Staying Calm When They Aren't?

**bonnotsm9** · 05-21-2009, 07:03 PM

How do you stay calm when your sn child is throwing a tantrum and wants you to get angry? Like a lot of bipolar and autistic kids dd (14) has problems with aggression. In addition she is a huge drama queen. When she throws a fit she deliberately does things she hopes with make me lose my temper, thus feeding her fit. Today she was angry because I took her sibilings to the doctor for their vaccinations. The appointment lasted 1 1/2 hours so I took them to a fastfood place for lunch. I didn't know the appointment would last so long and was afraid they'd start feeling sick after having shots on an empty stomach.

As soon as dd found out the others ate lunch out, she got angry. I explained they had this as a treat because they had a doctor's appointment. Her doctors are all an hour more drive away and she gets lunch out when we go to her appointments, which are much more frequent than her siblings.

Her tantrum so far has involved slamming a bookcase against a wall, throwing things on the floor, ripping her clothes, slamming a door, and scratching/pinching me several times. She calms down faster if none of her dramatics get a reaction from me. This is the hard part.

What do you do to stay calm and not feed into the tantrums/anxiety when your child is upset?

**miss_thrifty** · 05-21-2009, 09:43 PM

bonnotsm9
I have a Adhd CHILD so i can hear what your saying. He is 16 now almost 17 in SEPT. he was diagnosed in grade 2 and given ,meds till grade 5.
The tempers were bad at first and I HAd him on respiratol AND dexedrine - nasty little drug , worked but hard on the body.
I found that u just taking it day by day helps and trying to stay come(i havent always been either) doesn hurt. I keep telling myself this will get better just deal with issue #1 now Charlene and ull get through it.
trying to keep the discpline under control and temknowing the consequences to their actions and follow through.
they will testa ya and alot and if they know they can rile ya up theyll do it to the max and of corse at the worst time.
deep breaths and be strong dear. hugggsss

**2ndGenGranola** · 05-22-2009, 02:09 AM

We take the nutritional route and sought out a specialist who uses that rather than rx meds. She put our temper guy on 5HTP. He calls them his "happy pills". She also said when he needs them to give him one and me take two. I thought that was odd until I tried it. Great stuff.

**NewLeaf** · 05-22-2009, 07:43 AM

My 13 yr old ds (non diagnosed) has big mood swings. If he doesn't get it his way right away he can become really mouthy. He will stomp up the stairs and slam his door. So far no major damage or physical abuse has occurred , but I don't think his actions are healthy. We were trying the 5htp and he just quit taking them. He said they calmed him down. I am going to get him to try them again.

My ds 6 yrs is adhd and aspergers. He doesn't throw tantrums, but if he feels unjustly treated ( and what 6 yr old feels that punishment is ever just???) he gets very angry and sassy. You cannot reason w/him at this point.

What I do is TRY to walk away from the confrontation and not feed the fire. It is hard not to get drawn in at times. But if I can walk away and not give them anyone to argue with then it does help. We also have consequences for this type of behavior.

Ds 6yrs is on adhd meds and that does help some.

Big hugs to you, and if your dd won't try the 5 htp then take it for yourself.

**miss_thrifty** · 05-22-2009, 08:18 AM

i know certain diets help cerain kids too. One of my friends has 2 kids withdiffent problems. one had many things 5 + wrong with him and the other is bi polor and ADHD. u wanna see how hell feels at times shell tell ya lol but she said that putting thme on certain diest helped at certain times in theor life.. she told me to tell u to google and join a forumn that what she did and helped alot. not just to vent but what evevryone else had done and what works and wont dont for theitr kids.

huuggss
oh by the way once i slowly weaned him off the drugs i used UDOs of oil to flush the meds out. totally differnt kids. beacse these kids have theor brain wired a diffent way or miss fire it helps with teh omegas and their frustations.

**Greebo** · 05-22-2009, 08:24 AM

Can you separate yourself from her in a way that you can observe her but she can't get to you?

**bonnotsm9** · 05-22-2009, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by Greebo

Can you separate yourself from her in a way that you can observe her but she can't get to you?

She follows me around when I try to leave her alone to cool off. So frustrating. The more she talks about it the more her anxiety and frustration increase. It's a viscious cycle with her.

I just try to calmly ignore her questions after I've already answered it 2 or 3 times. Eventually she'll give up and calm down as long as I don't lose my temper and feed into her anger. That's the hard part- staying calm.

**bonnotsm9** · 05-22-2009, 08:03 PM

Thanks everyone. We've tried the diets and natural therapies for her, saw a DAN doctor, allergy testing etc. Nothing really helped. She has a lot of allergies- the worst are pollen.

She does take fish oil per doctor's orders.

Two of her brothers take 5-htp. I'm not comfortable giving it to her with the other meds she's taking as it could lead to serotonin poisoning as well as destabilize her mood since she's also bipolar.

**miss_thrifty** · 05-23-2009, 03:03 PM

udos of oil(flora) is upose to be even better then fish oil beacuse it has omegas 3, 6 and 9 in it. we have it only in 2 nature stores here. but also on the net too. i usedit for removing all the meds out of oldest son when coming off oills slowly. detoxing and it was amazing stuff. but is also used regularl too if u want.

**patra** · 09-04-2010, 04:27 AM

I have a difficult time staying calm when my kids act up, my son is special needs and when he gets something in his head he will persist with it forever it seems...I have trouble keeping my calm as i have my own issues, i guess i count to ten a lot.I don't know how to stop my reaction to the trigger of bad behavior, and don't really know how to discipline the kids, tho my daughter is an angel.My son throws tantrums but not so much anymore as before when he was sicker.

patty