How do you manage stress?

**SCDowney** · 10-09-2005, 03:54 PM

What do you do?
I am the worst at this, and am looking for ideas. Were there any periods of time where it was worse, and how did you handle it?
Thanks in advance!

**sunshine** · 10-09-2005, 05:27 PM

I'm religious, so I pray, read my Bible, listen to Christian music

I call my mom and vent to her if it's work or kid related stress, she's pretty good at calming me down

massages work wonders, certain scents (I like roses and lily of the valley- so I do candles a lot), bubble baths. . . .

**karnic3881** · 10-09-2005, 05:50 PM

I close my eyes, even if it's just for 10 seconds, and take really deep breaths, and picture myself on the beach on Paradise Island in the Bahamas (went there years ago when I was still living w.Mom & Dad - and they, of course, footing the bill!) I hear the ocean, the silence, the calmness of it. Just picturing it makes me feel better.

**canadian gardener** · 10-09-2005, 06:18 PM

Dejunk my schedule, my calendar, and simplify my life.

A lot of extra stress comes from having too many things to do, people to see, projects to finish and not enough time to do it all.

That is stress that can be eliminated for a large part by learning to say no. And for stuff you've said yes on in the past, clear your decks, call and let them know you can't.

If it's kids activities, scale them back. If they fuss, they can either make arrangements themselves for transport (busses, other parents) or they can pick and choose which one extra curricular activity they can keep.

If it's work activities you may not be able to, but scale back, delegate and say no to whatever you can.

If it's volunteer stuff, figure out which ONE thing you can concentrate on, and give your regretful goodbyes to the rest.

If it's church, figure out which ONE activity you can participate in with a whole hearted ability and joy and ditch the others.

If you had a stroke, they would all find a way.

If you continue with too much stress, your health will suffer, I'm living proof.

I wish I could go back and do it differently. I can't. I'm living with permanent health issues as a result of taking too much on, doing too much, being too much for others.

Some things are worth pouring your heart and soul into, others are just passing thru your life. If you had a stroke tomorrow the things that are worthwhile would be the people who would give back to you, but the ones who would merrily continue without you, although they'd miss you, they are the ones to consider as passing thru.

**canadian gardener** · 10-09-2005, 06:20 PM

And if work is causing it, life's too short to kill yourself for a paycheque. Consider switching to a less stressful career.

You only have one chance at this life, and the health you have has to last a lifetime.

Manage it, knowing that you can't burn a candle from both ends before it goes out altogether.

Believe me your workplace won't give a second thought to replacing you no matter how much they say you are indispensible right now.

Have a stroke, or get sick from stress and just see how fast they have someone else doing your job for you. It's just not worth it.

Take care of you, you are the only you that you've got. And to your family, and close friends, you truly are irreplaceable.

**canadian gardener** · 10-09-2005, 06:37 PM

money stress is another biggy. I notice your sig line talks about how you are destroying a debt. That is a big stress relief in itself so I doubt what I have to say, relates to your stress.

For anyone else reading this thread struggling with money stresses, something that has always helped me deal with it, is really seeing the problem. When I'm not quite sure exactly how much it is, I tend to stress. Once I've got a handle on it, even if it's bad, knowing the amount helps.

Then what has helped the next is developing a working plan to destroying that debt. During those crisis periods dh and I put the credit card into the bank safe deposit and go cash only. Not adding to the problem in other words, and working little by little at reducing it.

A lot of stress now comes from buying stuff "knowing" that you'll be able to pay in the future whether it's a year from now or a week from now.

The future has it's own problems, most of which arrive unexpectedly and land on us which then stresses us as the bills come in for the stuff we "knew" we could afford.

The biggest stress relieving lesson I've learnt is that if you don't have the cash for it now, the reason is because you don't have that room in the budget which means that the future isn't any different.

Funny how long it's taken me to learn that.

**canadian gardener** · 10-09-2005, 07:52 PM

I guess the main thing I've been trying to say is, don't put bandaids on stress. Deal with the sources. Only use the bandaids when it's truly something you can't change and truly truly must live with.

Change what you can. Including how you describe the stress to yourself. as a challenge rather than a dreaded event.

