A Christmas letter

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-04-2010, 02:16 PM

well sorta of.

I'm working on a letter to send to certain members of my extended family to explain why would rather not exchange gifts.

Anyone interested in previewing it for me?

Dear Family,

Were did the year go?
Is the Holiday season already upon us!
Fall is my favorite time of year, warm colors in the sky, a cool breeze and pumpkin pie.
Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, a time to cherish friends and family.
A great meal at the table and a day at home with the loved ones.
Christmas doesn't have the same peace about it that Thanksgiving does.
Too much pressure of meeting everyone's expectations.

As we grown the things that are important to us become less tangible. A card in the mail, a phone call, or lunch out with a friend can never be replaced by a new George Foreman or scented candles. My memories of Christmas past are not of the gifts but of the Christmas Eve feast and annual tour of lights.

The last few years have been hard on everyone economically. I can only speak for myself when I say that it's been increasingly difficult to give gifts to everyone whom I would like too.

This year our Holiday will be spent remembering the true spirit of the season and creating memories of light tours, holiday craft making and stuffing our faces. For this reason we will be keeping our gift giving to our children and we ask that you do the same. Please send no gift other then your love and a card for our mantel. Okay , so we don't actually have a mantel but you get the idea.
Should you choose to send to the kids that is your decision to make and do so out of pleasure not of obligation.

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, not a right, so enjoy the day and ... being with family and friends and sharing in the festive food and spirit.

**MaryCarney** · 11-04-2010, 03:09 PM

I think you send a conflicting message - first you say please don't send gifts to your children, and then you say, but if you do......
How about giving them an 'out' like "our children would be grateful knowing that you donated to a child in need this year instead of them".
Kudos to you for being up front with your family and addressing the issue. Not many others would be so willing to put themselves out there, and I know so many who would benefit from your approach. Let us know how it is received

**LeeCee** · 11-04-2010, 03:21 PM

I think the letter is really well written.good for you having the courage to do that.no one ever appreciates what you give them anyway or they give it away to someone else or donates it to a thrift store. all this has happened to me even a delicious loaf of banana bread a friend of mine passed on to someone else which is why I do almost no gifts anymore. I think the letter is perfect and hopefully now you can relax and really enjoy the season for what it's supposed to be.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-04-2010, 03:27 PM

Originally Posted by MaryCarney

I think you send a conflicting message - first you say please don't send gifts to your children, and then you say, but if you do......

I do not want any gifts sent to myself or my husband but if they want to send to the kids I don't want anyone to feel like I have told them they can't. Some of my aunts send to the girls and if it would make them unhappy not to then by all means they should , just don't want them expecting any gifts from me.

Do you have any suggestions of how to clear that up without sounding rude?

What if I remove the word our from this sentence so that it reads to give to children only?
For this reason we will be keeping our gift giving to our children and we ask that you do the same.

**MaryCarney** · 11-04-2010, 06:09 PM

How about writing it in third person - for example, I would write "David and Mary request no gifts for themselves" Would that work?

**Libby** · 11-04-2010, 09:17 PM

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, not a right, so enjoy the day and ... being with family and friends and sharing in the festive food and spirit.

Ann - you're great with words!

The part I quote above doesn't sit well with me though - and maybe it's just me - but the part about Christmas not being a 'right'. Could it be seen as a talking down/lecture or read with a 'firm voice' coming from you - kwim? Again - maybe it's just me.

Can you maybe rephrase it as:

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, but not necessary and definitely not required to celebrate this day. We would prefer that you spend the day enjoying the simple blessings: being with family and friends and sharing in the festive spirit and food.

**craftypam** · 11-04-2010, 11:54 PM

I like that Libby and Ann I like the part about stuffing your faces.

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-05-2010, 10:19 AM

Thanks Libby , I do see your point. i'll change right to neccessary

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-05-2010, 10:25 AM

Just some small changes. I do not want to sound condescending in anyway.

Dear Family,

Were did the year go?
Is the Holiday season already upon us!
Fall is my favorite time of year, warm colors in the sky, a cool breeze and pumpkin pie.
Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, a time to cherish friends and family.
A great meal at the table and a day at home with the loved ones.
Christmas just doesn't have the same peace about it that Thanksgiving does.
Too much pressure of meeting everyone's expectations.

As we grown the things that are important to us become less tangible. A card in the mail, a phone call, or lunch out with a friend can never be replaced by a new George Foreman or scented candles. My memories of Christmas past are not of the gifts but of the Christmas Eve feast and annual tour of lights.

The last few years have been hard on everyone economically. I can only speak for myself when I say that it's been increasingly difficult to give gifts to everyone whom I would like too.

This year our Holiday will be spent remembering the true spirit of the season and creating memories of light tours, holiday craft making and stuffing our faces. For this reason we will be keeping our gift giving to our children and we ask that you do the same. Please send no gift other then your love and a card for our mantel. Okay , so we don't actually have a mantel but you get the idea.

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, not a necessity to celebrate the season, so enjoy the day and ... being with family and friends and sharing in the festive food and spirit.
__________________

**rissimo** · 11-05-2010, 10:59 AM

Originally Posted by AnnK

Just some small changes. I do not want to sound condescending in anyway.

