Several months ago, I allowed my daughter, her 2 little boys and my Mom to move into my house because my daughter was leaving her SO (they have a 2 year old together). She had nowhere to go. My Mom came because she wanted to be with the children and helps out watching them.

Needless to say, I totally regret that decision. They came on the understanding that they would help out with the bills and food, but I have seen very little of that. I was just keeping my head above water and now I feel like I'm about on financial disaster. We argue all of the time about EVERYTHING. Nobody helps out around the house very much. My daughter who is 28 years old is acting like she's 15 years old. We argue about that EVERY DAY. She did get a job eventually, but then lost it a few weeks later. So she has been without work for over a month. She has another job now, but no money yet coming in as she had to train for a week without any tips.

My Mom hands me a list of foods she "requires" and then gives little money to buy them. I can tell you that she has survived without them very nicely. I overheard my Mom on the phone yesterday to her friend telling her that "nobody does my laundry for me". . ."I feel like I'm doing everything around here". . .etc.

Here is a list of the "top" things that come to mind. . .

1. My landlord increased my rent $100 a month because they are now living with me.
2. My landlord is now making me pay $25 a month for water because it has increased (I have never paid for it the 7 years I've rented from her).
3. My electric bill has not gone down (it should be down about $60 at this time of season).
4. My carpets are about ruined by stains and spills. (think beige carpet)
5. I'm sleeping on the couch (I had agreed to let my daughter have my bedroom because the boys were going to sleep with her).
6. The food bill has jumped tremendously.
7. I regularly buy the diapers and milk for the baby.
8. My older grandson (8 years old) broke the plate glass on my coffee table (which I've had for 13 years). Will costs over $100 to replace it.
9. My Mom is depressed and won't take baths or brush her hair unless we gripe at her constantly. Her room has a stink that Febreeze won't take out.
10. Money is so scarce that I've had to postpone getting my prescription.
11. If I had not bought the boys a few things for Christmas the month before, they would have had nothing for Christmas.
12. "Oh yes, we will pay for our cable". . .famous last words. . haven't received anything for it yet.

I could just go on and on. . .but what would be the use? You can get the picture just from this. I had a good cry outside this morning. Then came inside and my Mom wanted to know where I was. I told her "outside". She basically called me a liar because she said that she looked outside and didn't see me. I wish I could just walked away from them and everything.

Lori,

I feel for you! It may not be much but what size was the glass on your coffee table? I've currnetly got several glass tops in my garage and if one would work I'll see about getting it to you.

Laurie in Bradenton

~I'm so sorry. :cheerup: I hope things get better for you soon.~

Just want to give you a big :hug2:

Maybe instead of asking them to chip in on the rent and bills (since they are not doing it anyway), you can let your daughter save and give her a move-out date, say, a month or so from now? I know it won't be easy, but it may be the best for your sanity.

Really feel for you. Hope you can get things straightened out soon.

Wow...I'm sorry people are taking advantage of you. Very unfair. It sounds like a situation Suze Orman would analyze. If possible, maybe you can all sit down for a family meeting and write out a budget and a chore list. If you do not think that would go well by yourselves, then get a good family friend, counselor, or priest/pastor to mediate the meeting.

Good luck and be sure to take time out for yourself!

I like KJay's idea about having another party there with you in the event of a family meeting.

How kind you are to do this for your family. I am so sorry it is biting you in the butt. I don't know hwat to say.

Personally I am ridiculously anti-social and could not imagine having that many people invade my home.

I wish there was something I could do or say. All I've got are hugs and good thoughts.

Lova ya!

I am sorry this is happening to you right now, I would give my sister a move-out date so to speak that you and her can agree on and I would personally ask for help with bills/food since it would be the right thing for anyone to do is to help paytheir way.

God Bless and just remember you did the right thing by helping her out but that doesnt mean you have to foot the bill.

Oh wow. That is one hellava situation there.