Minor daily life things can be fixed with bubble bath, quiet time, soothing music, and those have a big place in managing the stress you can't avoid.

**forestdale** · 10-09-2005, 07:57 PM

I totally agree with Margery. I'm not one to stress too much about anything but when I was working I worked to deadlines all the time. When they got too much for me, I stopped everything I was doing and did something else. There's nothing like ignoring stress to get you back on track. Go to a movie, read a book or take a bath. When you feel better get back to your work with a clearer mind.

BTW, when the stress of deadlines and working with bored, manipulative people got too much for me, I quit. Closed down the business and lead the simple life.

**Darlene** · 10-09-2005, 08:01 PM

I just ask myself is this worth getting upset about. Usually my getting upset doesn't change a thing. If my intervention is warranted then it's~ OK what's the best way to make it work.

Most things~ are solved by delegating.
Or~ not worth the time.
Or~ don't involve me or are none of my business.
Or~ just are the way it is
Step back and say no when you need to. That's a biggie. You can't and shouldn't be all things to all people. Take time for you.

**Sara Noel** · 10-09-2005, 09:54 PM

I don't work outside of the home, but have plenty of "work" stress. lol

I find that something has to give and I have to accept it and be ok with that. Making time to care for myself is a big one. I agree with what everyone has said. Rest is very important. Sharing responsibilities, prioritizing, and and saying no to the things that aren't important.

It's time to get selfish and do what's most important.

I think for me it's just accepting that I have limits and creating boundaries. Take the necessary time to breathe.

Like Margery says...when you peel away what's important...handling stress becomes much easier. I realize some things are simply stressful and need to be faced. Try not to overwhelm yourself, do face it head on, and try and live moment to moment and not start adding on every little detail that's pending or coming up all at once. Deal with each priority one at a time.

A big, fat juicy reward helps too.

Share what you've accomplished or are facing so you can get the support you need too.

All I can say is that I've been pretty overwhelmed lately myself and the support of friends has been a huge help. Taking downtime to just breathe makes it all manageable.

Can do it all...just not all at one time.

**SCDowney** · 10-10-2005, 10:22 AM

I wonder if what I'm going thru is a mild form of post-traumatic stress disorder. I've had nausea, abdominal pain, dry heaves, headaches, vertigo, motion sickness, exhaustion, amongst other things.
This is what's happened this year:
A few of you know I was in a very toxic friendship; that is gone. I don't have a support system in place, (that old friendship had been supportive at one time) altho an old friend called the other day and it was so good to reconnect with her. I've missed her since she moved away six years ago, stayed in touch, just not frequently.
I have dropped all of the extra work and things I was doing, all finished by the end of last June (and yes, some guilt went along with it - was very upsetting to give it all up). I had done these things for 3-4 years, one for about 10 years.
My relationship with BF had been very strained - up until April or so. Total turn-around; took a few months to really believe it.
The kids are very supportive for the most part, and aren't into alot of activities. What they do do, my BF, their father, and step-mom all help with.
What used to help and am not doing any more is going to the gym; am trying to find something that works for me, at home. I love to hike, but badly sprained my ankle and tore a ligament so am not going very far yet.
Two toxic co-workers have left this year.
I am really hoping to improve my relationship with my temporary boss; and am going to book days off in the next couple of months to give me more time at home. The work itself isn't stressful, and I enjoy it.
I am really looking forward to getting my ankle back in shape; I miss the walks
Margery, I've noticed that in other of your posts, you've mentioned that suffering long-term effects of stress. May I ask the symptoms?
And if anybody else has/does, would you mind sharing?
Thanks very much, and have a great Thanksgiving!

**canadian gardener** · 10-10-2005, 11:33 PM

Sure. Btw, there is a stress index. It's a scale developed by Hans Selye and it's on a number of websites now I think. Good stresses are still stress, as are bad ones. Add up enough points and you are more prone to accidents, illness and add enough to a breaking point, and you can have memory trouble, concentration problems brain fog etc.

OK I went thru a terrible period of heavy stress over a 2 year period startiong about 8 years ago. I was coping, then we moved. The move was a relief.

