Guilt?

[Lady_V]

I did it... something I thought I wouldn't be doing for years to come... I walked in an applied for a job.

I am torn to shreds with emotions right now, part of me wants to get it because I will put whatever money I make away for an emergency fund. I will even put some away to take DD on a vacation at some point.

The Old Man didn't agree with me at first about not using the money, but when it comes down to it, I told him if he didn't agree to saving the money, I won't work. We are getting by on what he makes now, and any added income would just get us use to living on more money and just have more expenses to stress over if he lost his job since we have NO money saved right now.

I met with the owner and she went over the job description, they take in clothes from elderly clients, straight wash, dry, fold. No ironing, pressing or dry cleaning, occasionally hang a 'nicer' item. She did warn me that there will be some 'soiled' items, but I have done my fair share of soiled laundry, both as a Mom and back when I did hospice.

The pay is not that exciting, $9/hr, but it's more than I am making now, which is $0. I was hoping to work 'mothers hours' and weekends since DD will either be in school or at her Dads. My heart sank when she said it's Monday through Thursday...2-8.

There is the problem. I won't be able to see my DD. She is in school from 8:30-2:30 M-F and at her Dads house Fri-Sun most weekends (right now, I have her one weekend a month because I have her with me all week, but if I do get this job, I will try to get more since he would be seeing her more often during the week).

As much as I want to get us out of the financial pit we are in, I don't want to lose the little time I have with DD either. Even if I only worked the remainder of the school year, I could save something, but it would still mean playing a game of 'juggle the DD'

It is .04 miles from where Old Man works, so I will have to drive them both to school/work in the morning, go home to do what I have to do, and then go to work, he will have to walk down the hill to get the car and pick her up. Except Wed, he will have to drop me off so the car stays with him. They will have to come get me at 8, which is DD's normal bedtime, but it's only 5 minutes from home.

Monday - she will have to go to after-school care ($6/hr) from 2:30-4:30. The Old Man works until 4 and can get her right after.

Tuesday - she has reading club every other week at the school 2:30-3:30 and would have to be in ASC 3:30-4:30. The weeks she has Brownies, the Ex will have to get her from school and bring her for 3:30 and the Old Man can pick her up at 5 when it's over. (This also means I have to step down from being her co-leader)

Wednesday - The Old Man is off, so he can drop me off a little early and get her

Thursday - she has Chem. club, so the Ex will have to get her at school and drop her off and Old Man can get her at 4:30 when it's over.

Friday - we are both off and I can get her from school and we can be home around 3, but the Ex picks her up from my house at 4:30

I called my Mom (yet another thing I thought I would never do, take advise from her, she was no mother of the year, but she did go back to work when we were young) and asked her if she felt guilty about going back to work... she said she didn't... and then basically told me I could make more money, no advise on how to deal with the separation issues.

I have never been away from her during the week. I damn near died when I had to give up weekends with her.

Has anyone else gone through this?
Should I even take the job?
What should I do? (As you can tell, I don't have a very supportive family, and have come to think of you all as extended family)

[kiveve]

Hi there - I read often, post seldom here on Frugal Village, but your post tugs at my heart. The decision you are making is very hard, I know.

I live a life of logistics (who picks up the kids, who cooks dinner, when do I see my daughters, can I work after they go to bed, before they get up, etc....) -- and it's exhausting.

I don't know that I would do it if I didn't have to (meaning, we don't make enough to cover the bills and get out of debt if I don't work part-time). For a job that only pays $9 an hour, I really don't think I would sacrifice the time with my children.

It sounds like you can cover the bills and this would be extra money, right? I really hope you can find a job during school hours so that you can both make money and spend time with your kids.

Don't know if this is helpful or not, but I'm thinking about you and I know this will all work out just as it is supposed to. Good luck!

[JustMegan79]

Hello

I can only imagine how this tugs at you.