My mother moved in with me and DH about six months ago (only lasted two months). She had no job, no place to live, was in a very bad relationship and losing alot of weight. (my mom and I hadn't spoken in years before I found out about all of this) I asked her to come stay with DH and I. Her bf at the time was verbally and psychologically abusive and instead of staying with him, because it was so bad.. she was sleeping in her car. He knew this and had no problem with it. Anyways... She came to live with us, started working where I work and thats when things changed. Our electric bill went up $200. She'd leave the fridge door open, all the lights on. AC running with the doors open... Play loud music and go thru everything. We'd ride together to work to save on gas and she'd criticize every bump in the road and how I was going to cost so much money because I was ruining the car. MY CAR. She'd bring the bf's six kids and want to feed them and go shopping (me driving) and made fun of me constantly and in front of people for trying to save money or... cut coupons. She never gave us a cent. I never asked for it, but she's the adult, the parents and there she was making more money than I do and asking me to lend her a grand. Just like that. All the while living in my house, running up my utilities, and not paying anything.

Anyways.. that didn't last very long because after a while of being at each other's throats she was ready to leave. - I have a heart, but your daughter is going to need to grow up and get out. You don't want to feel the way you did when you were sitting outside forever do you? She is grown woman, and if she really wanted to she would be either out there looking for work. ANY work, part time, assembly line, waiting table, babysitting... and when she's not working, she'd be doing something around the house so that she's at least contributing in some way.

I'm only saying this because I'm standing on the outside, looking in. I don't know the whole situation, but remember that YOU are important too. That YOU work hard, all you're asking is that she help too. You're doing SO MUCH for her and her kids and it seems like she isn't very grateful. I don't know how long she's been with you but sit down and talk to her without the kids around. Put in writing all of the expenses and how much it does in fact cost YOU for her to be there. And how it just can't go on. Either she needs to seriously pull her weight and get a plan for her living situation or the whole boat's gonna sink. - If your mother isn't really helping with the kids, I'd say bye Grandma. That's probably mean but you shouldn't have to listen to her gripe to other people about how her laundry isn't getting done when she doesn't even bother to keep herself together. Why is she demanding fresh clothes if y'all have such a hard time getting her to keep clean? Tell her that.

I say all of that because I'm thinking about you :grouphug: all this time you were thinking about her. It sounds like they are all only thinking about themselves.

I agree. Maybe you need to have a "sit down" with everyone. I'd hate to see you get to the resentful stage. Thinking of you and hoping your situation changes for the better.

I am so sorry you are going through this. My oldest DD is bipolar and suffers from personality disorder. She still lives with me. for some time she did not work, did not pay ANY of her bills, borrowed money from me all the time, did next to nothing in the house to help. Needless to say, I did the housework, I did the shopping and cooking, I paid her bills and I took care of everything. I bought a car so she could drive to Doctor appointments and paid her insurance for it too. I understand completely where you are coming from and how hard it can be. If there is not a medical reason your DD is not working, then you need to give her a date that she must be employed by. I finally had to tell me daughter that I simply could not afford to continue to pay her bills. I let her know I would have to get rid of the car and she would no longer have auto insurance. ( we live in a rural area so a car is the ONLY way to get anyplace) I also told her that I would have to pay someone to help around the house because I could not work the long hours my job requires and still take care of everything. Then I stopped handing her cash for gas, to go out with friends, to buy personal items, etc. Needless to say, she was not a happy camper but......In any case, she is in a better place mentally right now. works some, pays most of her bills, helps a little around the house. Still not a "model" citizen by any means but certainly much, much better. I am hoping it stays this way at least....but with her illness you just never know. Anyway, sorry for rambling. Just wanted you to know that I understand how it feels. Please take care of yourself

I don't really have anything to add but I do think you need to sit them down and tell them to start acting like adults and also to respect your home. I would tell them that my rent went up $100 with all of you here and each of you will give me $50 and also tell them that you have never paid water before but now with them there you are paying $25 and they can split that between the 2 of them. I would also tell them that you will no longer buy there food for them they can buy there own. If they do not like these suggestions tell them to get out by the end of the month. They have freeloaded long enough. I know it is your grandchildern, daughter and your mother but if you let them stay with you it is going to make you sick with worry. Tell them these are the rules and if they don't like them there is the door. Is your daughter getting any help from the government or her ex? Because if she is getting food stamps or wic then she should be able to get the things her children need they are HERS NOT YOURS!! And yes I was yelling.

