ordering him to smoke outside his own or vehicles aint happening i get the "i paid for it, its my house" thing..so i gave up on that.

Ah, yeah. Please tell me he doesn't really say this to you? If so, that's aweful and incredibly rude and selfish. If I remember correctly you mentioned in another post that your DH is older than you? If that's the case, and he really says ugly comments like you mentioned, than I think it's time he starts acting his age. Rude!

he hasnt been deprived of anything and neither have i, just last month he got a laptop, wireless internet card, xbox (not new) and games..but this month with the money drop we have been tight and he is unhappy that we dont have more money..i cant get him to see that we just lost that extra money we were spending to health insurance.
its hard running a household..love my family my husband its just frustrating
You're kidding me, right? Just last month he got all that new stuff and he's already complaining? How can he possibly not understand that the cost of medical this month is taking up all the extra funds you had last month? He got all that stuff and now you have to worry about how you're going to pay for your sons Christmas? Rude!
Sorry, this is just my opinion. You're not the problem, you not budgeting well enough is not the problem. Your problem is your DH and his need to have stuff. It's selfish.

cottageliving

11-09-2007, 06:35 PM

Based on what you've written in this thread, it would appear that neither your DH or you are willing to make any temporary changes or sacrifices to pay off your medical bills and set aside money for his needed dental work.

If I understand correctly, money for your family is now tighter than previous months due to a total family health ins premium of $130/week.

SOME IDEAS: If you make small changes in many areas, you may not feel deprived.

You have direct TV plus Netflix. Since you are in a contract for TV, dump the Netflix. Watch movies on the TV channels for the next 6 months.

Spend MAX $200 on your toddler for Christmas. Your current plans are tied to your own wants, not your son's. My daughter is now 27 - I can PROMISE you he will not remember what toys he got for Christmas when he was 3. PROMISE! Your time spent with him, however, will shape who he becomes.

Save money on groceries: cook and eat dinners at home - use a little less meat and a little more potato/rice/beans/pasta along with veggies. It will still be delicious and filling -- all while costing less.

Save on utilities -- you mentioned your upcoming oil bill -- can you put plastic up on any windows? Can you tape or caulk around the window to stop drafts? I live in Western NY and this saves me during our cold winters.

Pay $10-$15 each month to each of the old medical bills. You'll have the money by deleting Netflix and some other small changes.

Challenge yourself to start living on a little less, and you'll notice that you are just as comfortable, and you'll be able to pay the rent AND the insurance AND payoff the medical bills.

Keep this in mind --- by easily cutting back in different areas, you'll be able to pay on your old medical bills. This will significantly reduce your stress while reducing your balances. By reducing your stress level, your relationship with DH will improve. Right now you are both stressed because of finances and are making decisions based on stress instead of proper management.

Example: if you were behind on your rent, how did you afford all 'toys' for DH last month (computer/wireless card/games, etc). That cost more than the rent.

Please be careful, and try to work as a team. You both seem to work hard - remember to respect and value one another instead of buying things. Try to keep focused on the family needs as a whole.

I wish you the best. It seems that there are numerous people cheering for you. These changes are not out of your reach and can give you a better, less stressful life.

Let us know where you are going to cut back.

We believe in you!

You can do this!

:grwave:

Jen

tammy88

11-09-2007, 07:18 PM

hellllllooo

okay we shouldnt need oil now..my husband being in the HVAC field has gotten the stuff together to put electric heat in the house BIG HELP THERE!! YAY

the reason we are behind on the rent was because the landlord wanted us to put central heat and air in another home as well as ours..so she paid for the parts and the labor was our rent..she changed her mind on doing central heat and air, took the parts back and now wants the rent money from septmeber which we spent in august on our vacation..shouldnt have now that i look back..

i cut back the netflix to the 9.99 and i am thinking of cutting it off..i have just been with them so long...

im hoping not to spend too much on christmas..just jayson shouldnt be hard to not spend more then a couple hundred..i figured every other pay day i would get something.

eating out hasnt happened in a while..=(

i cook at home every night..im getting bored with the food..im trying to figure out how to get more and spend less at the store..not easy coupons cost $$ too..now my dad is having a fit he wants his WHOLE family for thanksgiving and i told him flat out i cant foot the bill and we dont need that many people back and forth while my mom is dealing with her chemo treatment i dont want anyone bringing any colds to her.

utilities..caulking or plastic..i dont think the landlord would like that very much..the plastic would be too tacky..shes kinda prim and proper

cottageliving

11-09-2007, 08:45 PM

I sure do wish you and your family the best.

Keep plugging away at it -- you will pull through these difficult financial times.

Look online for new and easy recipes -- that might help you with a little more variety so you don't get bored with the same meals week after week.

