Hi everyone, I'm new and just looking for some advice, support..something.

I've been on maternity leave for almost a year from work and while I've been gone there has been a lot of stuff happening at my office, including one of my coworkers leaving. I found out the other day that when I go back they're basically going to be short staffed, so I will not be able to take a day off. The other coworker who works in the same area as I do has already booked a whole bunch of time off for the summer and has told me she will not be changing her plans, so for much of the summer I'm expected to do the jobs of myself, two other people, and not be able to take a day off for anything. This job is extremely stressful to begin with, and I've already been put on antidepressants for working there because I can barely handle it. On top of all the job issues, our baby will not stay with anyone but me. I've been trying to get him used to staying with my mom/sister because that's who would be taking care of him when I return to work. I left him with my mom one night for a little over an hour and he screamed the entire time. He was completely terrified, and now he won't even let my mom hold him if I'm sitting right there. I can't even go to the bathroom without him while I'm in their house because he gets so scared. This has been going on since February, and I've been trying to get him used to being there but as of yet it is definitely not working, and I can't just leave him to cry all day with them because he's genuinely scared. I think it could have some pretty awful effects if I did. They also informed me the other day that they've changed my hours and I would have to been there a half an hour earlier in the morning, and I was already at a loss as to how I would get there for the regular time. We don't have a car, and because of where I have to take the kids to drop them off there are no bus routes, so I would have to walk. There is no possible way for me to get the little guy to my mom's and my dd to school and be to work on time. I'm just lost as to what to do. My place of work paid me top up so if I quit without going back I would owe them a lot of money, plus I have a loan out in my mother in law's name that I still owe a whole bunch of money on. I had to declare bankruptcy last year because my dh didn't work for three years and I was the only one working. Now he's telling me I have to find a way to go back to work, but even if I do we'll just barely be making ends meet, possibly not at all because I have to pay out over half of my salary to have the kids taken care of. I've tried to explain to him that I just cannot leave the baby to cry all day and that I cannot take the job anymore, it's just too much for me but he doesn't care. He just keeps telling me that we'll have money to buy things, which basically means he thinks he'll have money to buy the video games he wants if we're both working. I've tried to show him the budget and explain how it's not going to work, but he just doesn't get it. He's convinced that if I work all our problems will be solved. Honestly I think he just doesn't like the thought of being responsible for bringing in the income, but when he was stressed out at his last job I told him to quit because I didn't want him to be somewhere he was unhappy..and then he took three years off!

I just don't know what to do. The loan isn't even in my name, I'm not technically supposed to be paying it anymore because I declared bankruptcy but I can't just screw over my mother in law as she's been really good to us. On top of that my dh just went out and got himself a visa and bought a huge tv so there's that bill as well :(

If anyone got this far, thanks for reading. I don't know what I'm looking for. I'm not sure there's any advice that can be given, I guess I just needed to get it off my chest because everyone seems to think the only answer is me working, but no one understands we won't be doing any better and the baby will be spending eight hours everyday terrified.

Sounds like your stuck between a rock & a hard place. No real advice for you just *hugs* and good thoughts.

Seems like it is not just the baby who is terrified; you seem to be terrified, also. And with good cause! Your husband seems immature, among other things. I'm sure you will get a lot of good advice and support here. I'll start by suggesting that you and MIL team up to talk to hubby about his behavior. If this doesn't work, you need to find a counselor. And start looking about for a different job. It would be better to quit while you are ahead than be fired for coming in late, etc.

I'm so sorry that this is all piling up on you right now.

Gosh I'm really sorry to read how much turmoil this is causing you. If you absolutely have to work could you possibly find another job opposite of hubbys hours so he could watch the kids? I definitely understand you wanting to be home with the kids. Im sorry hubby is not listening. Please don't get mad but because hubby (at least from what I read) seems interested in stuff more than your turmoil at this time is it possibly you might need to hash this out with him and a councilor?

