Do you ever just feel too stressed...

**annieacid** · 07-18-2005, 11:30 AM

... To stay at work all day? Do you ever take a half a mental health day, or even a full one?

I feel guilty, but sometimes I say I'm sick and I go home, or I say my son has a doctor's appt (rare, but only use that when it's obvious that I'm not sick). They don't count off for our sick days so much as personal days, and I've used all my personal days, but sometimes I just get so depressed/stressed/anxious sitting here that I feel I can't take another moment without breaking down.

Is it just me?! I'm feeling that way today, and trying to make it through the day.

I just sit here and try to get motivated to do my work. I listen to the sound of the air vents, and the silence that results when work is slow, and when no one is chatting. I try to think of things to do that will keep my sane, and I feel guilty for not wanting to do my work. I wait for my boyfriend to call on lunch, so that I can hear a familiar voice and be comforted.

I really hate working...

**Chea** · 07-18-2005, 12:01 PM

here here here!
Of course I just got back from a 2 week vacation (1st day back) so I can't make a break for it just yet. Once in a great while I'll allow myself a "sick day" to just relax and get my self together. When you do so much we all need a chance to catch our breath.

**canadian gardener** · 07-18-2005, 12:21 PM

hugs, and a quick check with the dr to be sure you aren't dealing with chronic low grade depression might be in order.

That and finding a different job with better conditions.

Even rats in a cage go squirrelly with boredom.

**annieacid** · 07-18-2005, 12:31 PM

Thanks for the hugs affirmation that I'm not the only one!

I do know that I have chronic depression and anxiety. I have seen a counselor, who wanted me to have a psych evaluation, and thought medication was in order. That was last year. Now that I get a bonus at work, I can afford to pay the initial fee for the psycho evaluation, but I can't afford counseling or medication on an ongoing basis. It's too much. Last time I went to counseling, the lowest I could get for a fee was $20.00 a week, and that was with the trainee... I can't even afford that!

The thing about this job is that it's the best one for me right now (financially and job security-wise). The hours are semi-flexible (no one cares if I'm late or leave early), the pay is fairly good (including bonuses, I'd say around 35 - 40K per year), and my boss is really cool (we can be casual with one another, and he actually gave up 1% of his commission to give it to me without me even asking! He also lobbyed to get me a raise). It's close to my home, and I can futz around on the net when I'm bored.

I don't mean to complain, because of all these benfits I get, but it's just that I am NOT cut out for office work. I'd rather be out there with my hands in it, if you know what I mean. It's just that I can't lose that much of my salary! I've looked into hands on jobs, but they just do not pay enough. I've done the math

I just have a really hard time sitting in an office all day. You can't imagine the liberation I feel when I finally leave the office and go outside. I feel like I could fly!

Man, I do feel bad for my rat. He is stuck in a cage all day

bg · 07-18-2005, 12:58 PM

Originally posted by annieacid
I just sit here and try to get motivated to do my work. I listen to the sound of the air vents, and the silence that results when work is slow, and when no one is chatting. I try to think of things to do that will keep my sane,

I felt the same way about a month ago, and I decided to take vacation for a week. I stayed at home and did all the things I have been wanting to do for a long time (biking, spending time with friends, etc), and it was a worthwhile break.

Perhaps, a long break is something you may be looking for?

**annieacid** · 07-18-2005, 01:08 PM

Originally posted by bg
Perhaps, a long break is something you may be looking for?

Well I have a vacation day coming up on 8/22, and I have a week's vacation scheduled for the second week in September. It just never seems long enough! Any additional vacation I'd have to take without pay, and my work would go down the tubes! It's very deadline oriented, and people freak out when they have to handle something I have handled so far.

Thanks for the suggestion, though

I'm glad your break gave you some rejuventation!

I'm thinking of leaving here at 3 instead of 4 (I have to drive from NJ to PA, and it gets really clogged, and I could be late to pick up my son, so I'm allowed to leave an hour early when I work from this office) in order to give myself an extra hour of "easy breathing" time.

**Michele Annette** · 07-18-2005, 01:46 PM

I don't mean to complain, because of all these benfits I get, but it's just that I am NOT cut out for office work. I'd rather be out there with my hands in it, if you know what I mean. It's just that I can't lose that much of my salary! I've looked into hands on jobs, but they just do not pay enough. I've done the math

I just have a really hard time sitting in an office all day. You can't imagine the liberation I feel when I finally leave the office and go outside. I feel like I could fly!

Jackie, I can completely relate to these two statements. That is one of my biggest complaints about my job. That I have to sit here all day! I hate it! I want to be working outside or standing up for part of the day.

**patches** · 07-18-2005, 03:06 PM

Sounds like you need a new viewpoint to help you get through the day.

Have you done a gratitude list? Ya know, those things you are grateful for in spite of your feelings or circumstances?

You have a lot to be grateful for and focusing on what you can't change or don't know how to change will cause depression.

So will anger and frustration. Actually, depression is usually caused by stuffed anger. Been there done that. I suffered from depression for years and until I started dealing with what was causing it it wouldn't go away.

By the way...don't know if this applies or not...those who have been abused usually have things start to surface at approx. 27 yrs old. That was according to the National Institute of Mental Health and I was right on target.

27 hit and I was a mess but it had started to surface back when I had my first child at 21. The horrible part was that I turned to alcohol to try and mask the feelings. Alcohol is a depressant, it makes it worse.