You need to step up and tell them this is how it is I don't mean to be harsh but if you don't they will just walk all over you forever.

Good luck but you need to tell them how it is going to be. It is your apartment/home (you might be renting but it is in your name) and make them understand you love them but you just can't keep doing this anymore.

:hug2: Sorry you are going through this! I think it is time to lay down some major ground rules. If they don't like your new rules then I would tell them they have to move, because it is your home and they are taking advantage of you! I also thought it would be good to have a family meeting, have everything written down so you don't forget what you want to say and what the new rules will be, when things get heated or emotional. Keep us posted on how you are doing!

You dd and your dm need to start giving you some money to take care of the extra load they are putting on you. The dd needs to get off her rear end and find a job. I under your dm may not have a job but she can give a little out of her social security to help out, right? I'd cut the cable not matter how much they complained. I wouldn't do any of thier laundry if they are fully capable of doing it. I'd only do for the grandkids and nobody else.

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time. Many hugs coming your way.

There was a story on the Today Show on Fri. or Sat. It's called Boomerang Kids. The video feed is still on the Today Show website now. I can't vew videos so couldn't link to it for you. They went over much of what you have said and I was interested as our ds has returned home at age 21. They stressed that you should have a family meeting and write up a lease and what is expected of each person. Make it clear that the lease can be renewed if all are in agreement. They said to definitely make them pay rent and expect it on a pre-arranged date. If they require special foods then they are requiired to buy it. Everyone must work. This is just some of what was said and I hope you're able to watch the video because it was a good one.

For your sanity, DO take back your bedroom! You need your private space and a place of your own. This is YOUR home, not dd's, not your Mothers! If you had your bedroom back you wouldn't have had to go outside and cry, you could do it right in your own bedroom! I hate to say it but you are not going to hold up well if you don't atleast make this one change. Your dd and children can sleep on the couch and pallets. There are also little cots that can be brought in for extra sleeping. It is perfectly acceptable in an emergency arrangement. I understand why you gave your room away but no one else is considering how you feel so you need take care of yourself.

Many good thoughts coming your way and I don't mean to be trying to tell you what to do, it's just that we all care about you.

... They have freeloaded long enough. I know it is your grandchildern, daughter and your mother but if you let them stay with you it is going to make you sick with worry.
You need to step up and tell them this is how it is I don't mean to be harsh but if you don't they will just walk all over you forever.
Good luck but you need to tell them how it is going to be. It is your apartment/home (you might be renting but it is in your name) and make them understand you love them but you just can't keep doing this anymore.

First big hugs to you. Second, I agree with Critter. There comes a time when helping becomes enabling and it sounds like it is getting closer. Remind them of the responsibilities of adulthood and set a move out date for them. Yep, no cable either in the meantime. ((()))

piney

It sounds like it is time for some tough love for your DD and for your mother. They are both taking adcantage of you and your generosity. I would just give them a date to be out by and then tell them that it is not a negotiable date. That if she can not find a house by that date she needs to find a friend or shelter to go to. I know that sounds horrible but she is obviously not going to do anything without the tough love.

Sending you lots of :hugz: .

I feel for you. I would make them each pay more of the rent Let them pay 3/4 and you pay 1/4,especially since you are sleeping on the couch. Your daughter should be paying 1/2 and your mother 1/4 and she should get all her extras herself. Where was your mother living before. They both would pay more elsewhere, so in essence they are letting your credit get them in a place. I would tell your daughter she better work a lot more as she needs to save up for her own place. Her and your mother can move out together if they want to save money. Your job as a mother is to get her self sufficient and living with out your help, so she won't be in the street if something happened to you. I have all my kids living with me right now, at least I do not have grandkids on top of it. We gave my 24 year old 2 years, we are paying for everything while she is going to school. The cost of living is very expensive here so it would be hard for her to pay for everything herself, unless she is getting paid more. I am going to have her apply for financial aide as we are no longer able to claim her, and since we made to much to get aide we are hoping she can get some now.She is getting a secured credit card to build her credit, so she can even get qualified to get her own apartment. I really feel for you, it isn't hurting me to help her out, we are just moving out of the area so we want her self supporting as she doesn't want to move with us. I have been supporting myself since I was 20 and I am tired of carrying everyone else.:grouphug2 Don't let them double team you.

