What do you think??

[julieb]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum and I must say I think you all are wonderful. What a supportive place you have here. I find myself coming here alot lately just to feel the good vibes.

Approximately four years ago I was in a job I loved but hated the people I worked with. They were mean spirited and had a little clique that I was definately not part of. I felt like I was in high school.

This little group (they were younger than I, late teens and early twenties) ganged up on me. They made false allegations agaisn't me and caused my work life to be hell. One night driving home from work they followed me and forced my car off the road. Another night they keyed my car and put tiolet paper all over it. I did ask them why they were doing these things. No one had an answer.

I stood strong because I needed the money and health insurance. My first husband died a year before this and I had bills to pay. Because I didn't leave, couldn't leave, they upped the ante. They made a false allegation that threatened my license.

Through everything I made police reports and reports to my employer, no help there. Finally on the advice of my attorney I walked away from this job........I just quit, no notice no nothing. My insides were literally broken.

I didn't have alot in savings but I survived by taking lower paying jobs and going without health insurance. I also met and eventually married a wonderful man who supported me emotionally and financially.

This gang's allegations were proven false, I kept my license and most of them were fired from the job for stealing, lying and cheating.

So to the present......I have been offered an excellent job. The benefits, pay and pay increases are even better than what I had before. I received the call last week. I have been a nervous wreck since receiving that call.
In my mind I know what happened in the past will probably never happen again, but in my heart I am convinced it will.

My husband and I will have to move to be closer to my job. He is very willing and can work anywhere. Cost of living will be more expensive where we are moving but financially I am certain we can make it. We will have to sell our present house and buy another or perhaps a condo. I will drive to my new job until I know for sure it will be stable.(three hour drive round trip) We both love the community we are moving to.

What is wrong with me?? This is what I have been working for.....praying for. I am a nervous wreck. Moving to this community also provides me with the opportunity to further my education thus furthering my pay and benefits.

What do you all think?? I think I am so full of emotion that I am not thinking at all because I want to run and hide, turn this job down.

JulieB

[FrugalMomof3]

Julie,

I truely feel for you but keep in mind that not all jobs will be like the one that started your negative mind set. I too have been where you are, I loved my job but hated the people I worked with, although they never did the things your old job did to you.

I say give it a try, while your doing the long commute you will find out for sure before moving if this is the job for you, otherwise no harm done, no house sold and no relocating.

[Cricket1]

I know it's going to be hard, but you really have to go in with a fresh mindset. Think of your new co-workers as friends you haven't met, yet. Just as they will give you a chance, you need to give them chances to. These are not the same people that you previously worked with.

I have had MANY jobs and never had anything like that happen to me. My guess is that it's extremely rare (what you went through and the the extent that you went through). I DON'T MEAN TO MINIMIZE WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!!!

Chin up--this could be the best work experience of your life.

[julieb]

Cricket, What you said in your post is exactly what my husband keeps telling me......lol. It's like all those emotions from back then are hitting me now. I didn't have time then to be sad or mad or whatever. I just had time to survive and survive I did.

JulieB

[AmyBoz]

Trust me...your past experience was the exception...not the rule. Embrace this new opportunity and know that it's okay to be a little apprehensive. It's a big change, but a good one and I think it will be great for you!

[mnmarty03]

Embrace the opportunity! I have never had nor ever heard of even a remotely similar situation happening to myself or anyone else, you're ordeal was an exception and I'm sure won't happen again.

When they ran you off of the road, were scared to drive again afterwards? I had a similar situation recently, when someone followed me (thankfully my cell phone scared them away before something bad happened). Afterwards I was afraid to drive, to be alone, to go home, or to take that same road again. But I had to drive to get home, I live at home alone, and I had to take that road eventually (there are other routes, but it is way cheaper on gas). So I made myself do the things I was afraid of, and little by little it got better. When I drive that route I no longer ever even think about what happened. After you got run off the road, I can imagine you were afraid for a while, but now are okay and no longer scared of it happening again - right?