Squirt

11-09-2007, 10:00 PM

Here's a tip: You can start and stop Netflix at any time. No need to even use their "suspend account" option. When you're ready to go back, all your info will be there.

lucky_mom

11-10-2007, 04:12 AM

Oh, also try doing vegetarian recipes a few times a week. We do and it saves quite a bit of money. In fact, my husband and son eat meat a few times a week and I don't eat it at all. So we just can keep it in the freezer and use what is needed when it is needed.

brian's mom

12-01-2007, 11:11 PM

Couldn't resist jumping in here- the song referred to in an earlier post is by The Rolling Stones-"You Can't Always Get What You Want." :rockon:

forHISglory

12-02-2007, 02:05 AM

Tammy, I realize my post is pretty late, considering when you began this. But you have received some excellent advice from women who I am really learning to respect in the short time I've been in the group. I'd like to nominate Nishu and Leahsmom as WRITERS OF THE YEAR! They are caring enough to confront.

We struggled for several years when our son was your son's age. I was a SAHM then, doing a tutoring business at home. When we realized Christmas was coming, we just quietly took 3 or 4 of his toys and put them away. We wrapped them and gave them back to him for Christmas. Cruel? No. He was caught up in the hype of unwrapping; in fact, he first played with the box and paper! But Tammy, it would have been far more cruel to give him a lifestyle model of materialism.

You spoke more than once about being bored without TV. Boredom is a dangerous disease. It affects the body, the mind, the spirit. I refuse to be bored. There is too much around me to investigate, too much to learn, too many people to meet and to serve. I have decided that there is no such thing as a "boring person, a boring situation, a boring .........." (fill in the blank). If I am bored with any of the above, then the problem is with me.

Do you want to pass on boredom to your children? As a former teacher, I saw children really struggle in school because they were bored. They had never been taught by example how to discover life. One thing we did (and still do) is refuse to ever buy a toy for our children or grandchildren that requires batteries. It eventually becomes boring for them to be an observer and not a participant. Encourage them by example to participate in life.

Are you up for a challenge? We see lots of great challenges on this site, but I've not seen this one. Try to find one new fact each day. Write it down. When you accomplish this, move on to 2 new facts a day. And so forth. They don't need to be big trivia (oxymoron?). Maybe something like the first word your son says for that day. The color of the sky at sunrise. The names of the new family in the neighborhood. Believe me, it helps to beat boredom.

I congratulate you on the challenges that you have already set for yourself. But be careful. Some of what you wrote seems as if you are trying to live in the dream world of your youth. Most of real life doesn't work that way.

I have spoken more strongly and directly in this post than any other because I am passionate about taking charge of life. Tammy, sweetheart, you have so much. Take a hold of it! Let go of the patterns of the past and be exuberant in challenging yourself. And please, let us know how it goes.

Jason

12-02-2007, 02:40 AM

$200-$300 worth of toys on a 3 year old?!?!?!?!?!? I hate to sound rude here... but Tammy... what the hell are you smoking... and where can I get some?!?!?!? I was born in, what many would call, an "upper-middle class" environment... so trust me... I know what you're going through. I, however, have:
a.) completely given up on TV (I watch YouTube and veoh instead)
b.) have worn the same batch of clothes since I moved out of my parents place (4 years now)... not even new shoes (and I'm VERY hard on clothes)
c.) have completely turned off my heating system this winter (and am going to go through hell because of it)
d.) I use Skype as my phone... $90 a YEAR... I dare anyone to find a better deal
and lastly... ~200 to 300 is going to be my ENTIRE christmas budget... and I have my parents to buy gifts for, my 2 brothers to buy gifts for, my fiancee to get something for, my fiancee's mother, brother, uncle, and son... all to buy things for. For the older folk... giftcards (especially GAS giftcards) can be great options... for the little ones... shop dollar tree and big lots. I get food stamps... so I don't have to worry about my grocery budget. I actually overspend there... because $160 is overkill for food for a single person. I drink a crapton of pop because of it... 8 CASES... ie., 24packs... a MONTH. I know that's not good for me... so stuff the preaching... k?
My rent... for a 1 bed room ~600 to 800 sqft apartment... is $200 a month (I pulled some major strings).
My water bill never goes over $14.61 per month.
My electric bill varies between $40 on a good month... and $250 on a bad month.
It's not easy for one who's used to having what they want, when they want it, but it can be done.
To replace TV... learn to read. No offense... but you drastically underestimate reading... and quite frankly... you are turning your brain into swiss cheese watching that crap. Read a book instead of watching that movie... trust me... your brain will thank you in time. My mother is a teacher... and mom, and all of her teacher friends, constantly tell anyone who will listen (and it's not many, retardsville USA) to turn off the damn TV and read a book. The kids grades will be drastically better because of it. TV, was once, rightfully, called an idiotbox... that should be the forced name of all new TVs.
Ok... I'm done now...
Excuse me whilst I go extract my foot from your ass.
-Jason

