working moms help......

**gypsysoul** · 11-28-2006, 08:36 PM

not going well

Oh ladies this foray into the working world is NOT going well! I did the pre-work talk with the kids and Dh stating that I would no longer be able to do everything around the house. We balanced that talk with the wow, we will have a bit of extra money talk so everybody seemed on board! Having always had me at home I guess they and I just didnt know what to expect.

I am close to tears--everyday the house is a mess and DH is not supportive at all. His stance is....he works longer hours so its still up to me. I feel now I may have bitten off more than I can chew. How do y'all do this, what am I doing wrong. I feel like such a loser

**lottaLove** · 11-28-2006, 08:55 PM

You are not a loser. I may not be the best person to offer advice on this, because my apartment is a perpetual disaster, however I am of the opinion that time spent with family is more valuable than time spent vacuuming or washing walls. Yes, it is important to have your house clean to a certain extent, such as removing objects from the floor that could be considered a tripping hazard, but if you are exhausted and want to relax, then relax!

Is there some daily chore that DH wouldn't mind doing, just to take the pressure off of you a bit? Maybe something that he could finish in 15 minutes or less? Or your children, are they old enough to help? My DS is 2 and a half, and he takes care of cleaning his room. He knows that before bed, all toys must be put in the toy box, and so he does this himself. Older children can take on other tasks as well.

Don't despair, things will work out. Its surely an adjustment going from home to work, and as such things will change. I know that if I came home from work every day expecting my place to be spotless before going to sleep at night, I would never make it to bed.

I'm sorry I couldn't offer any more advice...I hope everything works out for you.

**got2run3** · 11-28-2006, 09:52 PM

Please don't think of yourself as a loser. The key to it is routines and getting dh and the kids to help. This is going to sound nerdy but I have on paper a routine for each day and what I need dh and ds to do for me. Mondays they are pretty much on their own b/c I have school. then I try to do 1 or 2 rooms a night instead of trying to wait till the weekend to do it all. I promise once you get a routine it will get easier. I also pay my ds to do his chores if he doesnt do them then he doesnt have arcade or blockbuster $ certain things he has to do b/c he lives here. but if he wants is allowance he has to earn it. hope this helps.

**watchingpennies** · 11-28-2006, 10:22 PM

We do the 15 minute tidy each night after supper....Everyone has an area to tidy (DH clears the dishes to the dishwasher), I am usually in the main family room and the kids tidy their rooms or playroom (whichever is more of a disaster). This little bit helps me get organized before getting the kids ready for bed. We lay out clothes the night before and then after they are in bed I throw a load of laundry in or dust while watching tv....don't worry about everything though...just get done what you can and think of the extra money!!!

**leezza** · 11-28-2006, 11:12 PM

I hope you don't take this wrong but, your hubby should be on board you are working to make things better for the whole family not just for yourself.....it could be male ego but its just not right to me.

Could your hubby at least do the usual male items like take out the trash, run herd on the kids and make sure they get their homework done???? If you have something ready in the refrigerator could he put it into the oven to heat up for dinner...........I don't know how old your children are so am not sure about what they are able to do.

Mainly you are not a loser and I respect you for trying so hard to make things better for your family.

leezza

**movaly1** · 11-29-2006, 10:23 AM

It is so hard. I would get as much help from your family as possible, accept that you won't be able to keep your house perfectly clean (in 20 years are you going to wish your house was cleaner or that you had spent more time with the kids?).

