presents for Hubby - Wondering if I did the right thing.

**imagine** · 11-23-2009, 11:12 AM

Hubby seems to be worried about money lately. That said:

We decided that our son's want of Lego Midstorm robotic set was borderline a need. As he is in Lego Robotics in after school club and it would feed a passion in him. I mean really fuel a passion of his, so much so that it seems to be a part of who he is. So we decided even though it was expensive we were going to get it for our son for Christmas.

Then I asked Hubby what he wanted for Christmas and he said "presents for the children". I thought he was joking but when I asked him later what he wanted he joked about a million dollars on sale.

I ended up buying him for Christmas a lower back chair support/massager as his back has been hurting him. He is balling up regular pillows behind his back when he was at the computer. I spent $9.

Then after I bought that his mother called for Christmas ideas. He joked with her about wanting the million dollars on sale if she finds it. The when he passed the phone to me she asked me what he really would want. So I told her about the French press coffee thing that she had used when he had been down to her house. Hubby still talks about it several years later. So I figure he would like one. I also mentioned a special Christmas treat from his youth (chocolate coated orange peels) that we can't get here. His mom said that she knows of a specialty shop where she lives that makes some.

Later I mentioned that his mom asked what he wanted for Christmas and that I had told her somethings I think he would really like. He said "So you told her about million dollars on sale. Cash is good you know"

So now I think he really wasn't joking and that I did a bad thing telling his mom things that he would like that a frivolous and that I did something bad buying him a present. I just can't imagine not getting Hubby a present plus I think he might need the back pillow/massager not just enjoy it.

What do you think? Did I do the wrong thing?

**miss_thrifty** · 11-23-2009, 11:54 AM

No i dont think u did wrong. u were in your heartfelt trying to get him what u thought he'd love. and what comes from the heart when buying is always right.

**nodmicks** · 11-23-2009, 12:03 PM

I think you did terrific!

**monkeywrangler71** · 11-23-2009, 12:05 PM

I'm sorry your husband is feeling so worried. As someone who suffers from constant back pain, I'm sure he will love the massager. In fact, if it relieves some of his pain he may feel less tense about the money. Tell him how little it cost so that he can enjoy it without guilt.

I don't know what to do about his mother. I'd be uncomfortable asking for money, but if you're not you could call her back and tell her how stressed he is about it. That would depend on your relationship with her. Otherwise, since it isn't your/his money that she is spending it shouldn't bother him if she gives him something frivolous.

**ladytoysdream** · 11-23-2009, 12:08 PM

I think you did good

I recently hinted to my husband's sister in hopes she tells his Mom and Dad what hubby wants for Xmas. Or what I think he wants. His ideal gift would be a million $$$ too.

**mauimagic** · 11-23-2009, 12:11 PM

You did the right thing - it will ease his physical pain for a small price. If he wants to borrow money from his mom, let him handle it. Those gifts from her will make him feel good and the money she spends on them would not solve financial challeges. Relax, and enjoy the fun of the holidays - cause they will be her soon with or without our financial challenges.

**imagine** · 11-23-2009, 04:15 PM

Originally Posted by monkeywrangler71

I'm sorry your husband is feeling so worried. As someone who suffers from constant back pain, I'm sure he will love the massager. In fact, if it relieves some of his pain he may feel less tense about the money. Tell him how little it cost so that he can enjoy it without guilt.

I don't know what to do about his mother. I'd be uncomfortable asking for money, but if you're not you could call her back and tell her how stressed he is about it. That would depend on your relationship with her. Otherwise, since it isn't your/his money that she is spending it shouldn't bother him if she gives him something frivolous.

I would feel uncomfortable asking her for money too. You are probably right better something frivolous form her then something frivolous from me, as Hubby and I share the same pocket.

**savvy_sniper** · 11-23-2009, 04:30 PM

You did fine! Don't beat yourself up over it.

QM · 11-23-2009, 04:39 PM

I think you did nothing wrong. You didn't spend much on his Christmas gift (the massager) so that's great. I wouldn't spend any more on him. He may not be happy with a bunch of presents he feels that you can't afford. ...But the massager is a sweet idea.

As to the MIL, do you think she wouldn't mind giving money? You could always phone her back and say that you've thought about the coffee press and don't know if it's what he really wants. You could say that he may like money instead so that he can buy what he wants when he sees the deals after Christmas. It's not a lie. He could do what he wants with the money if she gives it...use it towards bills and such or buy something for himself on sale after Christmas. KWIM?...He can decide.

**imagine** · 11-23-2009, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by QM

I think you did nothing wrong. You didn't spend much on his Christmas gift (the massager) so that's great. I wouldn't spend any more on him. He may not be happy with a bunch of presents he feels that you can't afford. ...But the massager is a sweet idea.

As to the MIL, do you think she wouldn't mind giving money? You could always phone her back and say that you've thought about the coffee press and don't know if it's what he really wants. You could say that he may like money instead so that he can buy what he wants when he sees the deals after Christmas. It's not a lie. He could do what he wants with the money if she gives it...use it towards bills and such or buy something for himself on sale after Christmas. KWIM?...He can decide.

Hubby go shopping? That is a laugh. I'm not sure Hubby knows what stores are. Just joking.

I have to drag him into the store when he needs new clothes. Remember when I dragged him shopping last time, as he desperately needed new dress clothes for work, he bought only three pants and picked out four shirts. He wanted to put one back (since he only had three pants). I had to convince him it was okay to have four shirts and only three pants. He could mix and match. LOL

QM · 11-23-2009, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by imagine

Hubby go shopping? That is a laugh. I'm not sure Hubby knows what stores are. Just joking...

You could just say it to your MIL even if it's not true. Which would he rather get for Christmas?...the present that you suggested to your MIL or money? Personally, I would try to get what he really wants...especially if he's been worried about money lately.

**Luckybustert** · 11-24-2009, 02:30 AM

I think you did great - all of the gifts for your hubby are very thoughtful and loving.

**imagine** · 11-25-2009, 09:09 AM

UPDATE:

The more I thought about it I decided that MIL wouldn't send money for Christmas. She even thinks gift cards are impersonal and means you didn't put thought/heart into it. ( I think that the suggestion of gift that she can give to him that was connected to our last visit (years ago) and a a treat connected to his childhood Christmas was a gift in and of itself. I decided not to take that away from her)

I talked to Hubby about being worried and specifically asked him if he was worried about money. He said always. When I pressed further this appears to be nothing really new. He said it is his job to worry about money, he is the husband and father. Maybe this accounting degree makes him worry more? I did learn that he was worried a bit more than usual as a Emergency Room bill slipped by ($124) and went to collections. He is worried about how that is going to affect our credit rating. I think he would be ashamed and
upset if I found out I told anyone. (my friend said she and her mother were sent to collection from the same out of town ER doc, and her mother is a debt free cash only pay all your bill on time person, my friend says she personally never saw a bill. We know we got one before insurance had answered.)

okay So I got a bit off topic there back on track.

So after much thought I think it would hurt his mother to send cash instead of a present, and cause her to worry unnecessarily. She is a major worrier. That being said I think I'll ask my mother for gift cards to restaurants and movie rental places so we can have "free" fun. She will love the ease of shopping buying gift cards and she gets to see first hand how much we are able to enjoy gift cards.

Thanks everyone for your help in thinking this through.