Ok I may sound harsh, but they don't pay for cable, cancel it and don't let it get turned back on until you see some money. No special food until someone comes up with the money to get it.

Make mom sleep on the couch and give your daughter and kids that bedroom.

Start saying no! Your daughter is depending on your guilt to let her stay there because you can't see your grands go without. There are a lot of ways to handle that too. But you're going to have to set a time and stick to it. Alot of people will take advantage of you if you let them!

((((hugs)))) Don't lose your sanity over this!

put your foot down and tell your daughter and mom enough is enough! you made it clear they would have to help out. i think your mom should be asked to leave first. she supposedly came to help and it's sounds like she's undermining your authority with your daughter. she's not helping out and by her lack of respect for you she is allowing your daughter to also walk all over you. set a good example for your daughter, be strong in your decisions, get this situation under control. i wish you a lot of luck, this is a very delicate situation. take care of yourself.

I'm pulling for you. Remember though that we all teach people how to treat us. You need to teach your daughter and mother that you are to be respected and that they should pull their own weight.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think you need to get the control back, your family seems to have taken over your space!

I am 29 and my sister is 28 we don't have children yet and haven't had to move back home since moving out on our own, but I know my mom would take us in too if we needed her help.

My mother has her mother (my grandma living with her) and some of what you said sounds so familiar. My grandma doesn't like to bath unless the family "shames" her into washing and we bought her a scrub brush and scrubbies to help encourage her in this area. As for the smell, my mom has to wash my grandma's bedding weekly and the comforter and mattress pad at least once a month. Grandma usually does her own laundry, but my mom washes the bedding because grandma never does that. Mom also bought those scented reed diffusers and put them in Grandma's room to help with the odor coming from there.

I agree with the idea of taking your room back so that you have some privacy from the rest of the family. I think the daugther and children can bunk in the living room at night. Where is your mother sleeping? In a bedroom? If your mother is going to be staying I would make sure she is chipping in her share for bills, food, and utilities. Maybe your daughter could save some money for a month or two until she's got a little money to move into her own apt. with the children.

I wish you luck, family issues are never easy, especially when it sounds like you are everyone's elses support right now. (HUGS) make sure to take care of you.

I agree with the other posters that you should establish a date for your daughter to move out. Also look into a income controlled senior citizen apartment for your mother. GET THEM OUT before you lose your mind. Remember that when you end up in the mental hospital then your daughter and mother will still be thriving the only thing is they will mooching off of someone else. :basket:

Wow, I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this stress. Time to lay down the law! Either they follow your rules or they get out!

I can only think of the situation my parents were in a year ago, with their granddaughter (my niece) and her three children living with them. She was going to stay for a couple of weeks, which stretched into several months. Two days after she finally moved out, my father passed away after a massive stroke. I can't help but think things might have been different if they had never allowed my niece to move in.

Please put yourself and your health first.

I agree, they need to move. They are taking advantage of you and it's not fair. You are paying for everything (and extra since they moved in) and they are treating you and your place like they are at a resort. Your mom definatly needs to get out if she is feeling depressed. I am not sure how old she is, but maybe she can go to a local senior center to socialize and such? This might help and get her the motivation to get her own life again.

I would give them a time limit and make them pay their own way..... I did when I lived with my mother for 8 mos. My little brother wanted to move in with me with his son....... I told him NO. My #2ds and his 2 boys lives with me and pays all my bills(my home paid for) But I take care of his boys when hes at work. My brother expects everybody else to take care of him and his kid. He's 43 and his kid is 9 and breaks up things. He does not replace anything his kid breaks....... I won't do it to me or my son.
Fern

Really don't know what else to add besides what everyone else has said.
Just wanted to give you a big :hug2:.

