http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/ Frugal Living Forums, a frugal living community with emphasis on debt reduction, responsible spending, consuming less, recycling and helping each other bridge the gaps for a sustainable future. en Wed, 22 May 2013 19:03:17 GMT vBulletin 1 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/images/misc/rss.jpg http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/ http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5451-7-28-12.html Sun, 29 Jul 2012 00:16:04 GMT Had a really good relationship day today. I was able to express some things that had gone right, and some things that have bothered me without feeling awkward or embarrassed about saying them. DH and I had some really good connection today, and we even talked about changing sleeping arrangements.... Had a really good relationship day today. I was able to express some things that had gone right, and some things that have bothered me without feeling awkward or embarrassed about saying them. DH and I had some really good connection today, and we even talked about changing sleeping arrangements.

I wanted to write down something that I realized a while ago while talking to a friend and don't want to forget - sometimes you just have to accept someone for who they are, and that also extends to what kind of parent they are.

Thing to write down from my last therapy session that I don't want to forget - maybe having someone ask me question about how I am is part of my love language.

Expanding on that - expecting people to know what I want without me telling them is not realistic. But it is ok to expect them to check up on me and ask me what's wrong.

Physically - tried on all my pants. What an eye-opener. Really need to lose that last 5 pounds! I did manage to declutter about 10 pairs of pants that didn't fit right or were worn. Most of the ones I kept were still tight, but I'm hoping to get those last 5 pounds off soon. I still haven't had a day yet where I've done my hair, but I've been experimenting with makeup and skincare samples. I've actually thrown away things that I don't like. I realized that I have too much makeup and too many skin care items. I've been trying to use up some of the samples and not be afraid to throw away things that I don't like. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5451-7-28-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5446-7-14-12.html Sun, 15 Jul 2012 02:13:21 GMT It's been a few days, and I honestly wanted to write a blog entry to keep up the habit.

Tonight I painted my nails. I've been trying to do this all week but haven't be able to find the time between Owen and Oliver. I tried the Ombre trend, and while it looks ok, I'm not sure I'll do it again. I'd really like to go back to acrylics, but I don't like the cost for the upkeep or the chemicals. But they look so much better and never chip. It's a tough call.

Yesterday I went to a museum/sculpture garden of all super modern stuff. Like non-representational. It's not quite my thing, but I've been interested in this place ever since we converted some envelopes for them about a year ago. The place is really cool. I'm still having a hard time trying to wrap my head around some of the "art" and how to interpret it, but there were a few pieces that I think I got, and it was actually interesting to talk to other museum goers and get their input on stuff. One of the things I want to work on, even though it's pretty far down the list, is being more creative. And I think interpreting art helps the brain be more creative.

I made a carrot cake for Ian's birthday that was really awesome. I did undercook it, and the pan was the wrong size, and I forgot to chop the pecans, but it tasted amazing. I might consider this for a signature recipe. Something else in my list of things to work on is to be a better cook. I'll never be great and it's not my passion, but I want to be better. In that vein, I've always wanted a signature recipe that I can take to potlucks and such and it will taste great and get compliments. I think this recipe might be it. I'll try making it again next occasion, probably our anniversary, see if I can't get it to come out a little better. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5446-7-14-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5444-7-10-12.html Tue, 10 Jul 2012 13:59:43 GMT I still find this difficult, but last night I managed to at least keep up some of the self-talk about DH's mood not being about me. He went to bed early and wasn't very talkative - so my first impulse was the jump in and try and fix his bad mood because it must be my fault. I managed to hold myself to checking on him twice, both very brief visits, and at least keep up the positive self-talk in my head (don't take it personally, it's not your fault, the best thing you can do is let him work through it, etc). I'm definitely not at the point where I'm believing myself, but at least it's starting to become part of my background thoughts when it happens.

I've also managed to wear makeup out of the house every day for the last 3 days. I feel better knowing that I make an effort.

