What do you think about people asking you to bring a dish to pass
for the bridal shower or wedding? :huh:


Have friends who do this for everything from grad parties to
their kids weddings.:scratch:

I feel this is very wrong and tacky..

I know we'll do all of our own and not ask any guest to supply free food.:popcorn:

In my family, asking a guest to bring food would be wrong. Some of my elderly aunts would be completely appalled.

However, in DH's family, it might not be that big of a deal-- they are much more casual about that sort of thing.

My opinion is that guests are already bringing a present so they shouldn't be expected to bring a dish also. If someone offered to help out with a dish or drinks that is different but guests should not be asked. Just my two cents.

I just finished reading about this in some frugal book (TWG maybe?). It suggested that if guests are expected to bring food that should be considered their gift to the couple. Honestly, I would have been TICKED if someone brought food to my reception and not a gift. New couples need the help of their friends and family when they are setting up their own homes. I think that this is just as tacky as getting married at a funeral home!!!

This is just it. They expect a gift, and then she tells me bring my pasta salad.
My pasta salad is expensive to make.
I put everything but the kitchen sink in it.
(I won't be for this one..)
They will be getting very very basic pasta salad.

I'm not really that offended if it would be a casual type backyard affair. I mean, I can't make a roast beef and carve it up under the heat lamp for everyone, but if they said "if last names A-D bring a veggie, D-L a side dish, etc" and they provided the big stuff, cool. I think it sounds like fun, and you can get a lot of really nice variety. Some elderly people may not be able to provide a $100 china set, but can make up a mean mac & cheese that is made with a ton of love. Obviously only those who live in the direct area can really contribute but why not? We take food to church functions and I don't feel bad about.

For me, it depends on the social norms of the group. For example, DH's family always has potluck parties -- Xmas, birthdays, etc. They are so frequent that the potluck contributions on their own have become traditional family favorites. It would be strange for us to *not* bring our traditional dish. On the other hand, if I was invited to a bridal shower with people I really didn't know, I'd find it strange to be requested to bring a dish and a gift.

Depending on the type of wedding, I would not be offended.You must make a mean pasta salad.Tell her that dish is reserved for your catered parties- give her your menu and price list.(If it was a dear friend, I would make it for her .I take it this is not.) Just take whatever dish suits you and the budget.

If they can not afford to supply the food, I am perfectly willing to bring a dish.

Thats just it. She's knows it a main dish of our catered parties.
They also want Doug to do his BBQ . Thats fine but they think if they get the chicken he will do it for free. Not going to happen.

Thats just it. She's knows it a main dish of our catered parties.
They also want Doug to do his BBQ . Thats fine but they think if they get the chicken he will do it for free. Not going to happen.

ok, this is different from what I was thinking. I was thinking it was more like a 9x12 dish size of something, or 2 dozen rolls; like a potluck--not a enough to serve the entire wedding for free. No, if you give them that make that your wedding gift to them.

I'm just fit to be tied because they expect a gift to.
Their dd gets married next year and I can already hear it comming ( again ).

They are inviting people that don't even know the bride and have only seen the groom once or twice. They think of them as family (?) They expect a dish from these people also.
I am really trying to get it in her head that its not proper..

Holly,

I don't blame you for being pissed.....I think what you are disscribing in this situation is just wrong on so many levels.

*First off this person knows you do this catering for a living and catering is usually not cheap items.....I think you should tell this person, nope sorry this is an expensive item and I am not going to do this for free.......This whole things smacks of someone being CHEAP not frugal......If I was you I would also have hurt feelings because this person is trying to take advantage of you.

*Just say NO

*You owe this person nothing, call and make something up and don't attend....send your RSVP and tell them you will not be attending.

JMHO,
leezza

I think that to ask someone to bring a dish for 100 people plus a gift is a bit out of line. If you want to give food for the wedding or shower as a gift, I wouldn't think it was wrong at all.

I also wouldn't be offended if it was a smaller close group of people - we did this for our son's first birthday, it was 10 people and everyone brought a few things, we did provide some of the food ourselves, too. And, we also specified no gifts on the invitation, too.

I think most of it would be the size of the group and how close you are to them. I can't imagine turning down my family if my mom asked me to make a dish for Christmas, but I would be a bit upset if a women that worked in my office asked me to bring enough pasta salad to feed her 100 wedding guests.

I have decided to take a small dish of pasta salad to each the
shower and the wedding ( small not huge like they want )
It will not have 3 different cheeses and all the other stuff I use in my
business.
I will not be taking one to the baby shower in June.
( For that they are getting 3 packs of cloth diapers like it or not )
She doesn't work and he works MacDonald's so they can't afford disposable ones.

Thanks everyone

I think it's incredibly tacky at a shower. You are a guest.