I hope you can figure out a way to get the situation better for you!

It sounds like it is time for some tough love for your DD and for your mother. They are both taking adcantage of you and your generosity. I would just give them a date to be out by and then tell them that it is not a negotiable date. That if she can not find a house by that date she needs to find a friend or shelter to go to. I know that sounds horrible but she is obviously not going to do anything without the tough love.

Sending you lots of :hugz: .

I second this...

Also sending you big hugs... :hugz:

You are going to have to show them some "tough love" and get them out of your house so they can begin their own lives without ruining your life. I know they're family, but enough is enough.

Let me tell you....I totalyl feel for you. I let my sister & her daughter move in with us on 2 seperate occasions & I will NEVER do it again, i was ready to kill her!!! Are you sure your daughters name isn't "Kara" j/k. Its never easy having someone living with you. Plus I always felt like I was being "screwed" because I try to help her out & then she screws me over & talks about me behind her back. I told her I would charge her $70.00 a week to watch her daughter while she worked, and she told everybody (behind my back) that I was ripping her off & always trying to get over on her!!!! HELLO....who is screwing who over??? Sorry to vent, still a touchy subject with me, and she's been out of my house for a year.....lol!!! Good luck!!!

Angie's story reminded me of another story. My ds,bil,and 2 dns moved to Montana it was to cold for them so they came back had no place to stay so I let them move inwith me. It was Christmas time I was working for a Dr and his patients gave me all sorts of food stuff for Christmas. I come home from work on day and they had cooked my ham up and made it all into split pea soup. another time they climbed out the bedroom window to go out to eat. Thet didn't want me to know ......... never again
Fern

I agree with the other posters--you need to take care of yourself. Take back your bedroom--it won't hurt the little ones to sleep on cots or pallets. Give time limits to your DD and mom as to how long they can stay. You need to do these things to keep yourself sane and healthy. Lots of hugs :hugz: going out to you.


--Michelle

Oh my.....my blood pressure went up just thinking about this situation. I heard a speaker today who described this type of personality. These types will take everything you have until you have nothing left to give and then when you finally tell them you have nothing left they will become angry at you and accuse you of all manner of unkindness.
I completely agree about taking back your room. That is YOUR place.....they are there on YOUR kindness. Give them a move out date and stick to it. Disconnect the cable and pretend deafness to their demands for special foods or maid service. They have turned you into their servant and this should not be.
I am sure this is most difficult because of the children but the children should not learn that mooching off others is the way to live in this world.
I hope all of this will work out for you soon. ((( HUGS )))

I agree with the other posters on the tough love stance. Look at it this way: if you lose your sanity, your money, your stability, etc....... then you are no longer of any use to them or anybody else. I don't often counsel people to ignore others and look only at themselves (and it's not really what I'm doing here), but you need to get your own life in focus. It's kinder to have them face reality now.

Take back your own bedroom. If you don't do that, you'll have no privacy, and they will feel that you can be walked on. If there are complaints, show them the door. Buy food for yourself only. Again, if there are complaints, smile and invite them to buy some. Shut off the cable. Make it rather unpleasant to stay there without being mean. You can ask them to pay the extra rent and utilities, but in all honesty, you probably won't get it. They don't sound like the type of people who respond to nicely asking. So I would set a move out date for them.

I am concerned about the grandchildren, tho. The kids aren't asking for this lifestyle, and they need some protection. Check out available agencies to see about any help for the children. You might be able to offer to keep the grandkids if DD can't find a place, but this could lead to other problems.

Your daughter has had long enough to get on her feet and now she's staying because she has it good. She's not going to leave while she's getting a comfy bed and free cable.

Cut the cable
Take back your bedroom
Buy what YOU like to eat. And maybe what the children like but certainly not your mother or daughter.

Honey, they are acting like a hoard of locusts. They are going to strip you bare of food, money and a home and then fly off to raid someone else's home.

