Do you ever have one of those days...weeks...months...

**AheeK** · 01-30-2007, 08:50 PM

Ugh. I am having such a hard time at work lately. I've never been a person who functions well when I'm put on the spot, but lately it's like I can't do anything right. Every time someone asks me a question (you know, when they act as if you've already done something wrong and you're guilty unless you can come up with something RIGHT NOW to change their mind), I completely panic and my mind goes blank and I end up saying the exact WRONG thing. It's so frustrating, because I get so upset that I can't explain myself or I'll start crying right there. I feel so terrible afterward...I come home and just cry and cry and cry. It happened again today - the worst one yet - and I'm still crying over it. I just don't know what to do. I can't think on my feet...I need time to think out my answers and opinions and make sure I have all the facts, but when someone is angry and standing there waiting for you to defend yourself, what do you say? I feel bad for my boss, also. He's VERY good at talking to people (he could talk his way out of anything), and I know he's wondering what is wrong with me. He just can't understand why I freeze when I'm put on the spot.

Another reason why I'm so upset over this is that my Masters defense is in a month and that what it is: you stand there in front of four experts and they grill you about what you've been doing for the last three years. If I can't work this out by then, I don't know what I'm going to do.

Phew. Well, at least I feel a bit better having gotten it off my chest.

**JEM** · 01-30-2007, 11:34 PM

Whenever we have meetings and they always go over problems I always think its something I have done. I also hate when I get called into the "boss'es area" I always think I am in trouble. But 99% of the time its nothing like that. I have gotten better and whenever I think I have done something wrong I bring it to their attention. Almost always they tell me no big deal. My dh has really helped me over the years by telling me no job is worth getting all upset about and to never put up with something that I don't think is fair. When you have that kind of attitude they know that you will only put up with so much.
Do you think maybe he just wanted to go over procedures with you and you got defensive. Try to remember that we all make mistakes and you will be ok.

Can you practice with someone that won't cut you any slack? Give it a try!

**sk8mom** · 01-31-2007, 02:08 AM

Sending you a

Jus remember that the people you work with are no better than you - they put their pants on the same way as you and everybody else in the world - one leg at a time.

**kaykwilts** · 01-31-2007, 07:45 AM

I hope things get better for you.

**kabin63** · 01-31-2007, 08:14 AM

As for your masters defense....could you picture all four of them in their underwear while defending your position?
We do all put our pants on one leg at a time, but truth be told, you don't remember that when you are being confronted or questioned. We all suffer from insecurity when confronted in one way or another. I think the best advice I can give is to remember that you count too.

**ImEmile** · 02-01-2007, 03:28 AM

Just because they seem to want an answer now doesn't mean you owe them one now. You just look them in the eye, smile sweetly, and say, "Let me think about it and get back to you in a bit." Or words to that effect. That way you have a chance to think about what you want to say. Also, it may just be their manner. They obviously need to work on it, but it may not be what they're trying to project.

As for your masters, it's not going to be the quite the same thing. You know they're going to ask you about some fairly specific things. YOu know what you've done, what you want to coney to them. As long as you know everything backwards and forwards you'll do fine. And I'm sure you're not the first person to sit in front of them who's been nervous.

LOL You'll be fine.

Good luck!

**AheeK** · 02-01-2007, 07:44 PM

Thanks you guys! ImEmile, that's my usual response - telling them I'll get back to them with my answer. That way, I can be sure I'm giving them the best answer I can and that everything I'm saying is true and can't come back to bite me in the behind. And you guys are totally right...my defense will be different because it's going to be on something I've been working on for three years. I'm feeling much better now...thanks for your support!

**baxjul** · 02-01-2007, 07:47 PM

I hope everything goes okay for you!

**Edna_E** · 02-20-2007, 10:49 PM

I do this sometimes but it seems to be self-generated. I panic when someone calls and asks me to come to their office even though it is inevitably that they need something I can provide rather than needED somthing that I FAILED to provide. In my case, taking a few seconds for a deep breath often gets me back on track. I also, when presented with a problem that I do not have an immediate KNOWN solution to, defer answering until I get a chance to confirm the best solution - something that has gotten great appreciation where I work, because they had a previous employee who'd just start off without thinking something through and create a bigger problem sometimes.

I actually enjoyed defending my Masters thesis - hope you can do likewise. I didn't do the pants thing, just was aware that I knew more about this one little area than any of them did - and then made them aware of it too!

**mnmarty03** · 02-20-2007, 11:58 PM

Everyone else has great advice, but if it helps - you aren't the only one in the world like that. I get upset easy, often for really stupid reasons and I cry easy. I'll know that it's stupid to cry and I'll try my best not to, but I just cry anyway. And in really bad spots too. Like at my oral exams - I cried at three of them, in front of my professors. Or at work... or at school, the list goes on. It's horribly embarrasing and I hate it. People are helpful, but no one really understands. My fiance tells me to just relax and focus on something else. But I can just try to relax and focus my mind on something else...and I'll cry anyways...

But anyways, I didn't want to turn this all about me, I just wanted to let you know that someone else knows exactly how you feel (well, as exactly as possible without being you) and to hang in there. And remember for your thesis that you worked really hard and that you did your best - as long as you know your stuff, you'll do great!