Question for the voluntary childless

**Nishu** · 04-29-2011, 04:40 PM

Originally Posted by The Muse

I think you sort of missed the point. I didn't see "self-sufficiency" mentioned, only minimizing our burden on others.

Expecting your children, other family members, or society to tend to your needs is being a burden. Paying others to tend to those needs is business, and it's a big business.

Not that I necessarily agree with having kids so that you'll be taken care of, but it's one thing to pay someone to care for you physically and quite another to pay someone to act in your best interest. If you lack the mental capacity to make choices for yourself, then you're going to rely on someone else to decide where you live, what to do with your money and when to pull the plug. If I make these decisions for my mother, my relationship with her and my affection for her would guide me in these choices. I personally would not trust a paid provider to make every decision on my behalf.

I think almost all elderly will at one point rely on family in some way. My uncle became ill, it was his family that noticed because in his illness he wasn't allowing visiters or maintianing his friendships. When my grandmother developed Alzheimers, it was her family that caught it. Had she lived alone, she would have caused serious injury or death to herself or to other people because of her condition. Kids may not be the only solution to this, but paying someone else to care for us in our old age is not an acceptable solution in every case.

**Judi Dial** · 04-29-2011, 09:30 PM

Sometimes I strongly suspect that the people with kids and no money see the "childfree" as "selfish" because they still have some disposable income. I'm not sure that is right, but there are occasions where it feels right.

It also feels like on those occasions, the people who say that NOT spending $$$ is bad for the economy, just like paying your bills off is! I always take that as a statement that really means, "I can't pay my bills and I want you to be like me." To some extent, the childless thing might be the same?

Mind you, I'm NOT down on having kids or paying your bills!

Just a thought --
Judi

**Cedar** · 05-14-2011, 09:30 AM

I get alot of grief for my choice to be child-free too. The thing is, I love kids. In fact I'm a preschool teacher who works with 2 year olds. I love the kids and really enjoy spending my days helping them grow. But I do not personally want kids. The parents of these kids (and some of my co-workers too) cannot wrap their brains around my choice. Whenever I venture to state my choice, the parents are usually a bit stunned, and then they laugh it off, usually by saying "Oh well, you think that now, but you'll change your mind." Granted, most of the parents seem to think I'm little more than a kid pretending to be an adult (must be that child-less thing again).

I don't let it bother, and neither should you. Obviously, based on the response to this thread, we are not alone in our choices. I get my privacy and alone time at home, I get to focus on projects and hobbies that would be impossible with kids around, and I still get to see the kids at work every day. I'm very happy with that. I sometimes wonder if those people who question our choice are jealous of the freedom we have that they lack.

**greekislandgirl** · 05-14-2011, 11:10 AM

I just had someone make a comment today. We were 3 couples hanging out: DH & I, Couple #1 (wife is pregnant, and they have a 3 y/o son), and Couple #2 (they have a 4 y/o son and a 1.5 y/o son). There was some of this "so when are you two going to have a kid?" "We're not." "Oh, you're not ready yet..." "No, we're not going to have children." "Oh, you're still young. You'll change your mind." I was dying to say, "Why do you think we'll change our minds? Have you changed your mind since having your children?" For some reason I didn't say it though. I wonder why... ohhh right, I know. Because I try not to make really rude comments about other people's reproductive choices. I just wish I could get the same courtesy.

Sigh.

**fairydana** · 05-14-2011, 05:49 PM

I simply do not feel the need to explain or justify my reasons for not having kids. Its not something that is up for discussion nor is it something I care to hear others opinions on. The people who are important to me and love and care about me know my story and love me just the same. Never would they say anything negative about MY CHOICE.