That's really part of the issue. They just came down hard on a coworker who had been coming in late for a really long time do to childcare issues, so hard in fact, she ended up in the hospital from stress and is now on medical leave (which is why I'll be doing more than my usual job) and my boss made it clear that I would have to been there when they wanted me there in the morning. My mil seems to think I need to be working too, but I think it's because she knows my dh isn't responsible and worries for me and the children. I almost had a job lined up where I could take the baby with me, which would have been ideal but I'm not sure it's going to work out now.
Does anyone know what an employer can do if you owe them topup money and quit? I imagine they would want me to give them the money back, but if I didn't have it all at once can I offer to pay them in payments?..like $50 a month for the rest of my life? lol. My credit can't really get any worse at this point, I just really want to get out of there so I don't end up having a nervous breakdown like my coworker did. I didn't want to take the topup in the first place so I would be free to quit but my dh wasn't working and I had to be able to pay the bills.

Seems like it is not just the baby who is terrified; you seem to be terrified, also. And with good cause! Your husband seems immature, among other things. I'm sure you will get a lot of good advice and support here. I'll start by suggesting that you and MIL team up to talk to hubby about his behavior. If this doesn't work, you need to find a counselor. And start looking about for a different job. It would be better to quit while you are ahead than be fired for coming in late, etc.

I'm so sorry that this is all piling up on you right now.

He's incapable of taking care of the kids. When he was off work and at home I still had to put my daughter in daycare because he didn't do anything with her. I left her home with him for six months and he literally took her outside to play once in six months, so I had to put her in daycare so that she would be well taken care of and have activities etc. Which is how I ended up with all the debt. I'd love to hash it out with a counsellor but he refuses to go. He's literally bent on me returning to work despite how unhappy everyone involved will be, and despite the fact that we won't actually be making any money. I know he views me working as an out for him to spend his paycheques anyway he wants, even though we really can't afford him to do that, he does it anyway. I even offered (I don't know what I was thinking) for him to stay home with the baby and quit his job because I thought maybe the baby might stay with him, but again he said no..because he figures as long as he's working for the money he can spend it however he wants. I'm glad he said no though, because the kids really wouldn't be much better off staying home with him.

ugh..the funny thing is, if he happened to up and leave me, I'd qualify for all kinds of benefits that would get me out of this mess!


Gosh I'm really sorry to read how much turmoil this is causing you. If you absolutely have to work could you possibly find another job opposite of hubbys hours so he could watch the kids? I definitely understand you wanting to be home with the kids. Im sorry hubby is not listening. Please don't get mad but because hubby (at least from what I read) seems interested in stuff more than your turmoil at this time is it possibly you might need to hash this out with him and a councilor?

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I don't know about what you might have to pay back, but hopefully somewhere else here can help you. I know there is at least one lawyer that is a member of FV.

I definitely think you should go to counseling. Even if your husband won't go with you, you should go to take care of yourself. Many large churches have counseling centers that offer free services, so I would call around to see what I could find. I would love to talk to you more about this, please feel free to PM me. Hugs to you.

I am as much a newbie to this board as you are :) but here are some hugs and some advice-
PACK YOUR STUFF AND GET OUT

I am sorry but you seem scared and not trusting your hubby with the kids- that isn't worth your sanity!!!!

It may seem harsh but if he is more willing to buy tvs instead of make sure that you and his children are well cared for then it isn't worth it

Um, I have to ask to...what are you doing married to a man who doesn't seem to care about your turmoil and cannot even take care of his own child?

I know that sounded harsh, and I apologize...it was meant in an incredulous tone. YOu work, you take care of the kids, you don't need him bringing you down and making this more difficult. He's supposed to be your partner in this marriage.

Um, I have to ask to...what are you doing married to a man who doesn't seem to care about your turmoil and cannot even take care of his own child?

