Gossip at work

**missyali** · 10-18-2007, 09:22 PM

How do you handle work gossip? I used to be a big gossip. I am now however, turning over a new leaf. I have tried telling others through work excuses, "I can't talk right now". I've also flat out told people that I don't want to gossip anymore. They follow me as I walk away. How would you tactfully tell someone to stop trying to gossip? There is one person I wish would just forget I exist. She makes generalities and blatantly lies and attaches my name in the story. How would you handle it?

**Kitten20** · 10-18-2007, 09:38 PM

I listen because people just like to talk, or listen to themselves talk, but I don't offer anything in return. They usually get the idea that I am not going to participate and shut up. Gossip is really, really bad at my workplace. People that I have never even met somehow know semi-personal things about me (my divorce, etc.) It's kind of unnerving honestly. As far as the person who likes to attach your name to stories, I would just ask her flat-out to leave you out of it. Just my

. Good luck.

**kaykwilts** · 10-18-2007, 09:56 PM

If you have done it in the past it's going to take a while before people know you are not willing to participate.

**Jaded** · 10-18-2007, 10:50 PM

I'm afraid I'm guilty. I did something awful the other night, because someone made me mad, and I knew something about them and I spurted it out in front of people who had no business knowing. I felt bad, but it wasn't like nobody knew. Most of the people in the company knew, it was just the other two people we were with didn't.

**wanderlusting** · 10-19-2007, 02:31 AM

This is a trick I've learned. If someone says, for example, "oh, Cheryl said Bob was talking to another woman on the phone.....NOT his wife, BLAHBLAHBLAH"

I'll say ,"maybe it was his sister, one of their friends or his daughter"

I found whenever I give benefit of the doubt to the person that's being gossiped about, that spoils the fun of the gossiper and usually keeps them from coming back to me

**Cricket1** · 10-19-2007, 08:30 AM

I agree with JennyBeth--I do the same thing. Play devil's advocate and it totally takes the fun out of it for people. Or just say something really positive about whomever they're gossiping about.

**nuisance26** · 10-19-2007, 08:46 AM

~I also do what jennybeth does. I 'side' with the subject of the gossip in a non-confrontational way.~

**Royal** · 10-19-2007, 09:18 AM

I completely agree with JennyBeth as well. I am the only woman at my work! I love it because I don't have to deal with the gossip. I sit alone in my little office and enjoy the peace and quiet!

**DAAC3DEC** · 10-19-2007, 09:29 AM

Originally Posted by jennybethg

This is a trick I've learned. If someone says, for example, "oh, Cheryl said Bob was talking to another woman on the phone.....NOT his wife, BLAHBLAHBLAH"

I'll say ,"maybe it was his sister, one of their friends or his daughter"

I found whenever I give benefit of the doubt to the person that's being gossiped about, that spoils the fun of the gossiper and usually keeps them from coming back to me

I totally agree, if you try to put a postive spn on it and cut them short, eventually they get tired of it and won't come to you anymore.

**missyali** · 10-19-2007, 11:51 AM

thanks guys! i appreciate you input!

**Drgnfly423** · 10-19-2007, 01:38 PM

Gossip is such a strange thing. I would like to thank everyone for their advice, too. We have a really big problem with it at my work place. It gets overwhelming.

I find myself accidentally participating. There is one woman who can turn anything you say into something bad! I just try to not speak with her unless someone else is present.

I like the advice of saying something nice about the person they are trying to gossip about. Excellent!

**Edna_E** · 10-22-2007, 04:26 PM

I'm in the same boat as Miranda. I don't instigate it, but do occasionally catch myself getting pulled in. I usually am pitching in on the side of the victim, but sometimes realize that I may have let out too much info (and I seem to be the local confidante). Luckily, most of my coworkers do not gossip in a mean way, but there still is a lot of giggling and speculation.

**birthgeek** · 10-22-2007, 09:41 PM

I'm not innocent either, but I'm hugely improved these days! One thing I try to keep in mind is to automatically envision that the person being spoken about is right behind me, and I answer the way I would want to if she were really there. I totally agree with giving the benefit of the doubt, and it does work! I'll also go with the idea of confronting the woman who attaches your name to stories; you can do it calmly but plainly say you know about it and she is to stop, thankyouverymuch. Chances are she'll be silenced from the shock, and will probably respect you more!

As for everyone else getting the message that you're not down with the gossip, well being a good example will start to radiate. I have one friend who, being a strong Christian, called me to apolgoize a few weeks after she'd gossiped in front of me - she'd felt bad ever since and said she was sorry to subject me to her pettiness, etc. I was wowed by her humility and thought it was really admirable.

**ImEmile** · 10-28-2007, 03:15 AM

Another good reason to not gossip...

28Since these people refused even to think about God, he let their useless minds rule over them. That's why they do all sorts of indecent things. 29They are evil, wicked, and greedy, as well as mean in every possible way. They want what others have, and they murder, argue, cheat, and are hard to get along with. They gossip, 30say cruel things about others, and hate God. They are proud, conceited, and boastful, always thinking up new ways to do evil. Romans 1: 28-30.

I don't really want people thinking that of me.

That being said, I sometimes think I'm just "visiting" with others but if I'm talking about anyone other than myself, I'm gossiping. Especially if it's not info I know from being told by this person personally, and I don't have permission (or don't know the person well enough to know if it would be OK) to repeat what I know.

There is one colleague of mine who always has the gossip ready to share. Unfortunately she trusts her sources and doesn't bother to check her facts. She's habitually wrong. (Now was that just an example or was that gossip?

)