Announce It: "I'm broke for Christmas"

**gottadance** · 09-25-2010, 10:30 AM

I see over and over again how people feel stressed out about Christmas, trying to buy presents for everyone when they are in debt up to their ears, don't have much money to spend or just are on a budget and don't have as much to spend as other family members. Here's my tip to you: Announce it far and wide - "I'm broke." Yes, tell family members, tell friends. You have no idea how freeing it is to just be open and honest about your situation.

OK - so you don't have to use the words I'm broke. But tell people your situation - "thing are really tight this year" or "I am on a very limited budget" or "Due to the new baby (or new house or unemployment or whatever), we're keeping the holidays very low budget this year."

You will be amazed how freeing this is - and how many others will be happy to admit they're strapped, too. I was going through fertility treatments (now doing adoption) and the last five years have been financially very difficult. But I just blabbed it to everyone very nonchalantly - fertility treatments are killing me or this adoption is costing an arm and a leg, so I'm keeping it frugal this Christmas. I have literally gotten ALL of my gifts for the 10 or more kids in my family off of freecycle. I freecycle throughout the year - and I tell my cousins, aunts, etc., that I'm freecycling, so I'm not pretending gifts are new when they aren't. But guess what - the kids loved their gifts and had no idea they weren't new. Or even if they did know, they still loved them.

There's a saying that goes, if a room full of people stood up and talked about their successes, it would turn into a brag session. But if everyone stood up and talked about their failures the room would be filled with connection, compassion, empathy and understanding. When you announce that you're broke - so many others will chime in and understand. It will create a connection, rather than a sense of competition about who will buy the best gifts for Xmas.

**pollypurebred39** · 09-25-2010, 01:07 PM

Great advice!

**frugalfranny** · 09-25-2010, 02:29 PM

Yep, so true.

With this economy you would think it would be a 'given' but unless someone voices it, that idea of lavish gifts (or at least, too much spent on Xmas) seems to stay the same.

**mauimagic** · 09-25-2010, 02:50 PM

Very good point and well stated!!

Everyone is our family knows that we are broke - my nag is our DD who keeps pushing our present limit. Think she's finally learned that enough is enough. I'm having a guilt free Christmas because I'm happy with our gifts for everyone!!

**Momto5RN** · 09-25-2010, 07:16 PM

i 100% agree as long as someone is really broke and not just spending wastefully on their own wants so they have no cash for gifts .

not saying anyone here does that, but i see it alot out there in "non frugal" land.

IE to me nothing more offensive/ insulting / hurtful to others than to hear people say i cant afford christmas to friends + family and even their own children - while they smoke a pack per day - the dh drinks a 6 pack a night every weekend - they continue to eat out once a week - buy their starbucks daily etc etc

As Dr Phil would say Lets get real - they can afford it they just choose not to by affording other things instead.

and all i can think is OK you just told your Mom ; child ; friend ;relative that a cup of coffee; pizza; or beer is more important to you than they are .

i have a friend who has a relative that gives her kids money ( they are all teens now ) but she tells them she and their dad cant afford to buy them anything and she and the dh smoke and he has his beer every weekend and hoagies and pizza etc and i just want to shake her and say do you not see what that says to your daughter ( who is my younger dd's age ) . my younger dd notices and feels bad for her friend .

i dont know, i didnt have christmas growing up so maybe kids/ people wouldnt notice .. but i would have even as a kid .

i work extra when i am able to work or had a job ( i was not working for 7 years after my youngest was born ) and sacrificed things many consider a daily occurance for a few months to be able to afford christmas and i dont find it stressfull at all .

i also have used freecycle and thrifts ( already got some good gifts for XMas for my kids from thrifts ) and hand crafted some things for some gifts for my kids when i wasnt working -
you can print out coloring books- make personalized stationary
with your computer for very little money .

to me a gift is about how it fits into a persons like and dislikes not how much or how little it costs -
i would rather have a freecycled or free or $ stor eitem that i woudl use or add to my collectables than a100$ item i dont feel fits me in any way

tons you can do for free ...you can offer services : a home cooked dinner - your own dessert a month club where you make them a diff dessert each month - babysitting - free house sitting - pet sitting etc do you have a garden - a veggie of the month club for garden time -

**alotofgooddeals** · 09-25-2010, 07:29 PM

This year is going to be a slim pickings this year and i mean slim pickings....Dh is not able to worka regular job due to health issues but does try to bring in some extra income through etsy and ebay...however things have been very very slow...I work 35 hours a week and don't make huge money....i worked very few hours this past summer and only started working full time again at the start of the school year... Any money that is coming in is going to catch up the mortgage that is three months past due...ugh! DD has health issues also and can become sick at any given moment and have to stay home from school for weeks at a time so.....with dh's health issue he was the one to stay home with her....so this week i am sending in 1 1/2 months worth of payment....but it is going to be some time before i can catch up completely so christmas is going to be very slim... however i have already started thinking of cheap and frugal ideas that we can do as a family.... that won't cost a whole lot.....kids are fine with it....

**Palooka** · 09-26-2010, 12:26 AM

Great point! It's very freeing with both sides of my family and I don't stress over Christmas like I used to a few years ago. I think it's sad when people buy for everyone and their cousins sisters friends uncle, etc because they feel they have to and use their charge card! Stop already, ya know.

**HandyMom** · 09-26-2010, 05:19 AM

I'm laughing not because it's so funny but it reminds me of my former BF who would announce it every year, without fail, for the 7 years we were dating. But he expected everyone else to still buy gifts for him! One time he even had the ballz to call my gift to him "cheap" after he gave me and his own family NADA, (nothing!)