Well, moving is going to be the same thing! You're going to be scared at first, that is totally understandable. Just keep telling yourself that people won't do that to you again, that it wasn't your fault they were doing it to you (which means no one would want to do it to you now), and that in the rare case that something even remotely similar would happen, I think most employers would take WAY more action than your last one did. You can accomplish this and overcome this fear and move on with your life. It sounds like this job is your dream job, as is this town. Your husband is willing to move with you - it really sounds like a gift from God. God wouldn't give you more than you can handle! We all believe in you!

And keep us updated - I'd love to hear how it all works out.

[julieb]

ok Mindy you made me cry. It was a good cry though.

I was scared for along time after I was run off the road. Whenever I would drive I would keep looking behind not ahead. Kinda what I am doing right now. I guess I can't move forward when I keep looking at the past.

My mind knows these things will probably never happen again. My heart just has to catch up to my mind. Somehow I keep thinking I must have done something to deserve all of this. I talked with coworkers, my attorney, my pastor and even my abusers. No one has an explanation. It was just a gang who abused me. I wouldn't have anything to do with the cheating and stealing, leaving the premises while punched into work on and on.

I survived......financially. I left a job with nothing and still made it. I worked whatever job came my way. I didn't care if I cleaned tiolets....I did it with dignity. I survived and even thrived because I had so much stress off of me.

I could go into this job with a hard heart and I don't want to do that. Not consciously or unconciously. I am grateful for this opportunity. Starting over is hard though. In this, I have to let my head rule not my heart or emotions.

You all are helping me think with my head and not my emotions.

Thankyou

JulieB

[Marie78]

I hope the new job works out for you. I hope you give it a try and see if you like it.

[starsapphire]

The only way 'out', is 'through'. You just have to walk through your fears. It's okay to be afraid, but don't let your emotions stop you from doing ANYTHING you want to do. You have to be the master over your emotions, not the other way around. Everything will be alright, really . Good luck.

[guest56464]

First of all *hug*. I haven't been in that situation before, and if I ever saw it happening to someone else I would have put an end to it real quick. No one deserves that. Karma is a *insert appropriate profanity*. They got what was coming to them. Please have faith in humanity-- there are good people.

Second: Starsapphire-- I love your picture. I saw it on fotki.com a few years ago and it then became my favotire piece of art... I believe that last month I posted it on my MySpace page as my favorite piece even though I know nothing about it.

[julieb]

Well everyone I received the official letter that I did get my job. They told me on the phone but someone it didn't seem 'official' enough for me. lol.

I'm starting to get excited about working full-time again and I did go see a therapist for some of these issues I have. It worked out ok........I was really nervous going because I had never gone to a therapist before.

She told me my reactions were perfectly normal. What happened to me was not. Simple huh?? duhhhhhh. I even took her copies of the police reports and a copy of my file from the attorney. I though she wouldn't believe me. It is hard to believe, but she did believe me.

I left feeling validated, I am not crazy. My bad dreams, insomnia and anxiety are all part of my adjusting to a crazy situation, even this many years later.

Remember years ago when a group of people watched a woman be beaten and raped and they did nothing?? I can't remember exactly the particulars but I remember reading about it. That's what my employers and other employees did to me. I wasn't raped but I was sure beaten down. It made me think how often have I turned away instead of offering a gentle hand or a kind word? I hope never.

To all of you here that responded to my post. Thank you. You offered that gentle hand and kind word. I will never be able to express what that has meant to me.

I now have hope that I can put the past in the past.

JulieB

[nwmissourigal]

Bad experiences at work can be devasting to say the least. I had a really horrible job in my recent past, but now I have a wonderful job, with good pay and benefits. You will do fine, so when your first day comes walk in as a confident woman and win new friends. Blessings...kathy

[Luv2BeFrugal1]

So sorry you're way stressed. Such major life changes will do that to a person. Just take it one day at a time... And keep it in prayer...

[PrairieRose]

Hang in there, think about the good things this opportunity offers you. Re-train your mind to not focus on the 'the bad things that could happen'. That is a trap ya know. Easy to fall into, hard to climb out of. And this is just like every other obstacle in life.......you gotta climb right back up on that horse. If he throws you again, get up, dust yourself off, grab those bootstraps and get ready to do it again. You just have to keep on keepin' on. You're gonna be fine and who knows, this experience may have been preparing you for something truly wonderful.