I know that sounded harsh, and I apologize...it was meant in an incredulous tone. YOu work, you take care of the kids, you don't need him bringing you down and making this more difficult. He's supposed to be your partner in this marriage.


this man does not seem to get the whole partner thing:(

I'm sorry, but I'd just find some way to leave his sorry butt. It sounds like you've been having issues w/him for a long time and he won't budge on anything. He needs to man up and get responsible. What an a-hole. Ugh. You don't need all that stress and the kids pick up on that and get stressed too. Ditch him and you'll be a lot happier. JMHO. I've been there and done that. I have a wonderful life now as a result.

lol...at this point I just have to laugh because it gets even better. I just got a call from my boss saying they miscalculated my return date and I have to be back three weeks earlier. And they won't allow me to dip into my vacation time from this year to extend it to my original start date.

About my dh, I guess I've painted a pretty horrible picture of him here, and all the things I've said are true but there's another side to him too which is wonderful. If he'd just get his crap together and act like an adult everything would be great because he has a ton of good qualities, and he really is my best friend.

I wonder if I could file a class action lawsuit against the video game industry for ruining my life indirectly? :crackup:

No advice, but I wish you the best, whatever you decide.

About my dh, I guess I've painted a pretty horrible picture of him here, and all the things I've said are true but there's another side to him too which is wonderful. If he'd just get his crap together and act like an adult everything would be great because he has a ton of good qualities, and he really is my best friend.

I think that your dh is acting like a :loser:. However I can understand your love for his good qualities.
However I think he needs a wake up call. You can give it to him now....or your circumstances will drive you crazy once you return to work and then you will give it to him then. I think that if you enter the future : returning to your stressful job (working your job and two others), having to come in early (which will be stressful), baby trauma due to change of caregivers etc then you will have to give him a wake up call...of course I really hope that mentally you do not lose it when your circumstances catch up with you.
I think you need to stand up for yourself and think of your children and your mental health...but this is just my humble opinion.

ugh..the funny thing is, if he happened to up and leave me, I'd qualify for all kinds of benefits that would get me out of this mess!

Why don't you up and leave him? I know you say he's your bestfriend and stuff but friends don't treat friends this way. Seperate and get on your feet and maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs to shape up and be a husband and a father. As for the TV, I'd return it. You have a say in your own marriage. If you feel you don't then it's worse than you realize. I know this may not be what you want to hear but you need to do what's best for you and the children. If not for you for the kids. They have one weak parent already, don't make them have two. Sorry if this sounds harsh.

Just wanted to send you a :hugz: and let you know that I hope this all works out for you......I know you are in a very difficult position and this can't be easy for you!! I wish you the very best no matter what you decide to do!!

I can see that you are in quite a difficult spot. I can't say 'leave him' because I know it's more complicated than that.

One thing that struck me that *might* help to make you feel a little better....

How old is the baby? About 8-12mos or so? If so, around that time, babies develop separation anxiety. It's completely and 100% normal. It's not detrimental to them to experience this. The important thing is for him to become confident that even though you are out of his sight, you WILL come back. At this age, for babies out of sight literally is gone. If they can't see you they freak. It's normal. Just keep reassuring him when you leave (bathroom, bedtime, whatever) and when you return. It does get better, really it does. I noticed it was worse with my boys than with my girls, I don't know if that is the norm.

Good luck to you.

I think your DH isnt taking the being the man/husband/father part seriously. It isnt fair to have ou risk your health and deal with stress at the same time. I think he needs to grow up a bit and stop buying things and expect you to work to pay them off, that's just unfair.

Counseling may be the only option at this point because according to your posts he is "hel*" bent on your working, which in fact is not a problem BUT working at your current place is not an option for you.

Have you told him how you feel about leaving the baby with him? That he needs to be more of a father figure? I can tell you this if you go back to work and have to put the baby in childcare you will spend a pretty penny, thus less money coming back into the home, thus WHAT is the point of working?

You need to go over finances with him and YES he works but it is his job to take care of the house and bills and you take care of the baby/children and make sure all bills are paid, laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning, etc... Just looks to me he doesnt want to play fair. JMHO! :hugz:

First of all HUGS!!!