Jason

12-02-2007, 04:22 AM

I feel I must now apologize to anyone who was offended by my earlier post. I do realize now I was being overly crude and flat rude. In my defense though... a quick temper sure ain't helpin me none. I'm genuinely sorry if I offended anyone.
-Jason

karone

12-02-2007, 04:25 AM

jase is right about reading instead of watching the tv. during the day with my son who is 3 also i try to read for about a hr or two a day then let him play with his toys or watch some tv. while i do have a satilite (my mom has dish network) i hardly watch it b/c im usually reading on fanfiction.net on here or putting recipes into a program i have. for recipe ideas i suggest food network's site, kraft.com, betty crocker's site, vegweb.com for vegan/vegetarian dishes. for earning some extra money go with globaltestmarket.com with them 1000 points will be around $50. for gift cards do mypoints.com i hope that u will join these sites and enjoy them.

tammy88

12-02-2007, 10:55 AM

i am very offended by the nasty, remarks and opinions people have made about what i do and how i do it with out knowing enough information!

first i dont watch alot of tv..i do spend a great deal of time on the computer, cleaning the house, planning dinner, taking care of 3 year old and giving him some education or crafts,,working on my budget and caring for my sick mother! while being 9 months pregnant!

i do read books more than any other type of entertainment..shoot i read so much i just sold 3 bags of books

i want a life that i can enjoy and not deprive myself, a husband who works 60-80 hours a week and have a son or two growing up with nothing but flippin handy me downs! i think its in credibly selfish do hold on so tight to the purse strings that your children do not get anything new, or anything extra special..now i know that some of you dont do that and some of you dont have a choice..

whats the point of working yourself to your grave and never having anything to show for it. yes life isnt about money but it takes money to do just about anything...i pay my bills, and if i need something or want something we work to get it..i do hate the tight weeks and when things arent going so well..but i will not leave my children behind on special moments in their lifes and christmas, regardless of what you think or what you 10 year old TELLS YOU, its special for them and they want santa to come and bring them special toys..and if once a year i skip a bill to do that or skip adding to a EF for that there is nothing wrong with that. Kids are smart they know when things are tough and they understand to a point..but when xmas morning comes and you tell them its about family and they didnt get anything or they got some used clothes from a thirft store, they will be a little disappointed..they may not tell you because they think it would hurt you. yes i bought my son things for christmas i made room for him, i may not get my family anything but my kids will not go without! and when people do not get their kids anything it does hurt them..i have so many people in my life that grew up with out anything special and those are the people that lavish their kids..so think about that when you are telling your kids that you are would perfer to pay extra on the debt or the ef this december then give them presents..it might just back fire on you, for when they are adults they may feel they dont want their kids to miss out like they did! i always had great christmases my husband never had a great christmas..he spoils our son with toys and gifts all the time..i do not believe in spoiling kids with toys all the time only on special occassions..see how that worked out?

i can completely understand not having anything to celebrate christmas but if you are just being stingy and not finding a way to make it work, shame on you

not many posts were great in my opinion..they were nasty

i have tried to hold my tongue and not say things that i tought would offend someone on here..but that courtisy is not returned...

i have lived on my own and i have worked 2 jobs to live on my own

200-300.00 for xmas!?! have you looked at the price of toys these days!?! hello!!!

clothes for my kids..lets see my mother loves to buy him cute outfits i rarely have to buy him clothes..i do occassionally go to the kid to kids places and buy some clothes but i would never give them as gifts thats tacky! oh another tip, my husband and his siblings grew up with handy me downs and you should see the way they tried to buy clothes..another thing to think on..i always had new clothes and im not crazy about buying clothes or buying name brands, they are...back fired again!

my child is extremely bright for a 2 year old..he can count, say his abc's, talk better than anykids his age, he has been approved to go to day cares that take older kids because his intellegience is so high..so i dont think tv or boredom has effected him..i actually bought that baby channel and see an even bigger improvement! electronic toys or games also help educate! so i will not deprive my kids of something that educates them..todays society is about moving faster and the toys help accelate the learning...

anything that will help my kids adjust in life and society better is the best..

i dont agree with homeschooling because the kids lose out on socialization

i dont agree with eating fresh roadkill

i dont agree on giving my husband an allowance of 20.00 a month when he makes all the damn money...and right now i dont see how any of you are helping me do anything different. your attitudes suck!

i like tips and i like recipes and i likes leaning about meal planning and saving moeny in the grocery store..i think those are the only real things i can take with me from here on out.

some you on here are extrememly helpful and thoughtful but some of you are down right rude and ugly!

trust me your foot never made it my ass!!

