ADHD and LD

[Rhiamon]

My daughter was diagnosed several weeks ago with ADHD and a month ago as LD. We did decide to start her on a trial of meds and they seem to be helping but they are the short acting ones so she gets one am and lunch. She has always been challenge since she was a baby. She has violent outburst, she is very very impulsive, and very hyper active and very distracted. It’s hard because you have to always be on your toes. I explain it like a talking emotional freight train running through the house. I find it hard because I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Most people tell me that it is just bad parenting, or there is no such thing and how could I think of putting her on meds. I feel very guilty and asked if there was anything I did. The Dr. said no. But I still feel bad, I also feel like I am grieving a little bit if that makes sense.
The school has been very very supportive which is great. She is 6 almost 7. Today we were at a family Christmas party and at one point I thought okay she is doing good and playing with the other kids sat down to have some coffee and 5 mins later couldn’t' find her. She got mad and left. I found her sitting in the apartment lobby. I was so panicked. I feel like such a bad mom that I sat down for a coffee and thought I could relax for a minute.

[Lady_V]

You aren't a bad Mom. Tell yourself that 100 times a day until it sinks in.

My Diva is ADHD/ADD/LD... at one point, she was flighty, energetic, violent and couldn't focus for more than a minute.

We have found there to be a few 'triggers' for her. Self-esteem, self-confidence, peers and diet.

When she was doing good in school she didn't have as many violent outbursts. I hate to call them that. She was active. She was strong. She hugged the kids, but it hurt them. When she was struggling in school... lets just say, she was on first name basis with the principal.

There is a 'diet' -- I can tell you what has worked for us...

FLAX SEED or PRIMROSE OIL. High sources of Omega oils. One of the Teddy brand peanut butter actually has flax seed oil.



EAT LOTS OF FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. Try to eat them as close to their natural (raw) state.

NO JUNK FOODS. If it comes in a cellophane wrapper, don't eat it.


DILUTED FRUIT JUICES. One small glass of regular apple juice has the sugar content of eight apples.


CUT SUGAR INTAKE. Do your best without going crazy.


NO NUTRASWEET. None. Period.


NO PROCESSED FOODS or MEATS and NO MSG. Only get meats with labels that say, “Turkey and Water,” etc. If the meat has chemicals listed that you can't pronounce, don't buy it.


WHITE IS BAD. Brown rice, wheat pasta, wheat bread etc. Start slow by mixing it in with regular. After a while, becomes the prefered one.



CUT FRIED FOODS. Just about anything can be baked instead.


MORE FISH. Omega 3 is good for them.

Do I let her eat chips, a candy bar, pizza on white crust? Yes. Just not very often.

Look up OLD recipes. Before the time of the convience food.

It took about 2 to 3 weeks for us to notice the change in her. Now... we know right away what she had at her Granparents house by the way she acts when she gets home.

We have chosen not to medicate.

[derrygirl]

I feel for you, my son is 15 and what a challenge, the violent outbursts have gotten worse with age and hormones. The names he calls me when he is in a meltdown would make your ears bleed. He has tried so many meds since he was 5. We just keep praying and hoping he will "grow" out of it. And yes people seem to blame our parenting but we have an 12 year old son who was parented the same way and he's an angel. Hang in there, prayers and hugs to you.

[miss_thrifty]

lady v is correct I would tell you all the same things about diet.
And my oldest was diagnosed with ADHD at grade 2. and was in meds till end of grade 4.
you are not a bad mom!!! I dont know how many times I had to go look for my son 1 min here next on the barn roof(lean) where the wood was stored. ughh he was either climbing a tree or something else. Church was fun too some days lol
me and the priest came up with a idea how to help him be less distracted. We sat at the very first row, then 3 months later he joined choir. Loved it!!! as long as he felt like he was getting lots of attention and felt good about himself more then feeling down especially after bad weeks at school(keeping concentration) this made him feel so good inside. Every child has so much potential and I found from talking to other ADD parents that to look for the positives in our children.
Very outgoing
tries things more easily , and less fear of disapointment
more active children i find were less sick too
these are just my opinions but It will get better i promise you.
My oldest is 17 now and shows no or very little hyper activity , still has some issues yes in school and concentration but not like it was years ago. He knows it will be something he will live with for life but hes a very positive outgoing kid who started out telling me alot of time I hate u mommy, ur so mean to a kid who tells me every night Love you mom . night. and gives hugs from time to time.
heads up dear, I know u can do this huggsss

[NikoSan999]

You are not a bad mom. You do whatever is best for you and your child. You do the best that you can and that is all you can do. No more. Hugs long distance.

