Gifting your adult children

**Dave'sGirl** · 11-12-2008, 07:14 AM

Seriously, how much do you spend on adult married children? And, do you give gifts or cash?

I have a newly married 28 year old daughter with a new 4 year old step daughter and I have a married 26 yr old son with an almost 1 yr old son. My son is buying a house next month so I know they'd need cash, and they haven't given me any idea what they have to move into the house, they've been living with family, so I really don't know what might have been given to them as of yet.

It seems without thought to give cash, but I don't want to give them things that will just clutter their houses and not be useful. Also, I really really don't know how much to spend.

**pip** · 11-12-2008, 08:34 AM

Years ago, I remember my grandma and grandpa giving money to everybody at Christmas. They had a lot of people to give to and they were not rich. Each grandkid ( there were 16 of us) received $5 and each married couple (they had five grown daughters with husbands) received $10. This was in the 1960's and 1970's. The grandkids drew names and exchanged small gifts that cost $5 or less.

**sunshine** · 11-12-2008, 08:49 AM

I try to buy gifts for each of my kids to open, and gifts for their spouse to open -- then I give a gift card to Lowe's, Walmart, etc. so they can get needed items for the house, etc.

**rainbowgc** · 11-12-2008, 08:55 AM

The seed of Saten will be getting notta this season!

**Dave'sGirl** · 11-12-2008, 11:35 AM

aren't you a sweet heart

**ahmom** · 11-12-2008, 11:39 AM

I'll send my DD's electric company $100 because she has an e-bayer happy H.

**Neeley** · 11-12-2008, 11:44 AM

DH and I prefer cash so that is what our parents give us.

For Christmas it goes like this:

My dad gives DH and I $150 each.
MIL and FIL give DH and I $200 each
My mom gives us $150 each.

Plus, my dad will make us each up a goody bag with things like mixed nuts, candies, note pads, and other fun stuff.
My mom also gives us each between three to five small wrapped gifts like new wallet, pajamas, a couple of shirts, bed sheets, etc..

For birthdays it goes like this:

My dad gives me $200 and DH $50.
My mom gives DH and I both $150.
MIL and FIL give DH $200 and me $100.

**AuntSissy** · 11-12-2008, 11:57 AM

Nothing I have to dust, drag out/display/wear only when you visit, exchange because it doesn't fit, or is not useful.

I simply asked for large-sized packages of toilet paper, laundry detergent, fabric softener and other household items that I will appreciate every time I use them (and think fondly of the one who gifted them to me).

Since I pass on coupons to Mom/Family for items such as the ones for which I ask, they save money too! And I do not want the ones I love to experience any financial hardship by buying me gifts...

Anna <who thinks huge-o packages of tp and detergent are fabulous!>

**Jerseygirl** · 11-12-2008, 01:10 PM

My mom usually buys us each something small then gives us a gift card for the house.
Dh's father and smom generally buy us gifts sometimes a smaller gift for dh and a gift card for him, generally gifts for me.

**celina** · 11-12-2008, 01:37 PM

my dad gives me and dh each 50, kids each 50 as well
dh's parents gives us each 100
dh's grandparetns gives us each 50
my mom used to get a little something usually useful i'd been mentioning and she tell me to buy it from her..she's gone now..

**Dave'sGirl** · 11-13-2008, 06:11 PM

Thank you, this was just what I needed.

**Laura2** · 11-14-2008, 12:12 AM

People tend to give us money. But we always feel guilty about receiving it.

We would love to get a basket of necessities like toothpaste, toothbrushes, body wash, shampoo and conditioner, dish soap, detergent...That way people could shop during the year and get things that that are cheap.

**rainbowgc** · 11-14-2008, 10:20 AM

aren't you a sweet heart

Sorry but DD is a sociopath and the list of what she has done to me is way to long to go into, suffice to say financially she has gotten all her Xmas, Bdays, and inheritance in advance without permission or agreement

Parsimonious · 11-14-2008, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by AuntSissy

I simply asked for large-sized packages of toilet paper, laundry detergent, fabric softener and other household items that I will appreciate every time I use them (and think fondly of the one who gifted them to me).

ROFL!

Aunt Sissy at Christmas: "Oh, thank you mom! I'll think of you each and every time I wipe my backside!"

(I think that basically it's a good idea - but who wants that somebody thinks of you whenever he/she uses their toilet paper?)

**Thrifty Mom** · 11-14-2008, 12:51 PM

Our adult children and spouses get a $100.00 gift each. It is their choice if they want money, gift cards, or a gift. Plus, I also have one or two small things for them to unwrap. My daughters always get a calender from me( a $1.00 one with big spaces to write). Last year all the boys got a nice pair of gloves. ( I bought them the January before for $2.50 each, originally $25.00). The boys also got a bottle of wine. The girls got cookbooks, and candles. My 3 children,and two spouses always tell me what they want & I shop like mad to get the best deals. They usually get about $150.00 worth. My husband's two children and one spouse are mute. They will not say anything, so they get money. I have tried to encourage them to ask for something, but they don't. One year , my daughters & spouses got a gift together, a chest freezer & food to put in it. The steps did not want that.
I also take $100.00 and buy food for the local food pantry each year. I shop every sale & get the absolute most for my money. We have 5 kids, three spouses & the food bank, so I have a payroll deduction to my Christmas Club for $1000.00 a year. Leaves me $100.00 for DH.