Baby, baby, baby...

[craftypam]

This is a great description of what these women are going through.
On the other hand, there are women (like myself) who have infertility problems. I chose to distance myself from women who've just had babies, as it's very painful to hear about this "honeymoon phase" they're going through. I don't like to share this with many people, and I shouldn't have to. It's just sometimes a little bit of sensitivity would be appreciated. For example, if I've changed the subject 3 times and I'm on the verge of tears, it's just so hard. I finally did share this with a good girlfriend of mine and our friendship is terrific, but I've shared my issues with other women and they just go on because either they chose not to care or don't understand.
Sorry to rant and go off on this tangent. Jst another perspective.

The people that you've told and they keep going on and on are just insensitive and you need to hang out with different people.

[craftypam]

Dear strezzed. It totally is not beyond my understanding how you feel. Wow. Ok. Let me first say I am not one of those people who ever gets things easily in life. Every thing i do always takes at least two tries. I don't share this info. easily.
My first pregnancy was in the first year of our marriage. i still hadn't felt the baby move at 4 months. I was sent to a specialist and told my baby had severe spina bifida and severe hydrocephalis and it was one of the worst cases he had ever seen. It was so early it would get much worse. The child would have brain damage,be incontinent, paralyzed, and require brain shunts which would have to be replaced over time. He would die eventually. I was 24 and my husband 23. We terminated. Genetic testing was in the early stages. I was guilt racked. I became pregnant again 3 years later and miscarried. I was sure God was punishing me for terminating. I became pregnant again and got into a car accident when 8 days preg. I got multiple xrays and then found out I was pregnant. i didn't terminate but for 9 months I was stressed. My daughter has multiple neurologic prob. incl. auditory processing disorder,ADHD,Convergence prob. w/ her eyes. I thought it was my fault from the car accident or the xrays.
Two years later I became pregnant again w/ twins. I prayed for no neurologic prob. By this time women were taking folic acid. I was on double. One twin disappeared. 5 weeks two/ten weeks one. My son has ADHD but no other problems that we know of. 5 fetuses in 5 years,two babies.
By this time the human genome project was under way. I knew I couldn't take the pill because I will clot.Had gotten a subclavial thrombosis spontaneously at 23. Come to find out I have protein S deficiency. My husband has protein C deficiency. There is no way either of us should have children. Our Hemotologist was shocked to find we had 2. He told me I must not get preg. again.
We paid a heavy emotional price for our children. I didn't want you to think I don't get it. So I ante up for you.
I don't know how old you are but if you want children have them any way you can. Adopt,foster,invetro whatever.
I wanted you to know there was a time when I watched women w/ many children and was so driven w/ envy I could have died. Dirty kids used to drive me insane. So yes, when i finally was blessed w/ mine the rest of the world didn't exist. And if old friends didn't understand I could have cared less.

WOW you are a warrior in more than frugality. God Bless

[craftypam]

Dear strezzed. It totally is not beyond my understanding how you feel. Wow. Ok. Let me first say I am not one of those people who ever gets things easily in life. Every thing i do always takes at least two tries. I don't share this info. easily.
My first pregnancy was in the first year of our marriage. i still hadn't felt the baby move at 4 months. I was sent to a specialist and told my baby had severe spina bifida and severe hydrocephalis and it was one of the worst cases he had ever seen. It was so early it would get much worse. The child would have brain damage,be incontinent, paralyzed, and require brain shunts which would have to be replaced over time. He would die eventually. I was 24 and my husband 23. We terminated. Genetic testing was in the early stages. I was guilt racked. I became pregnant again 3 years later and miscarried. I was sure God was punishing me for terminating. I became pregnant again and got into a car accident when 8 days preg. I got multiple xrays and then found out I was pregnant. i didn't terminate but for 9 months I was stressed. My daughter has multiple neurologic prob. incl. auditory processing disorder,ADHD,Convergence prob. w/ her eyes. I thought it was my fault from the car accident or the xrays.
Two years later I became pregnant again w/ twins. I prayed for no neurologic prob. By this time women were taking folic acid. I was on double. One twin disappeared. 5 weeks two/ten weeks one. My son has ADHD but no other problems that we know of. 5 fetuses in 5 years,two babies.
By this time the human genome project was under way. I knew I couldn't take the pill because I will clot.Had gotten a subclavial thrombosis spontaneously at 23. Come to find out I have protein S deficiency. My husband has protein C deficiency. There is no way either of us should have children. Our Hemotologist was shocked to find we had 2. He told me I must not get preg. again.
We paid a heavy emotional price for our children. I didn't want you to think I don't get it. So I ante up for you.
I don't know how old you are but if you want children have them any way you can. Adopt,foster,invetro whatever.
I wanted you to know there was a time when I watched women w/ many children and was so driven w/ envy I could have died. Dirty kids used to drive me insane. So yes, when i finally was blessed w/ mine the rest of the world didn't exist. And if old friends didn't understand I could have cared less.

WOW you are a warrior in more than frugality. God Bless
Sorry posted twice

[mom2bobsarah]

Finally, it's very uncaring to drop long-time friends like a hot potato as soon as baby arrives or expect them to plan all social engagements around the baby. It used to be that parents recognized the need for and enjoyment of adult time. Not anymore.

I have another perspective here, as you can see, I have children but I do not talk incessantly about them as many do. I do not have many friends that do not have children, but I do understand that those who don't, do not want to hear all about what mine ate for lunch, etc. I have a friend that had infertility issues and all the while I have 3, the third very much unplanned. I felt for her and tried to make plans with her w/o my munchkins in tow and I did not really mention them unless she asked, but she rarely talks to me. I have found it is just as likely that the childfree friends distance themselves.

To the other poster that cannot comprehend their friends not getting a sitter, I for one, am unable to get a sitter a lot of the time. I have 3 kids one of which is a baby, my husband's aunt does babysit (we pay her) but she does not like to sit that often. It is difficult to find an adult that you can trust with your children and you pay a premium for that service if you can find it. That being said, I am selective about going out because of that. While I would love girls time, I would also love a date with my husband, so if I can only get a sitter for one which one do you think I will choose?

Lastly, as far as raising little princesses, I agree that there are many doing that now (we are not one of them but we know some). But, just because your baby is currently the center of your universe (as it should be) does not mean that you are going to coddle and give in to their every whim. It is a very special thing to have a baby and it is something that you cannot comprehend unless you have one (natural or adopted, this part doesn't matter). It is a small amount of time, like someone else said, almost like a honeymoon period.

Not looking to start any trouble here, just trying to give another side of the coin.

[Tashia]

I am struggling with wanting a family but not wanting to give up so much of my freedom. Anyone else?