Ok so the past two months my soon to be ex sent me a whopping $300 each month. Well his amount is to be $840 a month. But I am greatful for every penny I can get from him. I still had a hunch something was up. He either wanted his license back or wanted something. Well today he calls me and tells me that he passed his contractor's license but there was a problem. So I told him, well fix it. lol He said it was up to me to fix it. He said that if I close the child support case, he can get it and provide for the boys. I told him that I know he may have trouble understanding my trust issues, but not giving me any c/support for 9 yrs and all of the sudden giving me two months and then asking me to close the case, makes me uneasy! DUHHH does he think that I am that stupid? I know for sure that I won't get a penny from him now. :soapbox:
He tells me I was young and made stupid mistakes and I am trying to correct them. So you grew up in a couple of months? No, now you need something, and so now your willing to co-operate as long as you get what you want. Sheesh.

Don't do it.

Is he a joke or what????? ABSOLUTELY NOT.......

no way! Tell him to get a job working nights at McD's, pay you what you're owed then it won't be a support case. Obviously he hasn't grown up that much. Good for you for being the responsible parent!

Oh I don't plan to close it. I just hate that my gut feeling was right and it wasn't that he was concerned about his boy's needs, it was that he wanted something in return for paying me those two months! So follow your gut feeling and if you do get something use the money wisely. Pay off a bill, it will make it easier for you to provide more things for your kids if you do that. If you use it on buying the kids extra things that month, then that's all they will get that month. Well that's my plan anyway lol.

DONT DO IT! He's just using you once again, dont let him do this to you and your children.

I wouldn't do it. You were right to think he was up to something. They are so easy to figure out aren't they?

Don't trust him as far as you can throw him.

I wouldnt do it, even so most states will not close a case unless all arrears are paid in full and the child/children are grown or custody has been changed.

Oh how I am hoping your "CA" is Canada... a 2 for 1 Lynching... I'll get your ex as soon as I am done with Karen's!

(Have to be frugal about this... gas is expensive :lol3:)

I wouldn't do it. You're smart.

Go with your gut, don't let him use you!!

Good luck.

I would tell your case worker what he tried to do. Esp since he supposedly said he can't do what he needs to do to get this job. They can also check to see if he has applied for employment or what w this company-esp if you can get the company names. Otherwise he could be doing fraud.

Actually what he wants to do is to get his contractors license. He is here this week to visit the kids. Every single day he has been asking me to close the case. I blew up on one of those days and told him I felt he was not here for the kids, he was here to try to persuade me.

Don't do it. Technically he is attempting to blackmail you. Report it to your caseworker and have his wages garnished. If you garnish him you will get your money! Best as I understand it the statute of limitation for back child-support is 20 years. (could be wrong, not positive)

If he works "under the table" he can also get caught for tax-evasion in addition to non-payment of support. The IRS has no sense of humor about not paying taxes. Just a helpful hint.

how is a single person supposed to pay 840.00?? maybe i read that wrong..300 for one kid i think is not bad..and most well paying jobs look at credit and with back child support on it good luck getting money from him..

how much is he behind the full 9 years i guess..thats a lot but he cant do anything with out a job..

he cant buy anything with back child support on him not a house not a car

..if its garnished employers frown on it ..yeah he needs to pay it but if you want that money you might need to take a chance and work with him..



you have a better chance of getting money if he has a job

i wonder if you can refile the claim if he doesnt follow through

how is a single person supposed to pay 840.00??


The same way a single person is supposed to raise 3 kids on one income I guess...

If he is supposed to pay 840 a month he needs to do so, not negotiate with 300 bucks. He needs to work two jobs, pick up cans... whatever it takes to provide for his kids.It is not your responsibility to take him by the hand like a child and get him a contractors license by shorting your kids.What a joke. You are so right to keep the case open.If he doesn't pay, let him share a jail cell with Big Bubba and be someones woman.

Well, I know I'm going to get flamed for this but here it goes anyway. I know this does not apply to all cases but it applies to most.

I believe the child support laws that take away a fathers ability to make money are stupid. I have know guys that got caught up in the trap the laws have set. They get laid off for several months. They make partial payments but not the full amount. So, they fall behind in all there bills including child support. Once they get a rehired or another job, their ex has already filed papers with the court and the hounding begins. So while they are tring to catch up, the law starts in on them.

