Would this work?

[Momto2Boyz]

I have been thinking about Christmas, and how to tone it down this year and DH and I came up with an idea.

We have a huge family, and they all LOVE to give at Christmas time. The kids are ridiculously spoiled by grandparents, and DH and I are given gifts that the givers think are very thoughtful. Our house ends up with tons of stuff that we would never use, and then just sits there taking up space.

We have been trying to teach our kids that less can be more, and so far it has worked really well. Instead of having a huge b-day party for DS, we had our close family and friends over for a BBQ. DS was upset at first becuase he wouldn't get alot of presents. But as it came and went, he got 4 really nice and useful presents. Even he made the comment that since he only got 4 presents, he has more time to play with each one of them. Which was beautiful to see my 7 year old realize that if he had gotten 20 presents, they wouldn't have been as special!

Ok, I got off topic! Anyhoo, DH and I were thinking about sending a letter our to our families, simply stating that we are not participating in the traditional gift-giving this year. What we are planning is chosing a family through a local charity, and taking the money we saved for Christmas and using it all to purchase gifts for this family and give them a really nice Christmas. And we thought about suggesting that our family do the same. If they still need to give to us, they can simply go to the post office, choose a name off of the tree and give to that child. Then we thought it would be fun if they took pics of what they gave and showed the kids, so the kids can see what they were "giving" to another child who would otherwise have not had a good Christmas.

The kids are totally on board with this. They think it'll be fun to get to buy toys for other kids. Santa will still come to our house and bring the kids one gift each (probably the top gift on their list, if it isn't too outragous!), becuase Santa always comes.

We just don't know if our family will be on board with it, becuase they are so weird about material things. Has anyone done anything similiar? Just curious how it worked out for you!

[lovestolaugh]

We tried to send a letter asking everyone to do a drawing and set a limit on the amount spent. I too have a huge family and it was getting out of hand. Unfortunately, it was not well recieved. We were rediculed for being "scrooge" and were pretty much disgarded. So, I have simply bought less and less over the last few years for everyone. It's funny but doing this over time has really helped. I think everyone just needed time to accept our position. I learned the hard way that by saying this is what everyone should do, I was making choices for the others on how they wanted to celebrate Christmas. They took offence and rightfully so. I simply changed how I myself gave gifts and allowed others the chance to make their own choices. Every family is different so I am in no way telling you that your family wouldn't like this idea. You know them best. I'm just telling you what has worked for me. Now, everyone in my family is on board with "less" $ Christmas's and we all enjoy them! Good luck!

[Frugal Nurse]

OH!!! I REALLY LIKE THAT IDEA!!!

I am jumping up and down!!!

Now reality sets in.
Your family is going to do what they want to do. If they want to give child a gift, they will and nothing you say is going to change that.

Now, I like the idea of the letter explaining your reasoning. I tend to think that maybe some of the family members might find that to be a welcome relief!


What harm would it be to write the letter? None. Some members might be in an uproar- who knows.

But stating your wishes to instill generosity to those less fortunate and 'less is more' in your children is a honorable thing to do. No family member can argue that.

You can invite - but not pressure others.

What I did was BOYCOTT Christmas. Oh! my family and children were NOT happy in the least! they were 18, 18 and 16.
I was NOT happy with the way "Xmas" was going. All commericial and no fun and totally BROKE.
But I did tell them... 'hey, you want Christmas... do it yourself" funny... nobody wanted to 'do Christmas'

After the 2 years of boycotting, I slowly reintroduced the concept of 'giving' and what Christmas was all about.

Now the extended family no longer gives us gifts. We just don't need it- it's clutter.

Dh and my children have stockings that each one of us fill all duing the days leading up to 'the day'. And 'the day' is relaxed and fun. NO stress. If it doesn't fit in the stocking - you can't have it.
It makes it fun - all year we're all looking for stuff to put in the stocking.
We play games, eat, play music.


For the extended family- it's a yankee swap thing. Loads of fun.
Each family member takes turns hosting. It's my turn this year.
So, being the hostess I get to pick the theme. This year's theme is RECYCLED Christmas.
You can only bring a re-gift, a gift made of recycled materials, or something you have and no longer want. Cost limit is $0.
(there are other things - but too long to post)


So, in a nutty shell. Absolutely state your intentions.

[Buc-O-Mama]

You have a great idea. I have been at a party where a family give a birthday party for their child and invite friends who were asked to bring gift cards to donate to a local group that provides support to families while a member is going through cancer treatment. The child (who was turning 8) recieved gifts from immediate family members and grandparents on an earlier date, but not at the party, that was for donations only. Their children all did this, and made their choice what charity they would donate to each birthday. My kids liked the idea and want to do it from now on. Just your idea with a twist.

[Ceashels]

I really like that donate a gift card Buc-O-Mama, that is a great idea.

I don't think the 'announcement' letter would hurt, but as Frugal Nurse said, making it an invitation would probably go over much better. I would also play up that there are a lot of families less fortunate who could really benefit from having a good dinner with left overs, toys for the kids and maybe something extra that they would never have a chance to do. Or even a pantry stocking party with recipes and ingredients matched together in gift bags.

If that doesn't work then you'll just need to do it by example like Lovestolaugh did. It worked and it was a gentle way of changing the spending behaviors.

[luv-my-lexi]

Sarah, I LOVE your idea......and if your family doesn't agree; well you are doing what makes you and YOUR family happy. If they want to think you are a scrooge cause you don't want to spend money on every one of them....so be it. You are doing something that will warm your heart and bring something special to a family that might not have had anything and your boys will have that feeling also of helping someone less fortunate.

[Mom23boys]

I love this idea!! I think sending a letter will probably be a good idea so it prepares your extended family for the change. Like Frugal Nurse mentioned, some may accept the change and others may not. I would not let their opinion change my decision. You have to do what you feel is best suited for you and your family.

[FrugalMomof3]

I LOVE YOUR IDEA! My my DH's daughters (My step daughters) are spoiled and dont know how he would feel about that. They always have their hands out on Christmas and Birthdays but never give anyone anything except their father.

I think I am going to talk to DH about your idea and see what he says about it. My grandson will get a gift as I already have it and I did already get gifts for his DD's but know someone else would appreciate it more.

[Michelle]

We tried to send a letter asking everyone to do a drawing and set a limit on the amount spent. I too have a huge family and it was getting out of hand. Unfortunately, it was not well recieved. We were rediculed for being "scrooge" and were pretty much disgarded. So, I have simply bought less and less over the last few years for everyone. It's funny but doing this over time has really helped. I think everyone just needed time to accept our position. I learned the hard way that by saying this is what everyone should do, I was making choices for the others on how they wanted to celebrate Christmas. They took offence and rightfully so. I simply changed how I myself gave gifts and allowed others the chance to make their own choices. Every family is different so I am in no way telling you that your family wouldn't like this idea. You know them best. I'm just telling you what has worked for me. Now, everyone in my family is on board with "less" $ Christmas's and we all enjoy them! Good luck!

Bolding mine. Well said...I think that's why people often get offended by these situations. I think you were right on the money by buying less and less over the years to give them time to accept your position.

I imagine my family would have similar feelings. Thankfully things have been so tight for us for the past several years that no one expects anything from us. So we buy for my mil (who is all alone) and our kids. Sometimes Dave buys for his employees, and we buy something small for the girls' teachers.

It works for us financially and cuts down on stress while also allowing for a more meaningful holiday.

[MommyBliss]

What a wonderful idea, but I agree with other's sentiments that just gradually scaling back is a better alternative.