Susanscraps

12-02-2007, 11:27 AM

rude reply.

momto6

12-02-2007, 12:14 PM

Tammy,

I understand a lot of what you are saying. I believe Christmas is a special time and kids should not miss out. I have 6 and one on the way and we do everything we can to make sure they have a really nice Christmas. This year is sooo tight that I might skip a bill in December to finish up my shopping. But believe me 2,3, 4 yr olds do not notice if the toy they are opening is used. As long as it works and is clean they will love it! I got a V-smile with 4 games this year on cheapcycle (kind of like freecycle but people sell things cheap here locally) for $25.00. At the store this package would have cost me close to $140.00 easy! My 4 yr old will LOVE it and not even notice that it is not in the original box. I watch the classifieds really close every week and find things in great shape and great prices. I buy things new too but doing it both ways makes the money stretch further. My 10 yr old really wanted an Ipod. They sell refurbished ones on Apple.com with a small warranty for a fraction of the price. It was even repackaged in the apple packaging so he will not even know it was refurbished and he is the type of kid that wouldn't care anyway. Hand me downs at our house are the norm. But that is part of a big family and my kids don't see them any different than getting things new. We buy new too but I show them too that I could spend $10.00 for the Abercrombie jeans at the consignment shop or go to their store and spend $50.00 for the exact same jeans. My 12 yr old now sees that she can wear the latest brands for a fraction of the cost if she is careful. I don't feel like that is depriving her, that will help her in real life when she gets older! There have been some really nasty comments on here and I feel that is uncalled for. I too have been attacked on here but it was for having so many kids!! ONe poster actually said that I should give up my baby that I am about to have in a couple of months for adoption!!!!!!! All because I asked for suggestions on cutting our debt. You are looking for inspiration on this board, not for people to be mean or rude. We are on a aggressive get out of debt plan and it is going to be hard for the next 4 years. But I agree you have to live while you are here and working yourself to the grave will amount to a life you didn't love and can't redo again. Just try and rethink saving money and buying used as a challenge. When I changed my mindset from how much our debt situation sucked to how great it is going to be when we are out of debt and all the lessons we learned going thru this, things seemed better. Enjoy your children and thank God for all you have and things will start looking up!! Ignore ugly comments and glean great inspiration from some really nice people on here. I have learned a lot on here but it is like everywhere in life. Some people need to learn to be gracious. GOOD Luck!!! Amy

Squirt

12-02-2007, 12:51 PM

Tammy,

As long as you'd consider skipping out on your obligations in order to but unnecessary things for your child/children/husband, you will continue to be poor. There are people who have less than you and who spend less than you who are NOT POOR. They are intelligent. They know how to dig themselves out of a hole so that 1, 3, or maybe even 5 years later they can afford to spend $300 on toys for their child without skipping out on paying on an obligation.

You have many bright ideas and good points. I agree that adults who felt deprived as children are the same ones who try to spoil their own kids once they have them. I know exactly how that feels. The answer is not in spending the money you think you should spend on your family, but rather in making them NOT FEEL DEPRIVED. That's a bigger challenge, and one you would do well to figure out.

I wish you the best of luck, and I encourage you to look (at least take a peek) outside of the box you have put yourself in. And I hope you feel the deepest of all shame each and every time you do not pay the money you owe someone on time when you are perfectly able to.

JessicaP

12-02-2007, 01:14 PM

Ok I finally got through all the posts here and I decided to reply to you Tammy.

I am sorry that people have been rude to you but they are only trying to help you. You seem to ask for help then when people give you suggestions you shoot them down very quickly.

Now $70,000/year is GREAT money! You are very lucky that your husband makes that much money. I can only wish that my DH would bring in that much money.

Recently I have had to make some drastic changes to our budget too. So basically I will just tell you what I did to help out, maybe it will give you an idea on other ways to cut your budget?
-We have a cell phone with it we get free incoming calls and free calls after 7pm. Does your cell phone have free callig times after a certain time? If so then I would make all your calls when the calls would be free (ie. nights & weekends).

- Because of making most calls nights/weekends we turned off our landline. I will admit it was hard at first but I still have the cell phone if I needed it. We also turned off our internet.

-We love to watch movies but we honestly hated paying to rent, so I started going to the library and renting them free. You can even request new releases from the library and when they come in they will call you or send you a letter. You can also get online free, and rent books free.

-I am a huge reader and I just had to stop buying books, even used it was costing a fortune. I am addicted to the library. Plus I take my 2 year old once a week to the library for story time (social interaction) which is free. They make crafts and get read to which is really important.

-I only go into town once a week for groceries or anything else I might need to save on gas. I go to the library once a week also for story time, get books, movies and get online.

Seriously buy a newspaper on sundays. You will save so much more in the coupons than the paper cost. In my area it was actually cheaper for me to get Thurs, Fri, Sat, & Sun paper weekly than to go to the gas station to buy just Sunday's paper! I plan my meals weekly depending on what the grocery store has on sale and my coupons. This site is amazing on helping you save money on food with the help of coupons. Try couponmom.com it is a real help to me.