I know I already posted in this thread, just can't shut me up. Everyone is giving you good advice but I know it is easier said than done. It is HARD to be anything but the generous, kind soul that you are.

You need support from a close friend or clergy to lay down the law. You are so sweet that you are going to have trouble doing this. You don't want to take it and take it until you erupt like Mt. Vesuvius in front of your grandbabies.

My thoughts are with you. We all want to hear from you.

Wow..this story reminds me of my situation a couple of years ago. My sister and her dd moved in for a "couple of months"..which turned into a year and a half. My husband and I were totally supporting her as her daughter was over 18 so no child support. My sister claimed to have every illness and reason for not working. She did nothing but rack up more bills for us, and she also stole my DH personal info and got a CC in his name-took cash advances and bought drugs with the $..How Nice??? When I couldn't take it anymore I politely asked her to leave and gave her a move date (2 months) That day came and went. We called the Sheriff, but to no avail, I had to "LEGALLY" evict her. Let me tell you that was the worst feeling I ever felt in my life..taking my "BIG" sister to court and having her thrown out of "MY" house. Of course we could have had her arrested for ID theft, but what purpose would that serve?

I learned my lesson well though, as I will never, ever let another person come into to my life and take it over..as this is exactly what she did (I have medical problems, and was in the hospital for 3 weeks) I get home, and start recieving calls from finance companies about refinancing my home, and consolidating my debt? (mind you at that time I wasn't aware of any debt)..She had posed as me, and set up meeting with these people while my husband was at work! She told them she was his wife!!!! What a mess that was to straighten out.

I suggest what another poster said..depending on your mothers age and condition, check out Gov't housing for her, and then go to myflorida.com and apply for welfare benefits for DD and kids..I am not a big advocate of welfare, but in this situation, it is probably best to get her some help, which in turn will help you out..where is the child support money she should be receiving?...sorry if I sound harsh, I just hate to see people getting into the same situation I got myself into, because it was "family".

Sending many Hugs and Prayers your way, I know how it feels :grouphug: Sometimes being tough and sticking to your guns is the only way. your DD will be upset at you right now,and you will probably be the "bad person" but in the long run she will come to see the light. Now 2 years after my ordeal, guess what?..my sister has her own place and a job..and her mysterious illnesses have disappeared! Amazing! All I did was enable her to do nothing and fail..She got it together because she was "FORCED" to..she had to. Sorry for rambling..Good Luck and God Bless.

Nothing to add other than *hugs*.

I forgot to add you say your daughter has 2 kids. Is she getting support for those kids? If not something needs to be done about that. Also if she could make those kids she can d@@m well take care of them. You have gone above and beyond in my book it is one thing to help your kids but another for them to totally not care and as for your mother did she live somewhere else before? Why did she move in? I don't think you really said.

I am not trying to sound harsh or anything like that but sometimes you just have to put your foot down or you are the one who lives to regret it.

Good luck and hope today is better.

Gosh, I don't know what to say. I agree with the sit-down meeting and an extra objective person there just to keep the peace (know any bouncers? LOL!).

Remind them of their promises, tell them that you are disconnecting anything THEY don't pay for, that you previously didn't have (cable).

Tell the mom and daughter that THEY TOO have two good hands, and where is it written that YOU should do everything around there.

Give them a month (tell them that) to get their #*&^% together and help out AND pay up, or they are out. Stick to it.

In the mean time, do only things for the grandchildren, and no one else.

Everything above--do it and say it NICELY and sweet as sugar, just firmly. Tell them you LOVE THEM, but this is all too much to ask, and if they LOVED YOU, they wouldn't be doing this to you. Tell them the cash flow DOES have an end and you will ALL be out on the street if this doesn't stop.

Sounds like they've definitely "worn out their welcome." Two words for you: TOUGH LOVE.

Sorry you're in this position.

LORI! I sooo feel for you!!! I have been in the same place with those I love... :soapbox::angry:

First of all... they think they have it made! so this is what you do!