How is a guy going to earn money if he can't drive to work because his license has been suspended? Or can't get a contractors license to make money doing odd jobs. So then he can't make money, so he falls futher behind. Next thing is he gets arrested. Now how can he make money if he is in jail? I really find it hard to have sympathy for the ex-wives when they are doing everything in their power to punish the fathers rather than ensure their children get child support.


I have know guys that get laid off and find new jobs making less. Is the child support reduced? Of course not, well at least not without going through the courts again and even then it is doubtful. The courts and society have basically set up the fathers to fail. All the courts and laws are punitive towards them when they fall on hard times as everyone does.

I think child support should be set on a quarterly basis. If the guy loses his job, the child support goes down. After all if they were still together as a family the kids would feel the effects of their dad being unemployed. Why should it be any different just because the parents separated. So go ahead and keep grinding the ax with the ex's, just realize things will never improve for your kids as long as you do.

Having the case reviewed quarterly would be a wonderful idea. That way if the father's situation improves, it can be adjusted to reflect that as well.... raises, bonuses, etc.

I'd just like to say that any parent that falls behind in child support due to job loss can work with the support agency so that you don't get taken to court. As long as the parent is trying to find work and making an attempt to pay something I doubt a judge would do much if he/she was taken to court..

The same way a single person is supposed to raise 3 kids on one income I guess...

the reason i said that is he has to pay his bills too..how can he pay his bills plus someone else rent basically??? i cant do that with an income my husband makes and he makes somewhere around 80 thou a year

yes its hard with kids on your self and he should help but he cant pay his rent and hers..no one really can..

i can see it being high due to 3 but thats still half his income probably..

well maybe where they live the economy is priced higher


my point is this..there are always 2 side to each story..and 2 lindividual lives on either side too...all of them have to survive...working with him might turn out great and it might not but you have a better chance getting paid if he has a J O B....knocking someone down when they are trying to do better and running to tattle and get them in trouble is wrong imo..yeah he might have screwed up in his life and i dont know him at all and i dont know her but sometimes if you give some one a chance they mgiht surprise you..run and get him in trouble well good luck get any money then

i wish yoiy BOTH luck!

Well, I know I'm going to get flamed for this but here it goes anyway. I know this does not apply to all cases but it applies to most.

I believe the child support laws that take away a fathers ability to make money are stupid. I have know guys that got caught up in the trap the laws have set. They get laid off for several months. They make partial payments but not the full amount. So, they fall behind in all there bills including child support. Once they get a rehired or another job, their ex has already filed papers with the court and the hounding begins. So while they are tring to catch up, the law starts in on them.

How is a guy going to earn money if he can't drive to work because his license has been suspended? Or can't get a contractors license to make money doing odd jobs. So then he can't make money, so he falls futher behind. Next thing is he gets arrested. Now how can he make money if he is in jail? I really find it hard to have sympathy for the ex-wives when they are doing everything in their power to punish the fathers rather than ensure their children get child support.


I have know guys that get laid off and find new jobs making less. Is the child support reduced? Of course not, well at least not without going through the courts again and even then it is doubtful. The courts and society have basically set up the fathers to fail. All the courts and laws are punitive towards them when they fall on hard times as everyone does.

I think child support should be set on a quarterly basis. If the guy loses his job, the child support goes down. After all if they were still together as a family the kids would feel the effects of their dad being unemployed. Why should it be any different just because the parents separated. So go ahead and keep grinding the ax with the ex's, just realize things will never improve for your kids as long as you do.


THANK YOU..more of what i meant to say

If he is supposed to pay 840 a month he needs to do so, not negotiate with 300 bucks. He needs to work two jobs, pick up cans... whatever it takes to provide for his kids.It is not your responsibility to take him by the hand like a child and get him a contractors license by shorting your kids.What a joke. You are so right to keep the case open.If he doesn't pay, let him share a jail cell with Big Bubba and be someones woman.

you should never wish something awful on someone else and if he is making some kind of payment ITS BETTER THEN NOTHING..he's trying and you gotta give it a person for trying..