I know you and your DH can provide for your family and I TOTALLY understand owing the medical bill and needing to get teeth fixed, etc. Just look around for the cheapest rates. I needed dental work a couple months ago and went to one office and got a price of $5,000! I then called around and made a second opinion appt at a different office and only paid $2,000 for the SAME thing. So there is savings if you are willing to shop around. Look at JCPenny's ads, I got an eye exam and 2 pairs of glasses for $150.

Christmas- I love christmas and I also have a 2 year old. I say spend $200 and be done with it. For $200 you can get quite a bit of toys. Believe me that's what we alloted for my daughter and she's the same age.

You are making the first step by admitting that the bills are getting the best of you but just wait to pay them next month. I mean if they are already in collections what's a month. Maybe with your tax return you can pay most of them off???

Oh and maybe check into a secondary health insurance for you. I know that our state health insurance has certain requirements dealing with income but if you tell them you can't afford the co-pays for the delivery you may be ellibile for them to pay only what your primary insurance doesn't pay. I hope that makes sense. Maybe call your local Jobs & Families services office and ask.

Good Luck!

tammy88

12-02-2007, 01:35 PM

momto6 and jessicap--thanks
for the more encouraging post and information

i honestly was just interested in skipping one month on the debt which i had no choice but to do and i cant see what more they can do to me. at the time of the bills we didnt have insurance we now have insurance but it is costing us 600.00 a month. plus my pregnancy is of course adding to the growing medical bills.

i think the most we have spent on christmas this year is under 300.00 for everyone..which was mainly my son i ordered a few things for some of the other kids in the family but i didnt spend more than 5.00 on them.

i have cut way back on groceries and have noticed a great improvement there..until we got a cold and order out last week several times..

we are not poor..but i like having more money than i do bills..and this time last year bills were not an issue..this year things are different..i did manager to get our irs taxes for $1337.00 to 57.00 this month..so big plus for me...and im sure when taxes are filled this year with 2 kids on it we should do really well money wise and be able to pay all the medical bills..i think they total under 5000.00 total..of course i do have the new baby being born this month too..

when i saw these post i was really tired of the insults and i let it rip..

annymoll

12-02-2007, 01:39 PM

You have the right to spend your money any way you choose. I do not feel you have the right to skip your bills. You cheat and steal from other people when you do so.There are living , breathing people behind the businesses and companies that you cheat, with children to feed and provide for. The money you are using to give your son gifts, if it was bill money, is money you stole from others. Sigh.

MrsMcDowell

12-02-2007, 01:55 PM

i am very offended by the nasty, remarks and opinions people have made about what i do and how i do it with out knowing enough information!"

The only person that I saw made rude remarks apologized for them right away. You came on here and you asked for advice. That's what people are giving you, even if it's stuff you don't want to hear.

"first i dont watch alot of tv..i do spend a great deal of time on the computer, cleaning the house, planning dinner, taking care of 3 year old and giving him some education or crafts,,working on my budget and caring for my sick mother! while being 9 months pregnant!"

I don't watch a lot of t.v. either, I work full-time, raise my almost 2 year old by himself while worrying about my husband who is in Iraq, cleaning, cooking, doing to school full-time, managing all finances, etc. I think you are missing the point people are making by saying to cut out the t.v. You do not have enough money to pay your creditors. Yet you are paying for t.v. That you don't watch a lot of?:confused:

"i do read books more than any other type of entertainment..shoot i read so much i just sold 3 bags of books"

That's good. Extra income is good. However, if you are buying brand new books at B&N and then selling them, you aren't cutting even. Not saying you ARE, just throwing that out there. The library may be a cheaper way to get books, than buying them. Of course this statement only applies if you are buying new books.

"i want a life that i can enjoy and not deprive myself, a husband who works 60-80 hours a week and have a son or two growing up with nothing but flippin handy me downs!"
I understand this, but let me just start out by saying, that I grew up with a dad who worked 80+ hours a week, and my three brothers and I wore hand-me-downs. The only time we ever felt deprived was when we almost lost our house because my mom mismanaged our money and the bank almost foreclosed. I look back now and the best memories I have are of spending time with my family--walks with my dad, going arrow-head hunting with him, when my brothers and I all sat around and played board games. Family time is the best gift you can give them. All you are doing now is teaching them that the materialistic crap is what matters. Sorry if you don't agree, I'm just calling it like I see it, based off what YOU posted.

" i think its in credibly selfish do hold on so tight to the purse strings that your children do not get anything new, or anything extra special..now i know that some of you dont do that and some of you dont have a choice.."