Dear Family,

Were did the year go?
Is the Holiday season already upon us!
Fall is my favorite time of year, warm colors in the sky, a cool breeze and pumpkin pie.
Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, a time to cherish friends and family.
A great meal at the table and a day at home with the loved ones.
Christmas just doesn't have the same peace about it that Thanksgiving does.
Too much pressure of meeting everyone's expectations.

As we grown the things that are important to us become less tangible. A card in the mail, a phone call, or lunch out with a friend can never be replaced by a new George Foreman or scented candles. My memories of Christmas past are not of the gifts but of the Christmas Eve feast and annual tour of lights.

The last few years have been hard on everyone economically. I can only speak for myself when I say that it's been increasingly difficult to give gifts to everyone whom I would like too.

This year our Holiday will be spent remembering the true spirit of the season and creating memories of light tours, holiday craft making and stuffing our faces. For this reason we will be keeping our gift giving to our children and we ask that you do the same. Please send no gift other then your love and a card for our mantel. Okay , so we don't actually have a mantel but you get the idea.

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, not a necessity to celebrate the season, so enjoy the day and ... being with family and friends and sharing in the festive food and spirit.
__________________

Wonderfully written......one small corrections, should be Where did the year go?

**NewLeaf** · 11-05-2010, 11:09 AM

What a great letter and a great idea. We severed the gift giving ties a couple of years ago and it was a little bumpy. My dh's family is large and they expected a gift for every member. I spent years making things (candles, wreaths, bath and body things - you name it). Then it all became "too much" for me to handle. All of the crafting and gift making was taking away from the time I could spend with my husband and children.

I handled it with a phone call to sister in law and mother in law. They weren't too happy, but we just couldn't afford to buy gifts for 20 + people.

You, on the other hand, have handled this situation beautifully!!!!

**Dancing Lotus** · 11-05-2010, 12:39 PM

Originally Posted by rissimo

Wonderfully written......one small corrections, should be Where did the year go?

LOL.. I always miss the details.

Over the last couple of years we have managed to cut the list way down but there are some stragglers that I really need to get rid of.
I felt it was time to do this because Christmas use to be our favorite, We would go all out and be sad when it was over but little by little i cared less and less until last year I noticed I pretty much hated it.

I have vowed to bring back the joy and have a wonderful Christmas this year.

**Ali Lee** · 11-05-2010, 12:44 PM

Get your letters out ASAP............

**Darlene** · 11-05-2010, 01:04 PM

Originally Posted by AnnK

Just some small changes. I do not want to sound condescending in anyway.

Dear Family,

Were did the year go?
Is the Holiday season already upon us!
Fall is my favorite time of year, warm colors in the sky, a cool breeze and pumpkin pie.
Thanksgiving is my favorite Holiday, a time to cherish friends and family.
A great meal at the table and a day at home with the loved ones.
Christmas just doesn't have the same peace about it that Thanksgiving does.
Too much pressure of meeting everyone's expectations.

As we grown the things that are important to us become less tangible. A card in the mail, a phone call, or lunch out with a friend can never be replaced by a new George Foreman or scented candles. My memories of Christmas past are not of the gifts but of the Christmas Eve feast and annual tour of lights.

The last few years have been hard on everyone economically. I can only speak for myself when I say that it's been increasingly difficult to give gifts to everyone whom I would like too.

This year our Holiday will be spent remembering the true spirit of the season and creating memories of light tours, holiday craft making and stuffing our faces. For this reason we will be keeping our gift giving to our children and we ask that you do the same. Please send no gift other then your love and a card for our mantel. Okay , so we don't actually have a mantel but you get the idea.

Christmas gifts are thoughtful blessings, not a necessity to celebrate the season, so enjoy the day and ... being with family and friends and sharing in the festive food and spirit.
__________________

The words in bold need to be fixed too.

Are you hoping to see any of these people during the holidays to share a hug and spend some time?

**moasmom** · 11-05-2010, 01:14 PM

Great letter, and good for you for thinking ahead. I wanted to add that my husband and I opted out of any and all gift exchanges 5 years ago, and we couldn't be happier.

We didn't try to influence anyone else to participate, we simply announced one year (months before Christmas) that we were bowing out, and that was that. Now, we don't have children, so that certainly makes it a lot easier, but we are both members of large, blended, extended families and I know there are lots of different opinions about us (from "wow, cool" to "wow, they sure are grinchy!") but that doesn't bother us. It was the right decision for us, for many reasons.

Btw, this also means that I don't participate in exchanges at work, either, and I know that this sometimes causes hard feelings. But damn, if I don't give Christmas gifts to my loved ones, why would I spend $xx on fuzzy socks or note cards to give to my coworkers??

I think it's important to choose what is meaningful to you, and leave the rest. And once you decide to do that, the sometimes strong and out-of-left-field opposition you may encounter won't matter.

Life is good and the whole holiday season (I'm Jewish [raised with a secular Christmas], so I get to light candles at Hanukkah, too!) is filled with joy.

Kara