I've noticed a few references around here to international adoptions and I just wanted to create a space where we could touch base. I know there is an adoption forum - but it seems fairly inactive.

We are currently waiting on an adoption from China. Our LID is 4/16/07 - we have a LLLLOOOOONNNNNGGG wait in front of us. We're considering jumping ship over to the SN program.

Who else is out there?

What is the SN program?

Our two boys were adopted from South Korea. They were 4 months and 9 months when they came home. They are now 6 1/2 and 4 1/2. I think they're just wonderful!

Good luck with your wait and/or your decision to switch to another program.

Oops soory! sometimes I forget the jargon is different in all of the different programs! SN = Special Needs

Yup, this is me....as if you cannot tell from my name "IntlMom".
I have two boys born in Russia, they were 9 mos and 10 mos at adoption time. We adopted them at the same time. My younger one has Fetal Alch Syndrome, so he has some substantail learning issues, and some serious sensory issues! At nine months he was not quite 10 pounds.......he is my wonderful, marvouslus, miracle child! He never fails to amaze us at what he can do! My boys are now nine years old.
We also have our daughter, who is two and was born in China. We got her at 11 months, and were in China over last t-giving. She is just the apple of my hubbys eye...........
We are considering a second adoption from China IN SPITE of the 3-4 year wait for a healthy child. We may go SN, as well. (yes, I knew what you meant)....
btw Jamauk - what's your LID? Have you found RQ yet? i'd be happy to answer any questions you come up with.....oh, and I am from Olympia - originally

Duh---my youngest was special needs--you would think I would know what "SN" meant. LOL. Actually, with our agency they just called them "waiting children". DS#2 (that's him in the pic) was born with a malformed right ear and is partially deaf.

I don't have any children, nor do I want any. But I wanted to commend you all and all the other adoption parents on the forum for your wonderful acts. There are so many children in this world waiting for a person to give them the love and care that you have shown your children. You are an inspiration to me. I applaud you all!

:clap:

Well, Nada, I can only speak for myself, but I have done nothing--I was waiting in this world for a child's love. It was my boys that left EVERYTHING they knew (sights, sounds, smells, people--everything) to give me this love. I just did a little paperwork! These children (especially waiting) inspire me!!! I always think that they give us WAY more than we will ever be able to give them.

Thank you for your kind words.

btw Jamauk - what's your LID? Have you found RQ yet? i'd be happy to answer any questions you come up with.....oh, and I am from Olympia - originally

Hi! Our LID is 04/16/07. I go to RQ occassionally, but it usually just depresses me so I don't go often. I think DH goes there more than I do! :)

Do you get back to Olympia often? If so, we should meet up for coffee!

Well, Nada, I can only speak for myself, but I have done nothing--I was waiting in this world for a child's love. It was my boys that left EVERYTHING they knew (sights, sounds, smells, people--everything) to give me this love. I just did a little paperwork! These children (especially waiting) inspire me!!! I always think that they give us WAY more than we will ever be able to give them.

Thank you for your kind words.

That's so true - and so amazing! While I have not adopted yet (my two boys are biological), I know many many adopted children (through our local adoptions support group) and their love is overwhelming. They seem so passionate ~ so resilient. They are truly inspiring - and I can't wait to get mine!

I'm proud to jump in. My babies came home at four months of age from Guatemala. I can't imagine my life without my kids.

Jamauk--I'm so excited for you! :applause: The wait can kill you, and I know this doesn't help because it didn't when other parents said this to me, but, once you have your child, you won't remember the wait. Or I should say, it won't matter. Enjoy your time with your DH now and rest, pamper, and pamper yourself some more.

NadaLady, I too thank you for your comments, but in our case we're just another family that came together through adoption. There was nothing selfless about it. We just wanted to be parents and went about it a little less conventionally. :)

I think you are all special people and I want to thank you too. I understand that you don't think any thank you's are in order but I'm passing them on anyways.


I have a question but I don't want anyone to misunderstand and take it the wrong way. I believe people are people and I couldn't care less what part of the world you are from . But I want to why you adopted from outside the us?