**TheRootedNomad** · 09-26-2010, 08:35 AM

I've done this before in a couple of different ways. At one point my list was so long of who we exchanged with, some people we hadn't seen in years, I wrote Halloween cards and explained that it seemed silly for us to be spending money sending each other gifts when when what we really needed was catch up time and since money had gotten tight this year (new baby for us) I was going through my exchange list to see who I would really much prefer to exchange a nice long catch up letter or visit with than a gift I wasn't really sure they'd even like. That was met well for the most part. We've also been known (when we know other family members are strapped) to tell them money's tight for us (even though I could do something very frugally) making it easier for them to bail and scratch us off the list.

**gottadance** · 09-27-2010, 02:00 AM

Yeah, cheapskates are different than people who are honestly broke. But I see way more people who are broke racking up credit card debt, than I see cheapskates. My family did decide a few years ago when everyone started having kids that we would no longer buy gifts for adults - which is totally fine - all of us have what we need or can use our own money to buy what we want. I still do get my mom and sis a little something, but it's usually more meaningful than costly.

**mauimagic** · 09-27-2010, 02:07 AM

This thread continues to get better - support feels like an arm wrapped around our shoulders. There is only one person I fret about and really wonder why I bother - My BIL is barely civil at the best of times and definitely doesn't need to be on my "I need to really worry about this!!" Mahalo for all the great input!!

**ladytoysdream** · 09-27-2010, 06:12 AM

We been doing this for a LONG time.
We are low income and as the years have gone by, things just keep getting tighter. So basically it would be our kids we were buying for and his side of the family. Now I just worry about what to get for his parents and one young niece.
For several years in a row now, what I have been making is small knitted items. Last year, I had a box of hats and let them pick their own out of the box.This year, I am thinking of making many jars of jam, and homemade bread.

My parents are deceased and my siblings are scattered.

Neither my hubby or myself smoke or drink, so we are not spending on those items. Just plain don't have it in our budget. This year will be the tightest one yet. I have no income. Hubby's is low income. 2 yrs in a row no raise. So his is for bill money. I scramble with my creative finances for our groceries, and my gas money. I been selling some items on craigslist. This winter I will be putting small items online more serious, instead of the once a week listing I am doing now. Just call me a motivated seller

**Dancing Lotus** · 09-27-2010, 08:39 AM

This advice goes far beyond Christmas.
I recently clued my parents into whats going on with our house. To my surprise they did not react at all like I expected. It's been so nice to not feel like I'm keeping secrets.
There is a saying:
Those who matter won't mind, those who mind don't matter.

**bumplett** · 09-27-2010, 10:16 AM

Originally Posted by Momto5RN

i 100% agree as long as someone is really broke and not just spending wastefully on their own wants so they have no cash for gifts .

not saying anyone here does that, but i see it alot out there in "non frugal" land.

IE to me nothing more offensive/ insulting / hurtful to others than to hear people say i cant afford christmas to friends + family and even their own children - while they smoke a pack per day - the dh drinks a 6 pack a night every weekend - they continue to eat out once a week - buy their starbucks daily etc etc

As Dr Phil would say Lets get real - they can afford it they just choose not to by affording other things instead.

and all i can think is OK you just told your Mom ; child ; friend ;relative that a cup of coffee; pizza; or beer is more important to you than they are .

i have a friend who has a relative that gives her kids money ( they are all teens now ) but she tells them she and their dad cant afford to buy them anything and she and the dh smoke and he has his beer every weekend and hoagies and pizza etc and i just want to shake her and say do you not see what that says to your daughter ( who is my younger dd's age ) . my younger dd notices and feels bad for her friend .

i dont know, i didnt have christmas growing up so maybe kids/ people wouldnt notice .. but i would have even as a kid .

i work extra when i am able to work or had a job ( i was not working for 7 years after my youngest was born ) and sacrificed things many consider a daily occurance for a few months to be able to afford christmas and i dont find it stressfull at all .

to me a gift is about how it fits into a persons like and dislikes not how much or how little it costs -
i would rather have a freecycled or free or $ stor eitem that i woudl use or add to my collectables than a100$ item i dont feel fits me in any way

-

I'm just going to play devil's advocate on this one - just for fun.

If I work for my money, it's my money. If I choose to smoke, it's my money buying those cigarettes (or whatever I'm smoking)

It's also my choice if I want to buy my family a gift.

I'm not required to purchase gifts for my children. It's only my responsibility to provide them with clothing, shelter & food.

And choosing that addiction over gifts (imo) does not equal saying I don't care about you, or you aren't important. it simply says that there's an addiction, and I don't buy gifts.

for the record: no, I don't smoke or drink, and yes, I love to buy presents - but I'm just sayin.....

my sil has an opinion on the dollar store gifts also: if all you can afford to get is a dollar store gift, save your dollar, because the toys are crap & they will break within an hour, and leaves the kids sad that the toys are broken - OR just give them the dollar so they can save it towards a toy they want.

Personally, I'm indifferent - but I would agree that dollar store toys are crap and will break - but there are others goodies to be had in a dollar store - like books, coloring books, markers, etc. my kids love that kind of stuff. but I get what she's saying.

**AspiringToBeFrugal** · 09-28-2010, 12:58 AM

What a bold prospect!! It's one I've put into practice, though. I've flat-out told my mom and sister that our budget was tight for the last couple of Christmases and that they should just expect homemade gifts. I've also gotten NUMEROUS gifts WAY cheap at sidewalk sales here in town as well as at garage sales. I don't think there's ANYTHING wrong with recycling a gift item as long as it's nice! Why live beyond your means just to impress somebody or "keep up with the Joneses"?