Karma is a B%^&

Jail, prision is AWFUL for anyone..the counties need to use OUR money better than supporting people who are having a rough time financially..9 out of 10 people will pay their obligations if they have the money...HAVE YOU EVER HAD PROBLEMS PAYING BILLS AND GETTING A JOB??

my husband back child support is 48.50 a week (current was 48.50 as well) we have month when we cant pay that, should my husband loose his job and go sit in jail because he was late on a bill? if thats the case were you late on a bill?...

child support is a no way out of obligation they will get you one way or another ...and usually the ex-wifes are bitter (not saying she is) and they wil do what they can to make the other persons life miserable..we women are mean sometimes lol you know thats true..lol

i think maybe instead of just money obligations there should be a parenting obligation where the courts demand time as a family even if they arent married anymore..they are still a unit, broken maybe but a unit..(unless abuse was involved then i dont agree with that) it might help children mature more knowing that ok mom and dad couldnt stay married but we were still a family and we still did family stuff so i didnt feel like i was missing something ( might not have worded this correctly but i think you get what im saying)

No one gets sent to jail when they're a month behind. They get sent to jail when they stop paying for months at a time. My ex was behind 10K...didn't work for 7 months out of the year and all he got from the judge was a stern warning.

Not all exes are bitter...getting jerked around with excuse after excuse makes one less likely to cut someone a break.

my husband back child support is 48.50 a week (current was 48.50 as well) we have month when we cant pay that, should my husband loose his job and go sit in jail because he was late on a bill?

How could he not afford to pay that making 80K??? That's just insane.

Child support is set based on the income you make. If that changes it is up to the person who owes the obligation to have the obligation adjusted.Until then, you have a financial responsibility to your children, it may be harsh, but I believe your primary responsibility is to the first family you created. These children have to eat, have a roof over their heads, and clothes to wear.If you do not provide those things you are negligent.If you cannot support two families, don't put yourself in that position.Jail , loss of license, credit reporting... makes sense to me be it mother or father.

Ok I understand how being married to a person that has kids and owes child support may change your opinion.
My ex- owes me about $60k. In all those years, he did not think of the kids. I had harsh times. I have posted some of those in some other threads. In the years that he was not paying, he left the state, moved in with a woman and had a kid. I have issues with absent parents that go and have more kids when they can't support the one's they have. So she got all his income and so did their son. My kids where forgotten. That is until now that he wants to actually have his own business. Now he has a couple of months that he has paid a small amount. Yet he comes on vacation to see his kids, has new clothes, and tells me of all the places he has visited...what the ??? Did he forget who he has been talking to?
If you marry a man with kids, you really have to think about how that is going to affect you. This is not about vengance this is about the NEEDS of the children. Why should the single parent be the only one to live on bread and beans?
I can't say that I agree with the driver's license suspension. But I do agree with the state license. The reason is, that they are working. If they have back child support bal. but are paying current payments they won't take it away, but if they have a active lic. and they are working and they don't pay, there is no excuse. I told him I was glad that he found something that he loves, but that he had to understand my lack of trust and that I am the only one who is making sure the kids get what he owes them. I also reminded him of what I told him long ago. That if he did not pay, one day he would want to buy a home or who knows and this would come to bite him......and it sure has. He put himself in this situation and I refuse to feel sorry for him when we went w/out food, electricity, clothes and so on, on many occasions. He can still work, but maybe he won't have exactly what he wants. But then again how many of us do?

Oh one more thing. There has been a order to garnish his wages but he has been working under the table. So no way to prove he is working nor the amount. The $840 includes 1/2 of child care. I have been paying the whole thing w/out help. Think about that. This is not about getting back at someone. This is about just making ends w/kids. As a single person you can rent a room, or even if things get bad sleep in a car...but with kids, it makes things so much more difficult and so much more expensive. I have been blessed and some how or another, we make it. Some times people will have a extra sandwich or left overs. Some times my clients at work, bring me fruit as they work in the fields....and I make it thru the week. No one should have to worry about where the next meal will come from. I had to take on two jobs at times to make it. Why should we feel bad because a absent parent might have to do that. I totally agree with making them spend time w/their kids. It does take more then money to raise kids. My ex as I stated moved out of state. It makes it easier for him not to provide, when he does not see the need.

We've got a little testosterone to stir the pot here... now don't we. :stir:


I can see by the responses that you've got it under control.

I think you know what need to do.


Just a comment for the Dad of 4 in the mix.

I just don't know why the law is set up that way! it's utterly stupid!
It's suppose to be a deterrent... I guess.. but it's not working! and it surely doesn't make any sense to put someone in jail when there is restitution.

