Co-workers go to lunch

**JanieD** · 12-11-2007, 02:37 PM

Back from lunch only to discover several co-workers went out to celebrate a birthday. It was almost my entire department & several others. I wasn't even told that they would be gone when I got back, but at least I didn't have to cover for anyone. I'm not really close/buddies with any of them, but can't help feeling left out. I try to be friendly, but don't have a lot in common with them. Guess they know I wouldn't have gone anyway, but it would have been nice to be asked.

**FrugalMomof3** · 12-11-2007, 02:42 PM

I know what you mean, when I worked I was RARELY asked to go out to lunch with anyone except my best friend who worked with me, no hard feelings though.

**sdrjeolsen** · 12-11-2007, 02:46 PM

I'm sorry.

I hate the feeling of being left out. When I worked in an office with other gals they used to take an afternoon off ever couple of weeks and go scrapbooking, but they went all out at a place (one of those where you pay for the evening and they have prizes and stuff) and bought tons of items to do pages there. I went once and spent about $75.00, so started bringing my own supplies which made me feel awkward so I began turning them down. They finally quit asking and I felt kinda bad I didn't get invited anymore, especially when they brought their pages and talked aobut all the fun they had. However, I think they feel rejected too when people like us say no alot. Maybe think about going next time you are invited.

**Cricket1** · 12-11-2007, 02:52 PM

I agree with Denise--we (on the other side) feel neglected when someone always says no. I'm social after work and every couple of weeks we go out. There is a lady at work I love and she has come out occasionally. She can't always afford to go out and I've bought her drinks a few times (but I can't always afford to be doing that). She has said no more times than I can count, but I understand she doesn't have the money for it. Now, we don't always ask her. BUT we don't go into work the next day and talk about what a blast we had--I think that is the most hurtful. It is known around work that we go out alot--if she changed her mind and wanted to go out--all she would need to do is ask one of us for a change. We would go. This doesn't change how anyone feels about her--we all like to be with her.

**larabelle** · 01-03-2008, 03:38 PM

I work in a office in which I am the woman who always says no when asked to go out with the crowd. I do not eat out and frequently my work collegues go out to eat after work and drink alcohol. I also do not drink alcohol. I do not have anything againist people who do drink alcohol, I just do not drink it. They have stopped inviting me and I am glad that they did so. I do not want to be asked. I enjoy spending time with my collegues while at work but not after work.

**Daisygirl** · 01-03-2008, 04:00 PM

I'm a loner too. I purposely take my lunch earlier than everyone else to avoid the social obligation and to have some downtime to sit there and read a book.

That being said, yeah, sometimes it still stings a little when they all come back talking about how much fun they had.

We make our choices, and mine are governed by my goals for my family - it is just not feasible to spend eating-out money every other day with my co-workers - heck I don't know how they can afford it.

Hugs - I know it hurts.

**baxjul** · 01-03-2008, 04:05 PM

I know how bad you feel. We are all here for you!!

**perSue** · 01-03-2008, 04:13 PM

i'm glad this post was written.
at a previous job, i was very obviously the one who didn't fit in.
i'm very young, was the only female (until new people were brought in) at one time, and have a family i help support.

then some new women were hired, and one was a grandmother (ie, no kids at home to support) & her hubby well off... the other a newly married woman, who was so well off that job was "a hobby" to her.

So a new dynamic started. everyone every day was going out to lunch, not just little cafes with inexpensive foods, but luxury restaurants.

I would go every now & then, when I knew it was a small cafe or something, because I couldn't afford it.

But, the idea that "being a female, it's NOT your job to take care of the family, it's about the man" was the ideal where I was.

this offended me, of course, but i always felt left out because they'd say "we're going to "such&such expensive restaurant"" & expect me to go along... every day!

They didnt understand, that despite what I earned (about the same as they did), I could NOT support that lifestyle and my family.

So I got ridiculed for being a young woman, helping her family out, when the other women in the office didnt have children.

And the men catered to those women, because they got attention from them.

So, there's usually more to each side of the story.

I would stop asking someone who always says "no" too.
But being on the side where people don't think or care and just ASSUME... that's the most hurtful.

**emily_hope** · 01-03-2008, 04:32 PM

I understand how you feel. It would have been nice to be asked. And even if you have been asked and you don't go because of various reasons, it still makes you feel bad to listen to what a good time they had without ya. JMHO.

**starsapphire** · 01-03-2008, 08:45 PM

Originally Posted by larabelle

I work in a office in which I am the woman who always says no when asked to go out with the crowd. I do not eat out and frequently my work collegues go out to eat after work and drink alcohol. I also do not drink alcohol. I do not have anything againist people who do drink alcohol, I just do not drink it. They have stopped inviting me and I am glad that they did so. I do not want to be asked. I enjoy spending time with my collegues while at work but not after work.

I could have written that post, that is me exactly. And they go out to lunch all the time (my coworkers) and I don't know how they afford it. I prefer to hang out with my non-work friends.

Most of my co-workers don't have friends outside of the office, so they hang out with each other. They told me this.

**HappyMama** · 01-03-2008, 08:52 PM

DH is the only one in management that brings his lunch. He ends up sharing sometimes because I make him all homemade and great desserts etc. I felt bad because I didn't want him left out , but like he said he couldn't justify the cost when we have goals, he likes our homemade better ( he doesn't want all the preservatives etc in the take out) . But I know how you feel use to be that way when I worked also.

Hugs to you.