I also realized while listening to a self-help podcast yesterday that part of my problem is that I base my sense of whether I'm successful or not based on how many friends I have, and that I have a very strict and almost impossible definition of friend. Some people base their self-worth on how much money they make, or what title they hold, but I value myself on how many friends I have. And on that impossible definition of friend - I specifically think of a friend as someone who reaches out to me - someone who calls me up and asks how I'm doing or if I want to do something, and I expect them to know without me asking things that I want or like. I realize that this is asking too much of most people, and that friends like this are few and far between, and it's a relationship that needs to develop over time. I can't go out for coffee with someone a couple of time and expect a huge depth of friendship to instantly appear. And in many ways, all I care about is that they want to help ME - that's a pretty selfish reason to want a friendship. Along the same lines, I started to realize too that I've always made excuses about why I have no friends - either superficial reasons (I'm wearing the wrong clothes, or listening to the wrong music, or watching the wrong TV shows) or reasons that are outside my control. The common denominator in my whole life of not having friends is - me. I need to change and make the effort. And it doesn't mean spending 12 weeks setting up play-dates and everything is magically fixed. It's a long process. Funny, one thing that has really made me think about these things is Owen's autism. Mostly because I can see that he lacks social skills but wants to be a part of the group and make other people laugh, and I worry that he won't have any friends. I guess realizing that social skills can be taught made me reflect that maybe I just need better social skills, and that it's something I can learn.

So I realize that deep down, I don't value myself, and part of that problem is the criteria I'm using to value myself. I need to:
1. Actually value myself and have a positive sense of self-worth.
2. Base my self-worth on other things besides how many friends I have.

As far as my social life goes, I need to:
1. Change my definition of friend and realize that what I'm looking for is pretty unrealistic.
2. Make more effort into making friends, and realize that it will take more than a few weeks or months. It will take several years, and I need to continue to put in the effort for that long.


So in that effort - I managed to set up 2 play-dates with friends for the next few weeks. I have made an effort to talk to someone every time I go out, whether it's dropping Owen off at school or going to a doctor's appointment. The more I practice talking to people, the easier it gets. After I go back to work, I plan on spending more effort towards making friends without falling back on the family connection - like, not play dates, just actually getting together with someone to talk about ourselves, not our children.

Also, I wanted to post a few random thoughts that piqued my interest from the church service this week (centered on friendship).
Feeling judged sometimes means that I'm being judgmental - possibly of myself.
Learning to be human
Validating other people helps them to open up ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5444-7-10-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5443-7-7-12.html Sat, 07 Jul 2012 18:50:23 GMT Went to get my toes done today. I did a really good job just having a conversation with the two women next to me. I always have a hard time making friends, which is why I don't have many. I've been trying to work on my people skills, and honestly, sometimes just holding a conversation makes me nervous. But I did pretty well today, I was very proud of myself. I've been trying to work on having some meaningful personal interaction every day - even if it's just talking to people in the grocery store. I'm just not sure yet how to move from casual conversation into actual "let's hang out" time - which I guess I see as the next stage of friendship. Maybe I should get a book on this. There's tons of books about dating, there has to be some books about how to make friends. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5443-7-7-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5442-7-6-12.html Fri, 06 Jul 2012 19:02:57 GMT A few updates...

I feel like lately my relationship with DH has been greatly improving. We've managed to stay connected on several levels. I've also been able to better manage it when I don't get immediate responses or feedback. When he's distant or doesn't answer, my usual reaction is to assume he's mad at me and panic. I'm trying to not take it so personally, and this week I've been better at not taking it so personally. Not perfect, but better.

The scale hit a new low, and then manage to creep it's way back up again. Not happy about that. I'm trying to start with a healthy diet again, and so far I'm just trying to stick to a breakfast of one egg and fruit, and only drinking water or coffee. No other rules beyond that until I get these habits down. I'll see where I am in a week. I've also managed to get into a pair of capris, so I now have a few weather appropriate items of clothing.

Owen had a really bad day yesterday, and I had a hard time not snapping or yelling at him. It was just SOO frustrating. I'm not the most patient person on the planet, but I like to think I do have a measure of it. But boy, it sure does get tested and I just lose it sometimes. I'm also getting more questions about where babies come from, and not looking forward to that talk. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5442-7-6-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5441-6-30-12.html Sun, 01 Jul 2012 03:20:47 GMT I need to come up with more creative blog post titles :-)

Last night DH and I had a meaningful conversation. These are always a bit heavy, sometimes happy, but more often than not somewhat depressing. But they allow us to get things out and off our chests, so I know that it's a necessary part of the relationship. I like to think progress is being made when these happen.