Sheesh.. :censor:

I think it should be individual. For instance.. a man takes off with loads of cash... lives the good life and leaves his kids to the welfare system. Yep! JAIL'em.
But have mercy on the poor working guy who runs into hard times!

You know if I had my way, I would send these dad's to take some child education credits and some budgeting classes. It will help them be better fathers. I am talking about the one's who don't pay at all. Trust me if my ex was at least trying and could not afford more, then no problem, but when he is out buying shirts that cost him $200.00 and can't pay for my kids $8 shirts........there is a issue. I have a good friend of mine. He has two kids, pays c/support for both and on top of that has them during the week and most weekends. If he wanted to play ball she would get less c/suppt. because he has them so much. But to him, it's money for his kids. What did he have to do? Move in and rent a room from his parents. It's not the best, but it's the best for right now.

These children have to eat, have a roof over their heads, and clothes to wear.If you do not provide those things you are negligent.If you cannot support two families, don't put yourself in that position.Jail , loss of license, credit reporting... makes sense to me be it mother or father.

Well... This kinda says to me that if a married couple goes through a financial rough spot and can not support their children, that maybe they're negligent? :scratch: Perhaps we need to start arresting people who ask for thing like WIC and food stamps, because obviously they're pulling their weight, right?

If someone told me that they lost their license or were jailed because of any other debt, I'd call that idiotic. My first response would be "How the hell do they expect you to pay if they're making it impossible for you to work?" I mean, if you can't pay, you can't pay.

Granted that there are men who will do anything to duck out of their responsibilities, and it's sad that people can be so worthless. But I've also seen women abuse the system, asking for outrageous amounts, lying about paternity, using the money as a condition on visitation attempting to alienate the children from their father...

Those situations can be ugly in general and I don't think it's fair to vilify men even those who can't pay. I'd never occur to me to slander a married couple or a single mom who was having trouble providing for the kids. Anyone can go through a rough spot. /shrug.

Child support is calculated by using the income of BOTH parents. If one parent doesn't have income then an income is assigned to them...40 hours/week minimum wage. Again, it's not about having a rough spot and not being able to meet your payment for a couple of months...We're talking never making a payment or sporadic payments. We're talking about parents that go out of their way to not pay their court ordered support. As I said before, if you're having trouble making your payment then you can go back to court and try to get the amount adjusted.


As for women that make visitation dependent on child support...that's crap. They're two seperate issues. One does not affect the other...assuming you go through the legal system for court ordered support/visitation.

Well... This kinda says to me that if a married couple goes through a financial rough spot and can not support their children, that maybe they're negligent? :scratch: Perhaps we need to start arresting people who ask for thing like WIC and food stamps, because obviously they're pulling their weight, right?

If someone told me that they lost their license or were jailed because of any other debt, I'd call that idiotic. My first response would be "How the hell do they expect you to pay if they're making it impossible for you to work?" I mean, if you can't pay, you can't pay.

Granted that there are men who will do anything to duck out of their responsibilities, and it's sad that people can be so worthless. But I've also seen women abuse the system, asking for outrageous amounts, lying about paternity, using the money as a condition on visitation attempting to alienate the children from their father...

Those situations can be ugly in general and I don't think it's fair to vilify men even those who can't pay. I'd never occur to me to slander a married couple or a single mom who was having trouble providing for the kids. Anyone can go through a rough spot. /shrug.Going to jail for not paying support is not done on a first offense. You see it for parents that habitually fail to provide for their children. It as meant as a punishment.If you do not provide for your children the court will find you negligent, married or divorced. You must feed, clothe and provide housing for your children(I assume if you apply for assistance that one is trying to meet the needs of the kids.... but if support was paid it may not be necessary.)I do not know the games men and women play in divorce. But basic needs must be met.One working parent, a working mother or father, may be experiencing hard times as well.To me, it is a matter of responsibility.I know many divorced moms and dads. They all pay support, they lose a job, it is adjusted, they pay support. I had no idea there were so many deadbeat parents.

I think any parent who has been orgered to pay CS should. Some don't want to because they don't want to take away from themself. I have 2 boys that pay what they are supose to. OOne of it took 2 years to get it lowered. He was making some money being military but since he was hurt in Iraq the money is not there, and where he is at the CS div said he could still make 1000 a month when all he was getting was 557 a month. At least be real about the amount ordered to pay. If you don't make enough that go back to court no matter how long it takes and get it changed. I am on the right of the child not the exes.If you make a baby take of the child. Do what the courts say.
Fern

I am at the cusp of signing a separation agreement with my husband. I have one son that I pay child support for.