DO NOT BUY ONE MORE THING FOR ANY OF THEM!
2nd... get your bed back!!! THIS IS YOUR HOUSE NOT THEIRS AND IT WAS ONLY TIL THEY GOT BACK ON THEIR FEET! well, how much ya wanna bet that they will stop moochin off you if they don't have their comforts!
Next TURN OFF THE CABLE!!!
IF THEY "HAVE TO HAVE STUFF" THEN THEY NEED TO PAY FOR IT & HAVE IT IN THEIR NAME. NO LONGER WILL YOU FOOT THE BILL TO PAY FOR ANY OF THEIR STUFF!!!
if they are not working (or haven't had a paycheck) then possibly they could go to dhs (welfare) and get foodstamps or medical. this is NOT your responsibility & if YOU lose your home, you all will be out INCLUDING YOU!

Give them a date to be out of your house & do not back down from it!!! Next... next time your mom tries to call you a liar b/c she "didn't see you" call her the liar & tell her you were hiding from them to get some peace. You can also tell her that you won't take that kind of language being used against you & she can pack her cr** & leave!!! you get the idea.... install the idea that showers are only 10 minutes from now on & turn off the water heater if it goes beyod 10 minutes!!! Anyone who doesn't take a shower will be forced to take one outside with the hose!!! etc.... sorry but ya gotta do what ya gotta do to get these MOOCHERS outta your house!!!!

These people sound as if they want a hand out not a hand up! :beat: let them go on their way!!! :bang:

Sorry Couldn't help but get mad :furious: for you as they are totally taking advantage of your sweetness to take them in & now they are ruining your home & your life! LET THEM GO ELSEWHERE!!! oh also if they need to do laundry (& you have washer dryer at your house) either they pay a "toll for water/heat used" or they go to the laundry mat (OR THEY PAY 1/2 of ALL BILLS) jmho!!

It's time to take your home & your life back!!! :hug2: :fight:

it'll all work out:grouphug2

OH!!! & while you are giving them the military 10 min showers... make sure you take a bubble bath :bath: & when they ask why you get to take hour long baths, let them know that it's because it's your dime & they aren't paying a cent (or at least not the water bill! if you pay what your avg cost normally is & they pay for what extra they run up you will let them have a regular shower again... but only if they pay for what they use!) :smirk:

Love ya just keep the faith IT WILL GET BETTER, BUT!!! QUIT LETTING THEM USE YOU AS A DOORMAT!!! :hug2:

Kim

PS any stains & such that the kids/adults make.... make sure the adults (not you) clean up the mess!!!!




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Several months ago, I allowed my daughter, her 2 little boys and my Mom to move into my house because my daughter was leaving her SO (they have a 2 year old together). She had nowhere to go. My Mom came because she wanted to be with the children and helps out watching them.

Needless to say, I totally regret that decision. They came on the understanding that they would help out with the bills and food, but I have seen very little of that. I was just keeping my head above water and now I feel like I'm about on financial disaster. We argue all of the time about EVERYTHING. Nobody helps out around the house very much. My daughter who is 28 years old is acting like she's 15 years old. We argue about that EVERY DAY. She did get a job eventually, but then lost it a few weeks later. So she has been without work for over a month. She has another job now, but no money yet coming in as she had to train for a week without any tips.

My Mom hands me a list of foods she "requires" and then gives little money to buy them. I can tell you that she has survived without them very nicely. I overheard my Mom on the phone yesterday to her friend telling her that "nobody does my laundry for me". . ."I feel like I'm doing everything around here". . .etc.

Here is a list of the "top" things that come to mind. . .

1. My landlord increased my rent $100 a month because they are now living with me.
2. My landlord is now making me pay $25 a month for water because it has increased (I have never paid for it the 7 years I've rented from her).
3. My electric bill has not gone down (it should be down about $60 at this time of season).
4. My carpets are about ruined by stains and spills. (think beige carpet)
5. I'm sleeping on the couch (I had agreed to let my daughter have my bedroom because the boys were going to sleep with her).
6. The food bill has jumped tremendously.
7. I regularly buy the diapers and milk for the baby.
8. My older grandson (8 years old) broke the plate glass on my coffee table (which I've had for 13 years). Will costs over $100 to replace it.
9. My Mom is depressed and won't take baths or brush her hair unless we gripe at her constantly. Her room has a stink that Febreeze won't take out.
10. Money is so scarce that I've had to postpone getting my prescription.
11. If I had not bought the boys a few things for Christmas the month before, they would have had nothing for Christmas.
12. "Oh yes, we will pay for our cable". . .famous last words. . haven't received anything for it yet.