I do give my kid extra specials. I spent roughly 250$ on him for Christmas, he has almost 3 grand in savings, and he has a lot of toys, etc. However, my bills, including my debts, have never went unpaid so that he could have extra. Keep on giving your kid extra specials at the expense of your debts. When the companies get a garnishment and start garnishing your husband's wages and you can't afford your home/apartment anymore, I'm sure your son will understand. I'm sorry if that sounds evil, but to me, giving a kid something extra special at the expense of debt, is not right. My son at the age of 21 months doesn't care about getting new things, he is the most happy when He and I are playing and reading books, and coloring together.

whats the point of working yourself to your grave and never having anything to show for it. yes life isnt about money but it takes money to do just about anything

What you don't seem to understand is that by living a life filled with debt, you really don't have much of anything except for stress, heartache, and dread.

i pay my bills, and if i need something or want something we work to get it i do hate the tight weeks and when things arent going so well..but i will not leave my children behind on special moments in their lifes and christmas, regardless of what you think or what you 10 year old TELLS YOU, its special for them and they want santa to come and bring them special toys.

When your three year old turns 21, ask him what his memories of Christmas are. I can bet you that at 21 he will not remember what Santa brought him when he is 3.

and if once a year i skip a bill to do that or skip adding to a EF for that there is nothing wrong with that. No, it's okay to skip adding to an e.f., but it is morally and unethical to skip a bill so you can do something fun. To me, that's along the same lines as stealing.

Kids are smart they know when things are tough and they understand to a point..but when xmas morning comes and you tell them its about family and they didnt get anything or they got some used clothes from a thirft store, they will be a little disappointed..they may not tell you because they think it would hurt you. yes i bought my son things for christmas i made room for him, i may not get my family anything but my kids will not go without! and when people do not get their kids anything it does hurt them..i have so many people in my life that grew up with out anything special and those are the people that lavish their kids..so think about that when you are telling your kids that you are would perfer to pay extra on the debt or the ef this december then give them presents..it might just back fire on you, for when they are adults they may feel they dont want their kids to miss out like they did! i always had great christmases my husband never had a great christmas..he spoils our son with toys and gifts all the time..i do not believe in spoiling kids with toys all the time only on special occassions..see how that worked out?

Make sure that when your medical collectors call wanting the money you owe them you tell them this. I'm sure they will understand.

200-300.00 for xmas!?! have you looked at the price of toys these days!?! hello!!! I have. And I shopped sales and clearance racks and found really good deals to the point where my son is getting so much stuff that I don't know where to put it all.

clothes for my kids..lets see my mother loves to buy him cute outfits i rarely have to buy him clothes..i do occassionally go to the kid to kids places and buy some clothes but i would never give them as gifts thats tacky! oh another tip, my husband and his siblings grew up with handy me downs and you should see the way they tried to buy clothes..another thing to think on..i always had new clothes and im not crazy about buying clothes or buying name brands, they are...back fired again! It's not tacky, it's about finding the right mix of clothes and toys. By the way, I grew up with hand-me-downs and I haven't 'gone crazy' buying clothes. Maybe the people you refer to just have no self-control.

i dont agree on giving my husband an allowance of 20.00 a month when he makes all the damn money...and right now i dont see how any of you are helping me do anything different. your attitudes suck! Again, make sure you tell that to the creditors that you won't pay. We are helping you. We are offering you suggestions. You just don't like them.

I'm sorry if I came across as rude or nasty, but it seems like something isn't right. You say you can pay your bills, but you aren't going to pay the medical collectors?

Oh well, we've offered advice. You didn't like it. From here on out, I wish you the best of luck. It sounds as if you will need it.

momto6

12-02-2007, 02:04 PM

I believe in paying your bills too. But Citibank is going to under because your bill is a month late? Your charged a $39.00 late fee the second it is late so they are making that money off of you plus the outrageous interest anyway. I would never condone not paying your bills, but if there is a choice between your child having a decent Christmas and not having a Christmas I would pay the bill late plus the late fee the next month. I am not saying you should spend thousands of dollars at Christmas at all either. Everything is about choice. Some people would think that is stupid to pay that fine for a late payment just so your kid could have a better Christmas. But some parents are trying to make memories for their kids and have great holidays. You only get so much time with them. My kids are not spoiled and I shop thrift shops and consignment shops and they are the most grateful kids you would meet. They don't get many extras thru the year but they do not want for anything. They never complain and I feel they deserve a few extras at Christmas time because they are so thankful and are growing up caring and respectful people. Kids do not need to be spoiled but let's keep things in perspective. One of these days you may be in a position to choose between buying your child a present or paying a bill a little late. Let's all try not to judge and go to extremes that the CEO of Citibank won't be able to eat because you paid your bill a month late. Sheesh. Amy

MrsMcDowell

12-02-2007, 02:15 PM

MrsMcDowell

12-02-2007, 02:21 PM

I wanted to add that no--the CEO of citibank won't directly be affected. They find other ways to recoup their loses--by jacking up late fees, over the limit fees, etc.