I'm in Canada so it might differ, but I was given a table that had gross wages on it and how many kids and I pay what was on the line.

I am the mom and my youngest lives with his dad. (My oldest is older and he and his brother drew straws over who would live with whom)


Everything financially I do (what apartment to rent, whether to have a car or not....I budget in child support). And I will continue to pay it until I no longer have to or my son wants to move in with me. At which case, my husband will pay me child support (at a lower rate because he makes less than me).


I can't imagine getting into a relationship with another man where I would suddenly forget I had child support to pay and get in over my head with new financial responsibilities. I didn't walk out of a 21 year marriage to ever be that stupid again. lol

Parthy thank you, you make a excellent point. You should always think of your c/s before you get into any debt or relationship. It does not mean that you can't have a life. It justs means that like the rest of us, you must live within your means.
I have several friends who work for the child support office. In california the state will take over very soon. What was going on was that a parent could send money to some of his kids (his/her choice) and not to all. Now the state will equally spread what the parent sends. Also the budgets will be black and white.
I also hear of a lot of absent parents who regardless the issues they have with their ex's are very aware and on top of their child's needs.
I support all parents get legal visitation, that way if there is conflict, the kids will never be used as part of their games.

No one gets sent to jail when they're a month behind. They get sent to jail when they stop paying for months at a time. My ex was behind 10K...didn't work for 7 months out of the year and all he got from the judge was a stern warning.

Not all exes are bitter...getting jerked around with excuse after excuse makes one less likely to cut someone a break.



How could he not afford to pay that making 80K??? That's just insane.

because of his back child support, which is a lot, and became that way when he was unavailable to get a reduction, the division of child support wont help out, and they add 9% interest we cant buy anything without paying higher fees because no one will use our credit, we cant buy a house everyone thinks with that amount on your credit you will go to jail and wont be able to pay, jobs dont like garnishments, we were talked into filing a chapter 13 on the child support, thats another rent payment basically and we still pay out weekly amount to child supprt but its something we will never get out from under..its very very hard and depressing, i stay home because there is no point in me working just for gas and daycare..thats why there are months when it hard to pay..something happends all the time..this month we HAD to get tires, last month the power steering went on our truck..not like we can go out a buy another..so when something goes bad we have to fix it, we have oil for water and heat (really depressing) its hard on people..no one ever thinks of the fathers side of the story..there are two sides to all stories..

..this month we HAD to get tires, last month the power steering went on our truck..not like we can go out a buy another..so when something goes bad we have to fix it, we have oil for water and heat (really depressing) its hard on people..no one ever thinks of the fathers side of the story..there are two sides to all stories..


Those things happen for single parents as well. The transmission went out on my van. My oldest broke her glasses and I had to pay $200 for a new pair. (Her dad is responsible for 1/2 of that but I've yet to see the $) The closest job I can find is still an 80+mile commute each day...I'm paying more for gas than I am for my mortgage. Things are tough all around, but you still have to take care of your responsibilities.


You say that there are 2 sides to every story, but you're coming across as saying every parent that's behind in CS has had hard times and it's not their fault. The truth is that there are parents that are very much "out of sight/out of mind" where the care of their children is concerned.

My ex had no problem going back to court again and again to have his support lowered (from $50 a week, mind you) to the point he was paying *nothing*. He kept telling the judge he couldn't keep a job, got fired, was laid off, etc. He got a court appointed lawyer so he wouldn't have any legal fees also.

And that is where the story ends as far as child support. He pays nothing now and has paid nothing for over 7 years. He remarried 7 years ago and his wife works while he does not, so there is no income to garnish, no support to go after as far as the court system goes.
From what I hear, this is nothing new.

i forgot to mention our health insurance is 700 a month but anyways..no i know there are some deadbeats out there but there are also people who have moved on with their lives and its hard to pay sometimes, or are trying to do the right thing, but they are slow at getting there sometimes

here it doesnt matter if you get fired all the time and dont have a job, you dont pay you lose your license and next you are locked up...

well we have gotten of the OP issue and im sorry..good luck for both you and him!