I personally would not take this job, but what I would do is apply for other jobs with the hours you seek. (retail, food service, etc) This way you are more likely to get the hours you want, even if it means taking less an hour. But since the pay is going to savings not bills, you could easily take the cut because anything is more than nothing. Even if it wa only six an hour, it still goes all tosavings and you have your time with DD.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

[Marie78]

Hello

I can only imagine how this tugs at you.

I personally would not take this job, but what I would do is apply for other jobs with the hours you seek. (retail, food service, etc) This way you are more likely to get the hours you want, even if it means taking less an hour. But since the pay is going to savings not bills, you could easily take the cut because anything is more than nothing. Even if it wa only six an hour, it still goes all tosavings and you have your time with DD.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

I second this, I wouldn't want to miss out on time with them if I had children. I remember how much I missed my mom when she went back to work and she came home by 7pm most nights.

[luv-my-lexi]

Hello

I can only imagine how this tugs at you.

I personally would not take this job, but what I would do is apply for other jobs with the hours you seek. (retail, food service, etc) This way you are more likely to get the hours you want, even if it means taking less an hour. But since the pay is going to savings not bills, you could easily take the cut because anything is more than nothing. Even if it wa only six an hour, it still goes all tosavings and you have your time with DD.

Good luck in whatever you choose!

I am another one in agreement with this. Kids are only young once and I couldn't miss the time I had with mine to work a job that you don't "have to have" since you said the money would go into savings. If the company is in desperate "need" would they change the hours at all to accomodate you better?? If you decide not to take it because of the hours, it wouldn't hurt to ask. You never know what you might get if you just ask. Whatever decision you make I wish you luck.

[FrugalMomof3]

I also personally wouldnt take the job either, time with our children is much more important and think about the extra gas you'll be spending as well, is it even worth it? Kids only grow up once and now's the time for you to be with them.

My opinion, dont take the job and see what you can sacrifice at home to make up for socking money away into the EF.

[Daisygirl]

I'm not against you taking a job - look at me - where it is a necessity.

But I don't think this is the right job for you. The evenings for us is family time. When I first got divorced I had to work nights and hardly saw my kids except to get them up an put the to bed.

I really feel you could find a job with better hours than this one.

I agree with your decision to start an emergency fund. Mine has been proving very valuable recently.

Keep looking. Something better will come along.

[Cricket1]

I wouldn't take it. It's $9/hour and even less when you're putting her in after care (even though it's just a few hours). I would keep looking for something during school hours if you really want to make some extra money. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[frugalfriend]

I totally agree with what everyone else has said. There must be something you could do while your DD is in school, and still have that time with her when she comes home. This job does not sound like a good fit for you or your family. Hey, what about substitute teaching? Maybe even at your DD's school? Depending on the state the requirements are different, couldn't hurt to look into it if you are at all interested. Then you would get out of work at the same time your daughter does. Let us know how it goes!

[changed4life]

What a pickle to be in. I feel for you.
I would not take that job either. I would continue to look for one that better suits the hours you need so you can be with your children.
Good luck!

[flowergirl]

My kids are grown and I know from experience that it goes by fast if at all possible don't take the job I worked for the schools in food service for almost ten years when they were young it was a great job to have with kids (there are other jobs at the schools besides food service ) Also in the mean time get busy sell on ebay or craigs list you would not believe what people buy. Just some ideas. Good luck in what ever you choose.

[momtoadiva]

I'm on board with the rest of the ladies, it's seems this is really tearing at you losing valuable time with your dd and it's not worth it. Due to a divorce had to work alot from the time dd was 13 (she's now 17) until recently and I regret it so much even though I didn't have a choice I feel I lost out on something I will never get back. There are more than just this one job available take a deep breath and apply for jobs that is more in synche with your family, there out there.

[mikandmari]

For several years I worked every Sunday day shift and 2 weeknights. I missed a lot of time with my kids.

Now they're grown... In retrospect, it wasn't worth it.

[kittykatstrong]

I think keep looking. The perfect job will be out there for you. I second asking if those are the only hours.

I just told my work that I could only open during the week and they worked with me on it.

[pip]

I think everybody here has given you good advice. I wish you the best in what ever you decide.