This situation is exactly why I am no longer a caterer (nor a cake decorator) Friends and family always, always, always expected me to provide food and cake for all their events for free. (heck they didn't even want to pay for the raw ingredients)

I had a huge yard sale and sold every scrap of catering/baking equipment I owned. I have not even baked a cake for over 13 years now. I certainly can understand how angry this situation must have you! Honey just tell them "No" or give them the price list. Good luck to you.

One of the best weddings I ever attended did this -- the invitations asked for us to bring our "best dish" and provide the recipe as our gift to the couple (they'd been on their own for over 5 years, so didn't need house keeping type things).

That's actually how absolutely every wedding or any other event in my family is. Everyone brings a dish,someone brings paper plates, it's all set out on tables and we dig in. Not exactly fancy but it works.
I get all nervous at the "rsvp with the type of dinner plate you want" weddings. That's just odd to me and a waste of money IMO.

At first I was going to agree that it's a bit much to demand a food and material gift ... then ... Something you said caught my eye and made me change my thinking a bit...



They are inviting people that don't even know the bride and have only seen the groom once or twice.

Could you figure out what the difference between the 'all-out salad' and the skimmed down version you were planning on taking? If it were me, I would make the 'all-out salad'. With all those new people, consider it advertisement and quite literally the best word of mouth there is :lip:

Hell effing no. That's rude, tacky, and ungrateful. Hell, I've been know not to even attend an event if it rubbed me the wrong way. Family or no family.

My concern isn't even the 'wedding etiquette' in this. It's more the whole 'trying to get something for nothing' mentality.

You wouldn't ask that a doctor come to your house and give you a tummy tuck for free.

You wouldn't ask that a carpenter come and trim your hallway for nothing.

Why would it be okay to ask a caterer to prepare food for nothing?

If they are trying to get something for nothing, that's wrong, rude, and inconsiderate. If I were asked to provide all that, I would politely just say that I can't do it and leave it at that.

However, in my family, potlucks are norm. We all love to cook and love to "show off" our latest culinary creations. We had a bridal shower for a niece last summer, and everyone brought different types of appetizers. It was a blast and didn't cost anybody very much. Basically, I'm not offended whether it is traditional or pot luck. But I would be offended if I was expected to do this free for a large crowd. That just using someone.

On a related note, I've been invited to great showers where it was pot luck. We all not only took the recipe, but also furnished a dish, tool, ingredient, etc. that went into making our dish. They took loads of pictures of us coming in with our pot luck dish, of the table with the buffet pot luck, of all of us going thru the line, eating, etc. Because get togethers like this were so common to us, it just made sense to do this. It was cherished. But I know it cerainly would not work for all people and all situations. The scrapbook of the pictures became a cherished memento of all the folks that loved the couple.

Well there will be no shower.
They are getting married now Saturday night by the Justice of the peace.
Families got into a blowup yesterday. ( mother's of the bride and groom )
There will however be a small family gathering on the 1st.
I will make a salad for that but it won't be huge.

I did this at my wedding!

My DH and I had lived together for 8 years and already had everything we needed for our home. We didn't want our guests, some of whom really couldn't afford it, to feel obligated to buy gifts (that we didn't need), or give cash. Therefore, we asked our guests to please bring a covered dish to contribute to a potluck/barbecue in lieu of a gift.

Since it was outdoors, in July, in my dad's backyard with an inground pool, I also asked my guests to please wear their shorts,jeans, t-shirts, and/or bathing suits. It was a blast! Following the ceremony, those guests who hadn't already dived into the pool were happily munching hot dogs, hamburgers and other backyard barbecue delights in their shorts and sandals.

At dark, I lit the big box of fireworks I had bought and the guests blew bubbles at DH and me instead of throwing rice.

Some might say my wedding was low class and tacky. Perhaps they're right. BUT, I'm pretty sure that my guest were more relaxed and had more fun than your average wedding guests!:lol3:

You can call me tacky, just don't call me late to dinner.

I think it depends.
If it is a casual party then I find nothing wrong with it BUT for a bridal show i find it a little tacky.

eileen

If they are trying to get something for nothing, that's wrong, rude, and inconsiderate. If I were asked to provide all that, I would politely just say that I can't do it and leave it at that.

I agree...just say no. I don't think a potluck is automatically tacky, though--an invitation asking people to bring a dish to share in place of a gift (a dish of their choosing, not some specific thing that they make professionally!) could be a great way to put on a casual, frugal wedding. Personally I'd much rather bring a casserole than buy a gift!

I did this at my wedding!

My DH and I had lived together for 8 years and already had everything we needed for our home. We didn't want our guests, some of whom really couldn't afford it, to feel obligated to buy gifts (that we didn't need), or give cash. Therefore, we asked our guests to please bring a covered dish to contribute to a potluck/barbecue in lieu of a gift.