Maybe it's because my daughter's father bailed 3.2 years ago, and my daughter is only 3.5 .... see where I'm going here, but I do believe having laws in place that punish any dead beat parents are needed.

I haven't seen ONE dime from her father, and I doubt I will. He knows the money is due, but doesn't care. I don't mind working two jobs to support my child, and have, while he works 32 hours a week at a dead end job. Why SHOULD he be able to get a contractor's license, when he obviously isn't going to do so to actually support his daughter. By doing something like that, he is only looking out for himself.

Luckily, he hasn't had anymore children, but if he ever does, I'll still be racking up all the back child support.

I haven't taken him to court to have his wages garnished or his driver's license taken away, though I have considered it. All I hear is that he "doesn't have any money" ... so I know I just don't want him to bother.

Oh, and BTW, he doesn't actually see his daughter either. If push came to shove, I wouldn't hold back visitation while waiting for child support. Luckily, I don't have to worry about it.

I haven't read all the posts, but I did read the one where someone asked how can someone pay 840.00 for one child. When we went through a custody case (the second one and we one both) the mother was ordered to pay 854.50 per month for one child and she was unemployed at the time. They went on her previous jobs and took into consideration that it was "ludicrous" that she was applying for jobs at McDonalds and Old Navy during the case and asked the court to set her rate based on minimum wage. She royally ticked the judge off. He also made her pay our $15,000 legal fees to boot and when she found another job, her wages were garnished. She was making $90,000 a year and her husband almost twice as much. So, to make a long story short, they set the rate on what your income is and what your earning potential is....at least that's the way it was in our case.

BTW, I know what it's like to not receive support. I have never received a penny from my ex in 17 years and my mother never received a penny from my dead beat father either.

Well, I know I'm going to get flamed for this but here it goes anyway. I know this does not apply to all cases but it applies to most.

I believe the child support laws that take away a fathers ability to make money are stupid. I have know guys that got caught up in the trap the laws have set. They get laid off for several months. They make partial payments but not the full amount. So, they fall behind in all there bills including child support. Once they get a rehired or another job, their ex has already filed papers with the court and the hounding begins. So while they are tring to catch up, the law starts in on them.

How is a guy going to earn money if he can't drive to work because his license has been suspended? Or can't get a contractors license to make money doing odd jobs. So then he can't make money, so he falls futher behind. Next thing is he gets arrested. Now how can he make money if he is in jail? I really find it hard to have sympathy for the ex-wives when they are doing everything in their power to punish the fathers rather than ensure their children get child support.


I have know guys that get laid off and find new jobs making less. Is the child support reduced? Of course not, well at least not without going through the courts again and even then it is doubtful. The courts and society have basically set up the fathers to fail. All the courts and laws are punitive towards them when they fall on hard times as everyone does.

I think child support should be set on a quarterly basis. If the guy loses his job, the child support goes down. After all if they were still together as a family the kids would feel the effects of their dad being unemployed. Why should it be any different just because the parents separated. So go ahead and keep grinding the ax with the ex's, just realize things will never improve for your kids as long as you do.

Thank You Thank You . ICAM

I didnt read through all the replies but here goes..I'll probably get flamed too but here it is from a guys side.
First and foremost the child support system is a joke...it's biased and favors the mothers over the fathers. you're automatically labeled a deadbeat dad right off the bat and the mothers can do no wrong in the courts eyes they deserve to get paid as much as possible.

heres my experience into the wonderful world of support.
I have one DD who is 6, her mother and I split up before my DD was born but I have been there since day 1 in the delivery room.

At first I told my ex that I would pay 1/2 of the daycare plus all of the things I needed to take care of her, clothing , diapers, formula..etc ect..we would alternate weeks. that worked out for awhile and when my DD was about 2yrs old my ex filed for support.

