My parents are having Christmas at their house this year. My DH and my father do not get along very well, and my DH wants to start having Christmas' at home. We have two daughters now with a third on the way and we don't like packing everyone up to leave the house on Christmas to go somewhere else. The thing is ...my mother doesn't even really want to have Christmas at her house but IS because my twin sister told her she was going to start having them there so that the "grandkids can have memories of Christmas' with their grandparents!" She wants to have dinner early so that she can boot everyone out and have Christmas with the kids still living at home. My question is...is it rude of me to tell my mother that we won't be there? Should we go as to not make things worse with my family and my DH? Or should we simply focus on our own family and start making new traditions having Christmas' at home like we want? If we don't go....how do I break this to my mother without hurting her feelings? :scratch:

Sounds to me like she would understand. Just let her know (gently) that you and dh have already decided that your family wants to start having traditions in your own home with your own kids. It also sounds to me like your sis is not wanting to handle "the stresses" of it being in her own home and is pushing it off on your mom.

Hope this helps!

Kim

I would let her know you want to start your own traditions, also.

My mom did that when we were little and then when the grands moved to our town, we had Christmas with them on Christmas evening. I believe that grandkids and their grands need a relationship as long as it's healthy. Why not change when you take the kids over to visit and leave dh at home. That way the kids don't miss out on grandparents and dh doesn't have to go. Your mom might like that.

I am certainly not against children having a relationship with their grandparents, but grandparents should be old enough and wise enough to know that children need "traditions" in their own home, too. I would just call and explain exactly what you have told us.

Just like your DH and your father, my ex-MIL and I did not get along and holidays were always the most miserable time in my life and no matter how hard I tried, my DD sensed this. Christmas should be one of the most memorable and enjoyable times in your children's lives.

I can weigh in on both sides of this issue. first let me stress that there is a very close, loving relationship between my daughter, her hubby and children and my hubby and I. We spend every other weekend with the grand daughters and at least one full week in the summer.
As a Grandmother, there is nothing I want more than my little granddaughters with me on the holiday. However, they live about 3 hours from me and it is very, very important to their father that they have memories of Christmas morning at their own house. I can not spend the holidays at their house because of my youngest daughter still at home as well as DH extended family and their traditions. So we end up not spending Christmas together.
Now I will not lie and tell you that is just fine with me since from a selfish perspective I miss the little ones and have been known to shed a tear or two over the situation. But I understand and respect the decisions my daughter and her hubby have made for their family. I consider myself blessed to be permitted to foster a close relationsihip with the girls and to be always welcome in their home. ( Son in law made sure I had my own bedroom with phone, TV etc in his home so I can stay and visit as much and as long as I possibly can. He treats me great)
So what I would suggest is that you stay at home on the actual holiday and have your own family celebration. Then plan a second gathering with your parents and your family. Perhaps a coffee and cookie gathering or a trip to view the holiday lights and dessert either before or after the actual holiday would work for you.
But regardless of what you decide, enjoy the season and your family and friends. God Bless

I think that is a wonderful suggestion. This is one of relatively few (thank goodness) things that I feel I did wrong in raising my son - we have virtually no family traditions because we always went to my parents, who did not like holidays. So, here I am with a more-or-less grown child trying to develop some sense of tradition, which he is all for, but it is kind of odd. Currently, we have a beginning tradition of going out for a breakfast meal at night on Thanksgiving (his choice, but I can go along with that), and are working to come up with ideas for Xmas, Easter, and birthdays (which he thinks we should just ignore). So, I think having traditions start while your kids are littler, and with your own immediate family, is a good thing.