I take care of and provide for my youngest. My ex boyfriend pays a little over $200 a month for child support and he doesn't pay every month, just when he feels like it

He is suing me!!!

He wants full custody and wants me to pay him back all the child support he has paid plus wants ME to pay him $400 a month child support since the day she was born.

The papers his lawyer drew up says i'm an unfit mother because I am single and my ex boyfriend has took nude pictures of me so that makes me a questionable moral person.

I should be laughing my ass off but it scares me that he hired a lawyer and I was served with this crap.

I rent a nice home, my children have their own bedrooms and a seperate playroom. We have a nice yard and my rent and utilities are always paid. My ex says it would be better for him to have custody and move her 1600 miles away to live with his mom in Texas.
His mom's house is a shack to put it nicely with 4 small rooms including bathroom and it has no heating/gas hook ups so no hot water. He thinks that is better than my nice home??!!

get on the phone and call every legal assistance center you can think of. The local United Way here has listings on their website. They might in your area too. get spitting mad and show your claws. Get the child support papers, proof of everything and a lawyer for you and your girls. Get him! I'll be praying for you!

What a creep! He was the one who took the pictures, right? Does that make him morally better? Too bad you are going to have to hire a lawyer to keep this creep from getting your baby.

Right now call the DAs office in your city and get yourself a public defender and get on this right away......call any friends or family that can help you out and move on this right away.....

I would say he is just trying to scare you but I think he may be serious and looking to really screw you over......

get all of your ducks in a row right now:
document everything
write down all old stories
any proof you have of what he pays

Take this crap very serious, NOW!

I am sorry you are having to deal with so much!

Regards,
leezza

What a crock!
I don't think it's possible for him to get any child support back. I can't believe he got a lawyer to write up these things! There are a ton of single mothers out there making a MUCH BETTER life for their kids.
:hug2:

:( Just wanted to add that you might want to be careful what you say in your blog & elsewhere online. Some flakes like to take things out of context and may use them against you in some way. You taking the high road & not bad mouthing shows you are the more adult one.;)
Just cover your butt, don't play his games & get some representation. Good Luck!!

I agree with Darlene. Had someone on another forum post that DFCS paid her a visit because a BLOG READER called them out.

Back to your post, I ams so very sorry this is happening to you & I will pray that this gets resolved. I have a feeling this is a money greedy issue & has NOTHING to do with the baby! He wants the money that he "gave" you even though that was FOR the child & he'll be living (& mooching) off of momma? ((HUGGAS))

As for your blog, I jumped over and took a gander. You need to make it private, at least for the time being!!! You have written about your money issues, which, believe me, I understand. But like Darlene said, can be taken out of context! :(

I know it's scary....but he's bluffing. And any lawyer will take his case if he pays...so it doesn't mean he has great representation. It just means he got someone to draw up paperwork for a price. Seriously....do you have any idea how hard it is to take a child from his/her mother??? He has to PROVE you are unfit. This means...he has to prove you won't work...don't provide shelter...don't provide medical care...don't provide food. Live in filthy conditions or are an addict. Or that your children are in danger! You have family support and good living conditions and a stable job. He's nuts.
Ask me how I know this??? My dd and her dh fought for 10 months to get his kids from the mother. She was a 3 time FELON who took the children out of the state when he was deployed and he had no idea where they were when he got home! They finally tracked her down in CA and she had moved the kids 6 times in two years...moving in the middle of the night when she was evicted from her apts. She had a felony theft charge pending in our state, and one in CA! She got sentenced to jail (30 days) when he was deployed and he didn't even know it! (her sister had the kids!) All of this and they had to fight and spend nearly 10,000to finally get custody of the kids when she went to jail. They now have full/permanent custody and she can't leave the state of CA for three years because of probation. The court cited her *unstable lifestyle* as an unfit environment. Now.....what could he possibly have that is anywhere near those conditions in your case??? They will NOT move a child 1600 miles away from a parent without damn good cause.
I agree you should seek legal advice, but he's totally bluffing and trying to intimidate you. He's a bully. Don't let him get to you. Do not talk to him about it. Do not acknowledge it. Do not engage with him. And...he hasn't paid support??? Yeah...he's a real dope. The courts will be real impressd with that.
Get all your ducks in a row. Take photos of your home environment, demand a home inspection. Keep copies of any school records, medical records, etc. that show consistancy on your part. Do you have a Womens' and Childrens' alliance in your area? They should be able to help you with resourses.
Please try not to worry...he's an idiot.
My ex also tried this....it's totally a control issue. Most men are smart enough to know the one way to hurt a woman is to threaten to take her child. It's not about the child...it's about his wanting control over your emotions and state of mind.

Also make sure you have documentation of when he did and DIDN'T pay you support. If he can't make his child support payments, how responsible can he be and can he really have her welfare at heart??? NO! Any judge worth their salt will see that.

Your getting some great advice here. Just be careful. I'll be praying for you.

Get a public aid lawyer. Document everything. Make your blog private.


Keep your head up---we are cheering you on.

I can only echo what everyone else has said.

Hugs to you.

I would get rid of the blog entirely and take any pictures down as well, even here. Document everything!

Yep, get rid of the blog and get a lawyer! DIRTBAG, sigh, why do they do things like this?

Sending good thoughts from here on the farm.

kj

Thanks for the advice

I spoke with a lawyer and my mom watched my kids while I went to talk to her. She did say not to take anything lightly.

The only thing she could question was nude pictures taken before I was even pregnant.

I have a clean lifestyle, I can prove i'm a good mom.

as someone said before, its very difficult to take a kid from their mother (unfortunatly in our case) my brothers lawyer proved his ex wife was unstable, didn't have a job, was a compulsive liar, was shacking up and fighting with her live in boyfriend in front of the child etc. the list goes on and on.... and the judge let her keep the baby. he didn't even say she was the better parent, he just wasn't taking the baby from her.

I can prove i'm a good mom and have a good home environment.

I know 7 people personally who has a child education background from playgroups and such who would stand up for me.

I know a cps worker that helped me when my ex husband was harassing me that may write a letter on my behalf about how I do have a loving home that is safe with plenty of food.

My baby's doctor i'm sure would stand behind me about the care I give my daughter.

I don't see how he can prove i'm a bad person. I do nothing but work around my kids schedules, i'm involved with school activities, playgroups, my children miss out on nothing. I use no babysitters, my mom watched my children when I have like dental appointments or pap appt. at the doctors. My kids are with me all the time. I don't date or go out. My life revolves around my kids.

That reminds me...when I was pregnant me and my oldest left behind everything we owned to move in with my exboyfriend in Texas. We got there broke and was stuck there. I lost a lot of weight within the 2 months I was there and I was pregnant because he wouldn't give me and my daughter hardly any food, he stole what little we brought with us, he stole money my mom sent me so me and my daughter could get back to Michigan.
We finally left after being there 7 weeks because my family came up with the money and sent it to us western union. We got out of there fast and when we were hundreds of miles away we finally stopped at a fast food place and pigged out until we were sick.

Last summer the baby spent 5 days with him and his mom at his neices house 200 miles from me. The morning we left to meet I took my baby to the doctors and she weighed 24 pounds. After spending 5 days with him she lost 4 pounds!

This all makes me so angry

Bless your heart. I don't have anything to add to all the great advice you have already been given, just sending (((HUGS))).

In order to take you to court, he has to have a reason to justify it. It sounds like the nude picture argument is all he could come up with, but it was enough to get the court to open it's doors. I'm sure nothing will come from it (and you did say the pictures were taken BEFORE you were pregnant.....do you have proof of that?)

I haven't read your blog, but yes, you really need to watch every.single.word.you.say. Don't bash him....it'll only hurt you. The courts are becoming more father friendly.

lmao I'm sorry but that is the most rediculous thing I've heard in a long time. Again I will appologize but geezus what an idiot. I really don't think you have a thing to worry about. Really you give your girls a good stable enviroment providing for their needs and love them nuf said. As for the pics you know what goes on in the privacy in your own home between at the time two loving adults it your business, it's not like the girls were involved with this. Sweetie don't stress too much, I just don't see a way he'll win any of it, it's just too stupid. My gf gave her youngest to her ex b/c she had another son prior to the marriage and thought she prolly couldn't provide for the both as well. Any hoo she can't get him back now no matter what and the reason is the father provided what the child needed and he's an alcoholic. *big hugs, I really feel secure in say you don't have anything to worry about.

:hugz: Wow! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this and I hope it all works out for you and for your girls!!

Up hee they have something called The Office of the Children's Lawyer. They are assigned through the courts to help make an unbiased recommendation about where the child will be better off. It worked really well for me, since they visited both homes and tried to get to know both parties as well as the children. If there is anything like that, I am sure that your little home will shine above his.

DO NOT attempt to go through this without representation. Document everything. My documentation was key in the court proceedings. My ex pulled much the same thing, and also wanted back-alimony from me. I won, but it took two years. I have a feeling your ex will not hang in there that long but be prepared.

Good luck!

My thoughts will be with you.

I just wanted to add that you have NOTHING to feel ashamed of about taking the nude photos. It's not as if you were starring in porn. It's not as if you were selling the pictures to make money. You and your exbf took those pictures in the privacy of your bedroom. If the only reason he can find to doubt your parenting is that you have had nude photos taken by him, then you can point that finger right back and say, "Well it was his idea and he took the pictures." And furthermore, taking nude pictures while in the privacy of your own home for your own personal enjoyment is not a derivative of questionable moral character. And if it is, I'm in the same boat with ya honey!

Nichole is right, if nude pictures were enough to remove a child from it's mother, no one in hollywood or myspace would still have children! What happens in your bedroom is your business. IMO, it sounds like the ex just wants the money, not the kids, and that's despicable.

This has got even stupider. He put in a request with the friend of the court asking to take her to Texas on vacation for 3 months! Of course he was turned down and the judge is aware of this, the judge has an order in place already that she cannot leave the state because he is already deemed as a flight risk.

Last night i was looking at his myspace and several peopele in his hometown have been making comments about how they can't wait to see him and the baby, like he's planning on taking her down there.

I printed that and gave it to the judge also.

I seriously think he's trying to take her one way or another. My dad is friends with the local police officers and he's going to make everyone aware of whats going on

I am sorry you are going through this and sure hope everything turns out ok, maybe sure to document everything and yes make your blog private as suggested in the beginning.

I think he's being spiteful or hand to be coaxed into fighting for custody, I dont think the courts will take them out of a loving home especially if they are being cared for. PLEASE let us know how things turn out and good luck!

When is the court date?

there is a date next Wedenesday, I think it's called an informal conference or something.

You've gotten great advice here. I hope he gives up on this crazy plan quickly.

I read your "Hardship Story" (the one that was started at Christmas) - he is such a creep :vamp:! With any luck you get a permanent order to keep him out of your daughters life! I feel for you and the stress you must be going through. Please keep your head up, don't talk back, don't lash out at the pile of :poop:, don't stoop to his level. Be the better person that you are and keeping moving ahead. I know this comes at a bad time with all of your other worries - but you will be soooo much stronger in the end. Good vibes to you and I am thinking of you!
Dianne

I feel for you. I let my 1st husband take pictures up my skirt the day before I moved out just because I'd have done pretty much anything to keep him calm for the remaining 24 hours. I spent YEARS worrying about whether those would surface sometime. I finally got to a point where I don't think they would elicit any reaction other than a chuckle.

About his wanting back child support - the child support is funding paid to cover the child's expenses at the time they are incurred - the only way he could get that was if he had paid those expenses. Since you had the baby and were feeding, clothing, providing housing, and taking care of the doctor bills, he'd have a hard time showing that he had the bulk of the care-giving expense, wouldn't he? Makes you laugh to see how stupid some people are about terminology.

Incidentally, I think he may have fallen prey to a shyster of a lawyer, who will sell him on the idea of a hopeless case, because he will have to pay the lawyer even if they lose the case. It's a win either way for the attorney - and NO! I do not believe that ALL attorneys are like that, I just believe that there are a few.

I hope things work out. Some people are looking for a free ride. Does he know what websites your a member of? If he does change your pass words.
Smart girl making your blog private. I would be careful who I invite, as you never know..

I feel for you. I let my 1st husband take pictures up my skirt the day before I moved out just because I'd have done pretty much anything to keep him calm for the remaining 24 hours. I spent YEARS worrying about whether those would surface sometime. I finally got to a point where I don't think they would elicit any reaction other than a chuckle.

About his wanting back child support - the child support is funding paid to cover the child's expenses at the time they are incurred - the only way he could get that was if he had paid those expenses. Since you had the baby and were feeding, clothing, providing housing, and taking care of the doctor bills, he'd have a hard time showing that he had the bulk of the care-giving expense, wouldn't he? Makes you laugh to see how stupid some people are about terminology.

Incidentally, I think he may have fallen prey to a shyster of a lawyer, who will sell him on the idea of a hopeless case, because he will have to pay the lawyer even if they lose the case. It's a win either way for the attorney - and NO! I do not believe that ALL attorneys are like that, I just believe that there are a few.

Scum should be paying money toward child support for his baby instead of paying big bucks to the shyster lawyer who is taking this case. The lawyer knows good and well he is not going to win. He is just a money hungry ambulance chaser who doesn't care how he gets money one way or another.

hopefully the judge will say sry about ur luck but the baby stays with her.