Second of all, I'm so sorry you're stressed.

Your husband isn't acting like a husband at all, but a bachelor. He wants more money for toys, well.... it's time to tell him suck it up buttercup, responsibilities come first. If isn't willing to buck up and do it, then I'd give him an ultimatum, his toys or his family. He might get mad, he might have a tantrum. Be prepared, tell him, we need x amount for rent/mortgage, this much for utilities, this much for cc payments, this much for.... and it leaves this much for food and gas.

If he still wants to live the big life, you're going to have to make a hard decision. I understand you feel he's great in other ways, and he likely is, but this is important, very very important and he needs to see that for what it is. Your health, mental well being, your family financial security should be utmost important in his list of priorities. He must be made to see it.

Now, what the heck is a top up? How do they get it back if you were working there.

Personally if a job treated me that badly, I'd walk. In fact I did, never looked back. I'd get another job that you could take the baby with you if that's what will really work for you. So what if you have to pay them $400 a month to do so, it'll be less than what you'd pay in childcare for both your kids, you'd be less stress and better able to manage home life.

As to your little monkey being momma's suck. BTDT with 3 of 4 kids..lol, and as a childcare provider, it is normal. Boys often get it worse than girls. And truthfully, once he falls into the routine it'll settle. I had one tough nut in 10 years that took longer than the rest to settle, but he never cried all day 5 days a week. First week was a couple hours, second week same, third week it started less. Once he stopped crying he'd play and have a good day. But he had to express himself first. Most kids by day 4 are fine. Some much it's 1 day or a couple hours and they are comfortable.

Thanks everyone for your support, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I got a call from a coworker because she knew the boss was calling me with bad news because of how he was acting, and when I told her they had decided to change my start date and tell me they wouldn't approve any vacation requests I put in to extend it she told me to call her later tonight. She's been around along time and may have some information that would help me.

And after I talked to her I told my dh as nicely as possible that I needed him to either man up or step aside so I could do what I needed to.

He's worried about how we'll make ends meet but the thing is, we've never been comfortable financially! I think that's just how life goes, every single time I've thought I was getting ahead something happens. I'm a little nervous, but I've been through some really rough times in the past and now I can look back and laugh about them.

So it looks like I get to quit! I'm really happy he came around, and after I told him some of the stuff my coworker told me when she called he was even disgusted and I know he doesn't want me to work at a place like that, he's just worried about how the finances will end up.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughtful words.

Sorry you're going through this. You're being offered
wonderful advice here. Hang in there.

Sending lots of hugs to you. :hugz:


--Michelle

So it looks like I get to quit! I'm really happy he came around, and after I told him some of the stuff my coworker told me when she called he was even disgusted and I know he doesn't want me to work at a place like that, he's just worried about how the finances will end up.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughtful words.

Since he's now concerned, do you think you can ask him to return the tv?

Since he's now concerned, do you think you can ask him to return the tv?

We can't return it now, it's been over 30 days. But I think I can figure out a way to pay it off..it's not *that* much. Plus, it makes him incredibly happy to have it and since he's decided to stop being a huge jerk and actually support me, I'd like to return the favour. I don't want to be the hardass who makes life miserable. I imagine I can find a way for everyone to be happy.

I hope everything works out. Is it possible to find a work at home job or maybe a part time job while the little one sleeps?

How long do you have to go back to your old job, so that you don't have to pay your maternity leave back to them? And would you be happy just working there for that period?

Did you respond to them in writing that returning 3 weeks early is not acceptable to you? Do you do all your discussions with your boss in writing? In The Netherlands the law protects the employee, so if the date was calculated wrongly in the advantage of the employee, tough luck for the boss. I think you signed some kind of contract about your maternity leave, or at least have a letter from your employer with dates in it?

As for you husband: he fell in love with you for the person you are, including the choices you make for your life. I think you should continue making the choices that are good for you, it will make you a better you. Discuss them by all means, but don't give anyone else the power to 'allow' you to make them.