Thanks for your kindly worded question. I've had it put quite rudely before, so your tact is appreciated. :)

Everyone's situation is SO different, but here is my answer for our family. My husband and I both suffer from infertility. After our 2nd miscarriage, and being married 9 years and in my early 30's, I knew I couldn't wait any longer to be a parent and decided that adoption would be the way we would build our family. (We'd been open to a baby, but not actively trying most of those years of marriage). I read as much as I could to understand the different types of adoption and came to find that most children in the foster care system in the US are often not adoptable, (reunification with the bio parents is the first priority, understandably). Often these children come with special emotional needs and years of abuse that takes a great amount of love, therapy and patience to overcome. My husband and I did not feel qualified, having not even been parents yet, to take on a troubled older child/young adult. (Definitely someday when our kids are late teens/grown, though, we would like to foster children using our years as parents and more settled life to help children in crisis).

Anyway, we looked into domestic adoption through the state, we were living in Washington DC and those were the social services we would have to go through. Upon our first visit, we were greeted with hostility and negativity by the social workers, who told us that we weren't the "right color" for the majority of the babies who would need families. Yes, that really happened. I understand it can be difficult for an African American child raised in a caucasian home, but we never got far enough into it to know if we would be up to dealing and we moved to looking at private adoptions.

We did not feel we could do an open adoption with much contact with a birth mother. And we did not want to wait possibly more years and have fees that were equal to International Adoption fees.

So, the ethical, well-known overseas programs were the option that fit our situation. Right now Guatemala is getting some bad press because of one unethical agency, and the changes they are implementing, but like so many things in the media it is half-wrong and entirely out of proportion.

So, way, way, more than you wanted to know? LOL

Anyway, that's our story and I hope it helps bridge more understanding as to why families turn to that option, when often it is reported in the media about so many children in the US who need homes. That is true. But what they don't report is the obstacles that can prevent those options for being available to many families for many reasons.

Thanks for your kindly worded question. I've had it put quite rudely before, so your tact is appreciated. :)I only asked becuase I was didnt know why , not because I wanted to be noisy or rude.

Often these children come with special emotional needs and years of abuse that takes a great amount of love, therapy and patience to overcome. My husband and I did not feel qualified, having not even been parents yet, to take on a troubled older child/young adult. Thanks, thats something I bet most people don't even think of.
Upon our first visit, we were greeted with hostility and negativity by the social workers, who told us that we weren't the "right color" for the majority of the babies who would need families. That makes me sad, love is love. I can't beleive a child would be denied a better life becuase of skin color.


Anyway, that's our story and I hope it helps bridge more understanding as to why families turn to that option, when often it is reported in the media about so many children in the US who need homes. That is true. But what they don't report is the obstacles that can prevent those options for being available to many families for many reasons.Thank you for responding and yes that does answer my question. And now that I understand I hope I can help someone else who doesn't.

Our desire to adopt internationally started after years of infertillity (4 failed IVFs here).....anyway, Hubby really did not want to do a domestic adoption. He had seen to many occasions of birth mothers coming back, had heard of too many horror stories of open adoptions where every one knows everyone. Now, I am glad that there are parents willing to adopt children domestically, cause there is definitley a need for them, however, my husband was totally against it. Now, having said that, International Adoption became the best avenue for us to take. Once we begin to go down the IA route, it just kinda becomes "who you are". I would not change our path for anything......

We, too, were scared away from the Domestic Adoption program. Some friends of ours were chosen to be adoptive parents, they went through the whole pregnancy, were there for the birth - got to hold the baby and when they went back the next day, the birth mother said she just couldn't do it. They were devestated.

DH just randomly struck up a conversation with a guy in line at Dunkin Donuts one day at the airport. Adoption came up and this guy and his wife had a child for 11 months and the birth mother came back and the courts awarded her custody. I couldn't handle that.

When we made the decision to adopt, it was right when Guatamela was getting the bad press, Africa has a lot of AIDS babies, and Russia seems to have a high proportion of Fetal Alchohol Syndrome babies. That pretty much left China for us (and we wanted a girl).

Now, I absolutely think raising a child with the above conditions is very honorable and these parents are NEEDED. We could adopt 10 of them without hesitation if we didn't already have children. However, we do have two children already and we felt it wasn't fair to them to knowingly bring another child into our family with a condition that would take an enormous amount of our attention & resources.

Having said that, if any one of our children should ever get sick, we would absolutely do anything at all that it takes to care for them - but as I stated above, we didn't think it fair to the children we already have to bring such a serious condition into our family.