I had an AWESOME experience at a new hair salon on Wed and got a snappy new haircut. I love it! I've intentionally NOT done my hair for the past few days to see how it looks when I just shower. Not too bad. Not great (the cut isn't a wash and wear cut!) but much better than it did before. I'll probably try and style it tomorrow.

DS#1 has been really clingy lately. I think it's because I spent so much time with the baby. I really need to make more of an effort to have just Mom and Owen time.

I rowed again today and afterwards the scale had a new low. Of course, I lose a lot of water through sweat so we'll see what the scale says tomorrow. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5441-6-30-12.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5439-rowing-machine.html Tue, 26 Jun 2012 19:46:15 GMT So last night I actually rowed for half an hour on DH's rowing machine. It's not my cup of tea, but being able to listen to a podcast during the time helped a lot. I'm going to try and do it again tonight. I've also eaten pretty healthfully today.

Got into a pair of pre-Oliver jeans, and I'm excited about that. Most of everything else is still too small, though.

Had a couple of good long chats with DH over the past few days. I feel like we're making progress in that front. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5439-rowing-machine.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5437-weight-self-image.html Fri, 22 Jun 2012 01:23:14 GMT Well, I'm having issues with my weight again. Of course, I'm only 4 weeks post-partum so that makes it harder. I was originally 105-110. After Owen was born in 2006 I never got back down there again - I was around 120 and it crept up to 125. Now, 4 weeks after Oliver I'm at 134 and NONE of my pre-Oliver clothes fit. It's really frustrating to be close to pre-pregnancy weight, but not there. I'm also struggling with some major hurdles to working on weight loss - I'm breastfeeding, so I can't really do a lot of calorie restriction. My c-section is healing more slowly, so I can't do major exercise. So I'm just generally upset at the situation and mad that I really can't do a whole lot to fix it.

So my self-image is taking a huge hit with this. I'm not quite sure how to counter it. I've been trying to be better about taking care of beauty stuff - skin care, my nails, my hair, makeup so that I can feel pretty but it's really tough when the only clothes I fit into are grubby sweats and shirts with holes. I don't want to buy anything because I'll be going back to work soon and need to fit into my work clothes. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5437-weight-self-image.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5433-recent-accomplishments.html Mon, 18 Jun 2012 18:59:08 GMT Ok, my biggest personal accomplishment lately was assembling Oliver's bouncer. Normally I don't take on projects involving tools, because "I'm not good at that stuff." But I've been trying to break out of that type of thinking - the Oh, I can't do X because I'm not that type of person. So while it took me longer than it would have taken DH, I did actually get it assembled. Go me! I don't know why I have this thing against home improvement or fixing stuff. Like changing a tire or hanging a picture. I'm always afraid that I'll do it wrong. Maybe because my dad always did that stuff growing up so I just naturally expect DH to take that role.

Also had some really good connecting time with DH this weekend. Don't want to get too personal, but it was really good for us on a lot of levels. We got to touch on some subjects both of us had been avoided for a while, and managed to have a really good Father's Day. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5433-recent-accomplishments.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5429-random-musings.html Fri, 15 Jun 2012 00:50:15 GMT After yesterday's insightful one line post...

I've decided to focus my blog currently on self improvement. Things that I am trying to do to be a better person, wife, and mother. As I come up with goals I will set them, but tonight I'm just blogging in general about good stuff going on.



I actually got Owen to do 2 worksheets today, one for handwriting (uppercase A) and one for math. He knew all the answers, but it was a good handwriting exercised and I could tell he doesn't have the basic math memorized, he still had to count on his fingers for some of them. I have no idea how people homeschool - my hat goes off to them, because I have a hard enough time getting him to do 2 worksheets.

I am blessed with awesome neighbors. Earlier this week our next door neighbor mowed the backyard for us, and today I was out for a walk and chatting with a neighbor down the street and she actually stopped by with a casserole for dinner so I didn't have to cook. I really hope to be able to pay it forward someday.

I've actually made a bit of progress on building my social network this month. I've made a lunch date with a friend. I also asked 2 people for playdates next week, and didn't give up when I got no answer from the first person, just went on to ask someone else. Yesterday I went for a walk and ended up talking to 2 people in the neighborhood, and today I stopped and chatted with another person on my walk around the block. I find I get a huge boost from just making a positive social connection every day. It even helps me to initiate more social interactions.