annymoll

12-02-2007, 02:47 PM

Not paying bills costs EVERYONE, not just the corporate end.Employees of those companies, as well as society pay the costs. If not, don't blame the company. Relish the wonderful memories.

tammy88

12-02-2007, 03:42 PM

i dont see skipping a few medical bills as cheating the companies..heck they are cheating me for the amounts they charge..

i dont see how im hurting anyone but myself for skipping out on a debt..the company is making money off of me paying them..so no that doesnt bother me..it bothers me that i owe them..

im not getting charged late fees cause they are medical bills not credit card bills..

most utility company have me tied into a contract so i cant just "turn it off" to save money..i would have to pay them more money to turn it off..i have tried lowering the plan..but geeze the cheapest offers no channels..the husband watched speed and i watch life time and kids watch cartoons..sadly you cant pick and choose which channels you want to save money..therefore im charged the monthly fee..and then the box fees, and the taxes..i usually only watch tv in the evenings..and while i hate the 90.00 a month where else can i get tv for cheaper..cause if i reduce it, then i will have another headache where everyone whines about not having anything to watch..oh then my parents wanted to give me a nice present last year and it was a dvr so now im paying for that...sweet gift..but it cost me money..but i dont want to hurt their feelings by not using it..and trust me, nosy parents ask about everything and then if i said i turned it off cause of money they would want to help me and they cant afford to, nor would i ask for it.

cell phone - i have one phone on 450 minutes and the wireless internet card for my husband..needs it for work..i wish they would pay for it..i only use like 15-20 minutes a month but the next plan is for 200 minutes but i loose everything, free nights and weekends, no more roll over and with my mom being sick i cant take the chance of using all my minutes or people not being able to get me..she was just rushed to the hospital last week with a blood clot in her lung..so im grateful they were able to get a hold of me..oh and thats a contract..i have been with them since i was 16 and to go to another company would mean running my credit, paying a deposit i just dont want to go through that and put more money out..this bills runs about $100.00 a month

home phone and internet -- internet is my luxury..its where i spend all my free time its my guilty pleasure, home phone i dont want to turn off because i have had it a long time and wouldnt want people to not being able to contact me..i do not want to not have caller id or voice mail but they dont offer a package off picking and choosing..im scared of vonage plus i still gotta buy internet to run vonage so all in all its the same cost..the bills has been higher lately like $100.00 a month but i agreed to a 1 year contact for unlimited phone and feature and dsl at 59.99 a month..we will see how that goes..

books..my cousin gives me hers..i rarely by any anymore one every couple of months i might get cvs's buy 2 for 5.98

family time vs material stuff..this is a material world..i love my family i love spending time with my family im very close with my family..we have been so bored this weekend b/c i cant go to my parents house..because we all have a cold and my mom is taking chemo..so growing up with my family and toys didnt make family seem less important at all..but kids are kids they dont understand why they didnt get this or that...

my son is very intelligent and gets bored very quickly with things..he likes learning..he likes his cars..and he understands shopping (which is his daddys fault) he will have a decent christmas..im sure he wont remeber things when he is 21 but i will have the memories that i did what i could and made it nice for him and i will have the pic to remind him..

paying off the debt now or having things now..this is my delimma im okay cutting back..but i think for a man that grew up with nothing..its harder for him..and concentrating on only that..but my husband who works hard is getting tired of hearing we are broke and he cant go buy this or that...which makes me fluster. cause i work very hard at the budget to try and make everything fit..you just cant make everyone happy..

my observation with the self control issues comes from living a deprived lifestyle.. i wasnt deprived and when things were tight i didnt know it..my husbands family was deprived and they are horrbile with money..which is probably our down fall because he comes from that family. i have control of not wasting money and buyings i dont really need..im the queen of putting things back once i get to register..he is quick with a debit card..

im not stealing by not paying the medical bills..

sometimes you just cant do it all..thats all

Jason

12-02-2007, 03:48 PM

i am very offended by the nasty, remarks and opinions people have made about what i do and how i do it with out knowing enough information!

*Sigh*... we only have what you give us. Appearances are everything in a forum like this.

i do read books more than any other type of entertainment..shoot i read so much i just sold 3 bags of books

GOOD! Excellent! However... instead of just selling those books... try joining places like titletrader, paperbackswap, etc (do a google search for them... I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post links). That way you can get other books/movies you want.

i want a life that i can enjoy and not deprive myself, a husband who works 60-80 hours a week and have a son or two growing up with nothing but flippin handy me downs!

60-80 hours... *sigh*... I remember those days. Sure would be nice if that was all I had to do. Hand-me-downs are great aren't they? Sure save on the clothing bills. By the way... make sure you take a good long look at your local thrift stores... sometimes you can find things that are new or damn near new. I got a jacket that still had the original tag in it! That was 3 to 4 years ago now... but you get my point.

i think its in credibly selfish do hold on so tight to the purse strings that your children do not get anything new, or anything extra special..now i know that some of you dont do that and some of you dont have a choice.