I am always wiling to answer any questions anyone has - and its pretty easy to tell when someone is being curious vs just nosey! :) (and we've got some pretty good comebacks to those that are just nosey/rude!)

hen we made the decision to adopt, it was right when Guatamela was getting the bad press, Africa has a lot of AIDS babies, and Russia seems to have a high proportion of Fetal Alchohol Syndrome babies. That pretty much left China for us (and we wanted a girl).

FAS is a HUGE problem in Russia......having said that, my younger son has FAS, and he is truly the apple of my eye. That's my "baby" down below. And yes, he has the facial features to boot.

(btw-I am not offended, I'm just saying........:) )

FAS is a HUGE problem in Russia......having said that, my younger son has FAS, and he is truly the apple of my eye. That's my "baby" down below. And yes, he has the facial features to boot.

(btw-I am not offended, I'm just saying........:) )

I think he looks like a fine boy! I bet he is a good son.

FAS is a HUGE problem in Russia......having said that, my younger son has FAS, and he is truly the apple of my eye. That's my "baby" down below. And yes, he has the facial features to boot.

(btw-I am not offended, I'm just saying........:) )

Hi Traci,
I remembered that one of your boys had FAS, and I was hoping you weren't offended - that certainly wasn't my intent! :)

I'm curious, though. What kind of long term effects does FAS have? Also, did you have to take two trips to Russia for the adoptions? That was another reason we shied away from Russia - the expense of two trips.
Thanks!

and he is truly the apple of my eye. That's my "baby" down below. )

What a handsome boy. He's adorable. You must be so proud, IntlMom. :)
My son has Aspergers Syndrome, which makes all the milestones that much sweeter.

I am always wiling to answer any questions anyone has - and its pretty easy to tell when someone is being curious vs just nosey! :) (and we've got some pretty good comebacks to those that are just nosey/rude!)

Care to share? :lol:

Especially when we were in the paperchase, I would just ask those who (rudely) asked "What about waiting children in the US?", how many waiting children they had adopted--given their "concern". Not one person had. And suddenly they wanted to change the subject. Wonder why? :D

Saucy, We have adopted internationally and our bio son also has Aspergers .

He's doing pretty well these days, just the occasional challenging day like today !!!! hahaahha :)

Care to share? :lol:



People tend to assume we have infertility issues because we choose to adopt (we don't), so they like to offer "oh have you tried xxx?" or "I read somewhere that if you do xxx" - DH asks when the last time they had sex with their spouse

One of my dearest friends that has one daughter from China and is preparing to travel for #2 tells people that "no we aren't infertile, we just don't like sex"


I was once at a function for our local adoption support group and one of the women there asked where my boys were from (granted, I know she wasn't meaning to be rude, it just came out very tactless), and I told her my uterus.


I have yet to encounter (since we don't actually have our daughter yet) any comments about wanting a "porcelain doll" , but I'm still trying to come up with a comeback just in case.......

I have gotten really good at this.
I just pretend they are invisable and that Im always in a rush.
I dont even give people the time to be rude anymore.
My radar goes off and I take off LOL.

I have to say I have had really nice people too thankfully :D

I have to say I have had really nice people too thankfully :D


I absolutely agree - we haven't even completed our adoption yet and we've already met some amazing people!

BTW - for those that have adopted from China, I just got the "Love's Journey 2" book from DH for Christmas.

http://www.lovewithoutboundaries.com/LovesJourney2.php

The picture of the three little girls over to the left....they are the daughters of one of our friends.

Oh what a beautiful book!
I bought too much there for a while and am now holding back hahahah.
or else I would buy that book!


I have to say all the books I bought for my baby though have been worth it.
She carries them all around and we read them daily.
I guess I have maybe 12?

I secretly am totally ready to adopt a WC so... I'm trying to buy less in general :D The WC route is so fast that I need to save up some moola.
I have friends that adopt a WC every year, can you believe that?

Every year????? for how many years have they done this? I know China sometimes relaxes the rules for the WC program, but holy smokes!!!!

We plan to probably adopt twice from China - we'll have two boys and two girls - PERFECT!! :)

J, the WC thing usually takes around 9-10 months etc..
(depends on your INS time frame too)
If your already DTC then yours would even be faster.:tedpink:

I have seen friends get off the plane and find a WC the next day and get waivers, though most are DTC 6 months after that I think?

Not sure if your on LCC, WC, or WSN but you can see their signatures and timelines etc..
I even see a lot of families meet the next child while they are in China.
Such sweet stories.

We met 3 kids we wanted to hide in our backpacks ourselves.

