rant: the forgotten spirit of gift giving...

**gmarie** · 12-10-2011, 12:40 PM

Ughh, just got the dreaded email from DH's brother trying to get us to "go in" on an expensive gift for their mom. NO, THANK YOU!!!!

That has got to be my biggest holiday pet peeve. Well, that and when people tell me 'I can't afford to buy you anything, so don't buy me anything.' Or my mom saying 'I'm broke so I'm only getting you xyz'... like she is required to tell me what she is or isn't getting me.

It's a GIFT people... given by one person to another from the kindness of the givers heart. That's it.

Stop trying to spend my money, or convince me not to spend money that I planned to spend, or ruin any surprise by telling me I'm "only" getting a stocking or a sweater, or whatever you choose to buy me.

So frustrating.

**mauimagic** · 12-10-2011, 02:09 PM

That sounds frustrating - how about adoping a Pollyanna attitude and tell all these people that you already have gift giving plans and they are free to do what ever makes them happy? I love giving gifts - nothing makes me happier and I won't let others even try to take it away from me.

Good luck with your holidays!!

**gmarie** · 12-10-2011, 08:06 PM

I enjoy gift giving now that I do it on MY terms and not what is "expected" of us. I do tell everyone to do what makes them happy. Maybe one day they will get it and stop judging us for living within our means.

This year, we are giving personalized ornaments and handmade gifts of hot sauce and herb infused olive oil - and a board game to each family.

**frugalwarrior2** · 12-10-2011, 08:34 PM

Ha-I would but I already got her something. Would be my line.
My Dmom puts the reciept in the box. And repeats about 9x that we can returns it if its not what we want. What I want mom is for you to stop doing that.lol

HM hot sauce sounds great. ahhh? Some I pm you my address.lol

**valerian** · 12-11-2011, 11:03 AM

Well my poor dear Mom knitted wreaths for three of her friends that always exchange gifts and she just had one of them say that she'd like it if they didn't do that this year. The work was already done and my Mom had spent a lot of time on them and was not happy that her friend decided this at such a late date! She gave the wreaths to other people as a result.

**oheoh's momma** · 12-11-2011, 11:27 AM

well put u are a wise and smart lady.

**StryderPup** · 12-12-2011, 07:23 PM

I would love to get a homemade gift....it is the thought that counts and it would mean so much more to me than any storebought gift. My MIL crocheted me a hanging tea towel one year (the kind that hangs from the stove). I still have that and it is a craft that I cannot do.

**gottadance** · 12-12-2011, 08:37 PM

I think it is a hard situation. I totally get what you're saying, but I think people feel bad if they can't afford to get you something nice or can't afford to exchange gifts - and they just don't know how to broach it.

There were years where I was broke and couldn't afford to send any super nice gifts to my nieces - I sent them each something small - and my older brother would put down my gifts when he was talking to my mom and then she would tell me.

And for years I would send my younger brother gifts and he made way more money than me and would never send anything. After a while I did feel hurt and unappreciated, so I stopped.

I used to exchange gifts with my friends, but as we got older we decided that we didn't want to exchange gifts because we had other things to spend our Xmas money on - like nieces, nephews and kids.

**mndtrp** · 12-13-2011, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by gmarie

This year, we are giving personalized ornaments.

From the first year I was born, my mother has made personalized ornaments for all family members. We aren't a large family, but it still includes spouses, totaling somewhere around 40 or so. It's fun to see what she comes up with each year.

**woodogmom** · 12-15-2011, 02:26 PM

I just have to add to this rant. But I guess I should be thankful because they've made my Christmas 2012 shopping a bit easier. No more gifts for them.

I have three adult friends who haven't even bothered to acknowledge that they've received my gifts. I mailed them quite a while ago, nothing major, just a couple of books and a gift card. And not ONE of them has bothered to call, email, text, smoke signal or indicate in any other way that they've received them at all.

I guess I should have expected that from one, as I sent her a gift card for her birthday and she didn't acknowledge it either. I had to finally call her to make sure she got it, and she replied, "oh yeah, I was going to pretend I didn't get that to freak you out or something but I can't remember why I was going to do that now." REALLY? This from a 40+ year old woman. I thought this was covered in parenting 101, "when someone gives you something, say thank you." Even if you hate it, intend to regift it, didn't want it, at least acknowledge you received it. I learned this when I was 2 or younger.

I totally did not expect gifts in return. But I did at least think I'd get a phone call to say, "hi, your gift arrived today, thanks." I know this isn't why we give, but still it saves the sender from worrying if the post office managed to lose everything I mailed out that day---I think not!

Next year the money/gift I would spend/get for them is going to charity. I know this is really minor considering what some are going through this year, but it really annoyed me.

**Sophiasmama** · 12-15-2011, 04:16 PM

I'd love those gifts!!!!

Next year we're doing HM vanilla extract,body scrubs, and cookies lol.

**krbshappy71** · 12-15-2011, 05:20 PM

I do "warn" my family that they aren't getting much but I don't tell them what it is. Since I've been low-income most of my life I have no clue why I bother "warning" them, I have already set the bar low, right? For the past 20 years or so?

This is the one time of year that is the most difficult for me to stay on budget. I feel like staying on budget is putting money before loved-ones. I feel like behind my back everyone is complaining about the gifts.

I don't do coworker gifts either and they keep giving to me. STOP GIVING TO ME! I have told them this!! Then I feel like the hugest cheapskate EVER.

Thanks for listening. I am still sticking to budget but its really hard.

**gmarie** · 12-15-2011, 10:18 PM

HM Vanilla Extract is a great gift. It is so expensive to buy!

**gmarie** · 12-15-2011, 10:18 PM

I need to make my own body scrub! Do you have recipe?

**Beejay** · 12-16-2011, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by woodogmom

I just have to add to this rant. But I guess I should be thankful because they've made my Christmas 2012 shopping a bit easier. No more gifts for them.

I have three adult friends who haven't even bothered to acknowledge that they've received my gifts. I mailed them quite a while ago, nothing major, just a couple of books and a gift card. And not ONE of them has bothered to call, email, text, smoke signal or indicate in any other way that they've received them at all.

I guess I should have expected that from one, as I sent her a gift card for her birthday and she didn't acknowledge it either. I had to finally call her to make sure she got it, and she replied, "oh yeah, I was going to pretend I didn't get that to freak you out or something but I can't remember why I was going to do that now." REALLY? This from a 40+ year old woman. I thought this was covered in parenting 101, "when someone gives you something, say thank you." Even if you hate it, intend to regift it, didn't want it, at least acknowledge you received it. I learned this when I was 2 or younger.

I totally did not expect gifts in return. But I did at least think I'd get a phone call to say, "hi, your gift arrived today, thanks." I know this isn't why we give, but still it saves the sender from worrying if the post office managed to lose everything I mailed out that day---I think not!

Next year the money/gift I would spend/get for them is going to charity. I know this is really minor considering what some are going through this year, but it really annoyed me.

Not minor at all !!

I think that I would have to reconsider if the above mentioned people are really "friends"