**emily_hope** · 11-29-2006, 10:57 AM

It is hard working and cleaning house and taking care of kids. I know, I've been doing it for over 17 years. My house is never PERFECT and I don't expect it to be. I have a routine going now, that works pretty well. My DH doesn't do much with house cleaning, he does the yard work. He does take out the trash and he will help me get the kitchen clean after supper. I do the cooking. When DD16 is home, she will help me cook. She likes to do this. However, when supper is over, DD16 kind off slips of to her room. She doesn't like that portion of it. BUT, DD17 loves to wash dishes, so she also helps me and DH get the kitchen restored to order. This is the one thing that is a family effort.
The DDs are responsible for keeping their rooms tidy. DD16 actually does a better job at this, but she has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and can't stand a messy room. DD17 usually has a chaotic room. She tidys on occasion. Her room isn't filthy, just lived it. I don't go in their rooms often, so I can live with it.
I wash clothes. I wash, dry, and fold and everyone puts away their own, including DH. I do at least one load per day so that it does not get piled up. Monday is blue jeans and I wash our bras. LOL. Tuesday is towels. Wednesday I wash bright colors. Thursday I wash whites. Friday I wash towels again. Saturday I wash all the light colors. Sunday I wash darks. A lot of poeple don't divide the clothes up into that many different washes, but I have at least one load of each a week.
Then, I try to do a few minutes of cleaning each day. Mondays I clean the mirrors, TV screens and such. Tuesdays I feather dust all the furniture. Wednesdays I vacuum the area rugs and carpets and gather up all the trash. Thursdays I vacuum the upstairs hardwood floors. Fridays I vacuum the downstairs hardwood floors. (We have a lot of hardwood.) I clean the toilets daily. I load and unload the dishwasher daily.
I pick one room a week that I want to deep clean. I do some of it daily or do it on the weekend. I try to get everything done so I have my weekends to spend with the family.
I do cook supper every night. We eat together as a family. No TV, no phone calls. We all enjoy this time together. Sometimes it is the only time we are together all week.
I make my bed every day and so do the DDs.
Sorry this is so long. You just need to work out some sort of schedule/routine that will work for your family. DH may not be on board, but maybe when he sees how this is all working for the family, he will join in. Try not to nag him, that will probably only make him not want to do anything all the more. If that makes sense.
There are two websites that I visit that have helped me. FlyLady.net and organizedhome.com are the two websites. Check them out when you have time. Remember to get enough sleep. Lack of sleep will make all of this harder for you to handle. It is easier said than done, I know.
Take care of yourself and all of this will work out. Good luck and (((HUGS)))!

**suzysaver** · 11-29-2006, 12:35 PM

I completely agree with the schedule and routine. I don't have kids, just one overgrown child (Hubby) and the only thing he does around here is the garbage (and sometimes not). First thing I do when I wake up is make the bed before I even leave the room and then while I'm in the bathroom I straighten up and wipe things down. I grab the dirty clothes before I head for the kitchen and while I'm heating my coffee in the microwave I either empty the dishwasher or the dish drainer. Before I even have my first cup of coffee..I feel like I have already accomplished something and it takes that overwhelmed feeling off my back. It sounds like your kids are old enough to have chores and help out, I would post a chart so they understand whats expected of them (sometimes it's just all those little things that add up ).

**ecgsmama** · 11-29-2006, 03:16 PM

My husband is extremely helpful around the house - after years of grooming, b/c I've always worked and he understands these things should be shared if we are both working....

But I have honestly cut myself a break lately...I can't do it all...in fact, I think anyone with more than one child under the age of five should ALWAYS have a load of laundry waiting to be folded or taken care of...it just seems normal now...

Hang in there...I dread the day when my kids are all grown-up, my house is spotless, and I don't have anything better to do than fold and take care of all my laundry...

**ubumartin** · 11-29-2006, 04:29 PM

I have an idea for you to get your husband to be more helpful.

Try positive reinforcement. Men respond to that rather than critisizing. If you critique what he does then he will retreat and decide it is easier to let you do than have you re-do it. If he does do a few chores maybe he will see that it improves your mood, it will make you happier with him, which will result in being able to spend quiet time together during the evening. Start off slow. Maybe you can get him to load the dishwasher while you clean up the kitchen. Try getting the whole family involved in a quick pick up of the house before t.v. at night so you can all relax and have family time. It is a whole family effort.

If that doesn't help there is always boycotting house hold chores until your family decides they better help or else they will be doing it all. A few days of no clean clothes or supper on the table should do the trick! LOL.

**gypsysoul** · 11-29-2006, 09:11 PM

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

For all of the replies. You all seem to have fantastic suggestions and Im going to start using some of them immediately. I keep thinking of the paycheque knowing how badly we are struggling right now so | absolutely must stick with it till after the holidays.

Who knows maybe by then I will have developed a routine and everything will be running smoothly. (of course I could always win the lottery or struck by lightening as well-lol) I have decided I can only do what I can do and I refuse to keep picking up after the children (they are all school age and capable)

I am feeling the mommy blues right around 300 when I see other parents with their children thou. Hopefully this is just a stage as well. Ladies thanks again, you are a great bunch with very wise words.