[bumplett]

I'm with Lady V, it's not 'easy' to choose the non-medicated route, but it's healthier in the long run (IMHO)

We also left public school & decided that private school has MUCH more patience & tolerance & understanding.

good luck to you - but I would seriously read as much as you can on the side effects and long term effects of the prescribed drugs.

funny thing is: while you get comments about "medicating", I get comments referring to how I'm a bad parent because I choose NOT to "medicate" --- so consider your sources, and realize that people aren't happy unless they are feeling superior to you - just remind yourself every now & again that these people don't walk in your shoes.

good luck!

You can always vent here, we'll always listen

[frugalwarrior2]

Rhiamon-I understand better than I like to say. It is a chemical imbalance,the brain is physically different and they don't have a handle on it.
My DD was just like that as a child. She would have melt downs. She would tantrum on the floor as a toddler,she threw a shovel across the yard at her brother, she dug her nails in a kid at school. She slapped a girl in high school.
It has been endless. She has been medicated since 5th grade and it has helped considerably.
Having a child like this is wearing and embarrassing and makes you feel guilty. i have gained weight and been anxietous at times. I struggle w/ depression as feel so wistful for things and possibilities lost. I hate parent teacher conferences. Other parents look at you sideways,gossip in front of you. People look at you like something bad must be going on at home.
Get in a support group w/ other parents. Try the diets, See if she can go on a slow release concerta if possible as she gets older (socially it will help not having attention drawn to her because of medicating). See if you can find a behavior mod. therapist. Things will get better. I don't think I would say she has "outgrown" her impulsiveness but she can control herself a bit better. Just don't let others define who she is or isn't w/ labels. They will try. Also make sure she doesn't think she has a permanent hall pass from difficult situations because of the LD.

My DD is in Community College now. She is happier,more confident and seems to be gaining poise. She struggles w/ writing and has to take a course in it next semester. I am secretly terrified for her. She has promised to use the services for LD and tutoring.
My DD is very artistic and has found a niche there. Yours will find her successes too. Whatever interests she shows foster it,support her,be as patient as you can. (w/ her and yourself). Feel what you feel. Don't let anyone tell you that this is a finished book. My DD is still a bit of a social disaster but has a few friends. She is bright and has come a long way. Where she is deficient,she will be strong and gifted somewhere else.
She had a prom date,went to all the dances, achieved in scouts,and chuch. I understand the grieving. This is a hard judgement. I always say to myself "reframe". This means think another way,try another way. You can help her learn to do this too. It will help her find success. She may just have to do it another way. (we walked and stomped and musiced out spelling words. Her LD makes phonics defunked so the poor kid had to memorize every word.)
You can P.M. me if you need an ear.

[zakity]

I have an ADHD child. We chose the Feingold diet for him. Well, technically do a modified Feingold. We took out the dyes, corn syrup, and avoid preservatives as much as possible. It has made a world of difference in the boys' behavoirs. We put them all three on the diet.

[lottaLove]

Hang in there, you are not doing anything wrong and you are most certainly not a bad parent.
Its good that the school is very supportive. To the people around you who tell you its bad parenting or there is no such thing, there will always be those people who are self proclaimed experts on every subject in existence. They probably know nothing more about ADHD or LDs than they saw on a 3 minute news clip from the evening news once upon a time. Don't let their ignorant comments bring you down. Only parents who have children with similar diagnoses can fully understand how exhausting and emotionally challenging it can be.

[HandyMom]

You aren't a bad parent. Others would like to place the blame on you but it's not true. You did nothing to cause it, can't fix it and certainly can't cure it. So try and relax and make the best of your days and remember you're not alone.