Doesn't China make you wait 6 months after being home before you can submit a new dossier? I haven't looked into that much yet (we're still trying to get #1)!!!

We completed our Dossier in 11 wks - I think it was a record! We had to sneak in before the May 1st changes this year and our application from our agency wasn't approved until Jan 8th.

Our LID date is 04/16/07 - so once we get on teh WC list with our agency its just a matter of finding our daughter. It could be a few weeks or a few months - only time will tell. We plan to get on the list in mid Jan.

TADAH !!!!

I am in International Mom too (that would have sounded so much cooler with the James Bond theme going). My DD was one of the last 5 children allowed to be adopted from Cambodia.

She was 15 months old, 19 inches and under 19 pounds, she wore a size 0/3 months with plenty of room... needless to say that peanut is now 7 years old, 50 pounds and 4.5 feet tall!!!

DD was a WC who was documented as a SN -- she wasn't SN at all... the orphanages get crowded and often times document the older ones as having 'issues' so the fees are reduced.

Hi Lady V! Welcome to the conversation!

Lady V!!!! I haven't "seen" you fon here or a while. Hope all is well--nice to have you back.

I have a way of disappearing, don't I? 2007 has been insane -- between the surgery, recovery and now the holidays. I managed to put the knitting needles down long enough to pop back in.

I was too young to adopt from China but I heard from friends who have that the wait is insane.

I thought of the whole process as a pregnancy of sorts, I nested, I glowed, I gained 15 pounds :yikes: had a 22 hour labor (flight), complications (unplanned overnight in Japan) ... and she was a preemie because it was only 6 months from the time I walked in to the agency and I held her in my arms.

I also brought her home September 2, 2001... I was originally going to spend 2 weeks in Cambodia (which would have had me leaving September 12, 2001) but I don't know if it was my newly found Momma-ition, but I arrived there August 27, and had the papers rushed through because (this is where the false SN status worked) I said she was ill (which she was, lactose intolerant, and the formula they had was milk-free, but, had lactose. The more she ate, the more she vomited, the more she vomited, the more they fed her so she wouldn't be dehydrated. They didn't understand the label because it was in English) and I got her out on a medical emergency leave.

At that point, she had been so ill that she went through all her clothes, and I only had a skirt and shirt I had held aside, a set of sleepers and her coming home dress that I was going to put on her before we got off the plane at home in a seal-a-meal bag until I got to Thailand and showered. The director of the AOA had contacted me before I went and told me that there was an outbreak of scabies, so I left all the clothes I wore in Cambodia behind and changed in to unopened clothes once I was able to get to another country.

I arrived home over a week ahead of schedule, and I told NO ONE until I hit New York and we were processed and she was given her green card... wearing only a diaper and the necklace the Monks had given her. She had gone through everything else. I was wearing an airplane blanket as a toga too. I gave my family basically a 3 hour notice.

The flight from NY to Boston was something else. The coming home outfit was way too big for her, since I bought it back home, and knowing she was 15 months, I bought a 12 months... remember, she wore a 0/3 month with PLENTY of wiggle room!!!! So, I rolled her tights up a few times, the woman behind me gave me the idea to tuck some of the leg under her feet since she wasn't going to be walking and the shoes were too big, it wouldn't hurt her.... the red, white and blue sailor suit looked sooooo cute on her, since it looked as if it was a ball gown on her and not the knee-length it was meant to be.

I'll tell you more about the whole story some other time... but, don't let the waiting get you down.

psst -- JAMAUK -- You --KNOW-- you will have a daughter... break out the pink yarn, yes, you may not know how OLD she will be or how BIG she will be... but a pink teddy bear travel blanket hand-made and given by Mommy for the long flight home will keep you busy for a while. There are plenty of things to make... and if you don't know how to knit, sew or crochet... you have plenty of time to learn... and keep you busy... it WILL pass, and you WILL have your daughter!!

psst -- JAMAUK -- You --KNOW-- you will have a daughter... break out the pink yarn, yes, you may not know how OLD she will be or how BIG she will be... but a pink teddy bear travel blanket hand-made and given by Mommy for the long flight home will keep you busy for a while. There are plenty of things to make... and if you don't know how to knit, sew or crochet... you have plenty of time to learn... and keep you busy... it WILL pass, and you WILL have your daughter!!

Thanks Lady V - yes, she already has quite a collection of quilts that I've made as "practice"!