I like this. My good friends just got married and even though they had been together 9 years and already owned a house together for a few of those years and had all the kitchen and house supplies they needed, they still registered for all the expensive versions of these things because that's "what you do." I think it felt impersonal for many of us. I would rather give a couple like this something different since their "need" isn't the same as a couple just leaving their parents' homes or something.

for our wedding/reception a week ago, we asked all of our family and friends to brinng a dish. We stated no gifts...and we supplied the lodge in the Smoky Mtns in Tennessee that the 19 of them stayed in for 3 days...no one was upset and they all were our immediate family and friends. I think this way was ok because we didnt accept any other gifts except from my mom and his sister who gave us lovely frames and a handmade wedding memories box.

This wedding was on a budget and everyone was a part of it.

But if it was a regular go to a church and after reception party then no I dont think it would be appropriate. But we are in SC and they were in Va, we met in Tennessee and thats where we got married. Many of our friends said it was like a mini vacay for them, it was as I see it...they had aball and so did we!

They expect a gift to.
They are getting a $25.00 gift card to price chopper or he'll spend any money on
video games.
Their having a baby and she needs to eat
more than he needs a new game. They need to finally grow up.
These are our best friends DS and his wife now.
They do not know how to manage money at all and have never taught the kids either.

It sounds like those kids could use a copy of the TWG and a Dave Ramsey book as a gift. :)

Katy I thought of that ,but they both have learning disabilities and I don't think they'd understand it. ( she might ).
I'm thinking of giving one to th eparents though.

I think my Aunt may have had a backyard bar-b-cue potluck wedding. Many of my great aunts and other relatives can cook up a storm. This was probably 25 years ago.

My Grandma was one of 13 kids - this family knows how to prepare big meals... a lot of the veggies/fruits were home grown.

Now, we have a potluck at Christmas... each family tends to bring the same dish -- lasagna, roasted beef, cheesy potatoes, mushrooms....

If it was a backyard wedding with just family, asking for a potluck dish would be ok. We had a situation at our church where a bride wanted the ladies organization to cook all the food for the reception. The problem was it was stuff like lobster, seafood ect that most of us had never had experience with. This was a huge fancy wedding, they were going to supply the food but didn't want to waste money on caterers. We were also all invited guests. Our leadership declined to do the food.

We are catering 2 backyard weddings
this summer. We get paid for those 2
and the guests are not bringing the food.
Its just not something I was ever taught.
My wedding will be on a shoestring but we will supply our own food.
I will also be making my own wedding cake. ( something else I'm getting into ).
working on one today as practice..

I think asking to bring a dish is fine for a gathering/get together or pot luck event, but when there's a reason for the celebration like a birthday, anniversary, etc. where gifts are the norm, I'd say it's tacky to ask attendees to bring food; especially for a wedding! I say if you can't afford the food for the wedding, then there should just be a champagne toast and wedding cake reception - a common way that the affluent often celebrate.

Another way of celebrating weddings I don't understand is when the bride and groom ask the guests to rent costumes or black tie wear. I think some people are stretching themselves enough to bring a gift, let alone asking them to rent clothing as well.:shake:

I did this at my wedding!

My DH and I had lived together for 8 years and already had everything we needed for our home. We didn't want our guests, some of whom really couldn't afford it, to feel obligated to buy gifts (that we didn't need), or give cash. Therefore, we asked our guests to please bring a covered dish to contribute to a potluck/barbecue in lieu of a gift.

Since it was outdoors, in July, in my dad's backyard with an inground pool, I also asked my guests to please wear their shorts,jeans, t-shirts, and/or bathing suits. It was a blast! Following the ceremony, those guests who hadn't already dived into the pool were happily munching hot dogs, hamburgers and other backyard barbecue delights in their shorts and sandals.

At dark, I lit the big box of fireworks I had bought and the guests blew bubbles at DH and me instead of throwing rice.

Some might say my wedding was low class and tacky. Perhaps they're right. BUT, I'm pretty sure that my guest were more relaxed and had more fun than your average wedding guests!:lol3:

You can call me tacky, just don't call me late to dinner.

Oh I love this!!! I think I will mimic this for my wedding. It sounds like so much fun compared to the super formal weddings which I have been forced to participate in.

Oh I love this!!! I think I will mimic this for my wedding. It sounds like so much fun compared to the super formal weddings which I have been forced to participate in.


It was fun and I had people tell me it was the best wedding they had ever been to. I say if you're a casual person, then go for the casual wedding.

Congratulations on the coming event!

Bringing a dish is bringing a gift, tough tutu's if they don't understand manners!