I went in to the Child support office, signed the paperwork and agreed to $200 a month since I was part time, not by choice, I work for an airline and after 9/11 I was cut back. When I went into the original hearing I took all my receipts for daycare and baby needs for the first 2 yrs . the judge..mediator whatever she was says ok you owe $2950 in back support from the day she was born. i said "no, maam..I agreed to pay 1/2 of the daycare plus buy everything I needed to take care of her for 50% of the month". She says "do you have everything all added up and in order?" I said "no, but here are the receipts and it's at least $3000 worth" she says ....."I dont want to see that" turns to my ex and says the following "How much does he owe you??"
I was floored...pretty much whatever my ex said was taken as fact with no proof. my ex says "at least $500..." the judge says "pay her $500, you have one year.........next"

So I have my support deducted from my pay...well one day i had my DD and this was about 2 months after I signed all the paperwork for the auto deduction, I'm sitting there and my DD mother shows up, acting all nice and she says "so...daycare hasnt been paid this month" I said "nope...you wanted your support, you got it, i'm not paying daycare anymore" she says "well I havent gotten a check yet" I said "take that up with child support enforcement" she grabs my DD, runs out my door and says "if you arent paying then you cant see your daughter" and takes off in the car with my DD. I end up giving her $300 so I could see my kid...that came back to bie me because I didnt do it through the state and I never got credit for it and then they suspended my DL and I had to pay it again

trying to keep this short as I can.....
So she finally starts getting her money and somehow manages to get my tax return too. 3 yrs go by and it's time for another "adjustment". I tell my ex that I'll up that payments to $450 since I'm back at full time. She agrees, i type up a letter of agreement on that amount and we have it notorized and go to the courthouse.

Same judge chick as before, and she looks at the letter and says "you agreed to take $450/mo. is that what I'm to understand?"
all of a sudden DD mom says "well yeh but I changed my mind"
the judge looks at her and says "how much do you want?"...I was just standing there like are you kidding me???? well she goes for $500 instead. So I end up paying $500 a month and I'm living alone and trying to make my rent, utilities, car payment, feed myself and take care of my kid.

Then I get a letter saying that I'm behind by like $1200..apparently when they upped my support my payroll department wasnt initially taking enough out of my check so they up my support another $100 a month to get caught up...so as of now I'm paying $600/month and I take my daughter every other weekend from fri till monday.

after support and taxes I bring home $1000 a month. meanwhile my DD's mother is making twice as much as me, gets $600 a month from me, her ex husband who has a kid with her and pays support to her lives in her house as a roommate and pays rent and this chick has the nerve to cry to me that shes so broke, everytime I see her shes crying the blues..I cant pay my electric bill, I cant pay this, I cant pay that but yet she goes out all the time and one day shes picking my daughter up from my house, opens her trunk and shows me her new skates.

I dont have a problem paying support, I have a problem with the excessive amount guys are having to pay out every month. I think that if I have to be responsible for supplying $600/mo. then her mother should be responsible for providing receipts to show exactly where all that money goes. I could keep my daughter and
it wouldnt cost anywhere near $600/mo to feed, cloth and take care of her. if it werent for the fact I live with my gf theres no way I could even afford to maintain a place on my own.

please tell me how it costs $1600 a month to take care of one kid (assuming that each parent covers 50% of the costs to take care of that child). Dont tell me, mortgage payment, car payment..stuff like that cause thats a lame excuse everyone needs a place to live and a way to get around. Besides , I have to supply a roof over my DD's head, I have to have a car to take her back and forth just like her mother does. Then if I try and actually make extra money I just get pulled back into court and they up her monthly amount. i dont even bother trying to make money anymore. I just figure I'm broke for the next 12 yrs

I mean just the costs to feed, clothe and take care of the childs needs. If someone can justify the outrageous amounts I'll retract my comments about child support being a joke.

Two other things I have major issues with #1...greedy mothers using child support as free money and trying to squeeze out every dime they can get. #2 Deadbeat fathers who take no responsibility for their kids..it's one thing to be trying and making sure you spend time with your kid. it's a whole other thing when you're trying to run from your responsibility instead of being a man and taking care of your kid.

Quadcam, I do understand where you're coming from and my post (#42) is an example, although maybe rare, that sometimes father's do get a fair shake. Our judge saw my stepdaughter's mother as a deadbeat who had quite a bit of money and was living a high lifestyle to proof it. We didn't ask for a certain amount in support, the judge set it according to the state guidelines. We finally agreed to let our almost 18 yr old sd move to MN to live with her mother and now we are paying support according the same standards.

You know what drives me nuts? How in some states (such as ours) we are required to continue paying support until she graduates college. We don't have to support our other two throughout college, but we have to support sd.

Well I hate to say it, but I was right. He has not paid me any support since. So he did prove that I was right. The thing that gest me is that he keeps telling my kids that he is going to send money and then does not follow thru.