I stopped by work today, and apparently I am missed. That also made me feel pretty good.

I've been trying to get better this week about taking care of myself, but it's hard with 2 kids and all the physical stuff I have going on - still have the last 10 pounds from Oliver, scraped knee, c-section scar still oozing a bit. But I did manage to actually get jeans on today and picked matching shoes, as well as I brushed my hair and put on minimal makeup. Tonight I had a mini spa night using up some of the skin care samples I have to try and help with the attitude. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5429-random-musings.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5425-wow-its-still-here.html Wed, 13 Jun 2012 18:08:50 GMT Was just thinking about starting a new blog and was kind of excited to realize that this one is still here. Was just thinking about starting a new blog and was kind of excited to realize that this one is still here. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/5425-wow-its-still-here.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/4481-lazy-sunday-afternoon.html Sun, 11 Apr 2010 17:59:53 GMT Everyone in my house is sleeping. I actually feel kind of bored. I think I might have a cup of coffee and finish a book, and if everyone is still asleep, go for a walk. Everyone in my house is sleeping. I actually feel kind of bored. I think I might have a cup of coffee and finish a book, and if everyone is still asleep, go for a walk. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/4481-lazy-sunday-afternoon.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/3556-random-post.html Thu, 30 Jul 2009 01:52:52 GMT Just a random post. Just a random post. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/3556-random-post.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/3065-random-stuff.html Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:16:54 GMT It seems like it's been a long time. And I just noticed that the Village Blogger is gone. Oh well.

Today I did pretty well at couponing. I used a 10/50 printable coupon for Petco with a $8 off Science Diet coupon for some cat food that was $8 off on sale - not too bad. Of course, I think the $8 off on sale is a ripoff, because they raised their prices about $10 a bag recently (for the size we buy anyway) and so the sale price really just puts it back to the old price. Whatever. I also have a $10 rebate on top of that.

I stopped at a yard sale today too and picked up a few things for Owen. Not as much stuff as I had hoped to find, but I did get a Halloween costume for him. I didn't realize that one of the coats had a broken zipper - I might wait until fall and have him try it on then, if it fits I'll have the zipper fixed.

I have a coat at Nine West that I really want, but I'm trying to wait a little while before buying it. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/3065-random-stuff.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/2655-thursday.html Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:51:57 GMT What a boring day at work. I really need to figure out something to do when there isn't that much going on.

Plus the dieting is getting tough. I need to bring a bigger lunch, so maybe I can hold myself back at dinner. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/2655-thursday.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/304-rant-about-my-job.html Tue, 23 Sep 2008 01:22:36 GMT ...ok, not specifically about MY job, but customer service. Why is it that customer service is always treated as a trivial after thought? Like oh yeah, we have to have someone that the customer can talk to, I guess we should hire someone. When I have to interact with other departments, instead... ...ok, not specifically about MY job, but customer service. Why is it that customer service is always treated as a trivial after thought? Like oh yeah, we have to have someone that the customer can talk to, I guess we should hire someone. When I have to interact with other departments, instead of being treated like I represent our customer, who pays our paychecks, I get treated like an annoyance - wait, you're asking me to do something special? Maybe I'll get to it, maybe I won't. Good, I'll bring that message back to our customer that no one gives a crap about what you want, we can't be bothered. You make our lives harder, so go away. It seems that customer service if often the only department that ever truly realizes or buys into the idea that the whole point of a business is TO SERVE THE CUSTOMER. THEY ARE THE ONES WHO PAY OUR PAYCHECKS. If you want to know what they want, ask customer service - we hear it all day long. We do not ask other departments to do things because we enjoy inconveniencing them or causing them extra work. We don't ask for a second proof because we want you to have another project on your desk - we ask for one because the customer wants it, duh! So don't treat us like we don't matter and do nothing but dump useless busywork on your desks.

(Rant over) ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/304-rant-about-my-job.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/252-more-good-news-financial-front.html Sun, 07 Sep 2008 01:35:22 GMT Today we got a check for $5,000 from the Boston Stock Exchange in appreciation of Ian's efforts. This still seems total unreal to me!!! I have never had that much money just materialize, especially when we could have really used it....