I am so glad you had "the talk" with your DH. Communication is key. And your longterm welfare is so much more important than a few dollars. I hope perhaps you can find some other employment to help with the finances. Good luck!

We can't return it now, it's been over 30 days. But I think I can figure out a way to pay it off..it's not *that* much. Plus, it makes him incredibly happy to have it and since he's decided to stop being a huge jerk and actually support me, I'd like to return the favour. I don't want to be the hardass who makes life miserable. I imagine I can find a way for everyone to be happy.

Gotcha. ;) I hope everything works out for you guys and I'm happy your hubby came around. There's hope! Now if you can make him start listening to Dave Ramsey...

Great news you and your dh came to an agreement
about your job. All the best to you and your family.

And after I talked to her I told my dh as nicely as possible that I needed him to either man up or step aside so I could do what I needed to.

I hope he does man up, if not, I hope you find the strength to do what you need to. Best wishes to you!:hugz:

I think you need a counselor if you don't have one, since you are already on antidepressants. Your baby is not "scared"...You are scared (anxiety) to leave him crying. "different" is uncomfortable for a child, but we have to learn to accept "different" and it's easier when young than when an adult (he will have to leave you to go to school some day) I was never away from my mother and when school started I was terrified and cried my eyes out. On the other hand my wife and I went out monthly and left our children with sitters and they were both excited on the first day of school (I cried when the went, they didn't) I think the problem with your husband is a serious marriage issue, he's putting money above your mental, emotional, and physical health. Anxiety and depression are real and will lead to physical problems. I've been there and I know. When I concluded (with the help of a therapist)that I needed to leave a job of 20 years, my wife was completely supportive. I make about 1/3 the amount of money now, but I cannot place a price on the happiness I feel. Perhaps you could do in home day care and earn the same amount of money as your current job. If done for family/friends, you can also make it a cash business and avoid the taxation. However, the biggest problem is your husbands lack of concern and/or compassion about your emotional suffering, he needs to understand that it is just as serious as physical illness. If the cost of therapy is an issue there are many groups for depression and new mothers. A Clergy person will also counsel for no charge. In addition, your local library is full of books and the Internet is an excellent place for your husband to become informed of the seriousness of your illness. Please take care of your emotional health....I didn't until I ended up in the "psych" ward of the hospital, after literally not getting out of bed for 3 solid weeks. Good Luck

I think a huge problem is the whole mindset of "won't let me" You are a grown woman. You are not personal property. There is a child involved. Someone has to be the grownup and earn a living. There is debt to be paid. Sorry to sound harsh but someone has to get their act together, work and pay off the bills. In three years he could have flipped burgers at least! Any income is better than none. JMHO

FrugalWitch said what I was thinking.....

Glad to see you & your hubby are trying to get on the same page! I was pretty much a SAHM, but did work from time to time when financial situations required it. I know how hard it was to leave my daughter when she was just 6 weeks old to return to work...I stuck it out until we got our Christmas bonus and then never went back. Best of luck to you!!!

"ugh..the funny thing is, if he happened to up and leave me, I'd qualify for all kinds of benefits that would get me out of this mess!"

And... the court would make him pay support. First. Before. video. games.

Wishing you luck. With this guy, I think you'll be needing it...

Wishing you the best as you figure it all out. Stay strong!

sorry your haveing to go thru this . glad you got thru to him some.hug`s

I think a huge problem is the whole mindset of "won't let me" You are a grown woman. You are not personal property. There is a child involved. Someone has to be the grownup and earn a living. There is debt to be paid. Sorry to sound harsh but someone has to get their act together, work and pay off the bills. In three years he could have flipped burgers at least! Any income is better than none. JMHO

WOW you said it all...and you said it well. I completely agree!!!!!!!!!!:cheer4:

I think you need a counselor if you don't have one, since you are already on antidepressants. Your baby is not "scared"...You are scared (anxiety) to leave him crying. "different" is uncomfortable for a child, but we have to learn to accept "different" and it's easier when young than when an adult (he will have to leave you to go to school some day) I was never away from my mother and when school started I was terrified and cried my eyes out.