I could just go on and on. . .but what would be the use? You can get the picture just from this. I had a good cry outside this morning. Then came inside and my Mom wanted to know where I was. I told her "outside". She basically called me a liar because she said that she looked outside and didn't see me. I wish I could just walked away from them and everything.
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~ Lori ~

(hugs) wow what a situation they put you in. YOu did it because they are family and needed your help. That is great! But a 28 year old with two kids, who does not see what she is doing is very selfish.

I know it will be hard but they all have to go. To save your family. You need a sit down and tell them that you cannot do this anymore. Good luck with whatever you choose. And hugs to you for all you have done for your family. Even if they dont apprecitate it your grandbabies do!

I can totally sympathise with this situation...but my question is...how do you FORCE someone out of your house? You can give them a move out date, ask them to pay bills, etc. But how do you enforce it? I agree this is a horrible situation, and the ideas are correct, but how would one enforce it? Other than pack up their stuff and set it on the front lawn. If the mother is unable to care for herself (doesn't bathe, etc.) would this be elder abuse? I am NOT suggesting that it is. I am suggesting that people like this can always turn things around to look like the victim.

Angie's story reminded me of another story. My ds,bil,and 2 dns moved to Montana it was to cold for them Fern

Wait wait wait. They had no idea that Montana got cold? Did they mix up Montana with Florida or something?

Angie's story reminded me of another story. My ds,bil,and 2 dns moved to Montana it was to cold for them Fern

Wait wait wait. They had no idea that Montana got cold? Did they mix up Montana with Florida or something?

Your ability to regain control of this is significantly dependent on your willingness to do so. I would determine a minimum contribution to the rent and utilities and probably charge it by the week, and any week that either of them does not make that contribution, they can move out - it is not your responsibility to figure out where they move out to, simply to not let them stay at your house. I would also quit buying anything that was not a requirement of my own - your DM can get her own food, and your daughter can provide milk and diapers for her own children. I would re-claim my bedroom and let your daughter sleep on the couch and use pallets on the floor for the children (blankets work fine, just need an extra layer or two, which can probably be done my simply folding them. I would get rid of the cable, and quite possible get rid of the TV to help cut down the utility bill. If you need to, put a lock on the refrigerator, and invest in a small one for your daughter to keep her kids' milk in. You are being run over. You will need to put the brakes on. Do not be surprised if they leave - they may find someone else who is willing to be run over, and choose that rather than living with responsibility. Don't consider it an insult if they do - look at it as a gift!

Hugs to you - I've never been in that particular predicament, but I've been pretty good at getting run over myself. I hope your situation improves quickly!

Put your mom in a nursing home. They will do all her laundry, cooking and cleaning by golly and she will have nothing to complain about. Plus they will be at her beck and call once the nurse call light is in her hands.Get your daughter on some sort of aide- gov housing, food stamps- all that crap so she can leave you in peace.It is well worth the tax money if it saves a good, caring soul such as yourself from all this heartache.

Thank you everyone for your responses. There are quite a few to read so it will take me a while to go over them. I haven't had much time to spend on the computer since I posted the thread. I must tell you that it feels really nice to know that so many people care. . .and I thank you for that!

I hope something good happens for you soon

They should be grateful that you are helping them out. When i had to move in with my parents with my little one I had no money to help out but I did cook and clean so they could at least relaxed when they weren't working. I did sign up for government assistance and it took me 5 months before I was able to get my own place.

Sometimes tough love is the best thing. It's really hard to do it but everyone needs to learn to stand on thier own two feet, Good luck in whatever you decide:grouphug:

I have to ask....is your avatar suppose to be your mom? Funny :yippee: