We went to visit Joe's mom this past weekend ... Joe had made some leather sales which made it possible. While we were there Joe realized his mama was eating off Balonie and cheese Sandwiches for 100% of her diet w/ tea or water to drink. :doh2: She has a heart condition and a bad back, so this is not an okay diet. The only time she is getting something else to eat is when the church she goes to has lunch after church.

He was NOT happy, he sat her down and asked her what was going on and why she was living like that. She has Widowed Vet pay and Disability SSI. She is living in an efficiency apartment and its costing her almost $700 a month but it includes electricity they have a well. Car payments( no way she could get around with out a good dependable car because the area she lives in is in the boonies ), Car insurance, Medicines ( which she doesn't take some of them because she can't afford to ) take the rest of her money. She can take the trash to the dump for free in the county she lives which is a benifit to her. She helps out at the church she goes too, volunteers at an assisted living house ( she was in the house for a while because of a heart condition so she feels for the people who are there), and works odd and end jobs for people even though it wears her out to try and pay for a little food and her meds that she HAS to have.

When we got there the only thing in her fridge was a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, wheat bread, a washed out milk jug with tea in it, a container of margerine, and hot sauce. In her freezer a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, a little packet of flavored coffee someone had given her, 2 little containers of left overs from church lunch she had been given, and ice (the freezer had an ice maker). Pantry had a box of hamburger helper, a few cans of veggies, and a can of tomatoe sauce, which she had gotten in a $10 box of food from this place that helps with food. She also had some cheap coffee, brown sugar, and creamer.

I asked her if she had tried to get food stamps and she said no she didn't think she could get them and that god provides when she needs it ... (most of the time.. i caught the catch in her voice). She is paying from $1 to $100 some for her meds because she is on vet medicaid. I asked if she had tried to get medicare she said that she was scared that if she got that that they would pull her medicare.

Since we have back stocked well we used some of our food stamps and stocked her pantry, i made lasana one night a HUGE thing of it so she had left overs to freeze. I made some homemade bread and banana bread while i was there and froze it for her. I made some chocolate creamer too, thats her fav splurge.. i showed her how to make it and she is LOVING IT. We got extra hamburger for in the lasana, i made extra sauce and noodles for the lasana, we got extra cheese and froze it all for her. I had gotten 2 frozen juices along with a gallon of milk to drink while i was there since my ambiotic fluid is low and i didn't know the quality of her water, i ended up leaving one juice and what was left of the milk there for her. When we were ready to leave we had her drive us out to the foodlion " so we wouldn't get lost" then got her 2 loafs of wheat bread, 10 cans of tuna fish ( they were on sale 5/$3 ), coffee, canned veggies, and other odd and end things we had noticed she needed so she could make meals with what she already had.

She needed the food more then we did. Joe gave her $10 to get another box of food like she had gotten before as well. We were not able to do much because we do not have much, but we helped her out a lot. She is going to look into food stamps and Medicaid... so hopefully she does. I keep my fingers crossed she gets medicaid because that would help with her meds i think i hope. Also if she could get food stamps to improve her diet so she could keep healthy.

Oh forgot to say, but she is talking about moving in with a friend of hers. Into a 2 bedroom, however then it would be about the same cost per month plus utilities divided in half. So basically it would not help out much financhially, but she would be able to have a pet and a friend there all the time incase something would happen to get help.

Joe though is worried about that not only because it isn't going to help with her finances, but the friend she is talking about moving in with has kicked her out of an apartment before to have someone else move in. So he is worried.

He is watching the trailers in our park pretty carefully, because if one comes open before she and this lady find a place he is going to go talk to our landlord about her moving into one of the trailers. She would be paying about what she is now for an efficiency between electric, phone, and trash pick up. She could either drop her car or keep it. There would be someone there incase something happens and she would be close to her grandchild.

Groceries are a LOT cheaper here so thats a plus.

:hugz: to you for helping her out!! I hope that things work out and that a trailer comes available so she can be closer to you!!!

It is heartbreaking to see the deperate straits some people are forced to live in. It was wonderful that you could help her out now and I hope that something more suitable opens up for her soon.

how great that you could help out so much!!!

Sorry about Joe's Mom.....she sounds like quite the fighter. It was so nice that you were able to help her out.

Kind Regards,
leezza

I am glad you two were able to help her! I would def try to move her closer for her her benefit as well as hers. Best wishes!!

We were both shocked when we went and opened her fridge. Joe knew she doesn't like to cook for herself when she is the only one there, but when he saw her fridge he almost cried and got that look on his face like she is going to listen to me and she is going to listen good *lol*. He kept ranting at her about eating healthy and not eating sandwiches all the time, i had to remind him his mom knew how to eat *lol*

First off, God Bless You and Yours.



Joe though is worried about that not only because it isn't going to help with her finances, but the friend she is talking about moving in with has kicked her out of an apartment before to have someone else move in. So he is worried.


This is a huge red flag. If it doesn't change her finances then there is a lot of upheaval for little security of her having a place long term.



He is watching the trailers in our park pretty carefully, because if one comes open before she and this lady find a place he is going to go talk to our landlord about her moving into one of the trailers. She would be paying about what she is now for an efficiency between electric, phone, and trash pick up. She could either drop her car or keep it. There would be someone there incase something happens and she would be close to her grandchild.

Groceries are a LOT cheaper here so thats a plus.

I think this would be a wonderful idea and even though it may mean saying so long to her friends and church, she will be closer to family, her son, her grandchild and you. There are a lot of subtle changes in aging and with the added stress of just making ends meet there is a higher risk of depression and that can even play a larger role in the quality of life. She should definitely check into the other resources that may be available to her and she may need a follow up call in a few days. Your state will have a Department of Aging and they can offer information to her as well as you.

Blessings.

Can she get into low income senior housing where rent is 30% of her income. My mom lived in one and it was nice, had a laundry room, a club house and all utilites were paid in the rent except her phone. See if you can find something like this for her

Ceashels~ Yeah, exactly and this red flag Joe is seeing is troubling him. Expecially since there is no real reason for her to put herself into that situation. The lady his mom wants to move in with has supposedly found god just like his mom has, yet i don't think people change so easily and the reality that she could put his mom into more stress then she needs is a real worry.

When she planned on moving with this lady she would be moving back to their home town. It has changed so much that both Joe and his mom say its gone to hell in a hand basket, because its not the small town it used to be. It is now a town that has been over run by development of Huge expensive homes, by people looking for a "country life" yet bringing all the city life with them. Nothing that they remember is the same, so i don't think going "home" will help her.

She also would be moving 30 mins away from her church and the assisted living home so she will not be able to get together with them as often as she had. Although she plans on trying to go back once a week, but honestly i do not think that her budget will allow it.

I will have to look up the department of aging and see if they have any information.

jamie79~ The place that she is living in right now is about 35% of her income. She lived in an assisted living house with people for a good while. I got the feeling she is determined to live unassisted at all for as long as she can, so i don't think that she would go for that even if it was like an apartment complex.

The issue is mostly that she is on a lot of meds for her heart mostly and they are expensive even with medicare. She also has a car, which it is nice but i am sure the payments are pretty good too, but right now she needs something dependable because she can't physically deal with being stranded somewhere. She is trying to make it work, but you can see the little bit we did just made her free like even though it wasn't much.

Joe and i definately need to look into getting more help for her.

I hope you are able to find the right solution for her quickly. It is so sad when you see someone you lone suffering like that.

You are good people helping the way you did. I will keep your family in my prayers.

Aww:hugz: Can you call & talk to whoever is in charge of her church, Reverend, Pastor, Priest? They may be unaware of her problems and can help.
Wishing you all well.:heartsm:

Please see my post on the Angel Food Ministry.

Heart medications and malnourishment can cause dementia symptoms (forgetfulness). Some of what you describe could be signs of this.

Could it also be that bologna and cheese sandwiches are safe because they don't involve cooking and potentially forgetting and leaving a burner on? Could living with someone else be a means of having someone looking out for... without being in an A/L situation? Could moving away from church and friends be a means of hiding the forgetfulness?

Just some things to consider and observe.

Medicines ( which she doesn't take some of them because she can't afford to ) take the rest of her money.
She is paying from $1 to $100 some for her meds because she is on vet medicaid.

1.) Have her take a list of all of her medications which she is supposed to be taking to her next doctor appointment and ask the doctor to review if she needs to take all of the medications prescribed. I know this sounds crazy since the doctor prescribed them but I am a nurse with over 25 years experience and frequently doctors prescribe medications for patients for a short term period and then forget that the patient is still on the medication. This happened to my grandmother and we were able to greatly reduce the number of prescriptions which she was on.

2.) Go on the Walmart website and download the list of medications which Walmart sells for $4 for a 90 day supply. Have her take the list to her next physician visit and to tell the doctor that she can not afford the present medications which he has prescribed and to ask the doctor to review her current medications againist the list to see if there is a substitute which is on the list which she could take.

3.) If there is not substitute for the medication then write to the medication company or call them to see if there is an indigent program. Several medications have these programs for people who can not afford the medications.

4.) Since she is a vetern's widow contact the Veterans Administration to ascertain if there is any assistance which they can offer.

That is all I can think of right now. God Bless!!

*hugs* I hope things can work out so that she can be near you. I cannot imagine the situation, but would think being close could help!

Great advice here. I think I would contact her pastor and just let him know how she really is. Our church has a ministry for the older adult where we stop in and bring little 'treats' and just be a friend.

Everyone has given great advice. Just wanting to send you hugs :hugz: as you and Joe deal with this. It must've been such a shock for him to discover how his mother is living. As a home health nurse who sees mainly elderly patients, I've seen this type of thing all too often. Larabelle offered some great advice regarding the medications. Also, the senior apartments that Jamie79 posted about are not assisted living but just apartments. I've had a lot of patients who live in them and, even though they are income based, they are usually nice, clean and safe with the added bonus that all the neighbors are other senior citizens.

Good luck with everything and I'm sure she is so appreciative of all the help you've given her.


--Michelle

Darlene~ She volunteers at her church.. Joe and i just found out she has been paying the preachers $70 a month on top of volunteering which they aren't paying her for yet their daughter is getting paid for "volunteering" for the same programs. I am confused. She said while we were down there that the female preacher had complained because she had thought of moving because she was "dumping" everything on them. Joe's mom drives the assisted living people to church every sunday.

suki~ While we were there she remembered everyones names, where she was going, ect. As far i know she doesn't have any major forgetfulness. She cooks her balone sandwiches it is just what she can afford to eat, which is why we helped her out to get food into her house so she could eat properly. Joe was very upset when he saw thats what she had to eat. She had just made $20 from a lady by helping her all day packing stuff to move to pay for a percription she had needed to get filled, but didn't have the $ for.

larabelle~ Again thank you!!! .. I printed out the $4 percriptions and i am going to mail them out to her tommorrow so that she can see if she can get them transfered over * crosses my fingers *

I hope she is able to move closer to you. It sounds like it would benefit her having family watch over her. At least you would be close enough to check on her and see how she is.

qtkitty, that's good. But, remembering names isn't a hallmark sign until dementia is far more progressed. It's more forgetting where you put things, forgetting you turned the stove on, forgetting to fill a prescription or to take a medication... little things like that and they are easily dismissed. I'm not saying this is what's going on. I certainly don't know. But, I do work in the field and these were just red flags I would draw anyone's attention to and tell them to keep an eye on that part of the situation. It certainly could be just the financial aspect and nothing more. But, maybe visit a few sites on early dementia symptoms and behaviors to familiarize yourself and then just pay attention to what you see. Then, you can better help her.

She's very lucky to have you and Joe... you are very caring and compassionate. Unfortunately, that's pretty rare.

I am glad you are getting sound advice. I have help take care of my parents for five years and they recently had to go in a nursing home we visit everyday to make sure they get good care and we miss them but after we started taking care of them when we looked into there affairs bills etc. they we forgetting a lot of things and not keeping up with things they use to for quite a while but because we did not live with them we had no clue they we no different to use when we visited which was often. I am praying for your family that things will get better.

The church is taking advantage of your mother. She hasn't any money to spare and her way of giving is to volunteer, that should be more than enough. The preachers dd should not be paid. I'd contact the preachers and let them know that your mother doesn't have the money to be giving to them and ask what they intend to do to help her. Some church. grr.:furious:

Is the 70 dollars her monthly tithe to the church?Some people will put the tithe first and above everything else.Volunteer work is a gift. No one should be paid, or made to feel obligated. Maybe the church has paying jobs that she could look into, like the office or the nursery.I am surprise she is not on the outreach list for assistance, but I feel it is best for families to take care of, and provide for their own. Maybe it would be best if she moved closer to you, or in with you.You could combine income, and assist each other. Everyone could win. Best wishes.

Have you checked into Angel Ministries food network? Income has no importance and it really works. I myself have used it in the lean months. Get online and type in Angel Ministries and you will be surprized the miracles this agencies does for people.God bless......

Thank God you and Joe went to her home so you could see just what her day to day living was like. So many older people will not let on how dire their situations are - they do not want to worry anyone or take what they consider handouts.

You are all right to see that roommate situation as a red flag -- even if her friend has now found God she may take advantage of your Mom.

My guess is that her church may not be aware of just how little she has... I think you are right in that they may be taking advantage of her somewhat, but I would be afraid to have her leave the church in which she has relationships... maybe if you and/or Joe could speak with her pastor/priest and explain what her circumstances are....

You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

suki~ *lol* i must be having signs of dementia then *lol* I always forget things places.... since she is so far away right now there is no way to tell

We did however get the ok from our landlord for us to move in til a trailer opens up. She is trying to decide if she wants to do that.

This week she came down with the first "cold" she has come down with in forever.. its really the flu though. Joe caught on to it right away in her breathing and asked what was going on. After denying it she finally said she was coming down with a cold. Joe told her to go get some meds for it. She kept telling him she would be fine.By last night she was so darn sick she had slept most of the day and not went to volunteer!! Come to find out she didn't have the $ to get any meds she was wanting to go today to work for a lady to get some money to get gas for her car to last her til the end of the month. We sent her a little money to get meds and gas in her car. We by no means have a lot of money, but she was getting to sick to quick for us to ignore( into pnemonia territory). She talked to the pharmasist about what kind of meds she could take with her heart meds and got what she needed. She said that it made her sleepy.. she slept most of today again. But she said she was feeling a weeee bit better.

Hopefully, she isn't to stubborn and does come stay with us til a place opens up. That way she can save a little $ and we can be closer to each other.. i think it would help out all of us actually.

Darlene~ They know her situation.. thats the sad part.. they " helped her" when she was in the assisted living house because of her heart.. Then when she got out she helped as much as she could.

When she says anything they pray for her.. no food no helping hands nothing

The pastor called and heard how bad she sounded yesterday night and told her she had better not come to church making everyone sick... Joe almost hit the roof over that one. He has said if he gets a hold of them ( which he knew them he was a licensed minister in their church.. not ordained but still ) he will have some words for them that will have their ears blistering.

annymoll~ from what Joe has surmised this is on top of her tithe to the church ... the $70 goes directly to the preachers. Something isn't right. The daughter is supposedly volunteering, yet is getting paid to do the work. It doesn't make a bit of since.

I think it would work best if she just stayed with us for a little bit til a trailer came open in the area. That way she can keep her independance as long as possible. Yet we are close.

cottageliving~ All of the relationships are mostly with the assisted living people she lived there before moving on her own for a short stretch.. which is where the church found her and took her into their bible studies and their church. She found God and since has volunteered and tithed.

She has told them of her $ problems before all they do for her is pray for her. Because God will "show himself in mysterious ways" " through Him she will make it by" Ect. I heard these sayings come out of her mouth a lot and i wonder how many times she has heard it from the preachers.

She luckily has a friend who works at the assisted living place and is retiring soon. She tries all she can to help Joe's mom, by having her help her with little things. This lady is probubly in her 70's and has an older lady living with her thats probubly closer to 90 by the looks. She is kind hearted and knows the situation because she is sharp and knows Joe's mom will not take a hand out. Joe's mom really counts her as a friend. I believe that she is the only real friend that she has there.

I do hope that she comes to live with us though. Not only could we get her into programs here to help her out with food ect, but also she could help us by being an extra pair of hands with the baby.

If Joe was home with the baby and had his mom there i would feel better about leaving the baby at home while i went to work. Joe has Sezures, a slipped disk in his back because of sezures, and a bum knee that needs orthroscopic surgery, but they are making him jump hoops first he has to get physical therapy on a knee that buckles under him pops and crackles. Joe's mom has a bad back and Heart issues. But between the 2 i think they could handle a baby.

crud forgot to add...... she is demanding that if she moves in that she pays us a little in rent. She also would be transfering her land line phone and cable so she doesn't defult on contracts she signed, which she will not let us help pay for.

We currently have no land line nor cable because it was better for us to each have a cell phone so we could keep in contact no matter where we were. Expecially because of Joe's condition. And we pared off cable because we have been preparing for my maturnity leave and trying to make it as cheap as possible to live so we wouldn't go into the negative.

So as we keep telling her it would be a win win. There are a lot of volunteer groups around, including Humane Society ect. She could go to different churches and find one that she liked, since there are so many around here.

If i was to bet i believe the older gent who lives right up from us would come and say hi to her every once and awhile just like he does us. He is a sweet 81 year old man that is almost blind and has heart issues. He loves to talk about the good ole days, country living and the bible. He likes to make friends.

Perhaps, if you appeal to her helpful nature and tell her you really could use the help with the baby, she'd be more inclined to come. Just a thought.

Can she get into low income senior housing where rent is 30% of her income. My mom lived in one and it was nice, had a laundry room, a club house and all utilites were paid in the rent except her phone. See if you can find something like this for her


I second this one, also sign up for a Section 8 voucher. Which would allow her to stay there, if she really likes living there and still only pay 30%.

suki~ Yes that's definately one i have thought of... although Joe is still pushing the but you will be close and be able to see the baby often.

He is pushing to hard sometimes i think, but it is just because he loves his mom and is worried about her. With all that we are going through right now with Dr's and things he could be in for quite a few surgeries and that could be another reason she would be wonderful to have close. No she can't do heavy lifting or anything like that, but while i am at work she could get Joe his meds and drink and be company to him. We are looking at Orthoscopic on his knee, possibly Back Surgery for a slipped disk, complete Teeth removal( not sure if that will be sedated and/or surgical as of yet), hopefully VNS ( Vascular Nerve Stimulator). None of this looks like it will happen before i give birth.

Hon I don,t know how old your Mom is, but if she is 62 she can definitely get Medicare and that qualifys her for the Medicare Part D drug plan. Have her call the Social Security office and ask about the medicare drug plan. They will give her a provider or she can pick one, ( I have AARP) and she can use any pharmacy that accepts the plan. Most all of them do. I use Walmarts pharmacy and the most I pay for any drug is $5.60. Tell her to have her doctor to write all her prescriptions he can in generic form. Hope this helps out.



Joe had made some leather sales which made it possible. While we were there Joe realized his mama was eating off Balonie and cheese Sandwiches for 100% of her diet w/ tea or water to drink. :doh2: She has a heart condition and a bad back, so this is not an okay diet. The only time she is getting something else to eat is when the church she goes to has lunch after church.

He was NOT happy, he sat her down and asked her what was going on and why she was living like that. She has Widowed Vet pay and Disability SSI. She is living in an efficiency apartment and its costing her almost $700 a month but it includes electricity they have a well. Car payments( no way she could get around with out a good dependable car because the area she lives in is in the boonies ), Car insurance, Medicines ( which she doesn't take some of them because she can't afford to ) take the rest of her money. She can take the trash to the dump for free in the county she lives which is a benifit to her. She helps out at the church she goes too, volunteers at an assisted living house ( she was in the house for a while because of a heart condition so she feels for the people who are there), and works odd and end jobs for people even though it wears her out to try and pay for a little food and her meds that she HAS to have.

When we got there the only thing in her fridge was a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, wheat bread, a washed out milk jug with tea in it, a container of margerine, and hot sauce. In her freezer a pack of balonie, a pack of cheese, a little packet of flavored coffee someone had given her, 2 little containers of left overs from church lunch she had been given, and ice (the freezer had an ice maker). Pantry had a box of hamburger helper, a few cans of veggies, and a can of tomatoe sauce, which she had gotten in a $10 box of food from this place that helps with food. She also had some cheap coffee, brown sugar, and creamer.

I asked her if she had tried to get food stamps and she said no she didn't think she could get them and that god provides when she needs it ... (most of the time.. i caught the catch in her voice). She is paying from $1 to $100 some for her meds because she is on vet medicaid. I asked if she had tried to get medicare she said that she was scared that if she got that that they would pull her medicare.

Since we have back stocked well we used some of our food stamps and stocked her pantry, i made lasana one night a HUGE thing of it so she had left overs to freeze. I made some homemade bread and banana bread while i was there and froze it for her. I made some chocolate creamer too, thats her fav splurge.. i showed her how to make it and she is LOVING IT. We got extra hamburger for in the lasana, i made extra sauce and noodles for the lasana, we got extra cheese and froze it all for her. I had gotten 2 frozen juices along with a gallon of milk to drink while i was there since my ambiotic fluid is low and i didn't know the quality of her water, i ended up leaving one juice and what was left of the milk there for her. When we were ready to leave we had her drive us out to the foodlion " so we wouldn't get lost" then got her 2 loafs of wheat bread, 10 cans of tuna fish ( they were on sale 5/$3 ), coffee, canned veggies, and other odd and end things we had noticed she needed so she could make meals with what she already had.

She needed the food more then we did. Joe gave her $10 to get another box of food like she had gotten before as well. We were not able to do much because we do not have much, but we helped her out a lot. She is going to look into food stamps and Medicaid... so hopefully she does. I keep my fingers crossed she gets medicaid because that would help with her meds i think i hope. Also if she could get food stamps to improve her diet so she could keep healthy.[/QUOTE]

hon hopeing every thing work`s out well .

Right now she is down here with us... she still has her appartment in VA.. but she is visiting to help out and check out the area then she will decide... but she has already decided she likes it here.

We have even talked about getting a place for all of us together.. but staying in the place we are now til we can save up the $ to do so. Of course i don't know when we will be going and getting her things so that should be interesting. There are a lot of things that she doesn't want to leave behind so we are going to have to rent a Uhaul ( $500 some to rent either way if we drive it up there or bring it down here its the same just to rent not to mention gas prices)... Personally i think selling a few larger items like her old bed and washer/dryer combo would be a good thing. She needs a new matress.. the one we got here for while she is visiting she is in LOVE with and a full or even a queen would only be around $200 for matress, box spring, and metal under frame!!

With getting rid of some larger items and some smaller HBA and things like that we may be able to rent a Van to get all her stuff. Take a Van up with the baby then she can drive her car and i drive the van back down. A Van would be around $200 to rent which is a lot better!!

I am hoping for the best for all of you. You are doing so much for her. Do not sell yourself short. If she wants to make a contribution towards rent let her. If this makes you uneasy just put it in a bank account in her name. When and if she moves out then you can give it to her. Make sure she applies for whatever assistance is available to her. You can always ask your church, food pantry, senior center, check state county or town website, etc. to find out what is out there. I am sure your mother in law qualifies for so many programs. She really is blessed to have the two of you in her life.

We plan on checking programs once she makes the perminate move.. as for now she is just visiting.. AKA she hasn't changed her drivers license, dr, SSI or anything else.

Since NC medicaid seems to join together with Medicare we plan on trying to get her on that so that she can have more coverage. She said she is on VA something as well .. which only some Dr's take i do not know what that is but i will ask Joe if she has said more to him about it.

If she will be staying with us then we will do very well together financially AKA cover bills and have left overs.

Sounds like things are coming together for you guys. I hope you can get her to stay permently it will be better for everyone! And Yes selling somethings that she could either live without or needs new anyway will help out alot with moving and no need to find storage till you guys save up for a bigger place for all to move into. I have my fingers crossed for you all.

maybe she qualifies for food stamps? would be worth checking into, that way you could help her out long term to help her get some if she qualifies for them.

Interestingly enough ... Joe noticed his mom sleeping so soundly on her new matress during a mid day nap.. that tonight she is trying sleeping with no sleeping pill!!

It might be that her matress was causing her sleeplessness!!

If thats so that sucker is getting thrown in the trash when we get there ( YAY one less thing to come back ) .

I brought up maybe selling her dryer/washer combo to her landlord and she even said she had thought of that, because she could tell him that if he kept it there then he could get $100 a month ( i was thinking $50 but * shrugs*) since electric and water are included in the rent price.

It will be a squeak if she would be able to get foodstamps since she makes a good bit of $.

Is she eating a lot better now?

mmy2grls~ She is eating with us now .. eating breakfast ... small snack type meal for lunch.. and Dinner.

Last night we came home from Lamaze and she had knocked off a cup of coffee extremely appologetic about it ( which personally even if she had broken the cup we have so many dang coffee cups that its no harm fo foul ). She was shaking though. I asked her if her blood sugar was low she pointed to a can of soda she had opened to drink and said it was helping. ( i refrained from physically smacking myself in the head... since that was WAY the wrong thing to do if her sugar was low ) Of course i was on the phone with my mom trying to talk to her get Joe in the house & think what to cook fast for dinner. I grew up in a house hold with Diabetics so i know how to cook fast when someones shaking *lol*

Anywho while i was making dinner i peeled a tangerine and gave half to her and half to Joe so she could have atleast some more complex sugar in her system that wouldn't send her crashing before i finished dinner. Luckily that and the soda stopped her shakes and we got dinner into us and everything was okay.

I think her body isn't used to eating 3 meals yet.. and of course we had been on a pattern there for a few days of eating early and last night it was late because of Lamaze class.. that was part of the issue.

The second is that she has been drinking coffee with Joe all day instead of only in the morning like she normally does. I keep plenty of other fluids in the fridge to drink,but as Joe had said he thinks that drinking coffee together reminds her of what she and Joe's dad did.. and she still misses him.

I need to make her some tea to put in the fridge to try and get her to stop drinking the coffee and switch to tea. I also have different flavored herbal teas that i think i need to bring down and sit on the table so she can see them quickly. As an alternative to Coffee.

Even with the issues of diabetes and the way too much coffee drinking ... the posts you wrote are painting a positive picture with security, companionship and love. I'm very happy for your MIL to have you in her life.

Honestly she is very lucky... you are a very kind person. Keep it up :) :)

Are you able to buy Postum. Not sure if she can have that. My heart goes out to her. Poor woman, sounds as if you two are really helping her out. She sounds like a woman more than willing to take care of herself however right now needs a little help. I hope it is the mattress with her sleeping. Since a good nights sleep is really important. Here is to hoping that everthing works out. Keep us posted how everything is going.

My thoughts and prayers are with you all that things keep going well. You and your husband are generous, loving people.

I'm glad that she has the two of you to take care of her. :hugz:


--Michelle

shoiji~ What is postum?

*lol* yall are to kind .. its not like we are doing very much for her... she is very independant... sometimes i think she wishes she had her car here, but she is still scared to go anywhere because she is afraid she will get lost. And of course Joe hasn't paid any sort of attention on how to get places because he can't drive sooooooooo every time they go out he is like UHM so how do you get here or there *LOL*


She has had to go back on her sleep pills because she couldn't get to sleep, however the matress is helping her back some so it is well worth it.

Poor Joe was on the phone on hold with her VA insurance for 45 minutes this afternoon to see if she could go to his General DR. Never did get through so in the morning early he is going to try again. The Dr desk people said they might take her, but it is just as easy for us to call as it is them *rme*. We were trying to find out so we could schedual her a Dr visit Grrrrr.

Hey I will help!!! I work for the VA hospital and the VA wants to help whenever we can!! I can go internally and get your answers. I have sent you my contact information via a private message.

Hey I will help!!! I work for the VA hospital and the VA wants to help whenever we can!! I can go internally and get your answers. I have sent you my contact information via a private message.

larabelle~ Thank you .. i will ask Joe and his mom first and we may be contacting you *s*

larabelle~ Thank you .. i will ask Joe and his mom first and we may be contacting you *s*

Please do so if I can be of assistance I sent you a private message with the toll free 800 phone number. I have been in the VA system for a long time as I had to learn to work in and thru it as my Dad is a 30 year retired Vietnam veteran with multiple health issues who uses the VA as his primary medical provider and my mother also uses the VA insurance to see private doctors. The system is large and can be very cumbersome we are working on making it more user friendly to veterans and their spouses. I also have a vested interest because one of my brothers is career Army and currently serving in Iraq and I want the VA system to be the best health care system in the US as he will be using the system upon his return. :biggrin:

larabelle~ Hopefully your brother will return safe and not have to use the system much til he is very old and grey *G*

qt kitty,my heart goes out to all of you.
you have a big heart. I hope everything
goes well.
my mother has dementia and has lived with me 4yrs. now.

Postum is a coffee flavored beverage made out of wheat. I just looked at the ingredients and it has molassess listed. Don't think your mom can have that. Sorry.

Hope everything keeps going well for everyone involved. Keep us posted. Glad to hear she has family she can rely on to help her out with all the benefits and that kind of stuff. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have someone to help me when I first started applying for different benefits. Would have been lost and not known of most of the stuff I qualified for. Don't forget to have her apply for the stimulus plan if she qualifies. If you are on SSD you can apply for it. Just a thought.

Wishing you the best.

cissylu~ *hugs* that has to be hard to deal with at times... my mom has talked about when she worked in a retirement home and worked in the dementia wing.. she had a sever case where the woman would start painting with her feces if left alone to long... turns out she was doing it only when she was not turned regularly or not helped to the bathroom. Its sad that she had turned to something that people thought was insanity because she just needed to be cared for. Of course not all of dementia is wanting attention its a serious illness. I had a friend in collage her grandmother had to come live with them if she saw anything reflective ( windows at night, silverware, mirrors, ect ) she would see demons in them and would freak. Any other time she was a loving sweet woman.

shoiji~ Both her and Joe are on SSI because of disabilities. We have yet to get anything in the mail to apply for the stimulus .. which all SSI recipiants were supposed to get.

Sounds sort of like Chickory coffee (louisian coffee is half coffee and half chickory ).. which she HATES *lol* which is just a hoot because Joe loves the stuff ... personally i think it smells like the nasty off brands he used to get. Yeah $2 cheaper a container, but they made me feel soooo naucious!!

Well Joe's mom went back home the April 18th... she decided she would like to move in with her friend ... which is a good thing because we were trying to figure out how to tell her she just couldn't move in with us.

A few days before i had the baby i started maternity leave.. and my mom came down ect. Then i got to see more of what was going on when i wasn't home. OMG!! She would just sit at the kitchen table all day long playing her little electronic poker game ignoring everyone and thing except to make comments. Constant sometimes rude comments. When i had the baby the first 4 days were really rough Ellen was constantly up crying fussing. And i was hearing comments.. no offers of help.. just constant comments from stop pinching that baby to having fun.

