Child free - NOT by choice
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  1. #1
    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    Default Child free - NOT by choice

    Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone else is child free NOT by choice? DH and I are both teachers and LOVE children. We are upside down on a one bedroom condo so we cant move and Florida laws won't let us foster or adopt without more bedrooms. I desperately want my own baby but I have lupus and am undergoing weekly methotrexate injections (chemotherapy) that cause birth defects. We can't try to get pregnant until my health stabilizes enough to taper off the myriad of meds I am on. Most of the time I'm ok but today my heart is so heavy. It seems like everyone around me is having babies or pregnant. I know God has a plan but I would really appreciate prayers <3

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    Registered User mh3rdwheel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ncarr View Post
    Hi everyone. I was wondering if anyone else is child free NOT by choice? DH and I are both teachers and LOVE children. We are upside down on a one bedroom condo so we cant move and Florida laws won't let us foster or adopt without more bedrooms. I desperately want my own baby but I have lupus and am undergoing weekly methotrexate injections (chemotherapy) that cause birth defects. We can't try to get pregnant until my health stabilizes enough to taper off the myriad of meds I am on. Most of the time I'm ok but today my heart is so heavy. It seems like everyone around me is having babies or pregnant. I know God has a plan but I would really appreciate prayers <3
    ncarr PRAYERS AND HUGS GOING YOUR WAY. Mh DH and I can't have children together because 19 years ago I made the decision to have my tubes tied, because if I ever should get pregnant there was a 50% chance of having another son with birthdefects I couldn't go thru that again, my new DH also was born with birthdefects, (clubfoot number 2, plus heart problems).

    Maybe the time is not right because of the injections, but once that is over, I am sure it will happen. Hugs.

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    Registered User DaveP's Avatar
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    I hope you get well enough to have a baby soon, hugs to you.
    His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji, Doctor DaveP, Lord of the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea and Conqueror of the British Empire in Canada in general and Nova Scotia in Particular, uncrowned King of Antarctica .

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    Registered User NicJean's Avatar
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    ncarr - I hear your pain . . . I'm turning 39 in a few months and desperately want kids. I love children (main reason I took my job, after school site coordinator) and feel as though I 'miss' them, even though I've never met them. My heart is also so heavy. I try to trust God with this, but on another level I want to be in control. DH has a daughter, close to 20, got married this past spring. I don't think DH feels the pressure/push/desire as much as I, and it's tough to really talk about.

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    Registered User HisDaisy's Avatar
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    We are also childless (sort of), but not by choice. My DH and I have been married for almost 6 years and I am now 36.
    My DH and I have been foster parents for about years. I love the kids that come into my home and I truly treat them like they are all mine. I do have the desire to be a 1st and only mommy to a child.

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    Moderator Ceashels's Avatar
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    Being married to the right man was more important to me than having children with the wrong man. So I waited till I met Greebo and unfortunately that was toward the end of my child bearing years. So we are childless for the time being by choice.

    hugs to you
    The Free Spirit Saver who walks the path with Greebo.

    Onboard with a modified Dave Ramsey Plan
    Budget: "Every month! On paper, on purpose!"


    Gardening somewhere between Zone 6b and 7a.

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    Registered User wanderlusting's Avatar
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    big hugs to you who have a heavy heart, wanting a child.
    Wife to Air Force DH for 7 years.
    SAHM to twin boys, Samuel and David!

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    Hugs to you. I experience secondary infertility so I can understand just a bit...
    Frugalista Mama to DD 14 & DS 10
    Crazy Boxer *Sadie*
    **Debt Free Minus the House**

  9. #9
    Registered User MissSeetonFan's Avatar
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    I have a cousin in not quite the same situation as you but close. She got breast cancer that ended up being diagnosed because of the massive hormone dump that comes with pregnancy. She found out she was pregnant either just before or just after finding out about the pregnancy. The hormones caused the cancer to start spreading at a much faster rate than normal (for cancer) so instead of slowly spreading and entering her lymphatic system and the rest of her body, it turned into a humongous lump in just days. The pregnancy actually saved her.

    They chose to continue the pregnancy and have a very cute 2 year old boy, and she is cancer free, but her drug treatment means no pregnancy for 5 years. Three more years to go will put her at 40 before they can try again.

    They are guardians of one of their nieces and are trying for adoption because the doctors don't think it is a good idea to interrupt the drug treatment. It is hard to see them going through the various options and come up on brick walls.

    It is in God's hands for them. I hope things settle down for you health wise and also that options will open up.
    MissSeetonFan

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    DH and I experienced three years of infertility, and I got to the point where I couldn't attend family parties because it was so painful to see all the grandchildren and how big they were growing, I cried in the bathroom at work when I found out a colleague got pregnant in a bad situation. And then my sister got pregnant by accident - twice. I shut down.

    A great fertility doctor was able to help me and we have a beautiful 14 month old daughter, but as long as I live I will not forget the pain of not being able to have a baby for so many years.

    Your health is the priority now, but I know the pain you are going through of not being able to have a baby and you are not alone.

  11. #11
    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    yet another friend is pregnant... *sigh*

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    I have PCOS and have tried to get pregnant for 10 years and nothing has helped. I so know how you feel. I see my friends and family not even try for a baby and it makes me so sad. Big Hugs!!

  13. #13
    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    well the running total is 5 friends pregnant and one just gave birth. How do you all deal with baby envy? I HATE feeling this way I just want to be happy for my friends.

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    Registered User ncarr's Avatar
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    correction- I logged onto fb today to see that a 6th friend is pregnant. Every freaking time I log in someone else is pregnant!

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    Registered User Libby's Avatar
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    *hugs*

    How about focusing on your friends that are NOT pregnant? Start trying to spend a lil bit more time with non pregnant friends if possible. Focus on being your 100% so you can take care of baby.
    Last edited by Libby; 12-03-2011 at 08:28 PM.

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