The case has been dropped

The case has been dropped

THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:teddy2::applause::applause::hurray::hurray::grwave::clap::grouphug2


Did the exjackbutt drop it or did the courts?

I'm glad to hear that the case has been dropped - it must have been a terrible worry for you.

I got the letter today from the court basically saying the case was dropped and no action was needed on my part.

My exboyfriend has a show cause hearing date for non payment of child support.

Finally something is being done about him!

I'm glad to hear that the case has been dropped - it must have been a terrible worry for you.

It scared me bad, I cried so much. I have enough to worry about making sure things are paid and my kids have what they need. I feel much better now.

Glad somebody came to their senses & dropped this. Glad your ex is getting some comeuppance.

He was looking for a free ride... he got one alright... on a sinking ship!

Hopefully the court will realize what he was trying to do and not only make him pay support!

Congrats and breathe a little easier.

AWESOMEAWESOMEAWESOME!!!!! news!!!!! I am so thrilled for you & I know it has suddenly become easy to breathe again!!! (((BIGFATHUGS)))

YEAAAAA
I love happy endings!!!

Keep us posted on the child support progress!!

I'm thrilled for you~:cheer4:

Wow that's awesome, I was worried about you and kept thinking about you. Let us know how things go with the child support, butthead should pay double :hugz:

Yay! I am glad you don't have to worry about that now. Ugh, it must be way easier to breathe now.

I just want to add a few things. My ex boyfriend and father of my oldest son put me threw a simular hell such as yours. For 4 years he kept hulling me into court because he didn't want to pay Child support. He quit his good paying job and hired a lawyer (well mommy and daddy did) The case went all way to the state supreme court. He lost BIG Time. He threatened alot too. How I was unfit and a bunch of BS. The court made it even worst for him. They increased my child support payments to over $600 per month plus he had to pay all the past support payments for 4Yrs. Im in the Money!!!:yippee: Anyway, I do believe it was a control issue,too.
My son now decided to go live with his father just this past summer. He's 14 and it was his choice but daddy made many promises to him and now he isn't holding up to his bargin. My son is the one that is suffering now.

I have learned alot since this whole thing has happen to me. NEVER talk bad about your child's father in front of her or too her. DON'T put her in the middle of your disputes with your ex and never tell your kids about the support payments "your father is not making" nor about your money issues.

Just alittle advice I wish someone had told me years ago.
Tyler (my son) Looks up to his dad. His dad will lie to him but Tyler doesn't see it. His father is "the Lord" in his eyes. Like I said before, now Tyler is suffering for his fathers mistakes but Tyler wont come back to live with me because of all the lies his father has told him.

Good Luck

I don't say anything bad about my childrens fathers, they can make up their own mind when they are older. I don't discuss money issues with my kids.

I really don't even care about child support anymore, it's not worth the hassle of being threatened by lawsuits, etc

I feel sorry for my ex husband and ex boyfriend, they have nothing and I have everything :)

I have learned alot since this whole thing has happen to me. NEVER talk bad about your child's father in front of her or too her. DON'T put her in the middle of your disputes with your ex and never tell your kids about the support payments "your father is not making" nor about your money issues.


I never said you said these things to your children. I said these things to mine. I was just given you a little advice and a an ear to chew on. Take it for what it is.

I never said you said these things to your children. I said these things to mine. I was just given you a little advice and a an ear to chew on. Take it for what it is

One more thing, have you called the courthouse? I'd put in the extra call (MAKE SURE you get the person's name that you are talking to) & ask that it has in fact been removed from the docket! Better safe than sorry & it'll take about 3-5 mins of your time for a little extra peace of mind! Hang on to that letter too!!!

What a jerk. He is totally trying to scare you. I work for the dept of childrens services (welfare dept), and its very hard to prove a mother unfit. He don't really want your dauhgter, he just wants to hurt you. Contact legal assistance asap, and get everything together. you have a nice home & plenty to offer your daughter, relax & let him throw his little fit. hang in there & keep us posted honey :)

Well, I am glad it was dropped and hope things are calmer and less stressful for you and the kids moving forward.

I'm so happy for you...he sounds just like my ex always stirring the pot. It seems he can't be happy so he'll make d@mn sure I'm not either. Yay for you.

I have learned alot since this whole thing has happen to me. NEVER talk bad about your child's father in front of her or too her. DON'T put her in the middle of your disputes with your ex and never tell your kids about the support payments "your father is not making" nor about your money issues.


I never said you said these things to your children. I said these things to mine. I was just given you a little advice and a an ear to chew on. Take it for what it is.

I know you were giving advice and I agree with you on that advice.

I'm happy things worked out for you.