Suddenly I was out of all the bad stuff, but struggling with extreme fatigue, joint pain, brain fog, memory problems so bad that I would literally turn around to write something down, and have to turn back because I forgot before the pen hit the paper. I've always had migraines, but they got worse. I couldn't remember my own address or phone number reliably for about 3 years.

I still couldn't go out at night, nor could I go out to even grocery shop without having a day of rest. The fatigue was so bad, I had to do my housework in 5 minute bursts with 15 or 20 minutes rest in between. If I over did it, I paid for days.

I ended up in bed for a couple of days for example whenever I'd attempt to be normal and just go out for a church ladies meeting till 9pm. I'd be in bed by 9 but the damage was done, and I'd need a couple of bed days.

I played around with nutritional supplements and found a mix that helped some. At the time I was experimenting with a vegetarian diet thinking that would help. It made things worse. Then I found I was allergic to legumes, and when I took all legumes out the joints improved. And some of my energy returned.

Then shortly after that my thyroid swelled up, and became painful. I found I had nodules, and some kind of auto immune thing going on. (the soy may have done it, there is a protein in soy that is thryoid toxic in some people)

Next I started having pain around my uterine area. Finally went to the dr about that, and got on a wait list to have a total hysterectomy. Turned out to be a bad case of endometriosis with fibroids.

After the hysterectomy, I noticed that I felt much much better on the hormone patch. (they took my ovaries too.)

After a year, I went to my dr, and last summer (not the one we just had but last year) I went to an endocrinologist. I've been on an increased estrogen dose and a thryoid pill ever since. After that I felt pretty much back to normal.

This summer though after a stress full family event, I relapsed a bit. Not as bad as before, but migraines, fatigue and a bit of brain fog are back.

However there is some question as to whether I've developed Lupus. It would explain the fatigue, brain fog, throid swelling, and a few other things too. It may be chronic fatigue or fibromyalgia.

Most people who undergo prolonged heavy stress develop symptoms. For one thing your body produces cortisol, which helps you in the fight or flight reaction, but in the long run, it prevents one of the brain chemicals involved in memory from acting, so you have memory problems. Your blood pressure can become chronically high and there are other problems.

Long answer, but in short, yes your problems can be related to prolonged high stress levels.

The cure?

Clear your decks, deal with any and all stress that you can, and get rid of whatever you can. Do what you have to to rid yourself of excess stressors.

Then add in positives. Friends, make some good ones, have some fun time, rent funny movies, have movie nights with friends. Read comedy books, watch comedy tv.

DON'T read the newspaper or watch the news too often. Give yourself a break. The world will still wag, and you'll catch up later when you are up to it.

Fill your life with fun things, laughter and friends and get outside your situation, take the long view. Realize it's a passing phase, and pass it must. If you don't have friends, then hang out with good healthy people, and develop a set of friends at a church or community group that you like.

If you are depressed get treatment for that. Chronic stress leaves you prone to depression. I didn't have that but many do.

HTH

**hollyhill** · 10-11-2005, 12:37 AM

Awh, Margery I am so sorry to hear you have not been well. I too have a thyroid problem. I have found that when I have brain fog (love that term) it usually means I need to up my thyroid hormone dose.

I find those stress index thingys so stressful LOL!
I have had the death of a best friend, death of a brother, Dh job loss, Dh stressful school stuff, severe financial hardship (having no money is very hard), unsupportive family, lots of uncertainty.....so my stress index number is........well no wonder I feel so lousy and well ......stressed!

What I do is pray (alot), have a cup of tea on the porch (even in the winter), do hard crosswords, logic problems, cross sums (OK so I am weird), laugh, be grateful for every little thing, help someone else, hug my children.....hope.

**canadian gardener** · 10-11-2005, 10:14 AM

Oh my goodness!!!! Hollyhill!!!!

I so understand. I found I could either read fluffy little one page magazine articles (couldn't remember one page to the next so one page worked) or something really heavy that I had to really concentrate on.

I love physics, and it was about that time that I indulged myself in a bunch of popular books on quantum physics.

It was one or the other, nothing in between.

So yes I so understand about the logic problems and sums. Math just has a tidy sparkly way of working out in a beautiful orderly pattern like a snowflake.

Or like knitting.

It just makes everything lovely.