On a more mundane, but also happy note - Ian bought me a PedEgg today. I'm pretty happy with it. One of my pumice stones broke, and the other has gone missing - this was a perfect excuse to buy one, and it made me happy to think that Ian was thinking of me and got it. I also can't believe that they sell them in Staples, but that's another weird thing altogether. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/252-more-good-news-financial-front.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/248-its-been-while.html Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:10:45 GMT But I've been getting caught up in wanting to write the "perfect" blog entry. I keep looking at the total blog entries next to my name, and think "I should post..." but then don't because I don't have enough time. Well, whatever, I'm posting an entry now.

I have decided for a while to call this my home. I don't have time to update MySpace, Facebook, whatever with new pictures and moods and events - so I'm just doing it all here. On the bright side, this allows me some privacy, since there are a lot fewer people I know reading this blog and looking at this site, and if they do, I sure hope that they're reading the Forums.

My good news for today is that our timeshare is gone. We paid $3000 to get rid of it, and today I was looking at the registry of deeds in the county it's in, and the transfer was recorded on 8/26. We still haven't received official paperwork saying it was transferred, but seeing it recorded officially made me feel a lot better. For some reason, I've had this very intense fear since March (when I contacted the company that took our timeshare) that the company we dealt with was a scam, and that we'd be out $3000. I looked it up under the Better Business Bureau, I read online to see people's experiences (and real ones - not just the testimonials on the website) - and even though everything I found was positive, I still had this nagging feeling. Well, today that nagging feeling is gone. Totally gone!!

I've also done well in the last few days and weeks with getting rid of things. I'm doing another major wardrobe overhaul, and I've managed to part with a lot of things - even if they cost me a lot of money or if I'm now down to only three pairs of shoes. I've been holding off on buying anything, but I've been seriously on the warpath to get rid of things that don't flatter me - bad colors, bad fit, too small, too big - and have managed to get rid of a lot. We've also been able to declutter quite a bit of Owen's stuff too - the changing table, bouncer, pack and play, and highchair are gone, along with 3 bags of his clothes. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/248-its-been-while.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/150-we-bought-house.html Fri, 08 Aug 2008 02:23:09 GMT Here's the link:

http://vow.mlspin.com/idx/details.as...8&aid=K9502212

Not that anyone reads this anyway, but I wanted to get out how excited I am! I'm already imagining stuff in our house. Weird things, like Owen running down the stairs or pulling out the pans beneath the stove. Or doing laundry.

I'm also having some odd moments with Moffet. I knew two months ago that she was dying - even though her first vet checkup came back fine, I knew that she was dying. So when we had to put her down Monday, it was kind of just something that I knew about before hand. On the Friday previous, before I went to sleep, she hopped on the bed and I just petted her for a long time and said goodbye. Now that she's gone, I've caught some kind of ghost or spirit of her out of the corner of my eye - twice. It's really weird. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/150-we-bought-house.html http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/65-another-sunday-rolls-around.html Mon, 21 Jul 2008 03:40:21 GMT ...and I'm up late again. I don't know why, but I always seem to stay up late on Sundays. Maybe it's because I want to finish all the stuff that I don't get to during the week. I don't know.

My digital camera conked out today. I brought it to the beach yesterday and I'm pretty sure it just got some sand it in - the lense is somewhat jammed, and it's all blurry and out of focus. I feel bad about letting it go, but it's $140 to repair it (I know, because I did that already this year) and $170 to buy a new one. So I bought a new one. I did try and use a can of compressed air to clean it, but it didn't work.

I let my tadpoles go today. I just couldn't stand to see them eating each other. I don't think I necessarily had the right food or the best container. I feel guilty for taking them home and killing them, even though I know that if they had stayed in the pool they came from they would have been killed anyway. I let them go in the Blackstone river up behind the grocery store I went to as a kid. The two without legs swam away, even if one was upside down, and the one left with legs was just motionless - I'm thinking he was dead already. On the plus side, my counter no longer stinks. On the minus side - I'm now a slayer of tadpoles. ]]> Telephus44 http://www.frugalvillage.com/forums/blogs/telephus44/65-another-sunday-rolls-around.html