And I think it's an incredibly bad idea giving a kid so much for christmas that he'll suffer from a materialistic view later in life.
But then... I'm an atheist. I will not be teaching any of my children about "Santa"... to me... teaching a child to believe in an imaginary fat man... is just as bad as teaching a child about an imaginary father figure in the sky.

whats the point of working yourself to your grave and never having anything to show for it.

Lady... you, quite obviously, have a lack of perspective. I've been homeless... slept under a bridge. It was only two weeks mind ye... but it was more than enough to open my eyes... and start putting value in its proper place.

yes life isnt about money but it takes money to do just about anything...

Yes it does... but there are still a surprising number of things you can get for free.

i pay my bills, and if i need something or want something we work to get it..i do hate the tight weeks and when things arent going so well..but i will not leave my children behind on special moments in their lifes and christmas, regardless of what you think or what you 10 year old TELLS YOU, its special for them and they want santa to come and bring them special toys..and if once a year i skip a bill to do that or skip adding to a EF for that there is nothing wrong with that. Kids are smart they know when things are tough and they understand to a point..but when xmas morning comes and you tell them its about family and they didnt get anything or they got some used clothes from a thirft store, they will be a little disappointed..they may not tell you because they think it would hurt you. yes i bought my son things for christmas i made room for him, i may not get my family anything but my kids will not go without! and when people do not get their kids anything it does hurt them..i have so many people in my life that grew up with out anything special and those are the people that lavish their kids..so think about that when you are telling your kids that you are would perfer to pay extra on the debt or the ef this december then give them presents..it might just back fire on you, for when they are adults they may feel they dont want their kids to miss out like they did! i always had great christmases my husband never had a great christmas..he spoils our son with toys and gifts all the time..i do not believe in spoiling kids with toys all the time only on special occassions..see how that worked out?

*Sigh*... such a drastically materialistic view point. You know... for that same 200 to 300 you're spending on your kid for christmas... I could literally FILL my apartment with toys for Merrick. Will/would I do it? No. Simply because he would then expect more next year. That is the materialistic value you are teaching your son... that is the hell he'll go through when he's on his own... and shocked because of what the water bill comes to.

i can completely understand not having anything to celebrate christmas but if you are just being stingy and not finding a way to make it work, shame on you

Once again you are speaking from that horrible materialistic view point embedded in you by your parents.

not many posts were great in my opinion..they were nasty

Mine was... and I'm truely sorry I offended you. However... no one else here... even came close to being rude. You need to get down off of your materialistic ladder and take a good hard look at reality. Go take a drive into the nearest city. Go find a homeless guy on the street... if that doesn't hurt you/tug on your heartstrings... then you are not a person worthy of human association.

i have tried to hold my tongue and not say things that i tought would offend someone on here..but that courtisy is not returned...

Sometimes "courtesy" is not what's called for. Reality is always the best medicine.

i have lived on my own and i have worked 2 jobs to live on my own

Whoopty-shit. Try working 3 or 4 jobs... and still not have enough to put food on your table.

200-300.00 for xmas!?! have you looked at the price of toys these days!?! hello!!!

Yep... I have. Have you? Have you bothered to do your research? Have you bothered to lower yourself to dare step foot inside of Big Lots? or Dollar Tree? or Walmart?

clothes for my kids..lets see my mother loves to buy him cute outfits i rarely have to buy him clothes..i do occassionally go to the kid to kids places and buy some clothes but i would never give them as gifts thats tacky!

Tacky?!?!? Oh dear... lady... you need a psychologist... stat. If the kid likes it... then he'll like opening them for christmas, AND he'll love wearing something that he got under the tree... in fact... you may have a hard time getting him to let you wash it.

oh another tip, my husband and his siblings grew up with handy me downs and you should see the way they tried to buy clothes..another thing to think on..i always had new clothes and im not crazy about buying clothes or buying name brands, they are...back fired again!

Heh... children in a candy store. Either control it... or lose out on some other things.

my child is extremely bright for a 2 year old..he can count, say his abc's, talk better than anykids his age, he has been approved to go to day cares that take older kids because his intellegience is so high..so i dont think tv or boredom has effected him..i actually bought that baby channel and see an even bigger improvement! electronic toys or games also help educate! so i will not deprive my kids of something that educates them..todays society is about moving faster and the toys help accelate the learning...

Have you looked at Veoh? It's internet TV... and free to boot. You can probably find more of such programming at Veoh then you get on your TV. Try looking and researching before judging what's "best"... lest you play the fool for corporate America. Whoops... too late.

anything that will help my kids adjust in life and society better is the best..
i dont agree with homeschooling because the kids lose out on socialization

I agree with you on that point. Besides... homeschooling can actually be more expensive than sending them to public school.