At the baby's first Dr appointment when she weighed in a pound less then her birth weight and the dr said to suppliment with formula and her saying she was calling Dss to come visit out home to show me how to breast feed and check on the baby( which turns out she had miss comunicated but still i felt like i was being watched).... i sort of lost it for a few days she still didn't help.

Joe and her had come up with an agreement one would cook one night and the other the next. The first night she was to cook Joe cut up the veggies for her and she didn't even cook the meat before saying it was to much for her. So they changed it to he would cook and she would wash the dishes. After the first meal Joe started cooking all the dishes he used to make the meal and then we were using paper plates and dishes were sitting in the sink for days unwashed.

When she had come down she had said that she was going to pay for her way back.. and when she got her money she even said she was putting X amount back to go home.. well she went to walmart with Joe and comes back and makes a comment about that she spent the money she had set back and asked if we had money set back to take her back. I was just taken aback and peeved. Her knowing that we were on a fixed income because of me being on maternity leave and pulling that. I said no we don't because you said you were payng for your way back. She goes oh well if i would have known i wouldn't have spent it all. Of course Joe goes ohh we have X amount set aside ( which we didn't it was money my mom had given for bills .. so i was LIVID)

One morning i had went with the baby to the baby's room and fell to sleep with her...joe had had a sezure and fell out of bed... joes mom was in the kitchen and he had called out for help but she didnt hear him ..later the alarm clock went off in our room.. his mom went turned it off .. said Joe 2x.. then went mumbling up the hall about he could get himself up.. went got her self a cup of coffee and went outside to smoke. I had woken up when she had went down the hall and hadn't known Joe had been calling for help til he told me.

It goes on and on .. but basically it really seemed like she didn't want to be here. What totally made me not want her back was when she wanted me to drive her back home the 16th.. asked to go earlier like monday. I was like well driving you and everything depends on Ellens Dr visit. She goes well tell the dr you have to take me back to virgina and you will be back next week. First i had had a C section... Second with dr visits 2 X a week and home visits and getting blood drawn several times because levels weren't right and she wanted us to just tell off the dr and pack up and travel 6 hours. By the last week and a half she was sleeping a lot and hardly talked to us. Last 2 days she slept all day and night.

It Turned out the Dr wanted more blood work done on the next appointment and wasn't sure if she would need us to come in early, so we sent her home on the bus.

She seemed okay with it at first then she wasn't okay with it.. then she had a bad trip home and has complained about it in detail to both of us and informed us that she is never traveling by bus again. * sighs *

Oh yeah... and another thing that gets me....she is making more a month then me and Joe put together.... why can't she get her fiances under control?

She has a new car $400 a month with FULL coverage no deducable which is almost $100. Then she is tithing to her church in the range of almost $400 a month.. WAY WAY more then the 10% tith standard plus volunteering. Well then with her rent and meds and things she has nothing left.

Then with the manor she spent the extra money she had at our house, because we weren't asking her to pay for anything. She just up and spent on random things candy, soda, Dvd's instead of saving it.

Wow, I can't believe what she put y'all through after you were sweet enough to have her come stay with you. I'm sorry it worked out that way, but I still feel you did the right thing , trying to take care of her as you did. It's too bad she doesn't recognize that. At least it gave you and Joe an opportunity for getting a closer look at how she handles her finances and why she is probably in the situation in which you found her. It's a shame she doesn't have a better handle on her money, but there's only so much you and Joe can do. You've already gone above and beyond in helping her out and now it's time to take care of yourself, Joe and little Ellen (who, BTW, is absolutely beautiful!).


--Michelle

I'm sorry it didn't work so well with Joe's mom but you are both wonderful people for trying.

Big congrats on the baby, she is absolutely beautiful.

I am so sorry that Joe's Mom put you all through so much!!
You really went out of your way to accomodate her.
Well, now she is gone so enjoy your new baby!! :thanx:
Ellen is beautiful...thanks for sharing her with us!!

God Bless you and good luck

Check out and see if there is a meals on wheels program for her. I did this for my husbands mother and atleast she got one good balanced meal.

I'm so sorry you had to go thru something like that, especially when YOU, JOE, and Ellen could have used the extra hands and love and assistance. You are both good people for trying to help her and now she needs to help herself.

Blessings and congratulations to you.

You and Joe are good people. :mushy:

I am sorry things didn't work out - but I am glad that you caught on to how things were before everyone became to involved. Sometimes in-laws can be funny. :skept:

lwlynch~ there is an idea !! thanks!!