I'm actually not on any antidepressants as the side effects were worse than what I was experiencing before I went on them, and I don't think it's really possible to treat "depression" when it's caused by a situation, not a chemical imbalance. I haven't had any problems while home, except when I started making plans to go back to work. I doubt I need a counsellor, I just need to get out of that job.

I left my oldest child at daycare when she was two, and she was completely fine and happy to go. Until her first day of daycare she had never been away from me, and yet she was completely comfortable the first day I dropped her off. The way my son acts as soon as we walk into my mom/sister's house makes it completely clear that he's not ready to be away from me. And trust me, terrified is actually an understatement. It's almost impossible to describe unless you see it, and even my mom who has six kids of her own and 15 grandchildren said she'd never seen anything like it, and that it wouldn't be fair to him to be left there like that. So no, I don't think I'm projecting my anxiety onto my son. But thanks for your input.

All I can say is wow.

Now, I don't mean to be harsh or presumptuious as I do not know the complete inner workings of your marriage but if it were me there is one stress I would be sorely tempted to cut out of my life.

If your hubby is not working, then he needs to pull it together and make himself capable of caring for the children he helped to create. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but good grief, you are but one person who can only be split in so many directions at one time. How is this fair to you? What if you get sick and end up hospitalized for any length of time? How would he cope then? Send them to the grands to to take care?

I worked and hubby stayed home, for us the benefit was greater and I also had the generosity of my boss giving me a 9:00 to 3:00 schedule. Hubby was a hands on at home dad who did not slack and I was fortunate to be able to be at field hockey games and track meets with my schedule.

I have no real suggestions about your job situation, it doesn't sound like your boss is very reasonable or approachable. Does he/she have a higher up that you could speak to?

I really didn't mean to come across as harsh but the reality is that you are stressed from both sides and it is unfair to you, particularly when one of those sides is supposed to be in your corner supporting you and lifting you up.

All I can say about the situation is :hugz: to you and good luck :clover: with whatever you decide to do.:scratch:

Don't know if this would work for you. But I had a friend who couldn't go back to her regular job after maternity leave because they changed her hours and it absolutely did not work for her and her family. She needed to work as they had several medical bills.

She applied to work in a day care center..the pay wasn't the best, but she got child care for her child for a very, very reduced rate. She was able to bring home a check to help pay the bills, while not breaking the bank in child care. She also was able to see her little one frequently. It was a great solution for her.

I wish you the best, keep the communication lines open with one another.

About my dh, I guess I've painted a pretty horrible picture of him here, and all the things I've said are true but there's another side to him too which is wonderful. If he'd just get his crap together and act like an adult everything would be great because he has a ton of good qualities, and he really is my best friend.

I wonder if I could file a class action lawsuit against the video game industry for ruining my life indirectly? :crackup:


I'm so sorry you're going through such a rough time. You asked for support and I'd like to add mine. Hugs...it certainly sounds like your situation is not pleasant or easy to deal with.

However, it seems to me that you are justifying his bad choices or negative attributes just because he has some good qualities. Enjoy those good qualities and be thankful for them, but please don't ignore the important ones that really make the man.

It might be time to get more assertive with him and demand he does what's needed for you and your child(ren). You seem to have done more than your part; it's his turn and stepping up to the plate will alleviate some of your stress. I hope he sees that soon.

If he won't (step up to the plate) you may have some serious thinking to do.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I agree, that you should seek therapy for yourself so you can learn ways to handle/deal with his serious shortcomings that need to be addressed.

Wishing you the best.

Maybe it is time to reasses your whole situation not just your job? I feel for you and I really hope it all works out for the best whatever that may be!

