My ex BF wants another chance. He just wants to start completely over as friends. I'm willing to try, but I'm very skeptical.

What do you think of second chances? Do you know any that have actually worked? Everyone I know who ever went back to an ex isn't with them now. Didn't work the second time either.

I tried it once and never would again. Once I am done, that's it. I walk away without looking back. But that's just me. I've had too much drama in my life to start backtracking.

I think you should be sceptical. "A leopard can not change its spots." If there were behaviors and attitudes that broke you up the first time what is stopping them from reappearing. Would you be doing all the work in maintaining/nurturing the relationship? And you should ask yourself what is in it for you? And what does he get out of it? If he gets more out of the friendship than you... it isnt worth it to you.

cynic at large

I'd avoid it like the plague!

run for the hills!!!!

I hate drama so I would avoid it.

Katy

I tried it once. Never again. We tried 10 years later and still didnt work. My ex husband been talking about it and as much as it would be good for kids, I know we will still have problems!

There is a reason that that person is an ex.

Jaded- is this the guy who said he wasnt ready? Is this the one that said he really cared for you but wasnt ready to get serious becuase he wasnt over his ex? If its this one then I would say that if thats the only reason You arent with him then maybe a second chance would work.

Possible if he wants to fit himself into your life, in other words make him work for it!

But, personally I would think long and hard before I did this specially if he hurt you the 1st time.

JMHO,
leezza

Well, I took a plunge and went over last night. We just watched a movie, and ate a quickly put together snack (shrimp and french fries) and generally had a nice, peaceful evening at home. He kept his hands to himself, and was very gentlemanly. I told him at the end of the evening that this kind of evening was all I had asked for the first time.

The first time around, I made some mistakes too. I was sort of rebounding from my last relationship, and he was not over his ex. I think that if we start out as friends, which he is totally willing to do, we might get back to something, but maybe not. At least we will have salvaged the friendship, and that is really important.

Maybe it was just "wrong time, wrong place" last time. We'll see. He really is a good guy, and we both have issues, as everyone does. I'm mostly concerned with building the friendship right now, and he's resigned to that (if not happy). He knows no Hanky Panky until I make the move.

We'll see.

IMO it depends entirely on why he is your ex. People don't usually change. (I didn't say never...) If your break-up wasn't b/c of major differences or his attitude/behavior, etc. then I would consider it.

My DBF and I took a 3 month break from each other. At the time, we did not consider it a break and pretty much thought the relationship was over. We both made some pretty big mistakes. We did not speak at first, but eventually started talking again and one thing led to another... which led to us giving it another try -- but only for a "trial period". Well... it's been 1 year and 3 months since we started our "trial period" and we're still together.

Sounds like a great night w/ your ex. Hopefully things will continue along that path. :D Building a friendship first is important (to me, anyway) b/c I think your partner should be your best friend.

Why can't you guys just be friends? That way no hurt will be involved, otherwise I am with the other ladies and think you should look the other way.

Why can't you guys just be friends? That way no hurt will be involved, otherwise I am with the other ladies and think you should look the other way.

Well, right now we ARE just friends, and I've made it clear that may be all we ever are. I just feel like we never really got a chance to do it right the first time, with all the stuff happening in both of our lives, and both of us just out of relationships.

Anyway, I do want to be his friend, so at least that is salvageable.

I believe in second chances whole heartedly. But they have to be well deserved/earned. A person has to change and grow up on their own accord and realize it on their own as well. This could mean a month went by or 10 yrs. As long as that person has comes to terms with themselves and is accountable for their actions from the past. Maybe they've had a life altering moment and realized their mistakes? Who knows.

If theres a specific reason you two broke up - will that reason affect your 'new' friendship? Sometimes the 2nd time around IS better. I say just try it and see where it goes, take it day by day.

I truly do believe in second chances and the few times that you do give them out there's gotta be a reason why.... ;) Up to you to navigate and figure it out.

Best of luck! :hug2:

My mom and stepdad were married the first time for 2 years, then divorced. They remarried a year later and stayed married for another 18 years. She loved him with all her heart until the day she died and he loved her with all his heart. Sometimes, second chances work. :)

IMO it depends entirely on why he is your ex. People don't usually change. (I didn't say never...) If your break-up wasn't b/c of major differences or his attitude/behavior, etc. then I would consider it.

My DBF and I took a 3 month break from each other. At the time, we did not consider it a break and pretty much thought the relationship was over. We both made some pretty big mistakes. We did not speak at first, but eventually started talking again and one thing led to another... which led to us giving it another try -- but only for a "trial period". Well... it's been 1 year and 3 months since we started our "trial period" and we're still together.

Sounds like a great night w/ your ex. Hopefully things will continue along that path. :D Building a friendship first is important (to me, anyway) b/c I think your partner should be your best friend.

Ditto. My boyfriend and I had a great 2 year relationship that we both took for granted this summer when he lived mostly out of town and I hung out a ton with a good friend. My bf and I took a break because we sensed something was not right, but we could never quite leave each other and we've come back together because we are still in love and both feel we are supposed to be together. Though it's not really a second chance like we completely broke up and now way down the road one of us is coming back and asking.

with my fiance jason i broke up with him in high school b/c i thought he would hit me if he got mad. he threatened to hit a wood project over the teacher's head. i shortly broke up with him after that. we remained good friends until we got back together. we spent 6 yrs apart b4 getting back together. when he asked me y we broke up i told him that he scared and embarassed me. he told me that he would never hit me and that he was sry for scaring and embarassing me. i hope that u can either remain friends or become a couple.

I think you should go with your gut. If inside your feeling like this is the way you should go, then go with it, but if you have some nagging doubts or red flags you'd like to ignore, then you really need to let it go.
Only you know what is right for you deep down. I think things happen for a reason, and your gut will always tell you what to choose, if you listen hard enough.

My ex and I did the second chance thing years ago, we are no longer together now, but we have a beautiful child as a result. My gut always told me to hold on until the final time I asked him to leave. My gut feeling was so strong I would have been physically ill if I didn't do what I knew had to be done. That said, if down the road there was a chance for us I'd probaby take it. We are both older now and have matured considerably. A lot of the issues we faced were primarily due to how young we were.