Also, situational depression, which is more common that other types, is usually because we get to feeling stuck with no escape from whatever is bothering us. Gaurantee you that situational depression can usually be helped by dealing with anger and frustration. Talking about it, writing it out but not stuffing it.

**annieacid** · 07-18-2005, 03:12 PM

Originally posted by patches
Have you done a gratitude list? Ya know, those things you are grateful for in spite of your feelings or circumstances?

So will anger and frustration. Actually, depression is usually caused by stuffed anger. Been there done that. I suffered from depression for years and until I started dealing with what was causing it it wouldn't go away.

By the way...don't know if this applies or not...those who have been abused usually have things start to surface at approx. 27 yrs old.

Also, situational depression, which is more common that other types, is usually because we get to feeling stuck with no escape from whatever is bothering us. Gaurantee you that situational depression can usually be helped by dealing with anger and frustration. Talking about it, writing it out but not stuffing it.

Thanks for your suggestions

I do periodically make a list of things to be thankful for. Both on paper, and in my head. It does help sometimes, but at other times, the depression has just hit too hard. A lot of times I'm depressed for just no reason, even if I am sitting at home, but work adds a situational depression on top.

I do express A LOT when I'm angry. I never ever hold anything in, and I tend to talk TOO much. People think I'm strange for it, but I just can't keep things inside. I also write, especially through email, and I express my feelings to my SO when we talk. We talk about how our days are going, and our frustrations, as well as the good things that have happened.

I have been dealing with depression since I was around 10 years old. I am able to deal with it better than I used to be, but some days are just much harder than others.

I know I have lots to be thankful for, but unfortunately my brain chemistry doesn't always let that cheer me up.

**Mom23boys** · 07-18-2005, 05:32 PM

I do that once in a while. I get alot of days off really so I shouldn't, but I would rather be home than at work any day even though I like what I do. Does that make sense?

**annieacid** · 07-18-2005, 08:26 PM

Originally posted by Mom23boys

I do that once in a while. I get alot of days off really so I shouldn't, but I would rather be home than at work any day even though I like what I do. Does that make sense?

It makes perfect sense!

By the way - just wanted to let everyone know that I got through my day and stayed until the end - honestly mostly thanks to this community! It gave me something to do and some "socialization" that was just the push I needed to keep going

**patches** · 07-19-2005, 04:58 PM

If not for you, maybe for others reading this post I found out something that surprised the living daylights out of me.

When I was first learning to process my anger, ect. I had been diagnosed as manic depressive. Now according to a lot of the psychs out there, pills are the only way to handle the problem.

After a visit to the crisis unit, they sent me through followup.

I was told at that time that stuffed feelings cause chemical imbalances in the brain and that I wouldn't always have to be on meds.

I said, so you are telling me that the reason I have a chemical imbalance is because I haven't dealt with my past?

She said yep.

Over the next 3 yrs. I tackled all of those problems from my past, dealt with those abuse issues and have learned how to keep myself out of situational depression as well. (I found more importantly that it is a choice and I have choices even if I can't see what they are, I can talk to others and find out what my options are and make choices based on those options).

But most importantly, I worked through and got out of the depression that had plagued me almost my entire life. And she was right....I haven't had to be on meds since 1992.

Now I've been in AA for a lot of years and have found others that have been told the same thing in the past couple of years. They too are finding that if they deal, they heal and they don't have to exist on chemicals.

**favesis37** · 07-21-2005, 08:56 AM

can your dr give you samples of meds? mine has given me smples for 4 years, i have never had to buy any. of course i am no longer taking any and maybe i should, becasue i feel the same way, i hate working, i just want to be home. as my dh sometimes says" kim, you don't play well with others" LOL

**Jerseygirl** · 07-29-2005, 09:23 PM

I have those days often and I'm very lucky that because of my job--social service supervisor-I'm able to deal with it in different ways. I do occasionally just abandon my office and go home, or go shoe shopping, otherdays I take petty cash and buy everyone the makings of milkshakes and we fire up the blender (seriously, this makes everyone I have to deal with happier) or I put some music on in my office and clean my desk-mindless filing helps too. I've also been known to stop everything and make everyone in the building participate in a Disney sing along or the hokey pokey, 50 adults putting their right arm in, ya can't beat it.

**Telephus44** · 07-30-2005, 03:28 PM

I take a "mental health" day about once every 3 months - usually I call in sick, since we're not allotted sick days. But here's what I've done lately to cope with the "I don't want to do my work" syndrome.

1. Go outside for lunch! I used to eat in our small "cafeteria" and eat lunch and read the paper. Now I eat as fast and I can at my desk while I check my personal email, then go and walk down to a small park nearby and just sit and zone out. Sometime if I have a lot of nervous energy I'll walk the whole hour.

2. Keep things at my desk that help me just space out for a few minutes. I have an aloe plant (they don't require hardly any sun) so I can keep a little bit of nature at my desk. I also have a luck amulet I made that's been blessed for courage, stamina, and energy to help me get through the day.

3. Sometime I'll work in Flylady mode - if I can just get these three quotes done, then I'll take a small break and get up and walk to the water cooler when I'm done. Or if I can process these two orders, I'll talk a small walk down to shipping when I'm done. It makes the work seem easier when I'm only concentrating on a small piece.