He's incapable of taking care of the kids. When he was off work and at home I still had to put my daughter in daycare because he didn't do anything with her. I left her home with him for six months and he literally took her outside to play once in six months, so I had to put her in daycare so that she would be well taken care of and have activities etc. Which is how I ended up with all the debt. I'd love to hash it out with a counsellor but he refuses to go. He's literally bent on me returning to work despite how unhappy everyone involved will be, and despite the fact that we won't actually be making any money. I know he views me working as an out for him to spend his paycheques anyway he wants, even though we really can't afford him to do that, he does it anyway. I even offered (I don't know what I was thinking) for him to stay home with the baby and quit his job because I thought maybe the baby might stay with him, but again he said no..because he figures as long as he's working for the money he can spend it however he wants. I'm glad he said no though, because the kids really wouldn't be much better off staying home with him.

ugh..the funny thing is, if he happened to up and leave me, I'd qualify for all kinds of benefits that would get me out of this mess!

I haven't read past this post yet, so I don't know how things are going. Just couldn't leave without saying that I could have written this paragraph myself. I left my ex when I was pregnant with my second baby, and I'm financially better off now than I was before. Strange, but true.

Um, I have to ask to...what are you doing married to a man who doesn't seem to care about your turmoil and cannot even take care of his own child?

I know that sounded harsh, and I apologize...it was meant in an incredulous tone. YOu work, you take care of the kids, you don't need him bringing you down and making this more difficult. He's supposed to be your partner in this marriage.
I have to agree. If he won't do his part in taking care of the kids, then ... I'm sorry. Marriage is a 50/50 ongoing thing, he needs to do his part!

I would tell him that you ARE leaving the job. If you do need the money,then try to get another job but it seems to me that he only wants you to work so he can have the advantage of being able to play and not have to step up and be the man of the house and bring in the money and support his family when you were doing it for him for three years! (And with my mouth, I am sure that if it were my husband then I would be sure to remind him that for 3 years I handled it all, but that now my nerves could not handle it. And then if he does not like it, I would let him leave. But then I have moments where my mouth gets me in a bit of trouble too! lol)

I am not saying it would be easy, but it almost seems like it might be a bit of a control thing with him, and maybe he needs to see that you just cannot and will not let him take charge over what you feel is best for your own mind and your children. Then if he goes you can get the help you need to get the bills paid, and he will have some time to think and HOPEFULLY realize what a mistake he has made in acting the way he has, and then maybe he will be willing to go get help to work on the marriage, the family and himself.

Hugs

Wow ... i haven't been here in a awhile... and I just got done reading the posts here.... first i want to say hugs.. and YES your husband needs to get real and take advantage of the time he can spend with his children cause he will only regret it later in life.. they are only little once .. and he has a great opportunity to stay home and take care of them.. ughh have a day care for the children is silly if he is at home.. he needs to get up off his collective(yah was thinking something else) and do something with the children. I dont' know what rude awaking he needs ... maybe like a friend of mine did ... her husband didn't do nothing but lay on the couch demanding her to do things for him .. going out when ever he wanted.. and doing other things ughh .. well she changed the locks while he was out one night... and told him he had to earn his rights back into the house.. he spent 3 months sleeping in his car infront of their house lol ... thank goodness it was summer is all i can say.

I don't have anything to add, just wanted to send you good wishes.

I'm shocked that you got almost a year of maternity leave!! I've never heard of it being that long. No advice. . .just sending a hug. :hug2:

i don't know where op lives, but in canada , maternity leave is 8 weeks and the remaining 44 weeks can be taken by mom or dad or a combo of both, paid at 55% of salary but maxes out at a certain amnt, and your job is there when you get back , so creates lots of good contracts for people

It's easy to give advice like leave him but you are the one who ultimately has to decide what's best for you. I've learned there is always two sides to every story. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.:hug2:

almost 2 yrs ago i was in a similar situation as u. i left my ex b/c he would never help me with our son, spent our money on cars/carparts and i was stressed soon after we moved in with his mom to the point that i wished i had never met him. now a yr later im in a great relationship with my fiance (he is a ex that i kept in touch with until we got back together last yr). i hope that u find a better job if u havent already.